coasty

I feel the same way about my BF and we are li ving together. I keep getting these doubtbul feelings and I'm not sure what to do here.

I'd talk to her about having a certain amount of no contact time. Meaning neither one of you contacts the other. Either that or block her from IM'ing you. You both need the time to come to terms with what you want from each other. Perhaps you will realize after a while that you don't so much enjoy being her yo-yo.

Wow, your story sounds so much like mine it is not funny. Seriously, right down to the fact that we lived 1.5 hours away from each other and only saw each other on weekends. We didn't get to the point of moving in with each other though. We've now been on a no contact break for going on 4 weeks now. I wanted some time to myself to be sure that I really wanted to break things off. I feel so horrible for hurting him. But, yes, I have to do what is best for me, and probably for him too, since I feel like we are not right for each other. He deserves somebody who will love him completely and will want to be with him, without a doubt. Think of that and hopefully it will help you to be a little less depressed about what you are doing to him.

In my case it is looking like it is step one in the break up process. I remember you from my other post. I think you should just move on. From what you've told of this relationship, I think a break is in order. Use this time to come to terms with what you want out of a relationship. I do not mean what you want out of this relationship, but what you want out of any relationship, period. You deserve to find somebody who knows without a doubt that they want to be with you. You're not a yo-yo.

Well, it's been over a week of NC, and to be honest, I don't really miss him. That says a lot, I guess. I'm giving it until next weekend, then I'll get in touch with him. I'm not sure if I can take doing it in person. I just know that he will cry and beg me for another chance. Who knows....maybe after this NC time he's had time to think as well, and he will take it a lot better than I think. I'll let you all know how it goes.

I had a similar type of relationship a few years ago. Everytime we got too close, he got scared, and broke things off. The last time we got back together (third time) I moved in with him, and we talked about marriage. This man was my greatest love. I still think about him. Anyhow, living together only lasted 3 months. We've now been broken up for 5 years! I think that if he hadn't of been so screwed up (he had a rough upbringing/adolescence) we might still be together. Something about him makes him run when things are at their best. My advise to you is just keep doing what you are doing. Keep moving on. Don't do what I did. I stayed alone for 3 years, became depressed, and reclusive. Good luck to you.

allein - Maybe you should suggest a period of no contact with her. Understand that she may feel like the two of you aren't right for each other, but that it is hard because she really does care for you. That could be the struggle she is having. You deserve to be treated better. I know you love her, but look at the way things have been going. Not exactly ideal. I was reading somebodies post about how the bf was feeling bad for hurting his ex gf. I found myself saying, oh good for him, he feels bad for breaking her heart!!!! Then I realized that I am the same as him. Is there other people out there saying the exact same thing to me under their breath? Probably. I am hurting too though. But, I know that he is probably very much heartbroken and I caused that. I just saw this quote on another post. I thought I'd post it here. "distance increases great passions and kills mediocre ones, like the wind fans great fires and puts out candles."

I like that. I believe it is true.

This is exactly how I feel right now. I just started NC with my BF. We haven't officially broken things off, but I told him I need time and space to figure out what I want. I told him I don't think we are right for each other. He thinks we are. He's giving me the space I need. Deep down I believe that I love him, but I'm not in love with him. And it is really hard because I know breaking things off is for the best, but at the same time I don't want to hurt him. Two weeks ago, we talked and he cried and begged me to give him another chance. In the last 2 weeks he's sent me more e-cards than I've ever gotten. It got to be a bit much. I couldn't go through seeing him cry and beg again this time. I communicated the fact that I needed NC time through email. I'm not going to leave him hanging though. If after a couple of weeks to a month, I realize that I really don't want to try to work things out, I will tell him so. Am I just giving him false hope or am I doing the right thing? I don't know.

Aaryn015, it is tough isn't it? It must be even harder for you since you two have been together so long. Do you think that if after the two weeks are up and you still aren't sure that you will end it?

I could not do that to him. If I decided it was over I'd tell him. My problem is not ending it because I don't want to hurt him, and because I'm not sure that is what I want to do. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I haven't even set a time yet. I suppose I should. Our last correspondence was last night by email. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to him on the phone because I knew he would cry and try to convince me that we were right for each other. I'm thinking two weeks. I don't think one week would be enough time for me.

I have been in a relationship for just about 7 months. Since 3 months, I have been having the feeling that we were just not right for each other. These feelings would come and go. Lately, they are very strong. Two weeks ago, I told him how I felt and he cried and held on to me and asked me to give him another chance. That he was sure we were right for each other. I feel really bad and hate that I am hurting him. I told him I needed time and he said that he'd give it to me. I really didn't get it and I really didn't push the issue either. I feel that this is not the man for me. But, something is stopping me from totally breaking it off. Why can't I just say that I don't think it is going to work out? I just feel so horrible. I do love him, but I really don't feel like I can stay with him. Since that happened we haven't had sex and I don't really want to have sex with him. For the longest time I've felt like kissing him just wasn't the same. I'd be thinking while kissing him that I really wasn't enjoying it. Tonight, I told him that I need time and space. I suggested no contact and he agreed. I also added that he was not to phone me or email me. I asked him to allow me to make the first move. He told me, "I'll give you as much space as you need. There is one thing I know *****, we are good for each other. If you give me another chance I will prove it to you and I promise I will never disappoint you again. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to prove it to you every day. I know we love each other and we can get through this." I've thought that I should just make a clean break, but the fact that I'm uncertain makes me think I should give it some time. Take the no contact time to figure out what I really want. Why is this so hard? Could it be because deep down I think I am making a mistake? I just don't know. Perhaps it could be that I am doing something that I really haven't done a lot of. And that is following my gut. I've not done a lot of that in my life. Please help me to understand why I feel this way if you can. Has anybody felt this way when breaking it off with someone? Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

You have to just let him go. I think he is just stringing you along. He is just trying to avoid all the trouble that a REAL breakup would cause. He knows that if you think he might come back that you will wait for him and let him do whatever he wants to do. Don't put up with it. You deserve so much better. Believe that!

My BF just told me that his phone is being cut off tomorrow and that he won't be able to pay it for a while. He told me that he owes about $80 and that there will be somethings like a $45 reconnection fee. I offered to loan him the money so that he won't be cut off. He refused saying he is too proud to accept my money. I think that he is looking forward to not having to spend time talking with me on the phone. He has a company cell phone, but of course we won't be able to talk long on that. Oh well, we'll see how this plays out. I mentioned to him today how we are different. He mentioned that my son's girlfriend is so clingy and how that would drive him nuts and how he gives my son credit for putting up with it. I told him that my son is a very cuddly and affectionate person like me and he probably likes it. I casually mentioned how that is one way that we, he and I, are different. He keeps asking me today if something is wrong. I suppose I seem distant or deep in thought. I want to talk to him but I'm not ready yet. I'm not sure how I'm going to word what I want to say yet. I'm weird that way...I gotta rehearse it.