coasty

I feel the same way about my BF and we are li ving together. I keep getting these doubtbul feelings and I'm not sure what to do here.

I'd talk to her about having a certain amount of no contact time. Meaning neither one of you contacts the other. Either that or block her from IM'ing you. You both need the time to come to terms with what you want from each other. Perhaps you will realize after a while that you don't so much enjoy being her yo-yo.

Wow, your story sounds so much like mine it is not funny. Seriously, right down to the fact that we lived 1.5 hours away from each other and only saw each other on weekends. We didn't get to the point of moving in with each other though. We've now been on a no contact break for going on 4 weeks now. I wanted some time to myself to be sure that I really wanted to break things off. I feel so horrible for hurting him. But, yes, I have to do what is best for me, and probably for him too, since I feel like we are not right for each other. He deserves somebody who will love him completely and will want to be with him, without a doubt. Think of that and hopefully it will help you to be a little less depressed about what you are doing to him.

In my case it is looking like it is step one in the break up process. I remember you from my other post. I think you should just move on. From what you've told of this relationship, I think a break is in order. Use this time to come to terms with what you want out of a relationship. I do not mean what you want out of this relationship, but what you want out of any relationship, period. You deserve to find somebody who knows without a doubt that they want to be with you. You're not a yo-yo.

Well, it's been over a week of NC, and to be honest, I don't really miss him. That says a lot, I guess. I'm giving it until next weekend, then I'll get in touch with him. I'm not sure if I can take doing it in person. I just know that he will cry and beg me for another chance. Who knows....maybe after this NC time he's had time to think as well, and he will take it a lot better than I think. I'll let you all know how it goes.

I had a similar type of relationship a few years ago. Everytime we got too close, he got scared, and broke things off. The last time we got back together (third time) I moved in with him, and we talked about marriage. This man was my greatest love. I still think about him. Anyhow, living together only lasted 3 months. We've now been broken up for 5 years! I think that if he hadn't of been so screwed up (he had a rough upbringing/adolescence) we might still be together. Something about him makes him run when things are at their best. My advise to you is just keep doing what you are doing. Keep moving on. Don't do what I did. I stayed alone for 3 years, became depressed, and reclusive. Good luck to you.

allein - Maybe you should suggest a period of no contact with her. Understand that she may feel like the two of you aren't right for each other, but that it is hard because she really does care for you. That could be the struggle she is having. You deserve to be treated better. I know you love her, but look at the way things have been going. Not exactly ideal. I was reading somebodies post about how the bf was feeling bad for hurting his ex gf. I found myself saying, oh good for him, he feels bad for breaking her heart!!!! Then I realized that I am the same as him. Is there other people out there saying the exact same thing to me under their breath? Probably. I am hurting too though. But, I know that he is probably very much heartbroken and I caused that. I just saw this quote on another post. I thought I'd post it here. "distance increases great passions and kills mediocre ones, like the wind fans great fires and puts out candles."

I like that. I believe it is true.

This is exactly how I feel right now. I just started NC with my BF. We haven't officially broken things off, but I told him I need time and space to figure out what I want. I told him I don't think we are right for each other. He thinks we are. He's giving me the space I need. Deep down I believe that I love him, but I'm not in love with him. And it is really hard because I know breaking things off is for the best, but at the same time I don't want to hurt him. Two weeks ago, we talked and he cried and begged me to give him another chance. In the last 2 weeks he's sent me more e-cards than I've ever gotten. It got to be a bit much. I couldn't go through seeing him cry and beg again this time. I communicated the fact that I needed NC time through email. I'm not going to leave him hanging though. If after a couple of weeks to a month, I realize that I really don't want to try to work things out, I will tell him so. Am I just giving him false hope or am I doing the right thing? I don't know.

Aaryn015, it is tough isn't it? It must be even harder for you since you two have been together so long. Do you think that if after the two weeks are up and you still aren't sure that you will end it?

I could not do that to him. If I decided it was over I'd tell him. My problem is not ending it because I don't want to hurt him, and because I'm not sure that is what I want to do. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I haven't even set a time yet. I suppose I should. Our last correspondence was last night by email. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to him on the phone because I knew he would cry and try to convince me that we were right for each other. I'm thinking two weeks. I don't think one week would be enough time for me.

I have been in a relationship for just about 7 months. Since 3 months, I have been having the feeling that we were just not right for each other. These feelings would come and go. Lately, they are very strong. Two weeks ago, I told him how I felt and he cried and held on to me and asked me to give him another chance. That he was sure we were right for each other. I feel really bad and hate that I am hurting him. I told him I needed time and he said that he'd give it to me. I really didn't get it and I really didn't push the issue either. I feel that this is not the man for me. But, something is stopping me from totally breaking it off. Why can't I just say that I don't think it is going to work out? I just feel so horrible. I do love him, but I really don't feel like I can stay with him. Since that happened we haven't had sex and I don't really want to have sex with him. For the longest time I've felt like kissing him just wasn't the same. I'd be thinking while kissing him that I really wasn't enjoying it. Tonight, I told him that I need time and space. I suggested no contact and he agreed. I also added that he was not to phone me or email me. I asked him to allow me to make the first move. He told me, "I'll give you as much space as you need. There is one thing I know *****, we are good for each other. If you give me another chance I will prove it to you and I promise I will never disappoint you again. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to prove it to you every day. I know we love each other and we can get through this." I've thought that I should just make a clean break, but the fact that I'm uncertain makes me think I should give it some time. Take the no contact time to figure out what I really want. Why is this so hard? Could it be because deep down I think I am making a mistake? I just don't know. Perhaps it could be that I am doing something that I really haven't done a lot of. And that is following my gut. I've not done a lot of that in my life. Please help me to understand why I feel this way if you can. Has anybody felt this way when breaking it off with someone? Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

You have to just let him go. I think he is just stringing you along. He is just trying to avoid all the trouble that a REAL breakup would cause. He knows that if you think he might come back that you will wait for him and let him do whatever he wants to do. Don't put up with it. You deserve so much better. Believe that!

My BF just told me that his phone is being cut off tomorrow and that he won't be able to pay it for a while. He told me that he owes about $80 and that there will be somethings like a $45 reconnection fee. I offered to loan him the money so that he won't be cut off. He refused saying he is too proud to accept my money. I think that he is looking forward to not having to spend time talking with me on the phone. He has a company cell phone, but of course we won't be able to talk long on that. Oh well, we'll see how this plays out. I mentioned to him today how we are different. He mentioned that my son's girlfriend is so clingy and how that would drive him nuts and how he gives my son credit for putting up with it. I told him that my son is a very cuddly and affectionate person like me and he probably likes it. I casually mentioned how that is one way that we, he and I, are different. He keeps asking me today if something is wrong. I suppose I seem distant or deep in thought. I want to talk to him but I'm not ready yet. I'm not sure how I'm going to word what I want to say yet. I'm weird that way...I gotta rehearse it.

Descriptive Classifications of Intelligence Quotients IQ/ Description/ % of Population 130+/ Very superior/ 2.2% 120-129/ Superior/ 6.7% 110-119/ High average/ 16.1% 90-109/ Average/ 50% 80-89/ Low average/ 16.1% 70-79/ Borderline/ 6.7% Below 70/ Extremely low/ 2.2% I copied and pasted this off of this link removed. My son and I took ours earlier this evening off of the tickle website. Here is the link. link removed

Yes, it does make sense. I sit here now wondering what to say. All I can think is that I am going to be alone again. I'm not sure if I want that. I suppose I am going to try and talk to him and see if we can't reach some middle ground first.

That would be great, thank you.

Oh my God. I am learning so much from this site. My boyfriend told me that he watches porn a lot and at times would masturbate 3x per day in front of the computer. He has used porn in this way for years. He has told also me that he doesn't do it as much since we have been together. Don't know if I believe him though. I did look at the history on his computer once and then asked him about whether he'd been looking at porn lately and he lied and said he hadn't. I told him I didn't believe him, but didn't tell him I knew he had based on the history on his computer. He told me that he doesn't feel anything during oral sex, that his penis feels almost numb to it. He also takes a long time to come and sometimes just gives up. He blames this on Effexor, the antidepressant drug he is presently taking. But in reading everything on this post it makes so much sense that he possibly has RE, and this is as a result of his porn addiction. He is too used to his own hand probably.

I'd love it if you could share what DN told you in that PM. I could use a little help in how to talk to my boyfriend about some of the same issues, but without sounding like I am attacking him. Please share.

That is what it feels like, believe me. I totally know what you are saying. While on the other hand he talks of spending our lives together. He also had me looking at real estate the other night on the internet. He assures me that it is nothing personal. Just that he doesn't always feel amorous. He also told me that he is on Effexor (an antidepressant) and blames it for a lot of this. But, I just think that if he really loved me and was really into me that he would want to do all of these things and would not do things that would hurt me. Like, what would it hurt to give me a little peck back? Takes more energy to refuse and go through all the crap it causes. It's only been 3 months and I feel that it is too early for all the lovey dovey new romance stuff to be over with already. Don't you?

I agree, I do tend to overanalyze things. Sometimes I feel that I have gone from one extreme to the next. I used to keep things bottled up inside so as not to rock the boat. This didn't get me anywhere in my past relationships, so I decided that being open and honest was the only answer. Perhaps I'm being too honest. Is that a possibility? I am also struggling with the fact that my intuition just might be right and I should listen to it. God knows that I've ignored my intuition many times begore in the past and it's gotten me nowhere. I have told him all of the things that I have mentioned. What I haven't told him is that I am having doubts about the relationship because of these things. I've just started having these doubts. For the most part I've felt that we could work through these times if we loved each other enough. I also didn't mention to you all that I am going through a tough time with my teenage son who has moved out to live with his dad cuz he couldn't follow my rules. This has put a bit of a strain on me and as a result I may be a bit more edgy than normal. When I told him that I feel rejected when he won't hold my hand or kiss me he says that sometimes he just doesn't feel like it and that it doesn't mean that he doesn't care about me. That is not what it feels like though. It really hurts me when he does this. But, I don't think he gets it. I guess he thinks I should understand his side that sometimes he just doesn't feel like it. He and his ex broke up about 6 months before we got together. She cheated on him but he almost took her back and maybe he might have if she didn't move away with another guy. I like to think that he wouldn't have really. I say that he almost took her back because he had thoughts of doing it, but he didn't actually tell her so. The fact that he didn't tell me about her phonecalls makes me worry more than her actually calling. If she poses no threat then why keep it a secret. I think you may be right about this one. How can I tell him that I like these things without sounding like he is doing something wrong? I don't want to push him away, I want to try and make things better between us. I have to agree with this. I think I am not sure when and when not to cross the line. I really used to say nothing until it all came out in an argument which ended the relationship, to now where I say everything. I think I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. You've all been really helpful. I value what each and everyone of you has said.

I need some advice. My BF and I have been seeing each other for 3.5 months. We met online, chatted a lot about the kinds of things we are looking for, and what we are not looking for in a relationship. I was very up front with him about myself. I told him that I am very big on honesty. He said that he was the same way. He told me that he was a very honest, loyal, and caring person, and that he was the nice guy that most women were looking for. We talked about a lot of things online before we actually met. I honestly felt that I'd found the guy I had been looking for. I am hurting so much right now and I don't even know for sure why. All I know is that some part of me suspects that he and I are not right for each other. Another part of me thinks that maybe I am too picky. There are just some things that don't sit right with me. I don't think he is fooling around or anything like that. I just question whether he and I are really right for each other. First of all, he has really been getting on my nerves a lot lately. And since I believe in being honest and not bottling things up, I tend to say something when things don't feel right or when he has done or said something to upset or bother me. He, on the other hand, has not been saying anything so as to avoid a confrontation. Something we said that we wouldn't do. We both said that it is better to talk about things at the time rather than let them sit and stew. Let's see if I can be a bit more clear. I don't even know if I can....I start thinking about everything and I am reminded that others have problems far worse off than mine and why the hell am I complaining. But, I just can't shake this feeling inside me. I really do love him. There are some really good times. I look at him sometimes and just feel this tremendous love for him. Then there are other times where I have doubts and I know he does too. I just think it is too soon to be feeling like this. For example. Tonight he told me that he doesn't want to talk to me on the phone for 4 hours (an exaggeration) during the week because he feels it is a waste of time (we live a 1.5 hour highway drive away from each other and spend the weekends together). I was pretty hurt. He used this as an example of things he chooses not to tell me in order to avoid an argument. I told him I was glad that he told me even though it hurt me. I think it says a lot about what he is willing to give to the relationship. In the beginning he talked about how he would be willing to drive 1.5 hours twice everyday just so that we could be together. Now, he doesn't even want to spend a good amount of time on the phone together. I also told him in the beginning that I was a very affectionate person and he said he was the same way. It turns out that he is not as affectionate as I thought he was. He doesn't like to hold hands in public, says it embarrasses him. He said he liked cuddling, but I soon found out that I had to not touch him during the night at all cuz it wakes him up and he gets very cranky. Sometimes when I try to kiss him he jokingly refuses, but somehow I know he's not joking. I feel really rejected at times like these, but am trying not to take it personally. Another thing, he feels that I don't trust him. He wants me to trust that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. This came up when I asked him whether he felt that "omission was a form of betrayal". I told him that I thought so. He felt that there were some situations that maybe he wouldn't tell me things because he felt I would be upset. For example, his ex phoned him on his cell during his work Christmas party. He told her that he couldn't talk at the moment. She then proceeded to text message him to say that it was no big deal and Merry Christmas. I didn't say anything for a while, but I thought if she did call again that he'd tell me about it. On New Years Eve, I asked him just out of the blue if she had ever called again. He said, yes, that she had called a couple of times and left messages but he didn't feel it was important to tell me because he didn't talk to her and had no intention to call her back. Still, I was bothered by the fact that he didn't tell me. I don't understand why he wouldn't tell me. That's not true.....I guess I do understand, but I told him that to me his not telling me is just like lying. I think he got that. I just don't know if I can trust him to always tell me things. I think he would rather not tell me things to avoid a confrontation. What he doesn't get is that it is worse if he doesn't tell me and I find out about it. Anyhow, I'm not sure what to do here. He talks all the time about spending our lives together, but he must feel some doubt if I do. I like to think that if we love each other that we should be able to work through things and have a good life together. At the same time, isn't it a bit early to be having so many problems? Help!