Starlight925

What a beautiful post! (# 2185). I normally don't click on people's journals, but for some reason today, I felt compelled to click on, and read, your latest entry. What a terrific story! I love how you intertwined the healing that occurred between your mother and you, and your future life, in one small tattoo that you can see for the rest of your life. I can envision your tiara and your verbiage, "be brave". I'm not a tattoo lover myself, but this one.....this one....wow, I absolutely love it.

If something new that you're trying is making you feel better, why not purchase a small part of what she is selling? Who cares whether she's a quack, or a well-known therapist, or whatever. It's helping you. I've never heard of this person, but there are so many people out there online who have been so helpful to me, I could write a book about them! I've purchased video systems such as this over the years from different people. Almost all of them have helped me in some way. I find that when we are looking for something, we find help in it, as we seek the help we need in what they are saying. One thing I'd mention: usually, these types of video systems/books, etc., have a few different "levels" you can purchase. I'd start at the very lowest. That way, you can always buy more.

I, too, have left toxic environments, and it takes a toll on your health, both mental and physical. I once left a toxic job to take a 50% pay cut, and it was worth losing every penny, just to be able to smile again. A friend said, during one of my toxic job phases, that I wasn't the "same LHGirl" anymore. I naturally laugh and smile when I talk, and she noticed that I just didn't do that anymore. I realized I had to get out, get my smile back. I did, and it sounds like you are too. Good for you.

I have similar issues with a 30-year friendship as well. I've had to back away from the friendship slowly, while maintaining the contact, as she is part of a larger group. No one else in the group does this to me except S., but as she and I were the first friends of the group, we are the most integral to the whole group. As in your situation, S. triggers me as well. We have had a couple of heated discussions about this, with S. apologizing, yet S. will do the same thing, months or years later. I simply sit there in silence, so everyone else just thinks I'm this nice, sweet person. Not that your friend is an enemy of yours (or mine is), but I heard this quote recently, and I think it applies: "When your enemies are making mistakes, don't interrupt them". In other words, remain quiet and calm. Let your friend show who she is. When she's barking driving directions at you, let the others in the car hear her, while you just keep driving. Let her be heard by others, and she will show herself to be who she is. Like you, I have a ton of other acquaintances, but not as many true friends. I have backed away so much from my friend S. in recent years that she's become more of an acquaintance than a friend, which is actually great, because it allows me to enjoy the rest of the group peacefully. Just wanted you to know that I totally get where you're coming from.

I had the saddest weekend since P. left me. I thought I'd be so cool and get back on dating sites, and I was so excited to get 2 dates set up! But Friday night's date cancelled at the last minute, and today's date was zero chemistry, and even though I thought sure, I'd go out with him again, he didn't seem interested. All this left me feeling so sad, and missing the amazing chemistry you & I had. We could talk for hours about nothing. I also miss all your phone calls and little texts. I miss that today was a big football day, and I didn't have you here watching it. I miss just knowing you're there, and that we'll go grab dinner, or get a movie, or just talk about our days. Today was the first day that I cried since our breakup. I actually started to cry at the gym, right before going into a plank, but the difficulty of the plank stopped me! So I was relieved! But tonight, with absolutely nothing to do, and a completely quiet house, I completely broke down and cried like a baby. I'm crying now as I type this.

I love that song, and I love Morrissey. That's one of the saddest songs out there.

When my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years walked out on me one night, suddenly, without warning, and never contacted me again (it's been 5 years), I couldn't listen to this song without crying so hard I'd start shaking. David Gray This Year's Love Had Better Last This years love had better last Heaven knows it's high time And I've been waiting on my own too long But when you hold me like you do It feels so right I start to forget How my heart gets torn When that hurt gets thrown Feeling like you can't go on Turning circles when time again It cuts like a knife oh yeah If you love me got to know for sure 'Cause it takes something more this time Than sweet sweet lies Before I open up my arms and fall Losing all control Every dream inside my soul And when you kiss me On that midnight street Sweep me off my feet Singing ain't this life so sweet This years love had better last This years love had better last 'Cause whose to worry If our hearts get torn When that hurt gets thrown Don't you know this life goes on And won't you kiss me On that midnight street Sweep me off my feet Singing ain't this life so sweet This years love had better last This years love had better last This years love had better last