charlotte_skye

well okay.... I started going out with this guy who was amazing. he treated me so good and i promised myself i wouldnt go out with anothe rguy unless he was absolutely perfect.he fell in love with me very quilckly and told me he wa sin love with me like 3 weeks after we had been dating....he would write me huge letters sayin how he had never met anyone like me and was so happy etc etc and never wanted to loose me, he wa svery full on. The thing is only alittle while after we got together i was offered a job abroad, and i decided to take it up, it wasnt for 3 mnths and i wasnt serious enough with him yet to stay for him. I told him i was going to go and he wasnt happy but we said we would stay together and it would only be for 3 mnths. Then i dont know why but i found myself getting scared, i had been in a serious relationship awhile before him but was still worried that maybe i would hurt this new guy like my old boyfriend hurt me and i was scared maybe i would end up gettin hurt because i was beginning to really like this new guy. so i suppose i started getting cold, i didnt realize it or mean to but i started pushing him away saying things like not to get close with me or fall in love with me and saying things like im goin to work overseas longer then 3 mtnhs now. When i told him i was giong to work overseas longer then 3 mnths to make money he said he would wait for me nutil i got back but i told him not to as i was scared maybe something would happen and i would hurt him or maybe i would go overseas and then he would find someone else. so i told him not to wait even though i wanted him　to. so i broke up with him, he was so upset we were both crying etc. he took it really hard as did i. anyways i could sense he was still waiting for me to say lets get back together so i told him to go find someone else and get his mind off me...id ont know why i said that i gues si was just so scared of hurting him or gettin hurt. anyways like only a week or so after we broke up he was going to start seein someone else unitl i found out about it n then said he wasnt gion to. anyways we had a huge fight over this and he ignored me for over 3 weeks, during this time i did alot of thinking and realized i wa sin love with him so bad and needed him back n needed to trust him to wait for me while i was away...i also cut my trip overseas back down to 3 nmths. the thing is htough i was unable to tell him all this for 3 weeks as he was ignorin me and by the time we started talking again and i went to tell him i wanted him back i fond out he had a new girlfriend. im ok with this in the way that i want him to be happy and i told him not to wait for me and find someone else and i know i caused alot of complication and i kept pushing him away and i hurt him bad but if he really did love me can he just start seeing someone else like 3 weeks later???? or does that mean if he can move on so easily that he never loved me????? i was so upset and told im everything how i wanted him back etc and want him to wait for me and even though he has a girlfriend now i asked him if he would still wait for me and how i cut my trip short etc and he said it sucked he didnt know that and that he would think about it.......im overseas now and have been for a week and it was a week ago he said he would think about it, he said he would email me and tell me wether he will wait for me or not, i got a email from him today and he said nothing about it............what does this mean??????????? pls help me i miss him so much and i know i did wrong but i can keep worrying liek this, ive tried making it up to him tellin him how i feel but i dont want to cause probs in his new relationship either..........i love him so much and he was soooooooooooooo in love with me it seemed so can he just move on so easily if he did really love me as much as he said he did n showed he did and what does him not answerin my question about waiting for me in his first email mean????????? pls help any advice will be so great i aske dhim if he still had feelings for me and he said he does but also doesnt because as he doesnt want to get hurt again , then i asked him to wait and he said he would think about it.....did he not answer in his email cos hes scared gettin hurt again??

Jason..... I hope your goin alright but I just need to acknowledge that there is more then one matter here that needs to be addressed, it seems that theres a few things that are bothering you all in rleation to your xgirlfriend. Ive been in this similar situation in two different relationships, one of them i am still kind of involved in but the good thing with this i suppose is that ive played both parts, ive been the one to be told they need space and them not call me as much as i call them etc and ive played the part of being theone that left them and needed space but still wanted them to call me so i should be of atleast some help. The first thing i need to maybe point out thoughis based on you and your efforts, im very alike to you in the way that i feel they should make the effort if they left me or they caused the fight but then youve got to wonder to yourself if your mature enough to know what you really want, because if this girl is what you really want you need to realize that swallowing yuor pride to someone you love is worth doing. I agree though there needs to be some balance of communication between the both of you, but im more then sure that the reason shes asked for space and now asking you to make the effort is because she needs you to DO what you say and prove your feelings, its easy to say things but to do it is stronger then words. You havent said much about your past and maybe in those mnths you were together maybe she felt neglected or not loved eough who knows, only you know these things but theres an obvious communication problem between the two of you that needs to be sorted before any progress can happen. ask her whay she wants you to call her more then her call you etc... Besides all this is sounds as if shes quite young she may be alil of a unrealistic person,you sound like you have gone to alot of trouble and gettin hotels and all and she still isnt addressin the relationship. You need to think about what your wnats and needs are and it sounds like as u said you have morals and dont just sleep around or anything and yet shes sleepin with you without lettin you knwo where you stand now etc which is so unfair and selfish of her. In my opinion i htink shes too young for you, you knwo what you want and need and yet you really wnated to be with her who may want different things and youve been needing to understand her actions and you havent had anything to go on which makes it hard but as you see it sound slike both your prides have been gettin in the way of communication in which you so badly needed. Though this is in the past now and your askin wether or not you should ignore her. My opinion here is that you sound alil angry and thats allpart of it but it will pass and soon you wont be angry and you may only remember the good times and then maybe regret havin ignored her and so you should always just leave it on a happy note i think. If you feel you need to ignore her on her bday thats cool but just make sure your doing it cos you feel you need to break free from her and not to just get a reaction from her. Also yes you will be being rude but if she truly has been doing you worng then you have your rights and if you do wnat to be free of her what do u have to loose. In my position now im in or wa sin a relationship where i was scared to get hurt again and as im leaving to travel for 6 mnths i cut it off cos i was too scaed to ask him to wait even htough he said he would but now hes listened to me and he isnt waiting and i realize just how much i wish i could of asked him and hes stopped calling and stuff like he used to and sometimes u do have to loose what you had before you realize how much you needed it, as thats what happened to me but then i wonder if i got him back again as i kinda have do i really want him to wait, you see its so tricky cos sometimes people justw ant want what they dont have but in my situation i wnat him but just not now and that isnt fair on him an di know it. So maybe ou ignorin her etc will make her realize but are you going to get what you really want out of a relationship with her? I htink befor eyou do something liek ignore her to get her to want you, you both need to try to talk and sort out wether you both feel as strongly and wnat the same things. As from what you have said about her you think lowly ofher about a few things and that could et in the way..........and maybe have you thought maybe you wnat her now you havent got her?????????With this havin sex thing, every time im with this guy i couldnt ask to wait for me i really want to get intimate and its cos i have feelings for him and the attraction is there and the same with my last relatonship but that didnt mean i wnated to be with them again, you know. sex is always trciky your just going to have to ask her why it is she has sex with you still. either way she isnt doing the right hting and you just need to think about you and your needs and not worry bout her.

Hey everyone! Havent been on in awhile....my lifes been all too good, and me n my current boy have been all goood..... as with everythin there always has to be some sort of complication in your life though right!? heres mine..... the undoubtable complicated annoyin topic of the exs ahhhhha! my ex of just over 2 yrs ( we broke up cos bad timing and he freaked out) STILL comes online sometimes and talks btou the ol times and our previous sex life is of often comment , the weird thing is though he tells me what he remembers and how he thinks of me when hes doin u know what and how he wishes we had of had one last time together but was best we didnt and how if he did see me again he would so want to again and all this ...now there was a time when i asked him to have a one last time with me and he said no cos he knew it would get complicated and we would fall out over it!!!.......he sin a relationship i dont know much about but it seems weird to me, the thing that bugs me is why is he tellin me this?????? Ive said to him before is this all u remember about our time together and he said no he remembers stuff like holidays n all more so then our sex life...and i asked why he would want to again and if was cos he had feelings or just for the sake of sex and he said cos lots of reasons but of course he still had feelings to wnat to do that kinda hting with me again......Hes a good frined n weve been good friends for a long time now......has he always just been usin me or has he not moved on??????? i know loads ppl go thru this same thing so what do u all think? i need to understand so i know how to deal with him.

Hey Clara... You doin ok? First off try not to stress too much or over analyze things( not sayin you are here) as we all seem to do when we dont understand things, the thing is here with your situation is that he hasnt given you a reason and so so so many people do this ,i suppose for all different reasons though non are viable, the main thing is when you dont recive a reason or closure (if there needs to be closure) is you dwell on it and start to wonder about things and then all sudden your beginig to think what ifs and buts and things that you know deep down have got no real logic to them at all, but your just soooooo desperate to recive an explanation, but the truth is noone can really give it to you but him, which sucks! I know form my experience I fele in love with a guy in a very similar situation, it was wonderful except he was nervous about gettin so close n then bang he just gave up and didnt say why except that he cared for me and well it took alot longer to get over him then it would have if i had of been given a real reason. Yuour situation and my opion/advice ( yes i am gettin to it) is that in my view its kinda obvious whats goin on..........your even kind of answerin the question yourself. Like you say your this wonderful popular fancied girl and as you say all his mates fancy you.....now put yourself in his position, would you maybe feel alil intimidated by her being so popular and everyone fancying her and maybe alil bit worried and paranoid to give her your heart completely.....it sounds to me liek maybes hes actually whether he shows it or not , possibly a not so confident person or maybe hes been hurt before, maybe a girl has left him for someone better b4...who knows but it sounds liek hes too scared to get involved with someone who is so poular and beautiful as maybe with everyone liking her he thinks maybe she'll realize later she could do better and leave him or that maybe he feels you might realize he aint good enough or along the line of this. The reason hes asked you to take the lead is similar to the reasons why my current boyfriend asked me the exact same thing when we started out ( and i sused why he did even then) and its beacuse he wants you to do the whispering sweet nothinsg and calling him etc etc cos then he sbeen proven each time you do it that you are choosin him and want to be with him which assures him you still like him. I dunno maybe im wrong, its hard when you go off someones interpretation without knowin the people involved, but if its anythin like past experiences ive been thru i should be right.......either way i hope it helps......take care and enjoy life!

Hey again.... wow you really do sound like you really have a head on your shoulders, any advice i would have given you, you have already given yourself!! that takes alot, we all know how easy it is to be weak. I again sympathise with your situation, when i was abroad and in love with my english bf I was all alone, i had met him b4 i went to england so we got together straight away, before i had made any other real friends....and when things started to get complicated ihad noone to talk to, and when things got real hard that was the worst id never felt so alone, its a horrible feeling, i hope your ok, try to keep yourself busy have you got any hobbies? i always did alot of photography and that helped alot, i took the time i had while we had "SPACE" to work on me alos...its not always you get the chance to spend quality time on yourself to gather thoughts and analyse how u feel bout thinsg and what u want etc without any influence, you may even take this time as a chance to get everything done you may wanna do while your solo.anyways by the sounds of it with him gettin all the paper work etc is a really good sign, i know lean towads the idea that maybe he was just weak, imean with the situation you two are in , it would be easy to feel doubtful and when that comes together with temptation well its an easy thing to weaken to, im glad you able to forgive him, i know alot of peopel couldnt. with the guy i was with in england we decided to be friends in the end as with him needing time to sort if he could move abroad and sort his fears and his head out and me just feeling like he didnt love me cos he wouldnt commit right then n there he started to see someone else pretty much straight away and id never felt pain liek it even though we had broken up i felt liek he had still cheate don me as we both hoped to still work it out in the end, but i just couldnt forgive, i tried so hard but with everythin else on top i just couldnt, its been over ayr since ive seen him and he still goes on about our past etc so maybe he did really love me who knows, i just admire your strength. do u mind if i ask u sumfin?? with this guy in england he still writes to me askin for pervy photos of me( weirdo i know) and sayin how he couldnt see me before i left england ( we hadnt seen each other for about 8 mnths by then , since we broke up) to come home as he knew he would be too tempted to get close even though he has a girlfriend now and he tells me he still fantasises about me, now this worries me cos i dont know if hes just playni with me to amuse his imagination ie: fantasies or if its cos he still has feelings, what do u think....im close ot givin up on our friendship....u see we stilkeep in good touch, we always have. anyways if you do need someone to talk to just send me a msg anytime.......take lots of care try not to thnk to much just let thinsg take their course cos its when you start thinking too much that you get stressd and thinsg get complex......take care charlotte

hiya! congrats on being to strong and independent, if it was i who had found out my bf had cheated on me the night before coming to see me well i wouldnt have taken it so well and thought about how i shouldnt let it ruin our time together...you obviously are a very caring person who feels alot for this person! Ive been in a VERY similar situation, I travelled myself to sunny engladn as u say (hahah yea right!) and lived there for two yrs, I being australian feel in love my first love i might add with a lovely english man. problem being the most obvious, where was it really going to go????? who was goin to move etc, and the fact we would have to marry!! not only this but he was scared to risk being hurt again and so i wasnt the best person to fall in love with in his case but as love goes you fall in love anyways. Its the same with the problem you have with him being american and you english, right now its all lets just focus on the time we can be together and its all fine, you tend to not oftenly worry about where it actually will end up. have you two spoke about where the relationship will go, is there some kind of plan no matter how flexible? i know when you love somene you think itll just work out, but will it, i think you need to make sure that this will go somewhere that one of you are willing to move abroad or of the like. if you find there isnt a compromise then i think you should see him kiss him goodbye feel sad but know that your time was special and you let it burn out before it faded! as with his cheating, well i know ppl cheat for all different kinds of reasons and i as one dont believe just cos you cheated means you dont love the person your with. Though i must say it does sound like hes just done it cos he could, i mean he was seeing you the next day!!!!!!! as if he couldnt have jsut waited you know!!! so that means the reason he did it was cos he wanted to! so whats to stop him doing it again really!!! nothing! i htink he doe scare abut you, he did come to spend time with you for 6 weeks etc but the fact is its possible hes nottaking this all so serious and the fact that yuou guys live in different countries etc may be abit of a convenience for him, do you think if you wre able to go everywhere he went that you guys would be in a serious relationship or would he hae nothing to do with you????? i knwo alot of guys like ot play and alot of guys are scared of commitment, and this kind of situation would be perfect for them! just eb acreful and best advice is to foloow your instinct! take care

heyas, for some of you , you may have read my last post about wether or not you can be in love but it just not be the right timing but ill give a slight run down on this anyways. firstly in my situation theres a simple fact i have learnt that i htink may apply to many different people in many dfferent situations and thats the more we get hurt the more fear we have and the less we believe in love or in to love or being loved, thats the situation ive been in since my first love which tore me apart. Ive learnt a valued lesson though and thats no matter how hard it is , it does get better, always trust your instinct and never let them be tainted with fear or guilt. let yourself feel what you really feel and believe every feeling is valid. if youve been hurt , be strong, take it for what it was and let it be left as a good memory dont let it become a painful one, let it be worth the pain. anyways its all so strange, the relationship i was in a cpl of years ago was my first in actual deep love one and he tore my heart in two even though it was totaly unintentional, i got really hurt, i never fully undeerstood the reasons why we werent together as we broke up because i was from another country and he was scared to get hurt again and didnt wanan commit until he knew he could move abroad with me, i didnt understand that, now i find myself in the exact position that he was in then and now i totaly understand. When i was with my first love i used to think if he did love me he would be able to be with me now, risk the pain it may inflict, but now as i asked in my last post i realize you can be in love and it just not be the right timing. I think maybes when you first fall in love with the first love you would drop everything for them etc but once youve been burned in love you become more cautious and not so willing to drop everything. this is what i was worried about last time cos i didnt understand if i was in love seems i wasnt willing to not follow my desire to teach abroad. (anyways just so you know i am talking about an ex here only cos it has relevence to why i am the way i am now with the relationship i am in now which is with a new guy ive been seeing for past 3 mnths!) which brings me to my next question for you all to hopefully help me with...i wasnt sure how i felt when i first got with mark and i knew i was going overseas to teach in 3 mnths for 6 mnths, so i told him i wasnt ready for a relationship. he then told me he would wait for me until i got back form overseas but i told him not to as i am soooooo scared that maybes ill be offered to stay longer or soemthing and hell get hurt( this was when we just started out). its just after being so hurt in love before im not so able to just drop what i want to do for them, but more then ANYTHING i just dont want to hurt him like ive been hurt!! im so scared that i will. Im so scared that i try to create problems between us so he wont liek me, so i dont have a choice to make cos im really stressed about it all. anyways as time has gone on ive found how i truly do feel about him and its fair to say im definetly falling in love with him! i still want to teach abroad and i leave in 3 weeks. the thing is i told him not to wait for me, i just cant cope with the pressure of having to ask someone of such a favor. so he said he wont, even though we arent together he knows i feel alot for him and we cant help but get close to one another even though i tell him we shouldnt he always plays on me until i give in. so basically we are a couple but just havent said so yet. ive realized i want to be with him now even though im going overseas, i know how i really absolutely do feel and i know ive just been trying not to let myself love him as im scared of being hurt again or hhurting him. so anyways i was going to tell hm how i wanted to be offficaly together but i found a message sent to him while i was with him on his computer from a girl named jessica....shes a girl his mate and he had met, his mate has previously tried to get them together even at his bday party but hasnt happened cos mark has been still kinda with me. anyways in this message he was tellin her how he couldnt go out with her that night as he had work to do. This was a lie as he was coming over to my house! he told her he really wanted to see her but maybe instead see her the next weekeend! i got really upset as i know i told him not to wait for me but i hoped he still would as he said he would do anything for me even if i told not to and we had been acting as a couple( kissing holding hands spending loads time together etc) knowing we both have feelings for each other and it just isnt the right time but hopefully soon it will be! I said if he did want to go out with someone else he could but he had to tell me and he hadnt told me about jessica! he said he only said those things to her cos he was tryin not to be rude and felt bad for cancelling. he said he would rather spend time with me. i asked him why he had been messaging her and talking to her and making plans with her while hes also been sleepin with me and seeing me and sayin he loved me and he said he wasnt seeing her but was just gettin to know her to see if he would liek her and he also said that he did want to see her the nxt weekend but he cancelled his plans with er that night cos he would rather spend time with me and that i shouldnt be angry cos i broke up with him and told him not to wait. Now i know i did that but why did he continue to see me if he was looking around to see if he could hook up with her??? i feel so hurt! he said all hes been waiting for is me to say i want to be with him officaly, but can i trust him now??? do you think hes done anything wrong???? if so do you think its wise of me to tell him how i do want to be with him?????? or is he being horrible??????? pls help me understand, i cant risk gettin hurt again. i know i sound bad in this but i warned him from the beginning that i wasnt ready to get close at the time and that i did hope to get with him when i got back from overseas and after i had time to really think etc but i ended up fallin for him sooner then i thought and then this happened. pls help ,thanks for your help...charlotte

AHHHHHHHHHHH thats twice now ive forgotten to tell you the most important thing!!!!! a few yrs back i htink about 3 or 4 my cousin was going out with this guy with whom i became really good friends with , one night he wastelling me all bout his first love( my cousin stormed outta room) but still and showed me how he had kept all these things in a box that reminded him of her...they had been together a yr but she moved back to the phillipines and it had been about 2 yrs since they had seen each other. he was asyaing how she was comng over to visit family and how he would love to see her again but knew it had been a long time that they had fallen out etc etc..... i larfed at him and told himsimilar t what i have told you cept i hadnt had my love experience then but stil lbelieved even thne you should tell them.....he saw her and he told her..that night he came to my house n wouldnt stop huggin me.......2 weeks later they were engaged! i was her maid of honor even tho we had never met before but i couldnt accept as i was going overseas, ive seen jamie ( the guy) sonce i got back form travelling and he says all his wedding day he thought about me and still every time i se ehi he thanks me hahaha......maybe i should get him to write u??? haha nwyays trust your instinct as jamie did.........that way you wil always be doing the right thing

Dear Alistir and brando... thats ok brando your post is only your opinion anda different point of view ... Alistair i hope your going ok, be strong, one thing i knwo for ABSOLUTE sure is that is does get easier, when i was in love n got my heart broken it took a year and a half so it may take a long time and you cant rush it but just ride with the punches. I have to say though i really disagree with you brando , i know and i apologise for all those wicked girls out there you really can be so deciveing, its awful sometime si think were worse then guys and in lots of ways we can be., but then again it comes down to the venus and mars things, maybe we both have our insecurities cos were so different..who knows. anyways sure if you tell her she MAY say al those things and reject you but if she does what doe sit matter , the only thing that may matter is that yoiu let her know its takeing you awhile to get over her but seriously thats pathetic thing to worry about, its immature and youcan be stronger then this i know you can! ive lowered myself before and it is scary but every time i have been surprised and those times where i didnt get the respone i wanted sure i may have been ambarassed but i was stronger and more capable cos of it and theres a way to do it.....if you wnat to tell her tell her that what you fel tyou had was special and you know you should move on but she never gave yu closure and so ask her how she feels and say to her you can reject me cos allim hoping for ot of this is to know how you feel so i can move on either with you or without you. make it so it isnt bout her and more about you. you can take the easier path i garunteee though you will always wonder and wil take longer to get over her, sooooo many people go on the rebound how do you knwo she isnt on a rebound and missing you??? I guess brando sees it as you should just move and and then yuo dont have to worry about it, yuou can do that it will ensure you no rejection OR you can tell her show her your strong and not afraid to say how you feel cos even if you HATE someone and your mean ot them and if all they do in return is be nice to you, you dont really larf at them you think to yourself how amaizng they to stil l be able to be nice to you..dont you? i do! i think we all do. so even if she doesnt want to be with you and you tell her if your just so honest and say you need this im sure she would understand, if she doesnt shes a bitch anyways.......its up to you......i so hope you well and the best advice anyone can give is do what you feel you wnat to do cos thats what you need to do cos if you dont do what is naggin at you to do you wont let go of it til you do.......take care...charlotte, let me know how u go!!

Hiya, i sympathize with you deeply, i too have been in the same position and my only advice to give you is this..... your at a two way at the moment you can either tell her how you feel or not..... I when in this position wa sliek you and found it hard to open up and was scared to weaken to it but I found that with time the problem never lessened i still wondered about him, we also kept in touch and i just never felt i had closure because i never told him how i really felt.... i dont know about you for sure but with me it took a yr and a half to finally realize i had to tell him to be able to move on, so i told him, he said he had felt the same but alot of things changed during this time, one being i had moved abroad. you need to tell her, you will find it so much harder to move on if you dont, you say your in love with her, that just doesnt go away especially espcially if you dont deal with it and instead just ignore it!! if you tell her , sure she may say she doesnt love you anymore and you may feel rejected but atleast then you will knwo where you stand know that you tried and know theres no other way but to move on. but if you decide to not tell her and just try to move on im sure youll find it much harder to , if you ever do and if later decide you need to tell her to move on as i did, you may find its too late..then enternally regret that. at first it takes alot to say how yoou feel especially when you may be testin a friendship or somehting but any feleing you have is valid and i think if you feel something you should tell them, dont assume how they will react, and know this if you tell her atleast you have nothing to regret later in life and you were honest for yourself and you can become stronger for it. what have you got to loose? if you dont tell her , you may loose something you dont realize you have the potential to have maybe. trust me once you tell her youll feel soo much better. you can always move on if you have to later......take care good luck

Clarky..... of course it is possible.....love is a strong thing and complicated and confusing and god sometimes just drives us mad, its the on true real amazing thing we have in this world without it what would life hold permenantly?? what im sayin is with all this things bein apart of love it makes it a very hard thing to loose once weve had it or to forget, i believe you never really do and as ive been gettin older and wise i se ehow much we truly never COMPLETELY so to speak move on. we always remebr something about someone whom we once loved. If it was there once theres always alil bit thats ;eft over no matter how long or whatever. the thougth of wether it can be reunited etc is depending on the situation as to why it left in the first place so it all depends but it is possible. many reasons keep people in loev apart, sometimes we dont even realize we are in love until weve left or been left and sometimes we leave and then realize later we shouldnt have or cant. love is strong and even if your completely over someone i htink theres always that somehting there and if you wanted it to it could be resparked.

Hiya... i think its almost liek a power thing, i remember once i knew a guy and we both so didnt get along, yet one time when we were at a party he told me he fantasised about me abit, when i asked what was it of he said sexual ones where all sorts would happen but always ended with him shooting his laod off on my face. i knwo for a fact and i think this is relevent to you aswell that his fantasy wasnt about liking me or being sexually attracted to me but being about him hating me. what better then then for the person you hate and who hates you to be on their knees lowering themselves and doing you favors?????? absolutely nothing, this fantasy is making you feel like your above her like shes below you and youhate her yet she still does this for you........what do you think?????you dont like her so much you would really get ff on her doing somehtin as degrading herself as much as that for you. anyways just a different outlook on things for you to maybe consider......check ya

Hiya, I have to say at first no offence to him but ROBZGR8 seems to be really angry, ive read some previous replies of his before and each and every one hes saying similar things to this..i cant assume anythin or say anything about his situation except that i dont agree with what he says, either way its advice and each have their own none are right or wonrg i suppose and its worth looking at his point of view i guess cos he is a guy and well i just think theres two types of guys and his a very strong type in this one particular KIND. anyways i have been in this exzct situation you are in, though i cheated on my boyfriend as i felt neglected from him and i missed him as crazy and as screwed up as that sounds and yet hes the one ive never forgotten, before this i believed if you cheated on someone you dont love them but i find that so untrue and narroweminded now. emotions are crazy things and the subconscious and how we understand ourselves and what were feeling is even more complicated so i dont think theresd ever a real black and white to anything esp in love. I agree with robzgr8 when he says you musnt as alot of guys such as robz have cheated because they werent in love and if you werent in love im sure you would cheat with ALOT of wonmen also but i believe you can also do it if you are though there must be underlining issues involved liek insecurity or desire for freedom etc etc. you need to work what it is that let you do it not if you love her or not. honestly though if you think your not sure maybes you arent ready and here again maybe robz is right when he says you want her cos she dumped you. maybe only maybe but i dont know how you feel and if you do truly believe to think you are in love with her then i think you are and theres an issue you need to realize and address within yourself as to why it happened. I htink you need time, usualy when your away form it all you can see it clearer and understand what you truly feel without pressure, she obviously and very much would need time away as she seems to be feeling weak seems she slept with you twice after it happened, i think that means she still loves you and hasnt yet sorted it out in her head. if you both take time away you will both understand what each want and need and its a safe bet to not cause further hurt. just make sure your not WANTING to be in love or HOPING to be in love and your not, really think about whhat let it happen and why and then see how you feel about her. let it come naturally take time out and relax let yourself miss her, dont stress and take lots of care

hey guys..... thanks so much for your insight.......its strange how even though we all know people are different and asking for someone elses opinion doesnt mean they know the exact reasons or exactly why etc its comforting to know people understand and go through the same things as you do, especially when they are things you dont understand. Swing fox i think i may have confused you alittle, i talked about my ex but i am over him and dont want to be with him but we broke up because he said the timing wasnt right..there were things he had to do liek sort out his emotional issues , his head and his life first because he didnt want to get involved till he knew he could make it work with me. When he broke up with me because the timing wasnt right though i believed he didnt love me because if he loved me wouldnt he have just made it be the right time. I was using that as an exapmple because now im in a new relationship but instead of beliving if you are in love you would give up anything i find myself wantin to not give up EVERYTHIN but still continue with my dreams...like going overseas and with my new relationship it just isnt the right time...how ironic hey....and so im stuck wondering am i in love?? can you be in love but it just not be the right time??? anyways i thank yas for your views, i too deep down believe yo can love someone and it just not be the right time...i believe the first time you fall in love as i did with my ex is the one where you will give up your dreams and do anything but then when that goes sour you learn form it and the next time round you see love differently. i was very hurt and i think im just not ready to put myself in the positrion again wher ei do give up everythin and it not work out..im still scared to get hurt again or hurt him. heres another question though do you believe you can be over someone but still be hurt, or if your still hurting do you think that means yur not over them??? love is soooo compicated hey hahah ahh well...can i ask you do you think by sounds of things my ex loved me cos seomtimes i think he didnt and maybe that is what makes me so paranoid now that i dont with my guy now, even though i know i do thanks sooooo much guys... by the sounds of it you both have the world at your feet with such broad visions and openness.....thansk for sharing

I suppose people never really know why someone does something, we cant ead minds this is why we need to trust people.....when you were with this girl for so long there was obvious deep trust between the two of you otherwise you wouldnt have made it for so long, you need to understand that when things happen to us things we dont want to be happening or things we dont understand especially we tend to believe or think of the worst case scnario..sometimes these worst case scenrios arent even relevent to the situation or maybes the worst case scenario you think of you know deep down wouldnt be the kind of thing this person would do and yet we still think thiese things.so remember she was a person that beofre this paranoia you believed and trusted and realize you should still cos she has nevere done anytning to abuse it and just cos your thinkin worst case scenarios doesnt mean shes lied and so you need to know to still trust her and what she said, you dont know if she lied but you have no reason to believe she would so dont believe she did. when my bofriend broke up with me and saying it was because he had to take up this work opportunity in london i started to think it was maybe he had found someone else maybe he didnt love me etc etc yet one year later guess who came back to me, we kept in touch that whole year and turns out it was just because he had to take up such a wonderufl opportunity. I sympathize with your ex, i too am in the exact same situation where i am in love witht his guy who is absolutley perfect( lucky me) and yet im to scared to be with him as his gf just yet as i need to do my hting first, after my bad break up with the guy i was just talking about i promised i would live my life before getting involved again. I believe your ex after being young and being with you so long feels she needs the best of both worlds before she can be truly happy...it seems to me even if she was still with you there would be problems as she needs to live her life and she would feel restricted form that being with you, shes doing you a favor by not being with you incase things change while shes on search for herself and also because shes tryin to fullfill her needs so if wether with you or someone else she can giver herself completely. we dont know why but sometiomes we just get urges to do things and we just know even though we may loose soemthing so special we just have to do it, and usualy its so that something special we may loose we can get back after weve done our thing and keep even tighter. im not sayin this is what shes doing im just sayin its not a lie why she broke up with you, i dont want to give you hope cos even if she was still in love with you and hoped for you to get back together you need to move on incase it isnt what wil happen. live your life , think of htings you would like to do on your own while you can. and this friend of hers sounds liek all the things she isnt and you arnt and maybe thats the appeal..shes searching for herself and for seomthing different shes teaching herself...its all an experience and testing, try not to worry, take one day at a time and make sure you dont loose her as a friend, you will regrte it and loose more then you had to

Love is all so confusing, its hard to move on when you dont fully understand what happened in the last relationship especially if you were never given closure at all! what is with that anyways, why do people not give closure? is it because they dont wnat you to move on??? anyways I have quite along story , many of yuo may relate to. When i was 19 i met this amazing guy almost by fate, we had kept in touch via emails but never met as I lived in usa and he in ireland. I was to move to ireland the next year and coincidentally we met!!! we started seeing each other though he warned me he could never get too close simce he was hurt by his last girlfriend some years ago not unless it was for sure and it would work out and i was a traveller whos visa was soon to run out. He never told me he loved me but when he showed it he really showed it and when i got tired of waiting for him to be sure if he could really try he would chase after me sayin i didnt know how much he cared how much he thought about me etc and how if he could he would be with me and it was just the wrong timimng, he needed to sort his head out etc first. anyways i left before that after way too much stress and he went on medication for stress also, he started seeing someone else though he said he still had feelings for me and still hoped we would work out in the end. i wasnt gong to wait for that though and tried to forget about him but i couldnt, we eventually got back in touch but now hes still with her and still says he fantasies about me and he wouldnt see me again cos he knew he would come onto me , i wasnt sure if that was an exscuse, he said he was just worried about it. anyways we still keep in touch even 2 yrs later and he still says he fantasises about me even though he says he loves his girlfriend, but im over him. sometimes though i wonder if he did love me and if you can be in love but not do anything about it cos its not the right time, something as simple as that. i always believed if you loved someone you would give up anytning and just do it. my friends think i was the one who got away for hm as he still says he fantasises etc and wants things to remind him of me , him sayin these things was hard as it never gave me closure. anyways i promised myself after so long of heartache and pain not to ever get involved with anyone but the best, soeone who wouldnt hurt me like that who didnt have emotional hang ups, and i me this person and he loves me so much. the thing is im sure im falling in love with him, we have only been together 6 mnths slightly on and off but i have to leave to study abroad for 8mnths and i feel like im scared to hurt him or him hurt me but do i love him but if im willing to still go overseas and not give up my dreams of living my life before getting involved again does it mean im not in love with him? just cos im not willing to not go abroad because im not ready to!!!! but is that normal???can i be in love and just not be ready ...can yo be in love with someone and not follow it hrough just because the timimng isnt right ????? its ironic how the situation you were in in a past relationship was the other person being scared to commit and then in your next its you!! so what do you think can you be in love but not follow it through or risk loosing it just beacuse of bad timiing???