sweetheart230

well its not great, but i always thought it was funny cause i knew with my ex that he was trying to impress me. in that context its cute, but then again when you like someone every little stupid thing they do is cute. but i'm getting off topic. not terrible, just try to watch yourself so you don't come accross as arrogant. once is absolutely forgivable.

girls don't always know what they want. a lot of them buy into the whole "i want to be independent and not depend on a man" stuff and some women just think men want to hear "i don't want to get married". Really. A lot of chicks think thats what guys want to hear b/c guys get scared about getting trapped.

Like my ex told me about the girl he had before me, that he broke up with her after over a year because they were thinking about getting married and he didn't want to be with her for the rest of his life. but i mean how the hell was she supposed to know?

Yeah but I guess I'm just wondering how do you know? Like how can a guy seriously spend all that time with a women and then just fall in love with someone else quickly? I guess what I'm asking is, is it something about this new woman in particular, or does it just happen? I mean to be honest, I can't imagine a guy spending so long with a woman, letting her believe he's in love with her and then dropping her and falling more in love with someone else. I don't really believe in stuff like the rules, but these women that guys just completely lose their heads over have to have something in common, dont they?

I've heard of this scenerio a lot, where a guy will date a woman for anywhere for like 2 to 8 years and then marry someone else in a few months. He'll never really think about marrying the former. And then he'll end it or she'll end it cause she's sick of waiting. Then he'll turn around and marry another chick in like a couple months. Obviously this isn't coming from personal experience, but I do have an opinion to this matter. I think many guys will string along a girl for a really long time cause he likes her, he likes getting convenient sex and he likes having all the good stuff that goes along with having a girlfriend. But he's not crazy about her. But then when he meets someone he likes a lot, the committment phobic becomes the marrying type. My main question is, how do you prevent being the "string along girl"? I mean I suppose the obvious answer is, don't date a guy unless he's crazy about you and know when to walk away. But how do you know if he's crazy about you? Any other opinions on why a lot of guys do this. I've actually heard of this happening a lot (more than I'd like to) so I'm curious as to why you guys think this happens (and how we don't let it happen to us!)

ok thanks for all the responses and thanks for being so specific! It's so tough being a girl sometimes.

Ok, so last year I started shaving. And i don't mean my legs. But to be honest it freaks me out to put a razor there (and waxing is kind of expensive... at a place that won't infect me with something crazy anyway). And I hate the way it looks when it get stubbly and grows back. So I was thinking of just sort of trimming and keeping it neat instead. But here's my question... how much should you trim really? Like I've heard of the landing strip but I don't even know how much or how little that is. I've heard guys say they don't want to deal with gagging on hair and such, but most of my hair is in front, higher up, where it wouldn't really interfere with oral sex. Are you supposed to shave all of that? Or just some? And how much should you shave off the labia? I mean damn I freak out everytime I do that and have to hold my breath and pray that I don't screw it up. So what the hell is "neatly trimmed"? If someone could give me specifics that would be great because i'm a little dense when it comes to these things. Shaving it all off has become such a chore. Thanks!

Yeah, honestly, I think that ppl have sex for the wrong reasons. Men and women. I think a lot of people are looking for intimacy in the wrong ways. Like relationships are hard, and having sex with ppl you don't care about is a lot easier and its a convincing substitute for intimacy and warmth. Of course, I'm not saying that's you. But a lot of people are like that. and a lot of women get hurt. I don't know a lot of guys who are like "oh i just thought it was going to be sex but then i got attached and now I have to be with her". But I've seen a lot of girls cry about that sort of thing.

Men aren't always looked up to just because they sleep around. A lot of those guys on my campus are really popular cause they're fun to hang out with and they make you laugh, but they're also referred to as dirty by a lot of girls. It's just how our society is. Women are traditionally supposed to be the mothers/caretakers/good ones. Also, look at evolution. Men are supposed to "spread their seed", but women are expected to be able to raise kids and have families (in my sex and society class we discussed that men wanted virtuous women in the past b/c they wanted to make sure it was their babies they were protecting and raising, not some other guys). I don't think women are always considered bad just because they sleep around. I mean look at Sex and the City. Those women weren't nuns and they're very respected. And that's your opinion that sex is an expression of the body. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I personally think that sex is better expressed in an otherwise intimate relationship because if it doesn't have any meaning to me. I'm very sexual... I like physical closeness to but I've hooked up with random guys in the past and didn't care for it. It's personal preference. Some ppl see sex as very personal and intimate and don't want to be vulnerable to someone like that unless they care for me and I trust them and have feelings for them. Just b/c I don't want to have sex with random ppl doesn't mean I don't like it. Other people see it as something physical and don't have a problem with having sex outside a relationship. Its a personal thing. And to be quite honest, I'm don't mean to make this sound mean or anything, but did you ever think that women resent women who sleep around because it places expectations on all women? I mean obviously a guy will stick around if he likes you enough, but I mean its not always easy when guys seriously thinks that you'll sleep with them early in the relationship and when ppl think you're a prude for wanting to wait. It goes both ways. It's considered abnormal to wait more than month from what I've heard. You don't want to be called a wh**e just like I don't want to be called uptight. That having been said, I don't judge or think other people should either. But you shouldn't care what they think. If someone called me uptight for wanting to wait a bit, I'd tell them to screw themselves. If someone calls you names like that you should do the same. You just have to ignore dumb people. Sex is a personal decision.

The goal isn't to get anyone to go out with you. It's if you feel an attraction to someone, then you ask them out, or in a girl's case, give them a chance. it's not like anybody is ok, but if there's a reasonable chance you'll have fun and feel a connection, then why not? I'm personally extremely picky about guys, but not really initially. There've been a few times I've felt a strong as hell initial connection, but as long as there's some attraction and I like the person i'll give 'em a shot. It's later that I get picky. Anyway my point is you gotta just look for who looks interesting and who you might be attracted to and go for it. You never know what'll click. Just don't get attached to the outcome. I think thats why dating a lot of ppl is good, cause if you date more ppl, you're less affected by rejection and that's always a good thing. Plus, as I said before, you nver know who you'll be compatible with until you get to know them.

the fact that sex is the only way i've received intimacy and affection is also one of the reasons i was so depressed in the past. Also one of the reasons I went through a promiscuous phase (i couldn't have decent sex so luckily most of these didn't include sex). i want so much more from a man and yet if he showed up at my door i'd probably tell him to go to hell but still lose control and let him do whatever he wanted to me. It really sucks that i've had so little affection that i cling so tightly to sexual experiences.

Yeah I think its just good memories... where he made me feel really good. He was just the only guy I ever felt comfortable being physical with so naturally it was the best intimate experiences I've had. We just had a lot of sexual chemistry Honestly, I'm just scared I'm going to break down one night and tell him I want him to come over and have his way with me. In that case he'll probably either say "yeah be right over" or "i have someone new" or "i don't want you anymore" and either way it will be very bad for me.

For the most part, I'm doing very well... but I still really really wanna sleep with my ex. Like a lot. The thing is, although I still have feelings for him, I don't want to be with him anymore. But dammit, I still want to let him throw me on the bed and have his way with me. For a while, it went away. Maybe its because its the only way I've been shown intimacy and affection from a guy (what other ways are there to show/express intimacy and affection anyways). But I miss it terribly. Everything else in my life is going well. I've been coming out of my shell and its been a difficult but rewarding process. I'm really truly starting to find myself attractive and know lots of guys do too (unless they're just staring cause they like the color red). But I can't get the thought of having sex with him out of my mind. I fantasize about the last time we were together during my classes, while I'm at work, while I'm falling asleep. The thought of his hands, tongue, body against me is literally driving me mad. I don't want to have casual sex... I don't desire to have sex with anyone else but him right now anyway. And I'm not really looking for a serious relationship right now (havn't met anyone i like enough yet). I just would like to clear my head out a bit so I'm not always thinking about having sex with him. What is wrong with me that I want to have sex with someone whom I didn't even enjoy having sex with (foreplay, etc. was great, loved doing stuff for him, but i'm too tight to have real sex comfortably). Another thing, sort of unrelated... but I was just also wondering, why it is that around guys I've already hooked up with I'm always flirty, playful, fun and with guys who I actually might want to date for real I get nervous and stupid?? thanks in advance... just wondering if anyone had any ideas about how I might stop obsessing about havign sex with him or why this is happening. I really think it might be about the fact that its the only way i've expressed/received intimacy/affection from a man, but any clue as to how to stop it?

Just relax. Literally that's all it takes. Relax and let it all go and chances are everything will be alright. Let nature take its course. I used to be really shy and closed off to people and be boring and nervous (still am with some people) but I learned that when I was too tired to care or in too good a mood to care, I wasn't shy and I always had fun and ppl responded to me. Look at it this way: its not possible to look stupid to someone who's right for you. If they think you're stupid then they're obvious not right for you and then their opinion doesn't matter. If they are right fo ryou, they'll think everything you do is cute. Except, don't be rude or mean.

Maybe it depends on the girl, but I don't think a spark has much to do with a guy doing or saying the right things. I've come accross a lot of verrrrry smooth guys at school and havn't felt a spark with most of them. I think its just chemistry. Only once have I had it happen after knowing someone a while. It's just an attraction. I don't think its possible to try to make it. It just happens when its right. It's a way you smile, a way you laugh, a touch, or a way of looking at someone that makes their knees weak. It's something you spontaneously say that really gets someone and little things like that that create a spark. They just happen unexpectedly and I don't think you can plan or act a certain way. That having been said, I think it is very possible to kill the spark before it even happens (or shortly after). If a guy is too busy being nervous and self conscious and thinking about himself and what he's saying, then that kills the spark. If a guy isn't relaxed and natural that can kill the spark.

Confidence is liking yourself for who you are. Realizing that you have great inner and outer qualities. Not caring what others think of you because you know that they will like you if they belong in your life and if they don't like you then they don't belong in your life. Confidence is saying to yourself I'm lovable the way I am and if you don't agree, screw you. It's being natural and secure with yourself. Not being self conscious or nervous. You should take a drama or acting class. It helped me confront my fears. I made a fool of myself multiple times and it was fun. I once asked a guy friend of mine how he can be so confident and charming around girls (he told me he didn't think he was attractive... although I thought he was) and he said because he is completely happy and secure with himself and didn't need anyone to validate him or assure him that he was worth it. I think that puts it pretty well.

First of all, I don't personally think you are average if you are the guy in your avatar. I think you're above average, but that's just my personal opinion. Based on looks alone, I'd definitely give you a chance. I went through (and am still going through sometimes) exactly what you are going through, and I know it sucks. A lot. To think that just because you aren't physically good looking (however true or untrue it is) you won't do well with the opposite sex. I can tell you right now that I think you're good looking but that isn't even the point, really. Chicks don't necessarily go for guys with looks. Attraction doesn't have a whole lot to do with looks, even though we really think it does. Attraction has more to do with how someone makes you feel. And I realized that when I was obsessed with myself and with what people thought of me, I wasn't making anyone feel very good. If you're a cool person and you just relax and be happy then you have nothing to worry about. I know lots of not so great looking guys who snag hot girls all the time. Its about liking yourself and liking yourself so much that you know other people will too- and if they don't, who cares. I've hooked up with lots of hot guys (read: ONLY made out with, not more) who were completely worthless to me in daylight. On the other hand, there's this guy I like a lot right now who I would honestly consider below average but I love to talk to and he makes me feel nervous. I just like him cause he's funny and considerate. Nothing is sexier than a guy who can make a girl smile and feel good. Not even a hot six pack. Trust me on that one. And you want a soul mate? When you find someone you really click with, it'll just work out if you let it and stop focusing on how bad you think you've got it. Honestly, I still can't really figure out if I'm good looking or not. I've been beaten down by two ppl who've I've been close with (my ex and my best friend) that I still have insecurities sometimes. My therapist told me that if you believe inside you aren't beautiful then you constantly look for reinforcement of that belief and ignore evidence that you ARE good looking. A more objective approach to life has made me see that men find me attractive stare at me on the street and hit on me a lot, but I've been so aloof and self-absorbed to realize. Perhaps this is your problem, too? Girls aren't that obvious with their signals cause they expect guys to do the pursuing.

Its just my opinion, and I don't have all that much experience in the matter, but I think it might be because she's so eager to please. Whether you see it in yourself or not, men really like the chase... even in the bedroom. Like when my ex boyfriend had to work to get my attention sexually and I made some demands on him, he was a lot more turned on and tuned in to me and my needs. When I was overanxious, he got lazier and a lot less enthusiastic. Don't get me wrong.. he always had a hard on in like half a second, we were very attracted to each other. but when he knew he had to meet my needs instead of just the other way around, we both enjoyed it more. He got bored when he thought I was trying too hard to please him instead of myself. i think perhaps you're getting the sense that sexually she places more important on pleasing you than herself, and this is actually a turn off to some men. You said she doesn't please herself when she's alone or use toys or things like that. Perhaps you prefer a woman who places her own pleasure first, or at least equal to yours. I remember once when I was fooling around with my ex, he asked me to do oral and I whispered in his ear, no, I wasn't done with him yet. It was a huge turn on for him to know that I was using him for my own satisfaction. (we almost didn't make it to the last part). Maybe that's what you're missing. Just an idea. If its the case, you should talk to her about it, about her being more selfish in bed. But i could be entirely off base...

In all honestly, I'm beginning to understand that being true to yourself is really the only way to be happy in the end. thanks for reminding me!

I agree with ShySoul, though. You don't need to date a ot of ppl to know what you want. I think, in fact, as much as we like to know what we want in a relationship, when we meet the right person, our list kind of becomes irrelevant.

I honestly think I know about what I want in a partner, but some of it did come from the last guy I was with. I learned what kinds of things I liked that I got from him, and what kinds of things that were missing. I learned that I wanted someone who made me feel liked for just being myself and someone who I had sexual chemsitry with. I learned I didn't want someone who was hurtful, unreliable, immature, insensitive and someone who didn't want to treat me like I was special. I know the warning signs now. But I guess, (and i guess this goes back to my low self esteem) that I feel like she can do whatever she wants, act really easy, be selfish and careless about other people and guys don't mind... they still like her and want her for a relationship. Whereas, I feel like I can't do a single wrong move if I want a guy to be with me. Of course I have made mistakes, but it just seems like she was actually boasting about how she met this guy while she was hooking up with his roommate and another girl. It makes me feel like I'm not as likable if she can do whatever she wants and guys still love her. But thinking about it more clearly, this guy isn't cool at all. He said his best friend will do whatever he wants him to do cause he's fat and has no friends. And he poured beer on some girls' face and called her ugly b/c she thought he did drugs. And when his roommate said she was only making out with th enew guy cause he was "done with her", he didn't stick up for her. he just walked away. and he didn't say anything when his friends started touching her inapproriately. so i guess my point is, i know what I want, and its not that. maybe I just miss feeling excited about someone and having someone feel excited about me.

Well she said he's really great to her and she loves him and stuff and its really intense. Then again she could be blowing smoke up my a@#. She's done that in the past quite a bit. Maybe I'm just a jealous mean person cause I've never had a guy be very good to me and I've been a pretty good person. She in turn is very selfish, and behaves very sl*tty and can be extremely mean and seems to have this guy who treats her well and she is actually proud to have met "while naked in his roommates bed with a hot blond chick". Then again she knows how hard a time I had with the last guy i was with and is probably rubbing it in. so i suppose i'm just confused is all. i was wondering if i was just being close minded or if guy's really do have a relaxed attitude toward sexually promiscuous women. I mean he used to get kicked out of the room so they could have sex. and now they're serious. that just strikes me as really odd.

Honestly, I think it depends on each person. Its a huge generalization to say either way. I know lots of girls who have have a hard time getting a boyfriend, a lot of boys who do as well. I also know a lot of girls who it comes very easy to and a lot of smooth guys who get girls all the time. I would actually agree that its easier for girls to get boyfriends, to be honest with you, maybe at this age at least. I was told by my ex that guys at my age just want a girlfriend to have sex with and to hang out wiht. Obviously not true all the time, but in general I would tend to agree with what he says. Girls, in my opinion, have stricter standards, so they will take their time in choosing a guy, leaving a lot of guys without a girlfriend. So, basically means that lots of guys are making themselves available to lots of girls, and girls have a larger pool of men to choose from than men. Just a theory.

I guess i'm just personally wondering, do guys really care? I mean my intuition tells me that if you meet a guy while hooking up with his roommate and some other girl, he wouldn't think of you as "girlfriend" material. just curious to see if my intuition is wrong or not. her example says it is. i was just wondering what you guys thought.

I guess I'm just wondering. My (former) best friend, who i've posted about here b/c she's always putting me down underhandedly and making me feel bad, is in a serious relationship with a guy she met while "naked in bed with his roommate and another girl". His roommate apparently told him that she is bisexual and a nympho. She's been playing games with him, like telling him she doesn't want a serious relationship and boom, they're suddenly seriously dating. Apparently this worked for her. I should mention this guy is an a-hole, who is on anti depressants and gives her unperscribed adderol so she can study better... apparently he also poured beer in a girls face and said it was ok cause she wasn't cute at all, and calls ppl fat to their face. But he likes my friend cause she's anorexic skinny and really short. But I guess I'm asking... are guys really relaxed nowadays about the girls they date? I'm not, personally about guys. I don't think I could date a guy I met while he was in bed with my roommate and her friend, but that's just me. I mean this is the age of sexual liberation. But I always thought most guys were traditionalists at heart. Do guys really seriously date girls who have slept with their friend after knowing them like a week? Has women's sexual liberation really come this far? I'm just curious, I suppose. What do you all think?