Starlight925

OMG you are kidding? The AI bot is actually programmed to say that? Wow. But yeah, there's no "reset button" apparently. I signed up for 3 months and I cancelled the auto-renew as soon as I did it, so it appears as that's what I'll do, just delete, wait, and do a new profile. Ugh.

I tried that, but it says I have no "Removed Profiles". Seems it only works if you have actually clicked on a full profile, hovered over the 3 dots, and clicked X. If it's a profile that appears in your daily "Discovery Rotation", and you've clicked X, they're gone forever. I couldn't understand why so many profiles I had previously viewed via Search were missing. Turns out, maybe it's a bug, but once you click X on a rotated profile via Discovery, that profile is gone....forever. I found a Reddit sub on this. Apparently, the same thing happens on Hinge (owned by Match). Last night, I X'd out a Discovery profile of a particular guy named Steve. Prior to this, I did a narrow search for certain parameters, and there were 84 profiles. Once I X'd him out, there were now 83 profiles, and "Steve" was gone. I used the "back" button on Discovery (which only works once, while that profile still shows in your rotation), and Unclicked the X, and "Steve" was back in my Search. But had I clicked through to the next Discovery profile, "Steve" would have been gone forever. My search keeps getting smaller and smaller, due to all the "X's" I did when going through the Discovery rotations. It's a messed up platform. So now, when I click "Removed Profiles", all the ones I had "X'd" while in the Discovery rotation are non-existent, and it says I have none. I looked in Blocked, and only the ones I know for a fact I blocked are there.

Is this the same woman or this new job you were talking about? Sorry, I get confused between all the pages of you telling us how wonderful you are, and how awful all these other people are.

You asked for opinions, but you've negated all the opinions you've received. I'll be the echo chamber: He broke up for whatever reason. We can say fear, you can laugh at how he's getting rejected by the 20-somethings, we can say whatever we want. But the bottom line is, he broke up, and it hurts. I get it. You happened to end up alone together, and he was cordial. As were you. Awesome. When you bought up getting together outside of work, he came up with an excuse. He was being polite. Again, you asked: "What do people make of that?" What I make of that, is just what I said: He was caught off guard being alone with you, and decided to take a high road and have a pleasant, polite conversation, and be pleasant and put you off at the mention of getting together for a beer. When someone is into you, you'll know it. If not, you'll be confused. I've been there before, and I know how much it hurts, and I'm sorry. But this confusion you have means he's just not interested. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but he was just being polite.

I have a family member who is very much like your daughter. Threats to cut off, threats of "you'll never see X or Y again". Decades ago, I asked my mother why she put up with it. She said, "Because she controls whether or not I get to see my grandchildren". So we all put up with it, and guess what....those grandchildren are all adults now, and they have the fondest memory of grammy. They adored her & my dad, who both had to grit their teeth at their mom's nonsense. They are both gone now, and they never, for one second, let this nonsense get in the way of being awesome grandparents to these precious children.

The reason I said not go isn't because of whether or not he notices. It's whether or not Sindy is her best self in the baths, whether she is so self-conscious about it that she won't fully enjoy herself. I get that.

He's been actually diagnosed? If so, steer very clear. Block from all platforms, block contact, etc. As to why he's doing this, if he's been actually a diagnosed narcissist/sociopath, it's informally called "hoovering", as in a vacuum. The pattern is to keep you in their thoughts, so that every time you see his name pop on on your phone, you're back to thinking of him, even though you swore you'd never speak to him again. Which is why it's important to block the contact altogether. He wants you to think that he's this great, misunderstood guy, and he'll say all sorts of sweet things. But in the end, it's all about him and needing to be desired from you. My ex found a way to contact me the night my father died, when I was emotionally weak. The conversation, while I was crying in bed about my dad, quickly turned into all about him. He "hoovered" me under the guise of being this sweet guy who only reached out because he cared "so much" for me. But because I had done so much work after our breakup, I saw it for what it was, and blocked him from that method as well. Block. Delete. Go.

Tell him the truth. Say that you are having a cosmetic procedure on your legs and that you'd love to go to the thermal baths after that, but for today, can we do a movie? see a show? walk around the park? etc.

Only when you click X on the actual profile. Match has this “Discover” feature, its version of swiping, showing one profile at a time. You can X, Heart, or Super Like. If you X, that profile is gone forever, and it won’t even show up in your “Removed Profiles”. The only ones that show up in “Removed” are the ones where you visited the profile and clicked an X on the profile itself. Those show up in “Removed”, allowing them to be Reinstated. So. Freaking. Convoluted. I found a Reddit sub where someone asked about this exact issue….how to get all these profiles back that, when they first joined, they quickly swiped through (X’s on Discovery), but there is no response.

Oh wow, you’ve just helped me understand a lot of what is going on with Match. I just now figured out, from what you’re saying, why my search keeps getting smaller & smaller, and all these guys I previously saw are now gone. Seems if you click X on a Highlight, it’s gone…forever…for both parties. I’ve been clicking X just to move through the Highlights, and then figuring I could go back through and find the full profile, but all those profiles are now gone. It also makes me realize why I’m getting so few views. Not even messages, but zero views. Because as I’ve been X’ing through profiles, I’ve apparently disappeared off those guys’ searches as well. I’ve done the same as you: widened the search, removed all parameters, but if you X through a profile, it’s gone forever. I just tested it with one profile, and sure enough….poof, he’s gone now. The Super Like, Super Boost, all the extra charges, are ridiculous.

This, exactly: You can write 17 more paragraphs about the meaning of your messages to her, and her interpretation, but bottom line: Just say "I'll be there at noon. Looking so forward to spending time with you all!" Period. Less is more!

There's a saying that applies to people like her, where you see that her efforts are going to cause her business to circle the drain, yet she doesn't want your input: Napoleon: "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake". In other words, if you see someone you perceive as adversarial (which you clearly do), step back and let her make the mistakes. Bow out gracefully, live your own life. If she flounders, then at least you won't be left suddenly without a job. If she thrives, then good for her. Every single person on this board can tell you a nightmare boss story. I can tell you many. Screaming, 4-letter word yelling, illegal actions, you name it. But the big lesson is: Learn to bow out gracefully.

So she asked you to undo everything you did, indicating that she found nothing you did of value.... And you responded by asking her for a raise? Are you kidding me? I agree with everyone else: You should never have put this in writing. DO NOT put anything else in writing!! And I don't care if you think she's the worst person in the universe, at the risk of sounding like an echo chamber: Do. Not. Ever. Burn. A. Bridge.

Yes, that's what we are ALL telling you. Yes, spend as much time with your grandchildren as you can, regardless of what your daughter says. They are only 5 once....then 6....then adults. I've said this before, on this thread: Don't cut your nose off to spite your face. I have no kids, but several nieces, and one great-nephew. Two mothers of the group are super difficult, very much like your daughter. Threats, "you'll never see Her or Him again", blah blah blah. Guess how we all handled it? We saw the kids anyway. Those of us who wanted to engage with the children, did so. I'm so glad we did, as those who are now adults, I have a terrific relationship with. And spending time on the floor with my little 4 year old nephew, playing with his trucks, makes everything else melt away. Don't let this eat at you.

Had you sat and dined at that restaurant and spent $20.00, you'd have tipped the same $4.00. The waiter and staff would have come to your table probably 5-10 times, filling your water, getting you a fresh napkin, asking how your meal was, etc. Remember, the tip you give at a restaurant gets split amongst bus staff, etc. You tipped $4.00 for someone to drive to your house and hand you a bag of food. And likely that in the 20 miles he drove, he had other deliveries too. That $4.00 went only to him. Very generous.

Have you called this new girl on the phone? You felt a huge connection to your ex, in your words, on long phone calls. A little text here or there is nothing, it's just black gobbledy-gooke on a white screen. It's nothing. Phone calls are magical. To hear someone's voice, their intonation, their laugh, their jumping in to add to conversation....it's true communication. For me, texting is nonsense. Texting should be reserved for logistics: I'll pick you up at 6. With the rain, I'll be delayed 30 minutes. Wait at the corner of X and Y for me. I had a long distance relationship where our phone calls ran into the hours. We once spoke for 8 hours straight. This was before texting was a thing, thankfully. Texting is Not communication. Try calling her.

This is hilarious:

A 20% tip is generous. Prior to delivery food apps, the whole 20% tip used to be only for in a restaurant, where a server checks on you continuously, fills your water, clears your plate, brings you that extra fork when you accidentally drop yours. To tip 20% for someone to drive over and hand you food is generous in and of itself. The drivers select where they want to drive. If they didn't want to drive the 20 miles, they could have declined the request. I've started selecting Custom Tip for counter service, maybe giving 10%, 15% at most. Turning an iPad around and asking me to tip 20% (automatic) for carrying my own food, filling my own drinks, bringing my own dirty dishes to the gross area, eating from plasticware....no. My friend's big bugaboo is those cookie places. 20% for handing me a cookie? I think not. All this being said, I dine out a lot, and yes, it's expensive these days. I'll tip 25-30% on a large bill for great service. I spent close to $200 this week on one meal including tip, as the service was outstanding.

This thread is in danger of being shut down like some of your other threads. Why? Because pages and pages in, you have received excellent feedback, yet you continue to write walls of paragraphs still trying to “prove” to us how horrible she is, and how wonderful you are. WE GET IT. We are also not your employment agency. We are a group of random individuals who have heard you, provided feedback, and heard you some more. I’ll quote from a favorite movie, “Wargames”: ”The only winning move is not to play”.

There's a saying that really applies here: The way you do one thing, is the way you do everything. You are way too emotionally invested in someone who gives you so little in return. Sound familiar, Alex?

I actually love that you're like this, wanting to focus on one woman at a time. Just know that most out there are "hedging their bets", so they all figure that everyone is doing so. The sites, in fact, bet on this, knowing that when people hedge their bets, they are more likely to remain single, thus keeping their membership renewing. This is also why the sites constantly throw new matches, new likes, new messages at you, to keep you swiping. Getting off the swiping/liking/messaging merry-go-round is bad for business. You obviously like her, and she's accepted your date, so she obviously likes you! Heck, you know how I knew she liked you before all this? She hung out with you for quite a while, and then went to a second location, and she talked to you for....3 hours? All while being respectful to not over-order, over-drink, etc. If she didn't like you, she'd have made her excuse as soon as she sat down at the first place. Go forth and enjoy your date! And we want reports! 😄

Yeah, I don't love the "have to check my calendar". Um, open up your little google calendar, or iPhone calendar, whichever one you use, and be enthusiastic. This is not the days of the paper-flip calendar that only existed back at the office. But don't overanalyze this. She didn't say no, nor did she leave you on Read. Nevertheless, I agree that you should lightly plan something and text (or better, call) within a day or two to firm things up. Maybe look into a restaurant or an event, and text with "Hey, I saw that there's a cool exhibit at XYZ on Saturday, and I can get us tickets, does that sound good?" to see her response. Re: Multi-dating. You are both, presumably, multi-dating at this point, since you are not yet in a monogamous relationship. You may not be seeing others, but she still may be, and until you have that all-important Exclusivity discussion, do not have any expectations that she isn't still entertaining other offers. And this is not a bad thing, it's good to keep both of your options open until you decide to make things more committed.

You still don't get it. She might be manipulative, gaslighting, insert any psychological word here. YOU alone chose to make this about Joe and his schedule, and YOU alone chose to miss the holidays with your grandchildren. She can be all these things, and worse. You chose to make this about her and her behavior, rather than seeing your grandchildren, and now you're bemoaning the fact that you didn't get to see them, and you may not, for a very long while. She can be a horrible person, AND you can go, grit your teeth, and hug your grandchildren. Two things can exist at once. My mother was one of the most difficult people on the planet, but since I loved spending time with the rest of my family, I gritted my teeth, for yeeeears. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

She emotionally manipulated you, but I suspect there has been other trouble in your relationship with her stemming from years back. So, to present day....why didn't you go alone on Christmas? Or on the 30th? Why do you have to go with Joe? Why do you have to acquiesce to Joe and his schedule? These are your grandchildren, for heaven's sake. You can be right, or you can play with love on your grandchildren. Your choice.

Sounds perfect! Text her today, and use verbiage has been stated: "Hope your day is going great. Are you free this week for dinner?" and let her get back to you. Don't wait too long to do this, as, coming from a woman.....if you wait too long, she could lose interest, or feel like you're "back-burner'ing" her. Also, don't get into mindless texting loops: good morning, smiley face, good morning to you, rainy emoji....blah blah blah. Hopefully, she'll text back enthusiastically, with some days she's available (that's what I'd do), and you make a plan. Keep us posted!