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sweetheart230

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Everything posted by sweetheart230

  1. sweetheart230
    Thank you, that makes me feel better.
  2. sweetheart230
    I guess I was just thrown off by the fact that she said she is unapproachable, doesn't flirt and doesn't really smile at people she doesn't know. It seemed counterintuitive.
  3. sweetheart230
    Well she said she acts really unapproachable.
  4. sweetheart230
    Well what do you do differently then? Is it just cause your thin?
  5. sweetheart230
    Yeah, like this summer I had a lot of confidence but I'm told I look very serious. My natural expression is pouty. I'm told its kind of sexy, but unapproachable. When I'm drinking at parties I usually get hit on more, maybe because I am more relaxed and I smile a lot when I drink. Also, a lot of times when I went to parties with my roommate, guys would never introduce themselves to me, they would always wait until I was with her and then ask her who I was and ask to be introduced to me. Which I always thought was weird. I mean guys I don't even know tell me I'm beautiful and all my guy friends tell me I'm hot- and I don't ask or anything. But maybe guys just say that to girls. I don't know. I'm not really desperate for the most part. I guess I just look serious a lot of the times. Do you think thats probably it? Do you all really get approached at random places like gas stations? I've never gotten approached at a gas station or grocery store. Do you flirt with these men? I don't dress very revealing, but I don't go around dressed like a nun either. I was happy this summer- but still, nothing. Even when I'm happy I look serious though.
  6. sweetheart230
    Do you smile a lot? I don't understand. I really don't understand. I mean everyone I know and even people I don't know tell me that I'm really pretty. Are they just lying to me? Maybe its just cause I'm not blond and model thin. I always had a lot of confidence, but since you all said you get approached a lot and you don't even know why or do anything differently than I do, then maybe I'm just not very attractive.
  7. sweetheart230
    I don't mean this to sound bad or anything, but are you all really pretty and skinny? I think I'm pretty, buit maybe I'm wrong. I'm not really skinny. Should I lose weight? I mean I'm not fat or anything, either. I never get approached in public randomly at grocery stores and things like that. I really don't understand. What is wrong wtih me?
  8. sweetheart230
    Make her feel special. That's the bottom line. However way you choose to do that is what makes you unique and different. Holding doors open is good, though. Honestly, I have no set of rules. All guys show their interest in different ways. If I feel they think I am special and are treating me as such, I am happy with it. All guys do this differently.
  9. sweetheart230
    Is it normal for guys to approach girls randomly in public? I was reading someone else's post and someone said his girlfriend gets approached wherever she goes- even at gas stations. However, I hardly ever see this happening and it doesn't often happen to me or my friends for the most part. I mean when I go to gallery openings or parties it does, but not literally everywhere I go. I'm not tall, perfect and blond, but I still consider myself beautiful and attractive. My guy friends all think I'm hot. I'm confident when I go out. So I guess I'm asking the guys- and the girls, too- if it is normal for men to approach girls a lot, what is it about the girl that makes them do so? Is it simply based upon appearances (I'm Asian, maybe a lot of guys are turned off by that or I'm not as good looking as I believe I am)? Are women who get approached a lot just more beautiful than women who don't get approached a lot? Are they friendlier? Is it how they dress? I don't dress provocatively or too revealing- its just not my style- but I dress attractively. I notice guys checking me out and staring at me, but they never say anything. Just wondering. I'm not real experienced in this whole world of dating thing. My experience is limited to school environments. So, what do you all think?
  10. sweetheart230
    Its really good that you aren't the drinking type and all, but if thats how he is, then don't try to change him. He is 21 years old and most the guys who are that age that I know go out and drink and party. Its pretty normal. And if he doesn't do it now because you don't like it, he may resent you for it later.
  11. sweetheart230
    I had someone play mind games with me. I bought into it. It turned me into a very insecure person. Then I started playing the game back. At first it made me feel empowered. But then I realized I didn't want to have this weird power over men just because I could manipulate them. Bottom line is, I want a man who likes me, not a man who likes the challenge. Don't be too needy or clingy or too available; have your own life and interests. Be your own person. Don't think about things too much and dont' get emotionally invested in a person until you know them pretty well. Its not necessarily the challenge that most men want, it is the feeling that they have found someone special- someone who wants them and someone who is not desperate.
  12. sweetheart230
    I sort of went through the same thing. My whole life I wanted to be just like my mom and live what I thought was an ideal life. But she recently revealed to me that she was not in love with my father when she married him, although she grew to love him over the years. There were married until he died ten years ago. Apparently she just wanted to get married to get away from her family. Obviously this was a shock to me cause I always thought that she had a very ideal life, having been married young and for a very long time. It made me question at first if I had a soul mate out there or if i should just settle for a nice guy who would be a good husband like my mother did. In the end I just decided that my parents life was not mine. I could make my own choices, figure out through experience and my own struggles what love was and what the right decisions were. People change and grow. It's been liberating to stop wanting to fashion my own life based upon my parents life. Now, I am free to make my own life exactly what I want it to be and find my own definition of love.
  13. sweetheart230
    I think you should just be open and receptive to everyone at this point. You never know. Actively "hunting" for it can make you feel kind of desperate sometimes, but you don't want to close any doors, either. And when you are doing something you love, you are happy. That is why you are morelikely to find love. When you are happy you are definitely more attractive.
  14. sweetheart230
    I just miss the way it felt when he touched me or when he kissed me. It hasn't felt the same with anyone else. I know I can't open up to anyone until I let go of him. I am trying.
  15. sweetheart230
    Everyone, thank you so much for your responses. You have helped me so much. I never thought a man could make me feel so terrible. But your support has really meant a lot to me.
  16. sweetheart230
    I've just never had feelings for anyone like this before. Its just frustrating to think that it is my fault he thinks I'm worthless. I used to think he was just a bad person, but since he said taht I'm starting to think that perhaps it is how I behaved. And I can't take that back now. I'm scared that he is justified in what he's done to me.
  17. sweetheart230
    I just think that if I show him he's wrong about me his behavior will change. He doesn't know how fun and sweet I can be. If he spends time with me I just know he'll see I'm different. After he broke one of our dates, he told me later that he was taking this other girl to see a movie and when I asked him why was she so different he said "She doesn't overthink things like you do". I mean all I did was suggest going to dinner beforehand and insist on knowing what time he was going to be there and he said I was being pushy- and that this girl could just go with the flow of things and not think about them too much. Actually he never went with her, though. I just want him to love me. I don't think I have to make him. I just think if I show him that I'm not crazy he will see how great I am. I know I'm worth more, which is why I refused to see him just for sex. I can't stand the thought that all of this was brought about because of how I acted- how I let him walk all over me. If I hadn't done that maybe he'd already see me as differently and see me as being worth more. I don't want him to be good to some other girl just because she isn't crazy and doesn't overthink things.
  18. sweetheart230
    See, it is my fault for putting up with him. I just keep thinking that if I show him I'm worth more and believe I'm worth more when I'm with him he'll believe it too. If I hadn't behaved like a whore in the past he wouldn't think I was.
  19. sweetheart230
    I know everyone here thinks I'm stupid for putting up with a guy who was using me for sex for over a year. He called me and then hung up (blocked caller ID..I know its him cause he always blocks caller ID when he calls) and has been emailing me. If you havn't read my other posts, he's been very bad to me. He's promised me things will be different. He said he will never hurt me again after he broke three dates with me. He says he wants it to be all about the sex, but then he says that he wants it to be meaningful, too. He says I have a fixation about going out instead of staying in. I accepted when he offered to make me dinner, but he stood me up without a phone call or anything. I told him I wanted to forget him, and he said that he knew I couldn't. I think he's right. He is saying that he keeps being bad and breaking dates because I overthink things and act crazy like I did last year. I think he is kind of right. I do overthink things. And when he asks me to come over late at night for sex sometimes I get really upset and tell him that meaningless sex isn't good enough for me and that he needs to leave me alone and that I want it to feel special. I tell him tha ti don't want to play his games and that I don't want to see him cause of how he treats me and tha tI don't believe his lies anymore. I mean I do get upset sometimes. And it probably sounds really crazy to him. Even my mom says I think too much. I just think if I show him that I do not overthink things and am not negative and will not bother him and that i'm not crazy anymore he will start to treat me better. I mean maybe he is justified in thinking I'm good for only sex. He hasn't taken time to see my good side, but maybe i've scared him off with my craziness already. I just want him to see that I am good for more than sex. Last year he told me once when he asked me to come over and i said yes, that he didn't want me over cause he had a better offer. And he told me I wasn't attractive and that he only wanted to have sex with people he had a connection with so he only wanted a blow job from me. Now he tells me I'm pretty and that he felt a connection the last time we had sex and that it means something to him. I havn't seen him at all since April. I think it is my fault he only thinks I'm good for sex. And I don't know hwo to show him I'm so much better. I want him to see how fun I am and how nice I am. I want to show him how wrong he is about me. I have these feelings for him that I can't get rid of. I tried no contact but I was too weak and then he started bugging me. I can't help thinking he's right- that he treats me like this cause I overthink things and I'm crazy.
  20. sweetheart230
    You're right, it is the feelings he gives me that I miss. They are fading somewhat, but I still have weak moments, obviously. I suppose sometimes its just difficult to comprehend how you could give so much to someone who had so little to give back.
  21. sweetheart230
    It isn't about my self worth, anymore. I've gone out there and payed attention, and men stare at me on the street. I'm angry for what he's done. I don't think I deserve it. There are other men in my life who are starting to be interested in me (I was doing so well for a while...I was not thinking about him). I just miss him. I miss feeling close with him. I know there is someone better for me, but I find myself wanting to believe his lies. I know I'm lucky that I realize how horrible he is. But, that doesn't make me miss him less, ironically. I still miss the feelings he gave me when we were together. I'm trying my best. Thank you for helping me. I just had a weak moment.
  22. sweetheart230
    He was actually terrible. I've just never felt close to anyone before. The sex itself hurt a lot.
  23. sweetheart230
    I broke no contact with the guy who was using me for sex. Last year he used me, manipulated me and emotionally abused me, but this year he promised things are different. Then, after he begged for "one last chance" he stood me up on our date. And I said Id' never speak to him again. But, I broke no contact. He told me he didn't want meaningless sex, thats why he didn't show up, and thats what would have happened...although before he said that sex between us was "meaningful". He promised me he would never hurt me again and that he should get one more chance. He said he is so sorry for hurting me and that there is just something about me that makes him want to keep seeing me. Sex always was uncomfortable, but the foreplay was really good. I miss it so much and I don't feel comfortable with anyone else. He says he will take his time with me and teach me things- that it will feel good and right this time. I miss feeling close..I miss the way he touched me. He is in California now, and he emailed me and said he wished i was there with him. For some reason I keep being obsessive and scared that he is there with another woman. I keep having visions of him wisking her away for the weekend and being romantic and sweet with her...all while breaking promises to me. I have no idea why I think he is with soemone else. There is no indication that he is. I just keep thinking crazy things. He says I overthink things. Maybe it would feel good if we could just have sex. Oh, I just don't know anything anymore. I was doing fine..meeting new people and happy for the first time since i can remember. But now I keep picturing him treating another woman well and taking her with him to california and I keep wondering if maybe I can just do this cause it feels good. I miss his touch so much. I don't know what to do. I'm driving myself crazy.
  24. sweetheart230
    I was just wondering, why does dating and meeting people seem so easy for some people. It seems like everyone (not necessarily everyone around me b/c i go to a small college where traditional dating isn't frequent) seems to date a lot and always have bf/gf's. Where are they meeting all of these people? How do they always seem to have men/women around them and interested in them? What are they doing differently? How do women get men to approach them and ask them for dates? I'm an attractive, young woman, and I think if I went out and met people and dated I would find someone, or at least have some fun. But I don't understand how dating seems to come so easily to some people. I went out last year drinking and partying, and didn't meet the right kinds of people, so I don't do that anymore. But sometimes I think I should just to ge tmyself out there. The clubs at school aren't interesting. I've met people in classes who seem interested, but aren't the guys supposed to do the pursuing if they're interested?! And what do I do when I am out of college? I have enough trouble meeting people IN school, how in the world will I meet people once I graduate? It just seems sometimes like the rest of girls in the world are surrounded by men, or at least go on lots of dates. What am I doing wrong? Where is everyone meeting and how do they get asked out? I'm really at a loss here. I've just gotten over a really bad relationship and want to get back out there (I met him online, which is not something I want to do again after this bad experience), but I don't know how some women seem to be so good at getting dates and boys.
  25. sweetheart230
    Hi..I just want to first say thanks to everyone who responded to my previous posts cause you all were so much help! I'm feelinng a lot better! But I was thinking, now that I've decided to move on for good, what do I do now? I've been so obsessed with him for so long, that I have no social life. Last year I had a group of friends, but I always felt awkward around them so I don't hang out with them anymore. I went out and partied and drank with them every weekend last year, but I met the wrong kinds of guys- the kinds who just want to take you home. This year I tried staying in a lot, but I still feel unsettled. There aren't a lot of on campus activities I'd like to do. I tried a few of them, and they are boring. I go to a very small college. I tried to do what interests me, but they are no fun. I try to meet people in classes, and everyone always likes me, but my school is very cliquish. I get invited to parties, but they are basically parties where everyone is just really drunk. I did that last year, but I sometimes feel as if its my only option for a social life. Plus, I don't have many friends this year to go with. I feel very anti social. Its not necessarily bad right now, but I don't want it to be this way forever and ever. I'm scared of becoming one of those forty year olds that stays in every Friday and Saturday with her cat and a movie from blockbuster. I want to experience life, but I'm not sure how to do it. I want to get out and meet people...and eventually find "the right guy", but I'm scared it won't happen for me. I guess I don't know where to start. I seem to have run out of options. I don't want to be alone forever. I'm tired of trying, but how will it ever happen for me if I don't go out? Its pretty much awknowledged around here that campus life has little to offer beyond getting wasted, so I don't know what to do. Should I just go out for the sake of having a life? Will it always be like this, even when I get older? What am I supposed to do?
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