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About jnr586

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  1. I went through an unhappy chapter of life in 2012-2015 (early 30s). I was living in an unfamiliar town, and had little luck forging personal or romantic relationships. To boot, I was in a job that made me miserable. I was happiest when I had the opportunities to leave town, which was as frequently as possible. That period taught me a lot about what I didn't want out of life and really forced me to grow and come out a more mature or stronger person. It prompted me to grapple with my sexuality (I'm gay) and begin the process of coming out. In 2015 I moved to a new city, which is where I liv
  2. I am a healthcare professional who occasionally needs to take on-call emergency duty (about one week a month) for work. My job can be stressful and can be difficult to leave at work. I have a wonderful and kind husband who works very hard at his job six days a week. We both work a lot and our lives honestly feel very in sync, which I think we both love. On the weekends I need to take call (again, once a month) he’s sometimes eager to blow off steam on the Saturday night (he’s off Sunday). Since I’m often preoccupied with work (often home, but sometimes in and out, but again preoccu
  3. Guilty only because I don’t want to be doing someone I care about wrong. Not because I need to feel OK about myself. Apology accepted ;)
  4. Have you considered that this strange behavior from a long-term friend is both concerning and hurtful? Do you really think I posted on this anonymous website looking for advice because I’m just trying not to “look bad” in front of other people? Please tell me you don’t. Sure people outgrow friendships. I’m almost 40. I’ve outgrown plenty. And that’s fine. But I’m just looking for impartial insight, nothing more.
  5. I think she has other issues (maturity, pettiness, bravery, etc.). I’d be happy to do things one on one if she was interested in being straightforward or self-aware about some of these conflicts. She’s complained to me before about gripes she has with mutual friends and I’ve tried to be as honest as I can- basically there’s two sides to every story and I didn’t want to take sides- but that she needs to take some responsibility over how she communicates and treats other people. With all that said, all your posts have made me reflect and conclude that I don’t want to be friends with her unle
  6. I have a coworker who I’ve been friends with for years, including prior to becoming coworkers. We work for a large organization where many friendships organically arise. She and I are among a large group of friends but we used to be fairly close. Over the past couple of years, she’s had conflict with a number of our work friends- she seems to be the common denominator. The work friends have all seemed to move past the conflict but one-by-one she’s alienated herself from each of these people particularly in social settings. She and I have never had conflict but it’s reached the point wh
  7. I don't disagree with you. I'm very much undecided for the reasons you mentioned. Those reasons prompted me to create this post- primarily not wanting to lie. I'm not sure what we will ultimately decide but it has been very helpful to solicit opinions.
  8. I’m not sure everybody read this completely. Our relationship is not secret, at all. Nor is the engagement. We have been dating for over 2 years. We know each other’s families. We live together. Our lives are tightly intertwined. We plan to have a big wedding in a year. Our relationship is like probably every other relationship, but he happens to be from another country. It would have been easier to fall in love with an American. Promise, I know. We have been separated before because of visa issues that we were lucky enough to overcome. When talk of a quiet civil wedding back then came up,
  9. My boyfriend and I are recently engaged and are planning a wedding in late 2020. We are in the US - I am an American citizen and he is here on a work visa. We are considering a secret courthouse marriage soon so we can let the green card process begin. This would allow him to continue working in the US legally without any gap. If we officially marry in late 2020 (the soonest we can have the wedding we want with family and friends) there will probably be a period of 3-4 months that he will be able to be in the US but will not be able to work, which he doesn't want. We have decided that-
  10. One of my closest friends seems to be pushing his friends away, including me. We've been friends for 15 years (we're men in our late 30s). There's probably 10 of us (men and women, including his wife) from that stage of our lives that have all stayed remarkably close despite gradually moving to different cities, etc. He's by far my closest of the friends and his wife would probably be the second closest to me. I've considered the two of them nearly family and the feeling has been mutual. Three months ago he got mad at me over something that seemed minor (to me). I didn't even know he was m
  11. I'm unclear as to why you're characterizing me as wanting to "cash in" because I'm "struggling" and that I "resent" him. And to then assert that I'm "creepy". Those are some pretty big and bold jumps in logic, not to mention that I'm not a female.
  12. My instinct is the former, to be honest. I have little concern that he's just using me other than baseline sensible concern that this might not work out one day. My gut tells me it's the real deal, but time will tell with that.
  13. I am not struggling financially. The only reason I bring money into it is because our salaries are not equal; while I have a comfortable salary, my expenses are not inconsequential. Nothing about having him live with me has to do with a financial incentive. I'm a 36-year-old successful professional. For whatever it's worth, we're both men, although that shouldn't make a difference. I'm not a fool and I'm not a pushover. I've recognized that I've found something good- no, great- and I'm thrilled about it. He's an absolute gentleman and was invited into my house. He would leave readily and w
  14. No I am not afraid to ask him. I am looking for objective opinions on what seems fair. I love him, and I want to be good to him. When you say it is not strange- do you mean it is not strange to not contribute or it is not strange for me to ask him?
  15. I've been in a relationship for 7 months with a really amazing guy. He came to the US in January on a one-year visa. We met in March and things could honestly not be better. His job provided him with undesirable housing and after about July or so he pretty much started staying with me full-time (as in he's spent one night as his provided house in the last 3 months). We are both very happy cohabitating with each other. Any conflicts are minor and are easily approached. Frankly, we just want to be around each other. He's been able to get a 2 year extension on his job and another visa. He
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