Kwothe28

Its not really a trivial thing. The world works on money. Tomorrow if you would maybe marry him, all those troubles, lack of place, no money, no dates, would transfer on you too. Its already affecting you in a way that he wants out because he cant really afford to have a girlfriend in a mean that he cant afford dates. I know that maybe doesnt bother you, but it bothers him. And by extension it creates a problem for both. Also, I am sorry, being a Tik Toker is not a real job. Very few people can afford to just do, TikTok, youtube, Instagram full time. Because not everybody can be an influencer who would earn millions on it. Lots of youtubers, even more successful ones, dont ever quit real job. Because it isnt a financially viable alternative and your social media career maybe wont last forever as your expiration date is also shorter then with real job. You just are popular once and maybe never again. While the real job would bring you consistent income for years. He would have to find a real job and do his “TikTok career” in his free time.

Who cares? Its not on him to guess if something in her life has traumatized her or not. He tried for a kiss and she returned it. He did nothing wrong. Also, I am sorry, but if you think this is about the kiss you are as naive as OP is. She just doesnt like him and used that as an excuse. As did your woman to you. And that is OK too.

I have a theory that is pretty much proven in practice. If they like you, they would even ignore red flags and you telling them most obscene things ever. If they dont, it doesnt really matter that you tried and even managed to get to the kiss. Its still a “No” from them. You can literally pull a miracle and have the best date that ever happened to someone. And it would still be “No”. So, take it as “one and done” kind of thing. By her behavior she has a lot of other prospects. Its hard to stand out there. Also, avoid big gestures for first dates. As you can see, it isnt so gratifying when most of the dates today are “one and done” and leaves you probably disappointed. She wont have another date with you even though you hope she would. Sorry.

But why? I rarely eat fish except if its a filet kind(I hate all that skin and to separate it and small bones). So, in lots of cases when its a Patron Saint day when its Lenten food(I hope I translated it good, if its Wednesday or Friday when its Patron Saints Day its lenten food day and it means food like fish, beans, lenten cookies etc) I just dont eat fish. They are not obligated to cater to me, I just eat beans or one of my favorites for lenten food, mashed fava beans. Nobody will leave hungry if they dont eat dessert. Just make what you want to make and dont bother with catering to anyone. Last year I make Olivier salad(or Russian salad as we call it here) for New Year. But without a carrot since I dont eat it. And everybody loved it. You dont have to cater to anyone as they are not some food critic that would leave a bad grade in your restaurant so you would have to close it. Even if they dont like it or eat it, there is somebody who will and they will eat something else.

I believe you saying “I married a man” should be enough hint of what happened. Are you doing it because of you or because of her? Because after 20 years, she probably got over it. You didnt write that but maybe she married too and has kids. Kinda doubt she didnt forgot about it by now. Probably doesnt have the best memories of it since you did hurt her. But in time people naturally forgive some stuff and move on. So dunno if it would do anything in terms of making her better. But if you want to do it for yourself and for your own piece, and because you want to genuinely apologize, then OK.

Yes, because you swept your marriage issues under the rug and just took a mistress to have sex with instead. Instead of, you know, maybe working on an intimacy issues you have with your wife. Also, how is this a happy marriage? She doesnt give it to you at all and you took on a mistress and cheating on her. Do you even understand that is not the definition of "happy"? Either get divorce and then have sex with every woman willing to give sex to you or work on your marriage. Though I must admit second is already a lost cause. You are literally cheating your wife, dont think she would view that in positive light.

Wut? I dont think you have an obligation to even give notice under those conditions. Which makes me wonder why did you ever agreed to something like that lol Also, congratulations on your new job, hope it will be better then this one.

Investing? Some women think that “investing” into a man would give them a return later. For example, “The Tinder Swindler” was pretending to be a billionaire. And he had one of his victim’s literally going into debt for him. Because she thought she would marry a billionaire. Not saying him or her are that type. Just that it’s not that illogical as you think it is. Also there is no “rent”, it’s probably just arbitrary amount he imposes on her. Which is, again, probably lower than her actually paying rent where she lives. Bit cold, and not something I would do, but fair. Germans have the same thing for kids who dont want to move away from home later in life. You can pay rent for your room and utilities or move away and pay the same but for way more money.

Unpopular opinion: Its not his obligation to take care for OPs finances. She saw a millionaire and thought they are this really generous beings who cant wait to share money. They wouldnt have money if they thought in that way. Dunno which country it is. But 300 dollar rent is not that much.I wouldnt agree to pay for all groceries or cleaning lady, think its a bit excessive and that he can pick up that as well as stuff like maybe dinner outings(which he maybe does if they have some). But having probably very low rent and half utilities is fair. If we are talking finances, the main problem is that OP is living the life she cant afford. If she lived alone she would probably have bigger rent but probably less utilities. Still having to pay for all of her groceries as well, albeit for one person. Dont think her situation would be way better financially if she is alone. Although cleaning lady is probably expensive these days lol I think the main problem is that he just isnt empathic. Which, yes, isnt about finances. To be with somebody for 9 years and to not have an ability to share troubles is hard. Even financial ones, I have a family friend that lives with the man. They didnt marry(they both have a failed marriage before) but they just live together. Anyway, he is also rich. But he at least encouraged her to go (and pull some string for her to get it) for higher paying job. So she at least managed to have more money that way. OPs boyfriend just doesnt care as long as she is willing to have sex and pays her own dues. Which is alarming by human nature.

Yeah, I think your relationship is over anyway at least when passion is concerned.

I am going to say this in the nicest way possible: There is no way she turning on her location means she plays games with you and wants you back. You just want that to be true so you invented a narrative in your head. In actuality, she cared so little that she didnt wanted to even see you face to face when you went over for your stuff. Block her on everything and dont pay attention to her at all.

I think its important to separate standards and preferences. Standards are something that you shouldnt back off. They are must-haves and deal breakers. For exampled, shared values, healthy conflict management, honesty etc. While preferences are something negotiable. Something that is icing on the cake but also something that you wouldnt insist as the cake would be sweet regardless. For example height, job title, buying you a lot of gifts etc. My friend broke up his 8 year old relationship recently. They were living together for 3 years. The final straw was that she admitted that she is not ready to have kids even though they were trying for one. There were a lot of other issues but he swiped them under the rug because they at least were functional. Anyway, he is extreme example. But, a good reminder what happens when you ignore big stuff. Same with opinions and interests. Would you be with somebody who doesnt have exactly the same political opinion as you? Who cheers for different team then yours? Those are all some things to figure out. And maybe not be rigid on some. The other person shouldnt be the exact copy of us. But somebody who would have enough positive qualities to compliment our lives. So you both grow better.

So I wouldnt repeat So again, the more and more you describe it, it just looks worst and worst. Because you arent so good match and what you have been feeling was normal for somebody who had "rose colored glasses". Now that you dont, you re starting to see the real her. Low self esteem, manipulative etc.

You met a player and it turned out exactly how its suppose to when you met one. What else is new?

I dunno, paranoid behavior about cheating would be enough for me to just go away and change the number lol Also are you living together? Why are you giving him money for things?

Something I found out is that we cant stop people from hitting the head against the wall if they want to do that. No matter how hard we try. Your sister is a messy person by itself. And they have a knack in finding equally messy people as partners. There is no "cure" for that. She is not a kid, she is a 32 year old adult responsible for her actions. Even if anything happens to her, it wont be your fault. It would be hers. You are right to be worried as she does mess up her life quite a bit. But again, I dont think you can stop her hitting that wall. That is her decision.

People who "badmouth" other people would have no problems doing it to you too. She seems like a horrible friend and a horrible human being. So yes, you shouldnt associate with somebody like that.

Yes. You are not for each other. Let me explain. See, what you are feeling is fairly normal. You found somebody who you have enough in common and fell for her. So, you are watching all that with "rose colored glasses". You think you found somebody like you. And maybe you did. But if you would look further, I think you would found way more stuff where you are just incompatible. The other thing is, the other person shouldnt be an amalgam of ourselves. Because, as you can see, in lots of cases it just doesnt work. Because we, by design, arent a perfect human beings. So we sometimes need somebody who is more diametral from us in certain things. That is why they say "Opposites attracts" and stuff like that. For example, introvert wouldnt need another introvert because they would just get stuck at home and do nothing. They would need somebody bit more extroverted to push them to do things. Same in your case. When you "burst" you would need somebody who would calm you down. And not somebody who would burst back and use manipulation tactics such as "I am leaving you" so she would manage to get her own thing. That is not a recipe for a successful relationship. You are just not right for each other.

I think youve been more then fair in the divorce. Anything he does after that is on him. He cant legally go for your money(as divorce was finalized) so let him do whatever he wants and face the consequences of his actions.

Possibly. According to your other thread you both need way more maturity in handling things. Why dont you just block him on everything?

Nah. He is probably having or at least trying to have sex with both. See, liers and cheaters stay liers and cheaters. He peft his previous relationship for a work colleague. So you cant expect loyalty from somebody like that. As soon as he finds somebody else, he will leave you, that is not a one time thing, its a pattern. And it seems that its already happening.

I have an aunt who is like that. She likes to meddle so she always has comments like “OMG when are you gona get married so I could dance at the wedding” and similar. Anyway, I like to think family and friends mean well to you. But that they dont think how their comments rub on other person. For example you took her saying how she wanted to get pregnant before its too late(which isnt aimed at you) as an insult because you think its aimed at you not having a family on your own and you are older then her. While in actuality, that comment might not be a jab at you. See, people are not empaths. Heck, many people lack empathy and are self- absorbed. They dont think how their comment will rub you wrong not because they want to rub you wrong, but because they just want to say something. She wanted to boast how she is pregnant again. That is about it. Maybe just wanted to ask about your job or to mention how you lost your dogo because she didnt said sorry. But it rubs you the wrong way because it comes out wrong to you and you think its said to hurt you. Which I dont think its her ultimate intention. She just doesnt think how her words came out to you.

Highly irrelevant when it comes to men. You will "catch more flies" if you invested in looks then in a journalistic degree that will only get you debt in lots of cases. Dont get me wrong, I like people with degrees. But in dating department that really doesnt help you much. Invest into gym, some new clothes, photoshop etc. That would get you more success in dating then college education ever will. Heck, it would probably help you in your job. Every journalist today is also "Instagram influencer" or whatever. Also, you have friends but I dont really see you wrote anything you do for social activities. Where do you plan to meet somebody? By interviewing them? You would need to change that part too if you want to meet somebody. You have to create an opportunity to meet somebody. Which you only did by a) being at school and having a crush on a teacher b) going on dating apps Second one is fine but as you can see, it doesnt really yield any results. You need to work on that part more. Because you cant expect that opportunity to meet somebody just fell into your lap. Sure, it happens to some people. But some need to do heavy work on that department. You seem to be that.

First of, what kind of a slob he is when he has old receipts in his passenger seat? Or were you going through something else and found it? Second of all, why are you doing a police investigation on him for something like that? You are either a paranoid who needs a therapy or just have to get out of there if he really gives you the reasons to believe he is cheating.

I would say yes. There is no harm in meeting coworkers and talking. It will get you more comfortable with them around and if you ever need help at work, you could branch out and get some help from them. However, I do need to warn you. No man EVER, is that attentive to details unless they like somebody. We barely even remember what we had for breakfast lol. That guy likes you. A lot. So, be cautious about that fact. Workplace romances, even if they are one- sided, can be messy.