Kwothe28

Such a rookie mistake. You never tell them that you dont like their SO. Because they never choose you over SO. There is nothing you can do here. Its her first boyfriend and he knows how to manipulate her so its useless to reach out. If they ever break up, you can maybe support her then. But this is the lost cause for now. Sorry.

“She literally told me who she is and despite overwhelming evidence that proved exactly that, I didnt believe her”- You right now. First of all, you married a Latina. Might be a generalization but from what I saw at “90 Days Fiance”, they are hot tempered. Second of all, even despite knowing that, despite her telling you that and you seeing that in action, you decided to ignore that and even marry somebody like that. You made your own bed by ignoring the signs. And now are at the brink of divorce because of that. There is no help for what you are experiencing. Dunno if its “90 Days Fiance” situation and if she just wanted a green card. But as far as the marriage goes, this is not something you should put up with. So, divorce is a viable solution for your troubles.

Yes, women who are used to guys cheating on them or even worst beating them. But "nice" as defined by you is a bare minimum of that. Nobody wants an abuser. And everybody wants to be treated nice. And when people say "nice guys" they mean on Redditor mods "MLady" with a fedora guys. Who pretend to be nice but have an alterior motive to do so. For example look at OP. He thinks "being nice" is listening to his coworker who he likes. And that alone should get him her affection. It doesnt work like that. Him listening to her is nice. Him listening to her just so she will like him is not nice. There is a matter of motive involved. For example if I give to charity, that is nice. If I give to charity so I would brag about it or so TV could make a skit about me, that is not nice. Do you get the problem with being nice and what OP was doing? That was opposite of "nice". Even with how you define it.

I mean, he basically did. I dont believe his girlfriend would condone him making a pass on you or even just playing a wingman. Even playing a wingman is a "murky waters" territory. How would he explain that to her? "My buddy needed help so I started talking to this woman"? I dont believe that would fly lol

I fail to see how he doesnt respect you without a concrete example of that. "Doesnt give me full attention" and "he doesnt get up early in the weekends to see me" is not really a sign of disrespect. For all we know you could be somebody who demands attention all the time. Which would be on you. So again, without a concrete example of that, I fail to see how disrespectful he is.

Creepy? Eh, nothing creepy is going on as far as we know. Weird? Yes. Some parents and kids have an unhealthy attachment. In this case it reflects on her pampering him to the point he hasnt gotten past kids stage even though he is full blown adult(18 is an adult in my country). So she needs to be at home to cook and clean for him all the time and he even goes into her bed like some kind of kid. Even though, again, he is far from it. Its certanly "red flag" dating- wise, that is for sure.

And your answer should have been "No thanks, I am more interested in the matchmaker". Reminds me on the story my Grandma told me. Guy walked to the girl at the party wanting to introduce her to his friend and the girl said that matchmaker line. I once did a date where the girl in question brought a friend. But mine did it because she got back together with her ex boyfriend and we already scheduled a date. Yours seems to be just interested in matchmaking, sorry. I was younger and thought it would be fun. At least I have an interesting story to tell out of it. But from this perspective, nah, would just turn it off today. I would recommend you do the same.

I am sorry, but dont expect some family commitment from someone who is like that. 6 figures or not, that guy is Elon Musk of making babies but not having relationship commitment lol

One woman once told me that when women say about how men are nice, they really meant "men are dumb". Its a simplyfied version of it, but in a way, it is a thing. See, women in general dont like "nice guys". "Nice" means that you let everybody walk all over you. At work, in a relationship etc. Its not an attractive property to have. Most women dont like somebody who patronizes them. It means that you dont have your own voice and that you are way too passive. Far that you need to be somebody who would want to be just "me, me, me" all the time, but being so passive is just a big turn off for a lots of women. So they would rather go to somebody who is not somebody who lets everybody whipe their shoes of them. It maybe feels unfair to you, but it is as it is. I think that its good that you are in therapy. It maybe makes you confront with that and maybe in the future be more assertive. It would help you in the long track in life and by the extension, in dating too.

Optimal position lol. There is no such thing, she likes you and that is the only "optimal position" you should take for now. Just ask her for a date now. No waiting and playing games. She likes you so she wont say "No" and you would have a date to see where its going.

I dunno, I would also be overwhelmed by somebody who wouldnt even allow me to buy coffee how I wanted it without preaching about "oh the chemicals and how I need to not gring it too fine or too course" lol If you wanted to buy vanilla hazelnut flavor coffee, just buy it. You dont need "Coffee Hitler" to tell you how to buy your coffee. And that is another thing. You find it overbearing because it is overbearing. You are afraid to tell him stuff because he will overbear you with informations and judge you because you didnt do it exactly how he wanted it. And that for somebody who is long- distance. I hate to see how would he be if you are dating in-person instead. Please rethink if relationship with somebody who cant even let you to choose your own coffee how you wanted it is worth it.

I dunno, if I am 56 I would trully be shocked that I still have "swimmers" lol That is good to hear. Age difference is a bit worrying andyes, you wont get too much of a social acceptance. But you are in a relationship and you will have a baby together so try to make it work. Are there any plans to be a family together? Or is he just offering help without any plans to commit?

Some people view not having a social media as a "red flag". As people dont tend to "hide" anything on social media these days, they think you either are lying not to have one or have something to hide since you are not airing your life 24/7 through socials. Is it weird for them to think that? Sure, especially when you try to explain it to bunch of boomers here who grew up without a phone that they carry around and social networking. But to young people those things are "bread and butter". So they look at you as some cro-magnon people from the past. Just look at it as basic incompatibility and move on.

You will never get this from some people. They will always try to "hook you" in case they need you for later. For example in this case when her baby daddy leaves her again she will come back crawling back and saying how "she made a mistake and now suddenly loves you". Be smarter then that. Dont let yourself be dragged into something like that. Sometimes its not on other people to tell us when to stop, sometimes its on us being smart enough to know that.

You remind me on my friend. She always picks unavailable ones. Last time she met some Polish dude who was in passing in our city. Hooked up and stayed in contact. With the guy who basically just travels the world and has no intention of doing anything with her. Anyway, even thinking about this guy is a bad idea and shows you are not on a good level for a real relationship. He will never move close to you so there is no point in losing your time there. It just shows that you from some reason tend to pursue something that is not really feasable. And it reflects more on you then on some guy who told you sweet stories and left on his own way.

I mean you said you would get back to him and he was maybe inpatient so he shot a message to remind you he exists. Guy probably likes you and was wondering what was going on. And now you are probably “ghosting “. Not really communicative out of you. I know a lot of people feel that they dont owe anybody interaction, but still kinda cold, dont you think?

At the very least she is having an emotional affair. Though my thoughts about this is that you are getting dupped and that she is already sleeping with him. Take it as you may but there is no reason for her to be doing all that and not reacting to it. She is going to his home to have a massage? Really? Please dont fall for stuff like that, its insulting. At the very least any instance of her hanging out with him or even talking about stuff outside of work, you should count as an insult to you and your marriage. At the very worst you should file for divorce. Your wife literally wants to sleep with another man and tells you openly about it. That is alarming and shouldnt have a place in a monogamous relationship.

There is nothing too complicated to understand. You dont like him but he gave you attention and was there for you. But then after he mentioned the idea of another girl, you felt the attention is going away. But then after he asked you out you realized he is still there for you and that you dont want him now. Its quite a “toxic” mentality actually. You felt that you wanted him just because other girl might have his attention now. So you felt that maybe something valuable is there since the other woman maybe wants him. I would try to fix that if I were you. That mentality can lead you to chase unavailable guys.

Perhaps a Spa treatment? Women tend to love those. I also think it’s kind of an overkill. It kills a specialty of a gesture. For example what are you going to do for women's day when you gift her flowers everyday? You are going to have to top that with something else for it to be special. Don't get me wrong, I like your gestures. But dont think you do yourself a favor with those. I would also like to ask does she do something for you? Pampering is nice, but pampering also can lead to absolutely spoiled behavior. So does she appreciates it and does something for you too? Or she just expects you to do those stuff on daily basis just because?

With all due respect, I don’t think you need high standards for what you are looking for. You are looking for casual companionship. Somebody to have there and not to bother you too much. Which is fine, lots of people want just that. They already experienced relationships, marriage, kids and all and just want someone to be there. But the problem is that you are looking your guy through a prism of a relationship. Which he never was a good candidate for as you have nothing but a pity for the guy. Not a genuine feeling that he could be the one that you want to spend every day with. But just somebody to spend a day or two a week not to feel alone. That is at least what I gather from all of this and “I know lots of relationships that function the same way” sentence from you. Which again is fine if both sides want that. But the guy wants more from you. And you not only never wanted more from him but have a very negative opinion about him in general. In 3,5 years he could have found somebody who would truly want to live with him and even maybe have kids if that is what he wants. But instead he is with somebody who has nothing but contempt for him and pity him and who see him once a week just to pass time. Do you even see the problem there?

Xexe "Guybrush Threepwood" like in the game "Monkey Island". Nice. Anyway, in my experience people like that have no true remorse. She cheated on her boyfriend with you and didnt even tell you she has a boyfriend. Her only remorse was that she got caught. Which again she proves by literally saying you how you shouldnt tell her boyfriend that you talked. Trully a bad individual without a good moral compass who you shouldnt be associated at all if you want a real relationship. Just block and move on.

First of all, your views on relationship are different. Its him who wants commitment and to live together. Its you who wants somebody to see casually and think he would just be "a burden". Second of all, I have almost never seen somebody with so much negative words about their SO. How he doesnt take care of himself, how his finances arent best so maybe he isnt buying stuff for himself, how he isnt independant and barely lives as it is etc. Maybe you are contempt having somebody "servicing you" sexually couple of nights a month so you go along with all of this for 3 years. But you clearly dont like the guy.

Guy probably screenshoted pics or downloaded them. Which means you should keep your profile private and maybe even block some people. Dont believe its the same guy who took you out since he can just take you out again and has no need to be somebody who would "look from afar". But you never know with stuff like that. Hope you will protect yourself.

And this ladies and gentleman, is a prime example of why every excuse is just a “No”. That being said, I do think lot of people dont set up boundaries too well. For example you took excuse not to go out with the guy and thought he took notice of that. While, you later accepted his gifts, allowed him to do favors to you and even bought him a gift. That doesnt exactly screams “No I wouldnt date you”. It just prolongs his hopes. Which you know they are there because you know that he likes you. Set firmer boundaries. That means no fraternizing outside of strictly work communication if it was necessery, and certanly not gift accepting.

How do we know OP doesnt like the guy? Well if she liked him she would wrote “This guy set up his items at the exit. Does he likes me?” People use “stalker” along with some other words way too much. If he was a stalker he would, I dunno, maybe follow you around town or something. Or in a newer time, maybe hound your social media. Like this, he is just some guy at your gym. Doing his rounds and maybe hoping you will notice him. Since we established you dont like the guy or feel comfortable in his company, maybe think about changing time when you go at the gym.