Jump to content

merickso

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    88

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by merickso

  1. merickso
    she says she wants to be with me when/if the time is right and if we have progressed independently in our lives, but I just feel that she is going to continue to want space until I force her to make a choice. I guess it boils down to what I want. I just dont want to wait for her any longer. I want her to pick me or let me go. NJRon, thanks for your thoughts and you are right. I dont want to leave her hanging because 4 days she told me she would contact me today and I said "ok" (like an idiot). thoughts on what I should say if I want her to know that I am getting to the end of my line with "waiting" for her? ARG.
  2. merickso
    Guys, I am so confused in general on my feelings and my broken relationship. I dont know whether to post in "healing" or in "breaking up"... everything feels so blah sometimes. I have just re-written a response to her like 7 times, and I cant figure out what I should say. She emailed and wrote "unhappy valentines day: "I will call you later tonight, mostly I just wanted to say that I am thinking about you and I miss you....". I am not going to bother explaining all of the things I have thought about saying, becuase you all know what is going on in my mind. I know that she doesnt want to get back together, so I have not gotten any of my hopes up. I would ideally like to say something that will make her think. period. Any advice is appreciated - the sooner the better. M
  3. merickso
    jm, As some of the posts said above, use this forum to talk about how you are feeling as much as you would like. Heloladies is completely right, and most of us have learned that NC is the way to go the hard way. If you just keep responding to her emailing you and telling you how her trips going, etc, you will make her feel guiltless. Dont act like nothing is wrong, rather, dont act like anything - Dont contact her. Of course, I know that this is nearly impossible, so if you guys do contact back and forth, make sure to seek some of the pros advice here (most likely they will say NC!). Start by looking at some old posts in the "Breaking Up" section, which will give you some insite to how others have handling each day, each week, and each month. Regardless of the outcome, you shouldn't be focused on getting back together (although I know it will be on your mind), you should be focused on yourself and starting to make goals in your own life that do not include her.
  4. merickso
    I was in a relationship for 4 years, and it was great. we had our problems, but she was wonderful and great and beautiful and we were always there for eachother (until the end, and things did get ugly). I love[d] her with everything in me, and we talked about when we would get married for years. Anyway, it ended and I was devistated. i went through everything that is mentioned here - lost 15 pounds, was lost for months, etc, etc. Then I met my current ex. I love her with my whole heart. The fact that I have been through what I am going through now (my current break up) gives me some comfort, because I never thought I would find someone that would make me as happy. Of course, there are many things that I think about with both girls, but after 1 year of being with someone else (until recently), I have let go of my exex. One can always love again. I did - so can you. My fear isnt that, it is whether or not I will let go of the love for my recent ex to be able to move on. Right now I feel that I love her and miss her more each day.
  5. merickso
    kickedin, did you end up responding? I hope you didnt, as I fully agree that leaving her with what she said is the way to go. I agree with your other post, what is the point? She is going to need to cool off anyway, and if she loves you, she'll contact you again to apologize. Else, you know where she stands. I exchanged some nasty words with my exex and I never felt good when the conversation was over, however, she would say very rude things to me and it felt good when I just wouldnt dignify her questions with answers.
  6. merickso
    I know, its brutal. At this point, what would you hope to get from her if you had a conversation with her?
  7. merickso
    Group, So my ex called me today to give me an update on her weekend, and at the end she told me that she loved me and missed me. We have been broken up for 16 days after she cited the fact that she wanted God to be in her life and we never were focused on that in our relationship. She told me that she that hopes things will work out for us, but that she isnt ready to get back to the relationship until she feels happy with her own relationship with God. She seems to be more into spending her days with her family (brothers, sisters) right now. I do not contact her, and only answer when she contacts me. An I wrong to give her this space she needs? I mean, there is nothing she is doing now that she couldnt do while she was with me. Do I want to be with someone who isn't willing to get through not-so-perfect times with me? Am I selling myself short by just 'waiting around' until SHE decides we should be together? If we do get back together at some point, will the relationship always be tailored to what her needs are and whether or not she feels we should take the next step? I love her with my whole heart. After reading so many posts, am I just thinking with my brokenheart, rather than using my head to realize that I should truly move on? How long do I wait? I already feel that I cant wait any longer - I either want her to choose a life with me or without me. Am I wrong? I love her and I do want to be with her - should I just give her what she wants? Should I stand my ground and make her choose? I am positive that a major reason she doesnt want to get back together with me is because she is worried about looking foolish to her family, and I get so frustrated about this. She talks to her parents about our relationship more than me, and I have to question what life would be like if we get back together. She always ends the conversation with "ok, I love you and miss you and I'll call you in a few days". Guys, I dont know what my next move is. I am lonely and things dont seem to be changing that much. I am much better than I was during the initial days, but I miss her so much and I feel like I am walking on egg shells when she calls.
  8. merickso
    yeah thats tough. does he have a new girlfriend? the advice I have seen on here suggests that trying to be friends with someone who you want more from usually doesnt work - so maybe the next time he "flirts" with you, you can just let him know (nicely) that its hard for you to continue to communicate with him when you want so much more, so its best that you guys just simply nod and smile when you see eachother, and cut out all of the flirtatious chit chat. I dont think that would be "being cold", but do you really think that you are going to be able to get over the breakup if you and him continue to flirt?
  9. merickso
    My ex is being kind - she is a kind person. A year and a half ago I dealt with the opposite: my ex cheated on meand hid it from me for 3 months and kept me hanging by telling me she loved me but that she needed space. Because I have been in both situations recently, I can tell you that its much harder to deal with someone who is cheating, lying, mean, etc. I know it may seem like it would be easier if the ex was a jerk because it would make you know 100% it was over, but it is not (or is not for me). I do see where you are coming from, and right now my ex has told me that she wants me and her to work, she loves me, she isnt interested in anyone else, and she misses me. I wish so much that she would just choose one route - either with me or without. But I think it is giving me some comfort during this super rough first month of the break up to know that she isn't with anyone else and that she is missing me. I think that, regardless of how the ex is being after he or she breaks the relationship up, we, the dumpees, will just wish it was different so we didn't feel the same. The bottom line is that you (and I) are hurt because the ex doesn't want us for some reason. For instance, when my ex cheated on me, I kept saying to her that it would be SO much easier if she broke up with me and wasnt with someone else right away. now that my current ex left me citing religious differences but she "loves me and wants to be with me and misses me, but needs time"... I want so badly to make her choose definitely, even if it is me finding out she is with someone else. Those are my experiences.
  10. merickso
    that sounds great, and of course people like me, with fresh brokenhearts and lists a mile long for reasons to keep the hope alive that there is still a chance with the ex, love seeing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Does the book focus on whether things are meant to happen or not? You seemed to have suggested that near the end of your post.
  11. merickso
    do you think that you would want her back after the way she has been acting? For example, if she took you back, would you be concerned that she would just use her family/religion to have some 'space' from you again down the road? Thats where I am trying to spend most of my thoughts. I love my ex so much and I cant believe that she would let her family influence her into thinking that she needs someone more relgious, however, I just keep trying to ask myself to think about how things would be if we were back together. Certainly I would have to conform to a degree, PLUS I would have to swallow my pride and take back someone who completely broke my heart and was out with friends (my ex was out with a couple of friends and a whole bunch of people she didnt know last night and I thought about it ALL night). Also, would I always have a bit of anger towards her for just up and leaving me, after I poured my heart out? I mean, lets face it, if we both did get back together with our ex, what would the relationship really be like? Dont get me wrong, at this point I still hope every hour that she calls me to say sorry and get back together... Also, in regards to the talking between my ex, it ALWAYS is the same conversation. I tell her that I cant believe she could just turn away from our love, and she tells me that she needs time and space and I have to "prove" to her that I have the same religious beliefs as her. Then she always leaves the conversation with "I love you and I'll call you, I hope this works out"... so basically every time I pick up the phone, I get set back to the day of the break up. I hate it. I hate how much I am willing to give in to get her back. I hate that I cant and havent just plain and simply told her - "Choose to be with me now and lets work on things, or choose to be without me now and have a nice life without me forever". Another fun sunday renting movies solo. YES!
  12. merickso
    dude, I am having the same friggen feelings this morning. I am actually feeling angry and I dont know what to say... my first thought was to just suck it up and call her and meet with her in person - my second thought (and the one that I will do) is to just wait for her to call and say that then (I know i will hear from her in the next 3 or 4 days). I am just choked that SHE told me that she wanted to get married, and that she didnt even talk to me before the break up.... it was just out of the blue. I am not happy today. I just wish she would clue in or tell me the truth. period.
  13. merickso
    1. not friends - I cant see myself being friends with her... I want her to be so much more and going backwards I dont think i could handle.. 2. 1 completely - i literally couldnt eat or sleep. 3. I have gone through worse (which makes me feel worse) - my last relationship ended with her hiding a relationship with someone from me for months. In the end, though, she came to take me back and I was already gone. 4. ii for sure, and also because I really really liked her. I mean, I am completely in love with her, but I really enjoyed all of the little things... even the things I didnt like, I really did!! (and its not just the break up talking now!) 5. I dont know. I definitely feel that rejection is part of it because, lets face it, it just sucks to not be wanted. After my last break up, i know that I can meet other people, but its the fact that it is my ex that I want. We had been talking about marriage, etc right before the break up (she initiated all of the marriage talk). 6. Yes. It actually hurts a bit more because my ex actually believes that its "Gods Will" (seriously) that she shouldnt be with me, so I know that even when she does miss me she convinces herself that she has no choice in the matter.. when in fact, she has all the choice.
  14. merickso
    Well, I have been there. Its not fun. Now, every time I drink, I wake up the next morning really nervous and check my "last calls" on my cell phone. It sucks. But for me, when I did something like that a year and a half ago, I did exactly what you did - called, apologized, realized that I was an idiot, and moved on. I make sure that I dont drink enough to get out of hand anymore... but when I do, I leave my phone at home, and I openly tell my friends to make sure I dont do anything stupid. It helps a lot. Don't worry about it, it happens. If you hit rock bottom today, as you said, then you are definitely going to have a better day tomorrow, which gives you something to look forward to.
  15. merickso
    I know. I have heard the same song and dance too, and its complete BULL. I guess you'll (and I'll) have to just take everyone elses advice and ask your friends not to talk to you about her - its not going to change the fact that she doesn't want to be with you. My best friend (who I talk to everyday) is married to my ex's cousin, and they are a close family. I heard everything after the breakup.... all the crap that she told her family about why she left me which just wasn't the case.... and I finally took someone on this forums advice and told my friend that I didn't want to hear anything about my ex anymore. Maybe consider doing the same.
  16. merickso
    Bop, I am quite new to this site and am in the middle of a terrible heartbreak myself. I suggest the following which has helped me more than I can explain over the last two weeks: Use this forum and the advice that it offers. Read the many pages of heartbreaks, and you will see so many things that you can do to make yourself feel better and come to terms with your new life. Have you been in contact with her? For example, did you explain all of your feelings for her once when the break up was happening? Have you been IMing/Emailing/Calling her since the break up?
  17. merickso
    Kickedin, thats quite the heartache, and I must admit that I am just waiting to find the same thing from my ex. Although I am NOT suggesting this as advice, if I find myself in your place, its going to be hard to not let my ex know how I feel about her actions. I suppose that you dont really know what she was doing there - it could have been that one of her friends dragged her out because she was upset about you, etc, etc, but of course, the male mind wonders. Here is something to consider: When I met my ex the other night to talk, she did her best to leave me hanging and wait and she told me she needed time to figure out what she wanted from her life and our relationship - which I told her that I didnt think I could do. I specifically asked her whether or not she intended on dating, which she said no. I told her that my healing process (didnt use those exact words!) will be affected if she lies, and that I would appreciate her honesty. I simply asked "should I expect to hear from you before you decide if you are going to move on in any capacity?". I dont know if this was a smart way to leave it. Either way I feel that I am screwed: 1. If she said no, then I know it might as well be over and the immediate pain would be extreme, but I would be able to move on easier knowing that she may or may not be with someone else. 2. If she said yes, then, regardless of what I told her, there will be a large part of me that wants to wait for her call. My pain will drag out for MUCH longer because I be left hanging and I'll continue to think that if she hasnt called me, then she hasnt moved on (which is a stupid concept). Basically I set her up to set me up, which SUCKS. [ In my case she chose #2, and I responded with "I dont know if I can wait and watch us build our lives without eachother". That was the end of the coversation.] So....what I am getting at is..... Which answer would you have preferred if you asked her that question (did you ask her that?)? I suppose that everyone initially wants to hear the second answer, but that, in most cases, its the first answer that we need because its the truth 99% of the time. Maybe once you force yourself to accept that she may or may not contact you before she moves on, you'll be able to just take any information about her (like she was at the bar) and use it to secure your decision to accept that you are moving on. I dont know if any of that made sense. Sorry if it didnt, its hard to not rant.
  18. merickso
    hmm. I agree with you, itsok, this is sort of the make or break. See, its not that we dont share similar beliefs, I just so need the need to "devote" ones life to his or her faith, and she was never like that either. She never devoted her life to her faith, and everything was fine. So, there is a part of me that feels like if I can just show her enough, then maybe I'll be able to get her back and she will mellow down and realize that she doesn't need to be worrying about her religion 24/7. Its so frustrating because I feel so strongly that she is going to realize that she isnt right about needing our relationship to be consumed with her religion. We didnt have it before and we were great. Anyway, you're right, in all honesty I do not believe that she will ever be satisfied with the way I live my life in terms of my beliefs, so whats the point? I am a true believer that two people can be together, have a great relationship, eventhough their beliefs are not completely the same. I can respect that someone else feels differently about religion, since there are 10000 different suggestions about faith, and no proof that any one group is correct!! And becuase of my feeling that we can be together eventhough we are slightly different, its hard to let go.
  19. merickso
    UPDATE: we chit-chatted for a bit, it was quite awkward, she sat with me on my couch and was holding my hand the whole time. I told her that I missed her, but that I was doing my best to respect her wishes and leaving her alone, and that I was working hard to move on and get used to a life without her. She then told me that she doesnt want to move on and she believes that we can be "us" again, however, she needs more time to make sure that the changes in her life (and mine) are for real, and not just because we were apart. I told her that I didn't think that I could just sit by and wait for her, and that the more time that she puts between us, the less likely it is that we will ever be together again. Anyway, it was quite civil, I didnt break down (nothing crazy anyway), we didnt really argue (at one point she was frustrated because I didnt want to wait for her), but at the end it was the same feeling as if she hadnt come - I was alone in my bed, without her beside me. I am very committed to continue what I have been doing - not contacting her, working on myself, reading this forum (I was actually axious to tell all of you guys what was going on when I was talking to her), etc. I suppose I feel a bit better knowing that she cares and that she does want to be with me, but I am almost completely certain that what she is looking for from me will never be enough, and I told her that last night. she said that she needs me to show her that I have a strong relationship with God, and I told her that I didn't think I could show her that. Anyway, I am still here, still fighting the daily heartbreak battle, still missing my girlfriend. Thanks for listening.
  20. merickso
    Group, so, for those of you that havent read any of my posts, my exgf broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I have been trying NC and sort of achieving it. She sited her need to better her relationship with God as the reason for the break up. when I stopped calling/emailing her, she started contacting me and we have been talking a bit the last 2 days (she has initiated it). I emailed her this morning and was as genuine as I could be. In my email, I said "I would like to meet with you tonight to discuss our relationship. If you decide not to meet with me, then I will leave you alone and respect your wishes and really focus on moving forward with your choice of not having me in your life." She called me a few hours later and said she would meet me tonight at my place, so here I am waiting... I am a friggen nervous wreck. Anyway, I dont know what my plan is; I dont have one. I do not get the feeling that things are going to work out, but I suppose I'll just see what happens when she is here. I know that there is part of me getting hopeful, part of me feeling like meeting her is a mistake, and part of me that feels like, with all the help I have received on here and from my family and friends, I might actually be better off without her. Basically I am prepared to let her know that, if she doesnt want to be with me in a relationship which is clear, then she should try to give me the answers I am looking for and respect me enough to not continue to lead me on (calling/emailing that she misses me, loves me, etc) But I love her and its going to be hard.
  21. merickso
    hehe... I liked that... clever!
  22. merickso
    I just read your other post about the "break" option. Personally, I dont think its fair and you obviously have intentions on dating other people, which I do not consider a break whatsoever. If you want to spare is feelings and be fair, either break up with him and dont give him false hope (it will hurt him very bad to hear that you are dating right away, which by the sounds of it you will be doing) or try to work things out. One option might be to start attending the the class that the other guy is in at a different time, or ask your boyfriend to come with you to the class.
  23. merickso
    well, my girlfriend (exex) broke up with me after 4 years of being together. I was 23, she was 22, and essentially we were having a few minor problems and then she met someone else who "she had a crush on". I am certainly not saying that your situation is the same as my past one was, but she broke up with me, and I was devistated. Anyway, about 3 months later she realized that that was all it was, a "crush", and she had thrown away a very strong, loving relationship with me, which she wanted back. She came to ask for me to come back, and she spent 3 - 4 months being with him but asking for me to come back.... I just couldnt do it after she left me for someone else. Anyway, my advice to you is the think long and hard about whether or not it will be worth it if it doesnt work out with this new guy (which there is a good chance it wont) because ..... (here are two cliches that I believe are completely true) 1. sometimes you just dont know what you have until it is gone. 2. the grass is always greener on the other side. Although, if you cant shake these feelings for the other guy, then you know you better than I know you, so break it off with your boyfriend and give it time before you start a new relationship, for his sake and yours. Also, don't leave him hanging on and waiting - if you want to break up its only fair that you don't lead him on and have him thinking that you are going to come back. Good luck with your choice.
  24. merickso
    I also told her very directly (althought I was polite and calm) that I completely feel like she used me and our relationship as the excuse that she wasnt living her life the way she thought she should have (based on her religion), and that I think that she was trying to show her family that there was a reason and it wasnt just because she actually prefers to live her life not completely entrenched in her religion. she didnt really answer, and then I told her that it doesnt feel very good when someone just up and leaves you and then starts doing new things (go back to school, join a church volunteer group) within the first week and act like (and tell people) she couldnt have done it when she was with me - completely the opposite, I was always supportive and would have never cared one bit. She was going to get in to it but I had to go (I was at work), so she said she would call later and I said (if you arent going to call, then dont say you are because I dont want to hold my breath anymore). She said that she wants to talk more about what I said - so we'll see if she calls me tonight. ARG! it feels like it never ends... are break ups meant to take weeks? and not just hours? thoughts? thoughts?
  25. merickso
    I know, and I WANT to do that, but when the number shows up on my friggen call display i just give in and answer. ARG
×
×
  • Create New...