Starlight925

Nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, I'd bet many of us are on this board due to initially coming out of a fog of a horrible relationship. 🙋‍♀️ Just don't try to apply "closure so she'll beg me back" as a method. She's a bad relationship bet, no matter how many psycho terms we want to throw at her. Don't place the bet. Walk away from the table. You still have chips left. "Closure" would be throwing all your chips down, rolling the dice, and coming up empty. Don't do it.

Be honest: You want to reach out to give her "closure" in hopes that she'll beg you to stay. Prove me wrong. You are addicted to this push-pull, to this pins & needles feelings of will she call, will she wait 2 weeks to call, when will she call. There are studies linking this to the serotonin uptake caused by pinball machines. 9 out of 10 times, the player comes up empty handed and keeps throwing money in. Why do they do it for hours upon hours, spending thousands of dollars? For that addiction of the once an hour where a small payoff occurs. Figure out why you are addicted to this. What is it from your own life, maybe your childhood, that keeps you tethered to this woman who only gives you crumbs when she feels like it? And yes, stop with the psychological buzzwords. You sound like you've received pallets of self-help books from Amazon. In the end, it only matters if you can link it to your own past and stop your own harmful track of staying with these awful women.

Men lie about their age too. Happens all the time. A friend met a great guy online, and about 9 months into it, she wanted to know what he wanted to do for his “Big 50th Birthday”. He fessed up that 50 had been several years ago. She just laughed, and he said well you would never have responded if you knew my real age. I think you’re doing fine here. Enjoy your time with her and keep us updated!

We all get it. She’s been diagnosed as OMGCDGKKDHD. Check. She sounds like a miserable person. So do you. Stay away from your grandchildren. They don’t need any extra misery in their lives.

Yes, you are dependent upon each other. She needs to attach to someone and glue all of her problems and emotions onto that person. You need to be needed. You have a need for this focused attention, this scenario of being her complete world. She can't even clean the home without you. Instead of being disgusted by this barnacle-attached friend, you crave it. And now that she has a boyfriend and is pregnant, she is clinging barnacle-style to him, and this hurts you. You are trying to stay in the middle of her life with all of these questions, all of this analysis, while she's looking over there, at someone else, to fill her every need. This isn't healthy for either of you. Serve out the terms of your lease and move out.

Yeah, great question: Why haven't you sent the Xmas presents? Punishing your grandchildren by withholding gifts? Classy.

Let's say your daughter is 99% wrong. (even though I don't think that to be the case). 100% of you doesn't get to see your grandchildren. Sometimes, we have to let that person be wrong, agree to disagree, and move on with our life.

Oh my. He snowed you but good. Please remove all traces of this narcissistic weasel from your life.

I must be really old school, but not only am I not flattered, I’m disgusted when it happens. For me, it’s an auto-block, but to each his own. Once, years ago, I didn’t have my picture on a site, and a guy asked me to describe myself. I said I’m 200 lbs overweight, with pitted acne and scraggly wiry hair. He then proceeded to send sexy messages! Which made me realize, all they are looking for is a recipient. Any recipient.

Ugh, this "trend" is awful. No, I don't think this is ok, and no, I don't continue with anyone who wants to sext. One guy asked for pictures of my feet. Um, yeah no, buddy. I think it's gross, personally. More importantly, I would NEVER share anything sexual over text, lest it be held against me in future. Why put yourself at risk with electronic communication?

Rita, if I understand the reason you posted to begin with, it's because you're worried about what people will think? Reading through all of this, there seems to be a lot of moving pieces, and a lot of misunderstandings based on all those pieces. Whether you have 1 baby or 10 with a man who has 1 baby or 10 is no one else's business. The question I have for you is, why does it matter? Are you prepared to care for this child? If so, then what does it matter what anyone thinks?

High amount of IG followers is today's version of a movie star. It's akin to Clare Danes wanting to date you. You get to say, "My new girlfriend is Clare Danes". You get to say "My new girlfriend has 10,000 followers". Just as OLD has drastically changed, so has this social landscape. Heck, my friend's boyfriend forgot her birthday last year, which he said was because she's not on Facebook, which is how he gets birthday reminders. He is 70. Mind you, I am someone whose 12 followers include all my nieces, lol.

From his perspective, a woman with a ton of followers is considered desirable, and his worth is tied up in how much his partner is desired by others. If his girlfriend has 10K followers, but she chooses him, he gets to pat himself on the back for being her chosen one. It’s not so different from the boys in school who want to date the popular Cheerleader, or the girls who want to date the cutest Quarterback. Let this go with the knowledge that his insecurity and shallowness are his shortcomings and his alone. And you go kickbox some ass!

My condolences on your dad's passing. When my dad passed, it literally didn't matter to me what people said, just that they acknowledged it. Man people empathized by sharing their stories, and honestly, all that mattered to me was that they reached out in some way. It was such a whirlwind that I didn't even have time to think of why someone was saying something. Now, had you gone on and on about him, that might have been a bit annoying, but not block-worthy. And I don't think that's what you did. Who knows why she blocked you. People are funny. A co-worker with whom I've been friends for years blocked me. ???? She still calls me, she still asks about me, she still comes over to me at meetings. But she blocked me. WhatEV. Hold up your head, you did nothing wrong.

I wasn't suggesting that the OP's mother sleep on the trifold, sorry if that sounded confusing. OP said she sleeps on the floor & gives her bed to mom. I was suggesting OP get the trifold for herself instead sleeping directly on the floor.

Deleted, duplicate.

LOL, sound like the one I'm talking about. Trifold, folds up neatly, apparently very comfy. And not expensive at all. I have a foam one that rolls up, and it's a workout to roll it back into its box, and when my nieces sleep over, it's such a chore, which is why I have this trifold one in my Saved items.

So the update is....no update. Same ol', same ol'. We all have the same advice: quit, find another job, even if it means sweeping floors. We get it. She's awful. Check. ✅ In addition to all the other horrible things she does, she doesn't pay her employees on time. That's actually not your business; it's between them & her. If people want to work without getting paid on time, that's on them. If you want your paycheck on time, then you have every right to demand it. What I don't get is why you're allowing this to go on, 2+ months now?

Agree with moving mom into assisted living, if that's financially feasible. If not, then yes, it's absolutely fair for your sister to ask you to assist. Just because your sister has a larger home does not mean she has to bear all responsibility here. Having an extra person in one's home nonstop is an intrusion, and I'm sure your sister would like a break now and then. It's actually not fair for you to question this. There are very inexpensive, very comfortable memory foam floor mattresses (Amazon has one for $89) that you can sleep on while you work together with your sister to assist mom in getting the dignity she deserves in her final years.

Why is he breadcrumbing? Because he can keep you (and possibly several others) in his phone rotation, so that whenever he wants company, he has easy access to willing participants. After this few dates, this much analysis is an indicator to cut this one loose.

We call that “bread crumbing”. Puts out a sporadic text just to see if you’ll respond so he can keep you in his Contacts.

I'm so sorry that you and your friend are not back on track. You said she suffers from depression which is abated by romantic relationships. Do you know if she has a doctor, does she take anything? This professor guy is her Mr. Right Now. She's said he doesn't show empathy; there is probably much more she does not share. I completely understand your situation, as the situation with my friend in a very similar scenario, which I wrote about earlier in your thread, has gone to zero contact. We haven't spoken since December, and she's only barely responded to my texts. We are much older than you (60's), so proof that age does not diminish these feelings of depression/addiction to romantic relationship/pulling away from friends. In my situation, this friend has also pulled away from other friends, so I'll ask: Has your friend pulled away from others that you know of, or just you? Keep your door open, as she may contact you at some point, realizing that she misses you. In my situation, the deafening silence from this friend with whom I spoke almost daily has caused me to evaluate some things. Like you, I feel the loneliness, the emptiness of not having someone to have deeper conversations. But the silence has also made me realize that most of the deeper conversations were about her, and about us analyzing her life. She often said I should be a therapist, as I'm so "good" at this. But the silence has made me realize that I was basically an unpaid therapist to her traumas. My traumas have been healed with very deep dive therapy; hers are band-aided by men, alcohol, and long phone calls to whoever will listen and agree with her. I bring all this up not to derail your thread, but to see if you see any similarities. This all came up the other night with some other friends of mine, one of whom has gone through very deep trauma therapy and now counsels women in DV situations. She brought up that if "family of origin" trauma isn't thoroughly analyzed and healed, the patterns will continue through life. My friend is close to 70, and she's still cycling through this. So, what to do? You've received excellent feedback so far! I love this board, and the people who contribute! I've realized I was too much invested in her calls, her texts, her stories. I've had to get out and meet....gasp....other people, lol. Here are my examples, that I probably wouldn't have done, had she & I still been so bonded: -A friend & her husband hosted NFL playoff & Super Bowl parties. I am not a huge football fan, and I literally almost didn't go, within 5 minutes of leaving. But, guess what? There were some other really nice, cool women there, and I've done some things with them! -I found a local women's group (similar to a Meetup, which is also great). The women were so unbelievably kind, welcoming, and talkative with me, after just the first lunch. They were so excited for me when I won the small door prize! I'm like, wow, it's so nice to meet new people. One has already texted me. -I've started saying Yes to things. I was invited to a "sound bowl meditation" thing, which I'd normally have blown off. I'm going! Meetup is a great way to meet new people, or you could start your own group. In 2019, I joined two different groups, both run by women (one was in her 30's, one in her 40's), for walking, museums, wine tasting, book clubs, etc. They were so nice and well attended. They haven't re-started after Covid, but you know what? Let's start some new groups! The Meetup by the woman in her 30's was started by an ER nurse (again, prior to Covid), who just didn't have time to meet women, so she said she had no female friends. She was a doll. She said she was so scared to start a group, and started is as a "XYZ Neighborhood Women's Walking Group". For the first "meeting", she said "How about a Sunday Brunch"? She had to reserve an entire room for 30 people, as it was that well attended. If I'm being completely honest, my feelings are still hurt, and I do miss the friendship. And my door is open to her still, but I'm filling my life in the meantime. Girl, you got this. I have a feeling you're a great gal who will find new friends. And when this one pops back up (which I bet she will), you'll be in a much "fuller" space, where she won't be the be-all-end-all friend, but she'll be a nice addition to your life.

There's no shame in engaging in a situation with consenting adults. A guy I know in his late 60's married a 20-something girl from the Philippines. She gets to live a great life, he gets a woman who worships him. Win-win. For them. But what is it you ultimately want? I get that you're tired of walking on eggshells. If I don't text this, she'll get upset. If I don't pick the right restaurant, she'll pout. If I don't respond at this time, she'll give me the silent treatment. I get all that. If what you ultimately want is a solid, stable relationship, think of your future self: What will the right girl (not Ms. Sniffles, but the right one) think when you tell her of your Sugar Daddy/Baby relationships? Many women will choose to walk away. I once walked out of a date before even ordering because when I asked the kind, sweet engineer sitting across from me why his marriage ended, and he told me of his love affair with a stripper, I thanked him for meeting me. When you study finance, it's often said to think of your Future Self: Will the "you" in 20 years be happy you spent all that money on that "thing", or be happier that you put it into a low-cost S&P 500 mirror mutual fund?

I just checked my renewal rate on Match. $120 for 3 months. Since I did a cancellation at the same time I signed up, I'd have to Opt In, which I will not. $40/month, $480/year, for a whole lot of nothing.

I wish you strength and peace through this, as I know you have developed strong feelings for him. If you need support, please reach out. 12 weeks isn’t a long time, until it is….as often, what can hurt the most is the loss of the future we hoped for.