Starlight925

I think Match and some of the larger sites will delete links to social media sites, email addresses, etc. When you update your profile, even to correct a simple grammatical error, it has to go through "profile review" before it's updated. Some people try to get around it by saying "contact me at happyguy at the g place", or something like that, but even those aren't going through. Interesting that happn (with which I'm not familiar) allows it. Re: Match money grab. Yes, they constantly give you little "pay for extra Boost time", etc. A "Boost" is where they highlight your profile, giving it more views. I haven't paid for this, but I got one free "Boost's", which garnered very little. Match seems to be very....for lack of a better word.....sleepy these days. I rarely get any views, let alone messages. When I first got on, I received a ton of messages (none from anyone of interest), then after that initial first few days, literally only a couple. I did go out with the one guy this week that I mentioned earlier. Very old picture, at least 10 years old. He was so much less attractive that I couldn't even bear to think of him in any romantic way, but a very nice guy. We actually have so much in common, but there was just unfortunately no way. He messaged me a day later, asking me out for next week, and I sent him a very kind response, and he responded in kind. Why don't people get their teeth fixed, take care of facial skin tags, lose weight? I know, I know, all superficial....

Can I ask why you are trying to justify her behavior? You keep coming up with "but she's so nice and loving", and "well it's said out of anger, isn't that normal"? You opened up a topic here, so this is obviously bothering you. But when asked, you defend her. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm trying to understand. My mom used to respond, in anger, if I said "Mom" (like wanting to ask her a question): "I'm not your Mom". As in, right now, I'm mad at you, so you're not deserving to be my daughter. That hurt me, it hurt me at 9 years old, at 15, at 40. I made no justifications then, and I don't now. And it made me love her less and less over the years, as things added up. To the point that to this day, I've never cried over her passing. Mean is mean. Cruel is cruel.

Very similar, eerily in fact, to my personal maternal situation. It took a lot of therapy for me to get past it, and if I'm being completely honest, at 61 years old, I still have moments that make me mad about it, even though she passed a few years ago. Don't make excuses for your mom. Just because she birthed you, just because she cooks, or does this or that, does not give her allowance to treat you bad in certain instances.

I'll say one more thing, which often gets repeated but forgotten: Hurt people hurt people.

So the majority of time, she's great, but then she throws in the most hurtful comment in the world. I hate to say it, but you are allowing this. You are justifying her behavior. A mother should never speak like that to a child. I don't know if she's Bipolar, Borderline, or what. What I do know is, she trots out these mean, unnecessary jabs like they are Oreo cookies. If you fail a test 3 times, the right way for a mother to act is to support, enrich, aid. Offer to get you a tutor, offer to give you a quiet place to study, ask what kind of help you need. Chastising is simply mean. And no, there is no justification for a mother to be mean like that.

I'm old school, so I do like when the guy pays for the 1st meeting/date. As a woman, I do always offer, but I sincerely appreciate and respect when he tells me he's "got it". Once a relationship is starting, then definitely, switching back & forth. I'll go up to the bar and get us a round of drinks, or put down some cash for a tip. Or make dinner, buy tickets for a game, etc. But for your first time, offer to pay, and if she offers, tell her you've got this one. She was the one who brought up meeting because she wanted to get off the little texting screen and get to in person, which I respect. Many will just un-match if the texting goes on too long, so she suggested the meet. Good for you for going with it, now go and enjoy!

How old are you? Are you still living at home with her? Is your dad around? Siblings? I'm sorry you're going through this. People can love us but also have deep-rooted issues that have nothing to do with us, allowing them to cause us pain. You can, and should, distance yourself from her, by giving less of yourself to her. Keep things on a very casual basis, as if she's a polite stranger, a teacher, etc. The less you open up to her, the less chance she'll have of hurting you.

This is not workable long term. Find another side gig. I could write paragraphs, but basically, you two do not see eye to eye, and in the end, it’s her business. Sorry this isn’t working out.

Hinge is marketed as a “more professional” group in general. I do know two women who married from Hinge, and a 3rd in a serious relationship. All 3 women are very attractive, professional, etc. So it’s worth a try. As for your Heather Locklear woman….lol just look at all the stuff she’s gone through. Even Heather Locklear doesn’t look like Heather Locklear anymore.

Not to derail your thread, but with respect to helping you figure out the mind of the women.... It's really silly that many of us don't send messages first, hence the reason Bumble is so popular. Women have to send the first message. A good friend met her husband by messaging him first. She chose to stay completely hidden for professional reasons, so it was incumbent upon her to message first. The reason I don't do it honestly is because it's never worked for me. Anyone I've ever messaged has, at most, given me a lukewarm response. I think it's the "something better over there" syndrome. I agree with you re: tweaking your profile to get more hits. You know what you want, and you shouldn't tweak to get a higher quantity; what you want is that one woman who strikes you right. I also like that you don't send out likes, as it's so.....juvenile. Have you looked at other sites? I do know people who have met via Hinge.

No, no, no. Times a million. Strike up a conversation. Ask her if she's enjoying the great weather, ask if she's planning to cook since she just went shopping, comment on something you purchased. See if she bites into the conversation. Then, ask if you can continue the conversation, and give her your contact info. Tell her you'll respect her not wanting to give out her info, but if she'd like, you'd love to have it, and then call/text her later that day.

No, I called it a "meet-date" because that's what a first meet really is. Not really a date, just an in-person meet. So I'll give you my female perspective: 61 year-old female, all recent pictures (all within 6 months). Not in amazing shape, need to lose 10 lbs., but full body pics are accurate. I've gotten all the "likes" in the world, which to me, don't mean a thing. I've "liked" a few back, but then...nada. I haven't sent any messages out first. About 25 messages so far, 95% are ones I'm not interested in. A few "hey baby's", "hey darlin's", a few just "hi". Two "conversations" so far, one wrote to me first, but one-word responses to my questions, so I keep leaving the conversation, then he writes "Hi" again. 3 times of this, I'm done. BTW, highly educated, professional guy with a lot to say in his profile, yet all he can say is "yes", "no". One guy messaged me last weekend, I wasn't attracted. His profile looks nice, everything I'm looking for, but I'm just not that attracted. So I didn't respond. A few hours later, I figured, what the heck, and we had a nice, normal, back & forth conversation. He asked if I had a preference with respect to the site, and gave me 3 options: Phone call, glass of wine, coffee. I said "Something casual in the neighborhood (we live close), and here are the days I'm available". He chose a glass of wine at this really cool place (a museum with a cafe). So, that's tomorrow....

Match seems to have really cleaned up. 5 years ago, I received constant messages from fake profiles. Copy/pasted emails with fake, lifted photos. I recently signed back into Match and there are almost zero fake ones. I can tell, because almost all the emails I've received have been from people in whom I have zero interest. 😄 Their new system, requiring phone verification and showing subscription status seems to have really helped. You now have to get a Multi-Factor authentication code to set up a Match profile, and usually, the scammers are using burner phones of different numbers, so they aren't able to verify. And the user now shows Subscription status, showing whether they are a paying member or not. I do have a Match meet-date tomorrow actually, with a seemingly normal guy. Any luck with other matches?

Open relationships? Is that what you're saying? Nothing wrong with that, with consenting partners. Is your current partner open to this? Regardless (or irregardless, I never know lol), you are not financially responsible for her. The best thing for you to do would be to end it in a kind way, causing her to figure out her finances on her own.

Agree. My dad raised a family of 5 on a retail career with a high school education. For 50 years. Hard work, hours, dedication, and lots of love. So don't diss a retail/service career; he has to be willing to put the work in.

It's been 7 years since this happened. What has he done for the last 7 years to help himself get past this? Therapy? Work? Education? Improved relationships with family and friends? Sincere apologies, taken true accountability, accepts full responsibility for his part in this? Or does he still blame "the other guy"? Does he think therapy is for "wacky people"? Does he hop from one low-paying job to the next, always saying that "the boss" doesn't like him? This isn't about how he feels about you, or frankly, how he treats you. It's about how he feels and treats the world around him.

Same! Relationship goals, like desire to have children or not, should be agreed upon before the first coffee date. One of the best things about online dating is the ability to screen before even clicking to message. One guy was turned off of me by the fact that I don't have children, as he said he wants someone who already has kids, as he loves "mom energy". Cool, strike for us both, I appreciated his honesty. OP was being honest here. If the girlfriend didn't like it, she was free to say so, and sure, free to change her mind if she at first thought she could live without marriage but later decided she wanted it. What she's not free to do is to expect OP to change his mind, and throw a tantrum/ultimatum around.

She thought she’d be the one to change your mind. You were up front and honest from the start. She either realized you weren’t going to change, or she manipulated the situation, or she realized she can’t live without marriage. Whichever version it is, this isn’t going to work out. Do both of you a favor and let her go.

Offer to come pick it up. Offer money for it. Yes, I know it was a gift, and yes, I know he turned out to be a completely different person from who you thought he was. But we are living in reality, not in what "should be".

I agree that it appears as though sitting in the dark basement all day has thrown off his circadian rhythm. Thing is, he appears to enjoy this lifestyle, and your mother enables it. Your frustration that your dad doesn't seem to care that mom is waiting on him, is the true issue here, but unfortunately, as long as she enables it, there is not much you can do. Others have given you great advice: eat earlier, take your mom out for coffee and see her separately, etc. I get where you are coming from and how frustrating it is, viewing your mother as sort of in this "prison" holding pattern, having to suppress her literal hunger while waiting on selfish behavior from someone else, but she is an adult, and she is choosing this. Couples fall into dynamics for reasons we often don't understand, and this has become their dynamic. The only thing you can do here is to love them from a figurative distance. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with @rainbowsandroses. A person who really wants to meet someone doesn't move you from one app to another and continue with "words on a screen". She may be using your interactions as a time filler between studying, a fun little break. Give her a couple of availability dates in early January. You'll know from her response whether she's truly interested in meeting or will kick this can down the road.

You’ve become her emotional support animal. There for her in any way she needs, but your needs are not being met in any way. Distance yourself from this one-sided, negative energy by simply not returning her calls. You’ve tried to talk to her, but she’s in such a selfish, negative place that she doesn’t listen. At some point, she will hopefully be in a place to hear what you have to say, but it’s not now. And unfortunately, this may be who she just is, so you will just move on in life without her. I’m so sorry this has happened. Finding a great friend is rare; losing that connection is difficult.

As a woman, this is all on you. If you're looking for a girlfriend, why are you trying to collect female friends? If you date a few times and feel there's no connection, simply say that, and move on. I suspect you enjoy having these women orbit around you and try to win you back. It feeds your need for desirability, having women text, call, and cajole you into liking them more. How would a woman you truly like, who wants a relationship, feel with all these "friends", i.e. dates you've semi-discarded, hanging around?

Don't beat yourself up over this. Heck, this should never have happened. She should not have had such a hair-trigger response to the way you responded to her declaration of love that she ended the entire relationship over it. In my mind, that's just bratty, selfish behavior on her part. The guy needs to buy her designer handbags and jump 10 feet when she makes an emotional statement, or else.... You'd be living on eggshells.

Yes. And no.