bodgerandbadger

You complain about how these women told you they loved you, but when you broke up you were still prepared to do anything for them but they were ready to move on. Surely that is why they broke up with you, because they didn't really fancy you anymore. Somehow you turned them off with your unnatractive behaviour. That doesn't mean they didn't feel strongly for you at the time of saying it. "I love you" doesn't mean "I will stay with you no matter what". It means I feel strongly for you enough now that I am prepared to tell you I love you.

Hey With all these sorts of issues, with things like " you don't do enough around the house", or "you aren't supportive enough of my feelings" or any cr*p like that, they are always reasons 2,3,4,5,6... etc. If your wife was totally and utterly smitten with you, while she would come back tired, she would have spent all day waiting and looking forward to coming home with you. She would come home, collapse, but nonetheless be affectionate to you and allow you to seduce her. The bottome line in all these situations where the sex dries up is that the girl simply doesn't love you as much. Hard and painful to accept but true. I bet when you first got together she was totally in love with you and the sex was great. Somehow over the years you have simply turned her off. Good news is that there is a 50 50 chance you get make her fall in love with you again. First of all, not only stop asking for sex only to get turned down, stop touching her at all. Withdraw every bit of physical affection for her. Secondly, treat her as a stranger for most of the time, and then ask her out once a week for a saturday night and date her. On the date keep it light and funny and don't touch her still. A combination of this will hopefully make her firstly miss the affection, and secondly remind her of what a fun charming guy, and allow her to start having feelings for you again. When she is ready to sleep with you you will be fighting her off!

You don't need counselling, you need to raise interest level. When you were going through your unsupportive selfish period you drove her interest level into the ground. It is possible you can get her interest level back up, but if it went down enough it is also possibel you can't get it up. Space is what you need, not counselling. Continue paying your child support etc and doing the chorrs, but if you are sharing a bedroom I would suggest moving into a separate bedroom, live your lives totally separately. Even treat her as if she were a stranger in the house (like you were living in different houses or something). Then invite her out on a date every saturday night. That is right, start dating your wife again. Don't initiate sex, take that right out the picture. When you are on these dates be charming and funny and don't even think about touchign her. Let her do all of that as a measure of how affectionate she wants to be. Do this for a period of several months and hopefully she will remember why she fell in love with you. I say if she is asking for space give her 10 times more than she bargained for.

I think this says it all. Either she is hard-wired to be selfish, or she has no interest in you. Personally I think you should get out now.

It is always difficult coming to the realisation that your girlfriend has friendships we she enjoys just as much as you. You just have to accept that what distinguishes you from her friends is that she is sleeping with you and not with him. You won't necessarily be in the situation with this girl where you are the total centre of her world, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care for you a lot and doesn't indicate she would necessarily cheat on you.

Hmm, well then I really can't see why he would possibly get annoyed about that, strange.

Nah, you don't need to respond to this sort of stuff with "talks" etc./ If she gives you things like "we spend too much time together" or anything like that, just give her wants and back off 5 times more than she wants and see what happens. Use a bit of challenge and she'll be begging to spend more time with her.

I don't care to pass judgement on you Husband, needless to say, I am positive he is very jealous about this friend. The fact you are all in a band isn't important to him. How jealousy does he get about other things? There are 2 types of jealous people. Those that are open about it, and those that are either embarrassed about it, or sort of know they are being irrational, or hoping they can reason their feelings away and get themselves out of a rut. Your Husband is the latter. Don't even bring the subject of his jealousy up, just tell him he doesn't need to be jealous if this guy because you don't love him, and neither are you attracted to him in anyway. He probably needs a separate life of his own. You need to encourage him to take a hobby up outside of his life with you. Maybe you should invite him to the shop in future, or other events with this guy, and then if your husband can't come he knows it will be his choice, and not because he is somehow shut out of the things you do with the other guy. He might feel threatened by the whole band thing somehow. Something totally stupuid, like you might get really famous and publicly adored and leave him as a result. Just speculating here. How happy does he make you when he isn't acting jealous?

You are over reacting, and you are insecure. I don't think the phone thing is a big deal, but in IMO she should have sent you a separate email to you as oposed to just bundling you on a group one. How much does it take, 5 mins? Nonetheless, you reaction was over the top. This girl is probably quite independent and through possibly no fault of her own will probably drive you absolutely nuts, because of who you are. You won't be able to become more secure and stop her driving you nuts in this relationship. Personally I think you should break up with her now. Spend a year working on your confidence and self esteem and then jump back in the dating game (with someone else clearly). This girl isn't the only girl who can make you happy, trust me.

This doesn't mean this girl doesn't want to have kids. What it means is specifically she doesn't want kids WITH YOU. This girl has no interest in you, you should move on. Ever since she broke up with you for that seven month period, she has been stringing you along. I would guess she has ahd very low interest in you for a long time. DUMP HER and find someone who will love you properly

She has given you the strongest possible indication she will never cheat on you. Even when her past relationships went bad she ended it first before doing it with anyone else. This is something only women with quality would do. She willingly turned down drinks with co-workers (who were married!) for you, and didn't resent you for it. She must REALLY care about your feelings. The sex is also good YOU HAVE A KEEPER MY FRIEND! The reason jealousy can be so destructive is because you tell yourself you think you are justified in your jelousy. You must learn to tell yourself you are being ridiculous. With all these problems, you have to TALK to her. Ask her about all these things like the laptop which bother you. Don't snoop! Only for the reason that it will make your jealousy worse. When you want to snoop, if you resist the temptation, trust me, it will make you feel BETTER. You need to work on your self esteem, honestly. If you tell her it makes you insecure that her laptop is locked it is possible she will leave it unlocked for you. IN RETURN you would have to promise not to look at it anyway. That was she shows you she has nothin to hide, and you show her that you trust her. IE a strong relationship. Finally, if there is anything which will lead her to leaving you (which is what you are worried about in the first place) it is you JEALOUSY itself. Think about that.

You definitely have to work on your self esteem. She chose you, remember that, not anyone else. Isn't it insulting to her choice of boyfriend if you think you aren't worth it. Would you really want to be with a girl because she can only get people who aren't really worth it. Go on, make your girlfriend feel special, and think to yourself you are someone special and she got a real catch. She probably does (think it and have it for that matter). If you continue to believe you aren't worth it, she may just start to believe that and go find someone else who IS worth it. But if you tell yourself you are worth it, and really make her believe that (nothing but your attitude is required) she will continue to believe she has a great catch. You can do this in practice by being a bit of a challenge. Not by being an * * *-whole and ignoring her, just by not giving her ALL of your time and being able to say NO once in a while. Also be playful and don't be afraid to MAKE FUN of her. She will like being teased, a little bit. She also might not be so used to it, with all those other guys worshipping the ground she walks on. About the guys she talks to, instead of sitting there thinking oh my god this guy is so amazing. Think to yourself " haha, look at you, you think you are so cool, but it's not you who is with her, it is me". An attractive girl is going to have many guys after her. Think of it as a compliment to you. Also whether she stays faithful has nothing to do with the other guys. That's right, NOTHING. It is only to do with how YOU make her FEEL. That has also nothign to do with your status, just how you interact with her. There are some things which I do think are disrespectful. When she is talking to these other guys they shouldn't be touching her "at all". Also they shouldn't be talking about sex. If either of these things happen, just tap her on the arm and tell her" come on baby, lets go". But don't have a go at the guy! One final thing. You don't need to be in a band, or anything specific. But what you do need is some INTERESTS outside of her. Something which not only makes you feel good, but which gives you an oportunity to say, "hey baby, can't go out tonight I am "insert outside interest". This will make you feel more valuable if she has to fight a little bit for YOUR time. Bodger I hope this helps.

Well, she auditioned a few days ago and I am waiting on the result of the audition. The waiting is very tough indeed.

We have spoken about it many times. She is quite a jealous person herself so does understand where I am coming from, but acting is so important (she is considering applying to drama school when she finished university) that if a really great part came up she would take it nonetheless knowing how strongly I felt about it. Before we got together she mentioned she once had to stand in for a friend at school but I certainly wasn't aware of the nature of her interest in acting at all really. If only I knew lol. I don't think I could watch it. Although in a way I would want to as at least it would remove the secrecy of what they have been getting up to in rehearsals. She said that too, that it doesn't matter if there is no emotion behind the kiss. I see it differently, that the physical act itself is just as important as any emotion behind it. I certainly do trust her not to start having a relationship or go off with this other guy, actually in the play she is auditioning for at the mo it is more like two , but it just doesn't make things any easier for me. She says she wouldn't use tongue, but if you start kissing enough (to get the scene just right of course) I imagine eventually you would get lazy and probably would at some point. Anyway, those are my thoughts in responce to all of your great replies. Do you guys have any thoughts on my thoughts? Thanks for the help so far.

My girlfriend acts in plays and she occasionally auditions for roles that would require full on kissing. So far she hasn't gotten one of these roles but if she did I would be unbelievably jealous. I am not sure how I would cope in that situation. We have been together for around a year. Any thoughts or suggestions?