songcraft

Hello sugarbaby. This sounds extremely hard for you. Your life is changing in lots of ways, and fast. It sounds as though you don't really have anyone in your community supporting you. It was a good move to join a forum and seek support that way. As a parent, one thing I've found is that your values change. Everything revolves around that kid! The baby needs a community of people that want to support and nourish him or her, and do the same for YOU. I think you will know in your heart what needs to be done to take care of that baby. I would caution against moving or leaving the country; it's a major stress-builder. I believe you can find your "tribe" of supportive people anywhere, even if you don't speak the language. Can a hospital or birthing center provide a parent's group of some kind? How about midwives and doulas? These can all be incredible resources. You need people! I guess you will need to decide how long you can wait for your husband to wake up. I was not ready when my wife got pregnant, and I was pretty useless with the baby and with my wife's needs, but your husband's abusive behavior is very worrisome. He may be in some denial about having a wife and child; I was. But my wife knew that I was committed to staying with her and taking care of the baby, even thought I didn't really know how. Your husband needs to make that committment too. Any chance that he will seek some support or advice on marriage and parenting? One other thing: several posters have noted your age. It IS overwhelming when you're really young and going through all this, but age is no obstacle to being a great parent. I have a friend who got pregnant at 16. Today she has five kids and is the best mother I know! The baby she had at 16 is in college now, a happy confident young man. Good luck and take care of yourself, Songcraft

Hello all. I am new to this forum, and to forums in general. I've never really sought much advice on my marriage except from one or two friends, but I'm out of ideas. My wife and I have been married six years. We have kids, ages 5 and almost 2. We have had a pretty rough go of things since getting together. She was pregnant with my first baby at the wedding (although this was not why we married). Our financial situation was shaky and still is. We've also endured two very complicated pregnancies, my younger daughter's chronic illness, and a double-homicide in my wife's family. To make matters worse, I was selfish and immature through most of this marriage. I freely admit that now. I was more concerned with my own freedom, living totally in the moment. I had no real plan for supporting the family, being a dad or nourishing the marriage. I am a lot wiser now and have really been working on overhauling myself in a hundred small and large ways. I now handle my share of the child care, appreciate my wife more and I'm in training to start a new career this fall, after years of dead-end jobs. I was able to buy us our first home so we finally have a nice place to live. However, in the day-to-day I still do a lot of impulsive, selfish things. My wife has become extremely critical and angry. She is afraid that my improvements are too little, too late. She feels very little love or respect for me and is considering leaving me. I know that if I had started out being a better husband, we'd be doing okay today. I understand why she's angry but we need more time to work on things. We're in counseling which has been somewhat helpful. I love my wife and the kids a lot and need to make this work. I am looking for advice from those who have been the "problem" in a marriage and have tried to improve themselves. Anyone?