sweetheart230

and guys hit on me a lot, weven when i'm sober. i look in th emirror and see someone who's really beautiful. But a 4.5! What the hell. i actually got ranked 1 by some people. no wonder i spent the good part of my youth wishing i was blond and white. god. How could I be so wrong in what I see? Could I have a chemical imbalance or something? why do guys like stare at me all th etime? am i imagining this, too?

Someone on this forum suggest I put my picture on link removed. I was right. I'm an ugly piece of * * * *. I went to bed and my rating was like 7.2 and I woke up and it was 4.5. Some people actually thoguth I was a 1. Well I guess I know I'm right. i wasn't wearing any makeup in the pic, but i thought it was a nice one. I guess my ex was right. I'm not attractive at all. I've only slept with him and one other guy. I don't have sex wtih the guys who told me I was beautiful.. they weren't in a that kind of situation. They're liers anyway i gues, aren't they. Don't tell me that site isn't true. Most the girls are accurately ranked. god really must have f-ed me up. How does the face of a 21year old asian girl with big lips, high cheekbones and nice eyes and a little nose wind up ugly? Seriously. No wonder no guy wants me. i am crazy to think i'm beautiful. i look like brigitte bardot with asian eyes. apparently that's pretty damn ugly. or maybe i'm just deluding myself like i always seem to do. why did everyone lie to me. All my guy friends who said I was hot and a few i met when I was out (and not dressed trampy). Why do people say this to me. Why did my therapist lie to me. why can;t they just be honest and tell me i'm not good looking. no one's ever gonna want to get to know me. who wants someone who's totally unattractive. i used to feel so good about myself. i used to think i was pretty. why did people let me believe this when its so obviously not true. i guess i should be glad i got used for sex, huh? painful inconsiderate sex where you get left alone is better than not knowing, right? no one's ever gonna want to be good to me and give me the love and respect i deserve. why would they? my looks just repel everyone i guess. i guess i'm not a pretty girl with a bad attitude. i'm just normal and ugly and average and that's what repels them. i guess i imagine all the guys interested in me. i should have never gon eon that website, but at least i know the truth now. i really aws too ugly for him and for any decent guy. i'm glad i know the truth now. i don't ahve to go on thinking i'm pretty and expecting guys to like me anymore. don't give me * * * * about the inside counting. it counts to me, but obviously no one else cares who i am on the inside cause i used to be happy and open, but i guess i was still too plain to get any attention. he was right. after all this time thinking he was bad, he was right to say i wasn't attractive at all. how could i have been so stpuid and deluded to think i was beautiful? how stupid am i. i'm so done with everything.

i used to be happy with myself until every guy in my life treated me like an ugly piece of crap who was worthless. i used to feel so special and pretty before all these men came along. I used to believe in everything. nobody even wants to date me. probably cause i'm unapproachable and never smile or flirt. i used to be so open to people. i'm not scared of getting hurt anymore, i just think that no one wants me cause i'm not as pretty as i've deluded myself into thinking. why would a guy want someone not pretty? Of course he does. I don't want to be wiht someone who doen'st ifnd me pretty. but i just think no one will ever see me the way I see me.

I'm miserable with myself. I look in the mirror and in pictures and see someone beautiful but I still think no one will ever feel the same way about me. Lots of guys have told me that I'm beautiful, even random guys i didn't know at all. But they probably just wanted sex or something or were just nice. I mean no matter how good a person I am inside, or how sweet and fun and clever I am, no one will ever want me except for sex. No one cares at all. No matter what anyone tells me or what I see in the mirror, I'm not pretty enough for anyone good. I used to think I looked so beautiful but now i just think that guys think i'm ugly and will just want to use me and treat me bad and ignore me and make me feel worthless. maybe thats why he never comforted me when i was upset cause the sex hurt so bad. I don't think other people see me the same way I do. I think I look in the mirror and see something completely different and more beautiful than other people see. I think my mind wants to believe it so bad that it makes me believe I'm really pretty when I'm just average and plain and not special. Guys stare at me and check me out constantly but i mean its cause i'm 21 and in college. I feel like no one finds me beautiful except me. I havn't even flirted with a guy since december cause i don't think he'd want me to. literally since december. I feel like I have a lot to give. but no one gives a sh*t b/c they don't like me on the outside. like i have 34D Breasts, small waist, big lips, really high cheekbones but my nose isn't good and maybe my eyes are too asian. I really want to get plastic surgery on my face. I always thought it was beautiful and I always thought people agreed cause they told me i was pretty a lot, but maybe i was wrong, you know? Maybe I'm just insane like my boyfriend used to say i was. i want to feel happy about myself, but how can i when i don't even know if what i see in the mirror is right? i just feel like i have a lot to give and i want someone warm and givng too, but all anyone is going to want is a blow job from me and then they'll just throw me out and find someone who is actually pretty instead of someone like me who is just deluded enough to think she is. my therapist said iw as pretty but he kind of has to. imean what the hell is he going to say "you're ugly and crazy what is wrong with you...oops out of time, seeya next week!" Ok, update. I realized today that I'm psycho and lots of guys pay attention to me and I'm just too self absorbed and concerned wit how i look to notice it. And hotornot is really dumb. My rating was back to like a 7 tonight. How does that even happen? How do some people give me a 1 and others a 10. ARe these people on crack or something?

good question. I don't know. I've been hurt a lot in the past... not just by this last guy. Thing is, you could call me all kinds of names-- stupid, immature, childish, crazy-- (and was called all those things by my ex), and i wouldn't care. But for some reasons I'm really sensitive about the way I look. My friend was talking about how she thinks she didn't get a job cause she wasn't cute enough and I told her she was totally cute. When she didn't return the compliment, I freaked out. I didn't tell her that so she'd return the compliment, but shen she didn't I freaked and thougt I was ugly.

When I just wanted to hook up and have fun and not date then I placed a lot of emphasis on looks. But now that I want something better and deeper, looks don't matter hardly at all. As long as there's some attraction and a good personality, that's all that matters to me. Other things are so much more important. My ex was handsome, and rich and tall... but treated me horribly so I know how superficial and unimportant these things are. I guess you're right... my ex would have rejected a girl based on the way she looked and I definitely dont' want a guy like that ever again. I guess maybe sometimes its easier to complain about how you might not be as pretty as you think instead of dealing with the real issues. Thanks for helping me out. I really appreciate your candor.

I know Looks aren't everything. I just wonder why no guys ask me out despite the fact that I thought I was good looking. That's all. I like who I am inside. I think others will too. I'm just scared no one I like will give me a chance b/c I'm not pretty enough.. that I was wrong about myself and people are lying to me. I just feel like no one will ever be attracted to me and want to get to know me better. That I'll have to work extra hard or something to get a guy and I'll have to settle for less than I deserve because no decent guy will ever want me.

I've cut him out of my life for good. But I still doubt myself from time to time. I should know better... his ego was way too big to be involved with a girl who wasn't pretty. But I am absolutely terrified at the idea of not being very pretty. I don't smile or flirt because I always feel like guys will think I'm not good looking enough and not want to be bothered with me. And then I think well, I'm right, cause if I was pretty, they would ask me out and be interested. No matter how much I'm told I'm beautiful, I still refuse to believe it and I have no idea why. Even my therapist said so, but he has to say that.. what else is he supposed to say really. But then I find myself trying to look really good for him so he doesn't think in his head "is this girl nuts... she's not cute at all no wonder she doesn't sate". God I'm sick. Writing this down makes me realize how ridiculous I am.

I just really wonder sometimes if he was right and I'm just delusional.

He did it to control me. He knew I was messed up and lonley already and he made me feel so bad about myself that when he actually made me feel good I'd do whatever he wanted. Whatever he wanted usually having to do with sex. When we were "off again" he'd ask me about who I was dating and stuff, and I'd tell him about guys who I was hanging out with... one I met at a party and made out with and he told me that it was probably really late at night and the guy had been turned down by so many other girls and I was the most convenient girl around. And he later claimed he helped my self esteem. Right.

You do have a point. I guess its just that my ex made me feel that the only thing I was good for sex. I guess after a while he liked me for other reasons, too, but I always felt like the only reason he wanted me was cause I was pretty, and if I was prettier he would have been nicer to me. Then he said I wasn't attractive at all and he didn't want me and didn't even want to use me for sex. Then I'd feel worthless and he would say he was just playing games or that I pissed him off and tell me how hot I was and I'd feel better. Luckily he's gone for the last 3 months, but I still feel like no one will ever be interested in me unless I'm beautiful. So I get scared that I'm really not and no one will ever want me because I'm as unattractive as he said I was.

I guess I just want to know if I'm crazy to think I'm good looking. Guys seem to stare at me a lot and I've been called beautiful a bunch of times (I actually get really insecure unless someone other than my mother tells me this every couple of weeks), but honestly, I'm starting to think guys' lack of interest has to do with how I look because how can they not like my personality... they don't even know my personality. I guess I just want to know if I'm disillusioned and crazy to have a high opinion of my looks or if I have an accurate perception of how I look and my attitude is the problem.

I mean I sometimes start conversations with guys... isn't that showing enough interest? Ok, I've only done it once in the last couple of weeks... he seemed responsive and really eager to talk to me, but he hasn't given an indication he wants to know me better. I have a good personality. But, i just feel like no one wants to really see it. There's so many good things about me that I never get to share with anyone (guys, anyway). I just feel like they're not interested at all and if I was as cute as I perceive myself to be, they would be. Maybe I see myself differently than others do... like anorexics. I don't think looks are everything, but I feel like no one wants to get to know me cause I'm not as cute as I think I am. I don't know. I get scared to flirt b/c no matter how hot I look when I leave the room or how many people reinforce it I still feel like guys don't find me very pretty and aren't attracted to me and don't want me to flirt with them or smile at them. I only feel safe flirting and smiling if they've shown me they're interested first, which no one seems to do. I guess I just thought that guys would ask me out just cause I was pretty. And because that hasn't happened in the last couple of months, I'm concluding its cause I see myself as being good looking when I really am not.

This is going to sound very dumb, but I was just wondering... if a girl doesn't flirt with a guy or smile very much will she most likely not get guys asking her out? I guess I thought that cause I'm pretty I'd get asked out even if I wasn't approachable and I don't flirt or smile much. Like guys seem interested in me a lot, but lose interest real quick. I feel like maybe its just because I'm not as pretty as I think I am. I have some serious self image problems. I think I'm beautiful and have been told this a bunch of times (but those people may have just been being nice to me, you know?) I think sometimes I'm really nuts and not really as pretty as I see myself. I'm starting to think that my lack of dating since the last bad relationship (where he put me down a lot) has to do with me not being as pretty as I think... not really that I don't flirt or smile. I guess I feel like if I really was cute, I wouldn't have to flirt and smile and stuff to get dates, like guys would want to take a risk to get to know me. Like I said, I don't flirt or smile, but I have been trying to talk to more people once in a while. But I feel like they aren't interested at all... and I feel like if I was as pretty as I see myself as, I wouldn't have to flirt and stuff... like talking to them would be enough for them to ask me out or whatever. I dunno what to think. I really don't know if its my looks or my attitude. I mean lots of people have said I'm beautiful... why would they lie? But if I am as cute as the person I see in the mirror, wouldn't guys want me regardless of my attitude?

He definitely likes you. Like definitely. I usually don't ask guys out cause I figure if they like me enough, they'll ask me. But since you already turned him down (his ego's prolly hurt a bit) and it sounds like he likes you a lot, I would say casually ask him out.

Could you please delete this post? I don't want to take up space on a topic that I've already whined about a bunch of times...sorry.

Renaissancewoman, I think you need to just be more aware of your surroundings and the people around you. I used to be oblivious to that sort of thing, but when I started noticing people and looking outward instead of thinking of me and what I was doing all the time, I started noticing a lot of guys looking at me adn giving me that look.

Confidence is so important. When you THINK you look good, guys somehow think you do too. How can you tell? I always know by their eyes. Its about the way they look at you. I don't know how to explain it, but when you make eye contact, you just know.

That girl sounds very inconsiderate. It's better you found out now. I know its frustrating. Dating sucks sometimes. People can be mean and make you feel bad. But thinking that how people treat you is an indication of your own worth is a huge mistake. Just because some stupid girl stood you up doesn't mean you don't deserve someone special; it means she's rude and doesn't deserve you (I'm going to assume you're not rude and inconsiderate). Took me a long time to learn that lesson. I can't really see your pic well, but you look perfectly fine and I'm sure plently of chicks want to get with you. I think giving up hope is not so great idea, but looking too hard isn't good either. I think you should focus on just getting to know lots of different people and if something happens to click, then pursuing it further. Don't think of it as "I want to date this one or that one". Just try to learn about people and get to know them and if you like them, think to yourself "maybe I'd like to get to know them better". Just think of dating as having fun. You're young, so you're really just out there to enjoy yourself and someone else's company. Don't take it too seriously. It's supposed to be fun at first. And remember, confidence (Not arrogance) is super sexy. I know tons of guys who have nothing going for them, but are so confident that they have everyone fooled. You seem like a nice, smart, considerate guy... so imagine what YOU could do with that confidence. And its annoying to feel pressured into dating. Just tell them you'd rather wait for someone you really like a lot, and they havn't come along yet.

Be a good listener. If you pay attention to what he's sayin gand are interested in it, conversation will just kind of flow because you will pick up on things he's saying and be able to ask him questions about himself and what he's talking about. Guys love to talk about themselves. Honestly, don't get too personal right away, unless he indicates he wants to go there. But guys really do love to talk about themselves. But, he probably wants to find about you, too. So let him get to know you, too! And if it gets awkward, ask him a question about himself. For instance if you were talking about music earlier, you could say, "You mentioned you like so and so, have you ever seen them live?" If he says yes, ask him more about it. If he says no, maybe mention a time when you saw a live concert that you liked, or ask him if he likes live music..who he's seen...etc. That's just an example, but there's hundreds of things to talk about. if you're genuinely interested in each other, you're so eager to learn about each other that conversation just flows. Be a good listener and just have fun. If there's silences (which there always seem to be when people are nervous), they will only be awkward if you feel uncomfortable about it. Just relax and smile and have fun.

This book was absolutely amazing. Seeing so many people on this forum who are unhappy, shy and who have a hard time connecting with people, I think this book would help a lot of people with their problems. I am personally not a buddhist, but I've been studying the religion lately and become very interested in it. I think the general philosophy of life that it promotes can really improve some people's lives. I, being one of those shy people, was really inspired by the book. I havn't read all the way through it yet, but I was really impressed by the first half. Basically, it encourages human connectedness and warmth, and approaching life with compassion. For instance, when asked if he ever felt lonley, the Dalai Lama said no because he was open and receptive to people. He said this was because was free of fear from judgement... he approached all people with compassion and understanding and saw each person as being connected to him... we are all human essentially with the same feelings and emotions. Happiness seems to elude so many people. Shyness can be crippling. But I think this book really put a lot of things into perspective for me. After reading only some of the book, I found myself to be effortlessly more open and warm to people. I didn't even really have to try, because it made sense to me. The world of self-absorption and self obsession and self pity that I had been living in made connecting with another person impossible. Most importantly, it talked about how lonley people search out love and sex in order to feel connected to a person, when the possibility to have a warm, meaningful and intimate (although not necessarily sexual) moment with a person surrounds us constantly every single day. I feel that if we start to approach everyone with compassion and develop a connection with people we encounter everywhere, the soulmate that so many seem to be desperately searching will fall into our laps. In the search of a boyfriend or girlfriend, I think some people forget that the most important thing in reaching out to other people is not to date them, but to know them and who they are inside first. We ought to stop measuring our own worth by what we have and what people think of us. We should measure it instead by how we feel, what we do and how we treat others.

I had the same thing. On and off for over a year. He was bad news, I was young and stupid. When I stood up for myself and told him I didn't want him in my life anymore at all, he started telling me how meaningful I was to him and that he would do his best to change and it would be different. I believed it a few times. It was never different, he didn't even try to change and while I may have been meaningful to him, he couldn't show it and I deserve someone who makes me feel special. It's not worth it. I still think about him, miss him and his damn kisses and just hanging out in bed with him but I'm starting to miss him less and less. I'm feeling better now, and realizing that there are tons of other guys out there. He's not worth it if you're giving more than he is. My ex promised me the sun moon and stars for another chance, but I realized at one point that if he really loved me that much, I wouldn't have to leave him fo rhim to realize I was special. You deserve more. There's much better out there for you.

I'm personally a little confused, too. Guys usually dont' do the whole valentine's day thing unless their somewhat serious (in my opinion). But, honestly, from the perspective of a girl of the same age...most the guys I know who are my age lack direction and aren't ready to commit just because of the stage they are in their life. A lot of things are uncertain. He may like you a lot, but I have to be honest, its a scary thought for a guy to be tied down at this point in his life. He might have started to feel like it might be headed in that direction and gotten scared. Or maybe he's just completely bogged down in work from school. Or it could be something completely different. I think you should just leave it go for now.

It depends on the girl and what she wants. If she likes you and is thinking in the long term, she most likely won't care. if she just wants hot sex, she might have second thoughts. Then again, a lot of girls just won't care at all. I'm gonna agree with everyone else and say don't lead on a girl who you aren't attracted to at all. It's bad karma. How would you feel you were in her position?

Bottom line is, if he likes you he'll wait as long as you need (unless he suspects your just playing with him...which he shouldn't suspect unless you actually ARE). I do realize I'm not a guy, but think about it logically. If he wants to have sex and you say you're not ready will he really ditch you in a couple months if he likes being with you? I've heard the three date rule, but I still contend that a guy will wait longer than that if he likes you lots and lots (and is he really worth it if he doesn't like you that much? No!)