Starlight925

Unfortunately, I have to agree with @rainbowsandroses. A person who really wants to meet someone doesn't move you from one app to another and continue with "words on a screen". She may be using your interactions as a time filler between studying, a fun little break. Give her a couple of availability dates in early January. You'll know from her response whether she's truly interested in meeting or will kick this can down the road.

You’ve become her emotional support animal. There for her in any way she needs, but your needs are not being met in any way. Distance yourself from this one-sided, negative energy by simply not returning her calls. You’ve tried to talk to her, but she’s in such a selfish, negative place that she doesn’t listen. At some point, she will hopefully be in a place to hear what you have to say, but it’s not now. And unfortunately, this may be who she just is, so you will just move on in life without her. I’m so sorry this has happened. Finding a great friend is rare; losing that connection is difficult.

As a woman, this is all on you. If you're looking for a girlfriend, why are you trying to collect female friends? If you date a few times and feel there's no connection, simply say that, and move on. I suspect you enjoy having these women orbit around you and try to win you back. It feeds your need for desirability, having women text, call, and cajole you into liking them more. How would a woman you truly like, who wants a relationship, feel with all these "friends", i.e. dates you've semi-discarded, hanging around?

Don't beat yourself up over this. Heck, this should never have happened. She should not have had such a hair-trigger response to the way you responded to her declaration of love that she ended the entire relationship over it. In my mind, that's just bratty, selfish behavior on her part. The guy needs to buy her designer handbags and jump 10 feet when she makes an emotional statement, or else.... You'd be living on eggshells.

Yes. And no.

Sounds like what's "normal" for her is 11-12 hours of sleep. Why does this bother you? What is going on where you don't trust her? Do you truly believe she's asleep, or do you have some reason to suspect she's really awake but just not spending time with you?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he was just being polite. I also hate to say this, but it would have been better to have just not sent him a card. You'll defend it by saying you just wanted to include "everyone". But be completely honest: were you hoping for a reaction from him? He does not want you, or this relationship, for whatever reason. Despite all the future talk, he has moved on. And as hard as it is, just knowing he's there at work, it's keeping you stuck. I dare say if you could, to find another job. The almost exact same thing happened to me after a lovely 2+ year relationship. The breakup came out of nowhere, there was no one else, and we literally never argued. One day, he was just....done. I was completely heartbroken, and 10+ years later, it still hurts if I'm being honest. He's married now, but recently, he viewed me on LinkedIn, after 10+ years of zero contact. It gave my heart a jump, but not in a hopeful way. I feel bad for his wife, knowing that he was looking me up. I hate to think that she could go through similar pain if he does to her, what he did to me. I get all the bad dates, all the times wondering what's going on, all of that. But you need to go full No Contact to even hope to move on, and running into him in the hallways is not going to allow you to do that.

OK I asked the questions to get a better handle on how to respond to your original question. Even in Asia, where it is apparently normal.....a young child lives with the mother of the child's parents, vs. the mother herself? Especially when the mother is married? That's interesting. Since you are still married and have no plans to divorce, and you are concerned about her mental state (you should be, given that her own daughter hadn't heard from her), I'd stay in contact for her well being. Make other decisions as you need, i.e. moving on permanently, etc., but for now, she is your wife, she is a mother, and she's apparently in distress. When you made the "better or worse" commitment....well, this is the worse.

Had you two discussed children prior to the marriage? How did you meet? How long were you together prior to marriage? What other issues led you to the separation? Do you in fact want a divorce?

Wow, if I was your current wife and I understood the depths of obsession that you have towards this ex of....10 years ago??? I'd have left you a long time ago. You expend so much mental energy on this person who, by this time, should be a mere footprint in the fabric of your life. You'll be back here with a new thread, once you've unblocked her, to tell us all the IG stories she's read. We will tell you to block her, you'll spew an entire hateful thread about her, wash, rinse repeat.

Do you have another job lined up? My advice: Resign without a thought of your coworker. Whether you both happen to resign on the same day or not, is not your concern. Just do it professionally. Work up until your very last day, and do your absolute best. Do not burn a bridge. Even if you never want to work for this company again, you never know who you will run into again in the future. For your own self-worth, put your best foot forward until you are gone, but make sure you will have other employment before you do anything.

Toxic bosses suck. Taking out their childhood anger issues/personality disorders on people who can’t speak back. It’s akin to child abuse. Find another job. Then calmly walk into her office, head held high, with a professionally written resignation letter. Then walk out with your dignity. We just had a fun family discussion about past toxic bosses. Because you see, once you are out of this, with your dignity, you will look back and laugh at her. Two fun stories we told: 1). Several years after quitting a toxic boss, she later was fired, and she asked ME to help her get a job in my new company! I told my new boss, who I loved, who assured me he’d trash her resume. 2) A toxic boss who was a constant screaming yeller was yelling from his office, but no one came, since he yelled all the time. He had yelled so hard that he leaned back in his chair and had partially fallen out the window!

It’s the case on all dating sites. It’s funny when someone’s user name is “Bob2015”, or “Lisa2017”, and all of their pictures are dated in that year.

I know many Autistic people. I’m having dinner tonight with a friend who has Asperger’s. I’ve never seen such a lack of empathy or compassion from any of them. You get an actual thrill out of this, and it’s highly disturbing.

Yes, both bad and strange. Are you under a therapist's care?

I know someone who was in one of the towers while it was hit. I know someone else who watched from his office, as people jumped out. Both of these people are so distraught that to this day, they find it almost impossible to talk about, let alone feel “important” about, or “enjoy” it. Witnessing a tragedy does not make one important.

Yes, there is something wrong to say that you enjoyed these horrific events. Quite frankly, it’s disturbing to read. Sorry, but you asked.

What a well thought out response! There is no wrong answer here. Stay at your current job that you don’t love, but that offers you a nice salary, or look outside your industry into something where you can be outdoors, and truly enjoy every single day, knowing that it comes at a cost in terms of annual income. As I said in my earlier post, when I left the job that I truly hated, I was making very good money, but realize that it was not a future for me. So for me, the reduction in income far outweigh the benefits. Interestingly, it seems that when we do what we love and have a passion for, often, the money and benefits come. You have the luxury right now of being well employed and being able to partake in some of your outdoor activities while you’re still at work. You could even take a part-time job doing what you love and put feelers out there to see if you can launch it into something more permanent. You sound like a very thoughtful person who is taking your future very seriously, and I applaud you.

Why do you want to “job hop”? What do you want to “hop” to? A different industry, better pay, etc.? These are questions to ask yourself to figure out your own future. You may want a different job in a different industry that will make you happier, but that might pay less. I guess I’m just asking….what are your goals? Your dreams? Your plans? For me personally, not sure you want all of our stories, but I changed career paths entirely, which initially cut my earnings by over 60%. I was very unhappy and couldn’t see myself growing old doing something I hated. Looking back, it was the best (and bravest) thing I ever did, as I found a career (20 years now) that I love, and the money did come. But this is about you….what do you want to do?

Great advice so far. As for this relationship she’s in, I agree that there are so many red flags. My mother said something to me once when there was a huge family conflict that I was in the middle of, and it resonated with me, this day I follow this advice. I asked my mother how she, the most opinionated woman on the planet, seem to stay out of all of the family drama, and got along with everyone. She said “when no one asks for my opinion, I don’t give it “. in other words, as opinionated as she was about so many things, it was true that she never gave opinions about other peoples lives, that she wasn’t asked for. Because of that, regardless of what was going on in all of our lives, everyone still got along with her. I’m going through this with a friend right now. She’s in a relationship where I have so many opinions and see so many red flags, but because I want to maintain the friendship, I keep it to myself. It hurts when our friends back away from us, because they found some thing that fulfills them emotionally, and they don’t even seem to have the time to text. I’m feeling this way right now with my friend, so I completely understand where you’re coming from. Making new friends at your age is not as easy, but it’s necessary. My advice would be not to look for one friend to replace her, but to look for new friends in general. Join Meetups. Volunteer. Take a certain gym class at a certain time every week. Some sort of group where you’ll have something in common with people. Just look to get out and meet new people and make new friends so that you’re not as dependent on that one person.

Often, the “need to know” stems from insecurity. (Ask me how I know lol). I agree with the others, and that you should just let this lie, and let him come to you when he feels like talking. Then, you can let him know that you’ll be a happy listener anytime he’s ready to share more, but that you’re happy with the way things are right now. That relieves the pressure on him, and at some point, I have a feeling he’ll come to you with some more details as he learns to trust you more and open up. In the meantime, it sounds like things are going great, and that he is very happy with you. You go, girl!

You can go to a UPS store, a real estate office, etc., which will typically have a notary available. For a witness, just bring a friend. You need a will. We all need a will. I’ve had one for 20 years, changed a few times. I used an attorney, but in my case, he’s a friend’s husband, so he didn’t charge me much. But I do think the online will services are valid. Add a codicil for specific items, i.e. if you want to leave a specific item to a specific person. You can update the codicil as you wish. Make sure you have designated Benificiaries or TOD’s (Transfer On Death) for EVERY single account you each have, as these will supersede the will, and in many cases, allow exemption from probate.

Are on dating sites?

Weird isn’t the word I would use. Creepy. That’s the word.

I’m not saying abandon Meetups all together. They can be really fun, as I had a great time at the one I attended. Two really nice women who are good friends asked for my number, which to me is perfect, as that’s what I really want from it: friendship. But great analogy to dating in the workplace. I’d rather meet for dating from online, so if it works out, it’s private. If not, no harm no foul.