saber92973

Hi Sparkle, Thanks for your response. I would say that you are 100% right when you said that the only thing I appeared to have done wrong was not fighting for my friendship with Dale. I regret that everyday. I don't think Dale would believe I am trying to re-establish a relationship (more than friends) with him. What we had was long in the past, boyfriend/girlfriend wise. To give you a idea time frame wise, I was 16 and Dale was 21 when we dated. We dated for a VERY short period time (less than 6 months), and we stayed friends into my mid twenties. He was just probably the best guy friend I have ever had, he was very honest in his opinions of my current boyfriends and most of the time he was spot on about what their true intentions were all about. Too bad for me I was to stubborn to listen lol. You asked what I was seeking from Dale, support, leaning post ect. I know this may sound really odd, but after I read about his wife and child being killed I just couldn't think of anything other than helping him if he needed it, like if he needed someone to talk to. I think my sadness pales in comparision to his, losing your wife is hard, but to lose your child on the same day...I can't imagine how painfull that is. Dale was always one of those people that said "Call me if you need my help for anything and I will be there"....that actually meant it. He helped me out alot when I was 18 and pregnant with my daughter. Her dad kicked me out and kept my stuff, I called Dale and he gave no judgements (even though he never liked the guy lol), asked no questions, he just showed up in a hour and went and collected my things for me. Just a good guy basically and in my life they have been very hard to come by, either for boyfriends or for just friends, because I have had very bad experiences with both. I can honestly say him and my husband are the two best guys I have ever known. I mean afterall my husband could have been a butt and said no you can't contact Dale, but he said he is your friend and I know you miss him, so go for it contact him. That is a good guy, so I am blessed there. Afterall my husbands best friend is a female and I have no problem with that. They have known each other for years, many before he met me, so how could I say anything lol. I just miss the friendship with Dale, and even though I am friends with my hubby...it isn't the same. I am sure you know what I mean, no two friendships are the same, you never share the same experiences with one person that you do with another. Like Jamie my friend who passed away, she was my best friend for over 25 years and she will be until the day I die, no one can replace her in any shape, form or fashion. Thank you once again for the post and the sweet sentiments about my situation, I really appreciate it. Have a great day!

Hi everyone, First off sorry if this is a long post lol. I recently tried (and failed) to make contact with a ex of mine. Im 33 and I have been married for six years. I talked to my husband about this before ever trying to contact Dale, my ex. Me and Dale only dated for a very short time and we figured out quickly that we actually made better friends. The whole reason I decided to try and make contact was because my best friend Jamie whom I loved very dearly passed away just over three months ago from cancer , we were friends since first grade. My mom is also terminally ill with cancer and isn't expected to live much longer, so my life at times is very depressing and stressfull. After Jamie died I started thinking about people in the past with whom I had friendships with and Dale popped into my head. We quit speaking because of Ronnie, a guy who I was dating at that time had a severe problem with me talking to Dale. Ronnie was very controlling and ended up being abusive which is what caused me to leave him. I always felt bad about my friendship with Dale ending like that. So I started searching for him and found him online through property tax records. I saw that he was married and I was so happy to know that because Dale was very much a loner and me and even my mom worried about him ever getting married. I was curious to see how long he had been married and when I did a local newspaper search I came accross something that shocked me. His wife, mother in law and one year old son were killed in a horrific car accident in 2003. That just made me want to write him even more, to tell him how very sorry I was about the loss of his wife and child. So I did, I wrote a very nice, polite, non pushy (or so I thought ) letter and mailed it about two weeks ago. I gave him two ways to contact me, a email address and telephone number. I was very upfront and told him I was married but that my husband wasn't like Ronnie, and my husband had no problems with him contacting me. I just honestly want a friendship with Dale, nothing more. I miss talking to him and I am really sorry if I screwed it up by letting Ronnie run him off. When I told my husband that Dale still hadn't replied to my letter, he suggested that I call him. I declined, I feel kind of stupid now because I really don't think he wanted to hear from me. Then my husband suggested he could call him, I said no to that to. Dennis (my husband) said "Well you never know, maybe he didn't get your letter." I think Dale did but the USPS could have lost it I suppose, although I doubt it. My husband knows I am depressed over losing my friend and I am soon to be losing my mother. I really had no friends except for Jamie...mainly because of Ronnie running them all off. Terrible thing about being young and stupid, you think a boyfriend being protective is sweet...when it is just a way to start controlling you. I was young and dumb and let him rule over me, thank God that is over with. Anywho....advice....please be nice....im fragile lol . Thanks for listening!

I do know what you mean when you mention that you feel a true connection to this lady. I was in a bad relationship for over seven years and in the end I started chatting on line. Well one night I start talking to this guy and we had SO much in common. Matter of fact one night we were both listening to a cd (by the way at this point and time I had no idea what type of music he listened to) and anyhow I asked him what he was listening to..............and i'll be damned if it wasn't the same cd and the same song at the same exact time! Freaky! He was my salvation during a rough period in my life. We are still email buddies today (almost four years later)! Even though we have never met each other I feel like he is one of my best friends and possibly one of the few people who truly understand me. We even found out that we have matching tattoos.....it is truly weird, so when you say you have a connection to her....I do understand. I just hope you clear things up and go on to live a happy life...whether it is with your wife, this other lady or someone else totally different. I just hate to see anyone spend their time in a bad relationship in which they are miserable. But I also believe honesty is the best policy and I am sure you wife will appreciate it if you are honest with her. Good luck!

Has he NEVER mentioned marriage at all? I never mentioned marriage to my ex (he brought it up to me) and that was because I never wanted to marry him. But again that is me and my situation. I guess there is no harm in bringing the subject up and seeing how he reacts. Seems a little strange though. Did he have a bad break up when he was engaged before. That could have something to do with it, maybe he is scared. Good luck!

Oh boy! If you are that interested in finding a "soul mate" , lover or anything else, then maybe you should get a divorce from your wife first. Even if you didn't marry for love you still made vows to each other and that should count for something. If you have ANY respect for your wife you will stop what you are doing until you get things clear with her.... whether that means a divorce or seperation. If you have been together for 10 years and have 2 kids together then I would say your wife must have some feelings of love for you and these actions you are taking with this girl will probably hurt her. I hope your reason for staying with your wife isn't because of the children. I think children are smart enough to sense when things are not right and that probably goes double for your wife. Alot of women sense when their mates are doing something they shouldn't be. I don't mean to come down on you so hard but your old enough to know better. I know that how I felt when I was 18 is totally different than I feel right now, my opinions have changed, my outlook on life, just things in general. People mature with age and this girl will also mature and change as she gets older. Not to mention the fact that who I was with when I was 18 is not who I would want to be with today! Taste in everything can change...including your taste in who you are attracted to! Just be honest with yourself. Do you really believe that what your doing is okay? If you are not happy with your wife then maybe you should leave....why live your life being miserable? Good luck and be true to yourself!

You ever heard that old saying "Nice guys finish last"? Well it is pure Bulls***! My husband is a sweet heart and that is one of main reasons I feel in love with him. So don't ever consider giving up what a good woman would consider a great personality trait. You just haven't found the right girl yet...........but you will if you don't give up! My husband got s*** on alot before we met. He dated the wrong kind of women....ones who just cared about what they wanted and didn't give a damn about him. I know how to treat a man and I also know how I want to be treated. I was in a sorry relationship with a cruel and hateful man for seven years and I hate that I wasted that time with him. But I can also look at it another way............I wasn't wasting time......I was just waiting till my future husband came into the picture. If I had married my jerk ex boyfriend then I would have never had the opportunity to met and marry my husband. Like I said I was with the ex jerk for seven years and I NEVER wanted to marry him, actually I was pretty soured on relationships altogether. Then me and the jerk broke up and I started dating again, met some more jerks...lol....then one day I met my husband and I swear to God I knew I was going to marry him and before that day marriage had never been something that I considered. We met at the end of May 2000 and we got married on October 20th 2000! I have never been happier! So don't give up and in my opinion NICE GUYS RULE!!! Good luck!

I guess you could give her some time........the big word there is SOME. My personal opinion is that she is not telling you the whole truth about something, what that is I have no clue. Just don't waste to much time, it will only make things harder. I would just tell her that this is too hard on you and you do not feel like playing games.......either she wants to be with you or she doesn't. There really isn't a middle ground....but that is my opinion. Good luck and your very welcome....I hope I helped some.

I am sorry for your pain and trust me EVERYONE has been there. I don't think there is one person who can say they haven't had their heart broken to one extent or another. I just question why she would pop that on you all of the sudden without any warning. My ex did that and he was seeing someone else.......I am not saying that is her problem but it kinda makes you wonder what is going on. I can say that you will find love again....that is unless you do lock yourself up in the house. I felt heartbroken for a very long time after my ex left me (oh did I mention I was 18 and pregnant with his child), but time does heal all wounds......even the deepest! It has been 11 years now and I couldn't be happier and I am SO damn glad I am not with him...........I know now he definitely was not the right person for me! Life has funny and sometimes hurtfull ways of showing you a different (usually better) path for you to take. I will give you a piece of advice that I wish someone had yelled at me......DO NOT JUMP INTO A RELATIONSHIP QUICKLY AFTER A HARD BREAKUP! Just doesn't work..........I did that and spent SEVEN miserable years with a abusive man! I guess I was lonely and just plain heartbroken and wanted someone to love me. It was weird for me the first time I saw my ex after the break up (seven years later), he was a jerk and angry about how his life turned out. He felt stupid for not seeing his own child for 7 years! He kept in touch with her for 6 months then chose not to see her anymore.....his loss! I am now married to a WONDERFUL man and have a new baby with him. If you had told me 11 years ago how I would be living today I would have said BULLS***! I never thought anyone could really love me after my ex dumped me. Don't give up on life.......love life! You will be happy again......maybe with your ex maybe not, but you will find someone. Just don't shut yourself off from life! Good luck!

Sorry for the late reply but I just read your message. I know how hard being 14 can be. I was ALWAYS in trouble and felt like the world was against me. As for the step mom....well I never had one but my 10 year old daughter does and well let us just say the woman is VERY unpleasant! I would suggest getting a pocket tape recorder and when she starts in record her and let your dad listen to it. Maybe he will see her other side . Many people (not just the your step mom ) have two sides to their personality. My ex mother in law is a good example of that...sweet as pie in front of her son and everyone else and a total b**** to me! No one believed me when I told them how she acted....so I kinda know how you are feeling. My daughters step mom acts like Miss goody two shoes to her husband but then turns around and treats me and my daughter like second class citizens. I don't put up with her treating my daughter badly. Most of the time people like that are just generally unhappy people and they feel the need to make everyone else unhappy right along with them. Just hang in their....trust me things will get better! Don't let her or anyone else get you down....go to school (by the way those are very good grades) keep on the right track and everything will work itself out in the end!

Sean, Well you pretty much nailed it down about the female from his past messing him up. His mom is a fruit cake, she is sort of (not totally) the cause of his father being killed. See his dad was a mean SOB and she was only 16 when they met and married. She had my ex's older brother when she was 17 and had my ex at 18, she then left her husband because of the abuse. Unfortunately she made the mistake as many of us do of going back. She left for a final time and went to stay with her parents....her husband showed up and got into a altercation with her folks and my ex's grandfather shot and killed his dad. So yes he does have issues with her that he is VERY unwilling to talk about or to even confront her on. He was also abused by her second husband (mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually).... and unfortunately his mother KNEW about it and did NOTHING!! I was not informed of this abuse he suffered until we broke up. I do feel badly for him even though he has made my life hell for three years. I was with him for a long time before I finally noticed that he had alot of trouble communicating with people......just friendly chit chat is hard for him. He also has a very hard time picking the right "type" of friends.........he loves to hang around with low life men who are nothing but trouble. The only good friend he has he makes fun of for going to church. I am telling you just about his whole family is messed up in some way. He had two brother, one got murdered at work. The sad thing is we were all kind of expecting it to happen. Jim (the brother who was murdered) was a little bit off in the head......We always thought he was bi-polar or something like that. He got into a argument with a guy at work and the guy shot him twice with a 9mm at close range....he was 32. My ex's other brother (Frankie) is ALWAYS in jail........they actually know him by name! No kidding! He has numerous children that he never sees or supports. The only good one of the bunch who actually has their s*** together is his sister, she is married with one child and works.....normal girl, never been in trouble. His brother Frankie was so bad that when he was 7 he would steal his mom's rent money! As far as my husband.....he has never met my ex. He has seen him before but didn't realize until he left who he was....before that he had only seen his picture. My ex won't mess with my husband or any other man for that matter, he only beats up on women. But my husband has been my rock, he would never let any physical harm come to me or anyone else in our household. My ex actually saw my husband without him knowing about it........he was hiding in our garage one morning and saw my husband leave for work. My ex's wife told me about that and said that Ronnie (that is my ex's name) wouldn't bother Dennis (my husband) because he was to damn big...lol! But at the moment we don't even know where my ex is living at, if we did my husband and his good friend (his boss from work....big big man) would pay him a visit. My husbands boss drove 300 miles to beat a mans a** that hit his mom, so he wouldn't think twice about helping us out if we need it. Hell he wanted to loan us his dog for protection....Brutus....325 pound rotty..........huge dog......looks like a horse! Oh and we are going to move but we have to get some property and the house sold first then we are gone and hopefully our trouble will be to. I am sorry I talked so much, but I really appreciate your input and your willingness to talk to me about this......so many people don't want to. Thanks again.

I say live it day to day and if he really loves you it won't matter about how you look. My husband is a real cutie pie and well I am a large woman and he loves the hell out of me! And believe me there is alot to love...lol ! My daughters father and the woman he married are still together........he is 29 and she is 49. They do have their problems but that is them.....he married her to get away from his mommy. That sounds funny doesn't it? I didn't have a good paying job, house..ect and she did. All I had was his child and that wasn't worth as much to him. As far as it being strange for me.......well kind of. I wondered for along time what was wrong with me, and after he dumped me I went right into a very abusive relationship that lasted almost 8 years. Matter of fact I have topic on here "My ex won't leave me alone".....you should read it and the age difference thing with you and your man would seem so small! I got a stalker ex phycho marine that won't leave me alone after being apart for over 3 years!! So just enjoy what you have and screw what everyone else thinks! Good luck....... !

Sean I do appreciate your advice and yes I do agree he did want to be the dumper not the dumpee. But I am married now and well it's a little to late to give him that option. I have tried EVERYTHING with him from saying it is all my fault, trying to be friendly, ignoring him, cussing him out. I have tried EVERY angle and nothing works. He is so pissed at me simply because I dumped him. He knows he treated me badly but in his warped mind it doesn't matter. He admitted in court to everything I said he did, he never said "No I didn't do that." He told me he was a jerk and wanted a second chance but it was to little to late. I am pretty sure that you probably don't know what it feels like to live with someone who makes you feel like if you say one little thing wrong that it will set them off into a rage. I woke him up one day to go to work and he choked me and slammed me up against the wall............all because he was tired, and it wasn't like I went in the room screaming "Get the hell up (censored)!" I was no perfect girlfriend, I don't think there is such a thing as being perfect, but I never cheated, I never hit him, I respected his mother (unlike him) and his family in general even though he treated my mom like she was a total (censored). I have wished him the best of luck in his new life and told him that if he would get his (censored) straight he could have a great life. Afterall he is married to someone else and so am I. His wife even told me on the phone once that their marriage was one of convience (mainly for him I suspect....since she works and he doesn't) and she also said that he loved me not her! He actually told her that and she still married him!! I feel sorry for her in a way because she is mentally slow....I am not trying to be funny either.....she had a stroke and her mental abilities are slower than the average person. I know if she stays with him her life will be total (censored) until he decides to quit feeling sorry for himself and get back to normal. They say time heals all wounds.......I am starting to find that hard to believe. Three years and he is still going strong. Thanks again for the advice I really do appreciate it. But trust me when I say that the only reason he is holding this grudge is because I DUMPED HIM!

I really don't see anything wrong with a older woman dating a younger man. The only time I have found a problem with it was when my daughters father left me when I was three months pregnant for a woman 20 years older than him. The woman he left me for told me not to contact him because he was to young to be a father......he and I were both 18 and she was 38. Other than my situation I really don't see it as a problem. For one thing 13 years is not a HUGE age gap. My mom and dad had a HUGE age gap, when they married he was 59 and she was 32! They were happily married for almost 23 years! So if you can get and keep a young stud then go for it!!!.......Most of all enjoy it!!!!!!

I kind of agree with getting a restraining order......BUT.......if she really wants to harass you she can always open a new e-mail account and she doesn't even have to use her real name. Restraining orders and orders of protection really are not worth the paper they are written on. I had one against my ex for two years and he did some of his WORST harassment while I had it. I guess it just depends on your state and how seriously the police take the matter. I had my ex and his new wife sending me harassing e-mail, so since I had the order of protection against him which stated he or no party representing him could contact me I called the police. They were of NO help, they weren't even sure if e-mails would be covered in the OP. Does her husband know about the affair? If not maybe he should. That might put a lid on her, even if he does know I might give him a call and say, Do you know your wife is e-mailing me, maybe explain to him some of the content of the e-mail. Most husbands who have been cheated on wouldn't like what she is doing. To me it shows interest in you and your husbands life...where there should no longer be any. Just a suggestion. Hope you can get rid of her.

I really appreciate you all giving me your opinions on my problem. I agree that violence is not my answer to this problem, but if he should ever break into my house when I am home then it will be a case of self defense. I have guns in my house and know how to use them. My ex knows this also, that is probably why he sneaks around at 3am. Sean I would like to ask you a question since your a ex marine, how the hell do I catch the SOB? He is so sneaky.....I have caught him once and that was pure luck. I also want to say that anytime something happens I do make a police report. My ex has shown up at my house in broad daylight to mess with me and he knows I am on the phone with the police....he knows EXACTLY how long it takes for the Sheriff to get here, usually 20 or 25 minutes. One time he left then the police show up, he calls and says "Tell the cops I said Hi....I passed them on the way out." He is not always smart though...here is a perfect example. I came home late one night and got on line to check my e-mail, I hear my dogs start to bark like there is someone outside. So old dummy me steps outside and there he was standing in a down pour with another man........I was scared to death. I called the sheriff and two of them showed up in two separate cars. The one stayed and took a report and the other was outside looking around......all of the sudden the guy outside comes on his radio and says "I just saw a car pass by that fits the description of our suspect, I am going to pull it over." A few minutes later he comes back on and says " I have a (make of car) license plate # and two white male occupants." I was like HOLY CRAP that is him. This dummy had made a clean get away and was SO COCKY that he decided to turn around and drive by my house to see if the cops were there......DUH! Needless to say he did go to jail that night! YIPPY! He also physically abuses his new wife, she had him put in jail last year for strangling her. I tried to warn her about him but she chose to believe him over me. He also uses his 11 year old step daughter to harass me, he makes her send notes to me in the mail with her name on it in her handwriting so I can't say it was him sending the harassing mail. His wife is just as stupid as he is though, she calls me about once every six months to tell me her sobb story...how he won't work (he hasn't worked since they have been married) he drinks to much...blah blah....she just calls to bilk me for information on my life, but I don't give her the satisfaction of any info....except for how happy I am! Oh and Sean....I believe you stated that I must have done somethng to really piss him off.......no I just left him that is it. I NEVER cheated on him, he cheated on me. I am just not a mean natured person. I have had opportunities to mess his car up. I figured if I tried to make the break up as friendly as possible it would work, but I was VERY wrong. Things went to s*** as soon as he figured out I was serious about not getting back together. I am just sick of his behavior, it is childish. He is almost 36! I have also thought about moving and we are planning to in the near future. I hope then all this stops. I have also wrote to everyone I can possibly think of...congressmen from my state, the govenor, prosecuting attorney, judges...you name it I have written them. I have even written womens groups that help abused or stalked women get orders of protection and I have gotten no response from them. I just wish he would forget me and live his life. But a messed up marine like him isn't likely to do that are they Sean?

My daughters father and I got along extremly well, then one day he started acting distant and just all together funny. I was upset by his behavior then I find out he is cheating on me.......with a woman old enough to be his mother! I don't know if your boyfriend is cheating or not....the whole thing sounds strange. I just know when people start acting distant there is a reason and you may not like what it is. I know it is hard to move on......believe me I know....after I found out he was cheating I also found out I was pregnant! I had just turned 18 and never felt so alone in my life. He wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and never even saw my daughter until she was 7 ! I would just suggest moving on to better things.........there are SOOOOOOOO many men out there and you have one that will be perfect for you! I don't think this guy is it! Sorry for your pain but it does get easier........trust me! I am now married to the best guy and have a new baby boy.......so like my mom always said......when life gives you lemons make lemonade!

I am new here and I am looking for ANY and ALL advice on how to deal with my jerk ex boyfriend . Me and the jerk were together for almost seven years, you may ask why I never married him. Well to be quite honest he always had issues of somekind that put me off from ever marrying him. When we first met I was 18 and he was 24, he had just finished 4 years in the USMC. I was lusting after him to start with and when we started dating everything was fine (except for the no job)...which really didn't bother me because I wasn't supporting him. Plus I was young and dumb... . He finally found a job and after two years of dating we moved in together.....big mistake. First he became verbally abusive, then emotionally and finally physically. I really don't know why I didn't leave then other than I was scared of what he would do to me and my daughter really loved him, she never saw his bad side until the end (not his child...had her before we met). Fast forward....my dad died in 96 and we moved in with my mom to help take care of the bills so she wouldn't loose her house. I really felt like this move might help, but he still got physical with me even in my moms house....he never did this in front of anyone...nor did he leave visable marks on me. I had been a stay at home mom but in 98 I decided to return to work at my previous employer. In September of 98 my ex's brother was murdered at work, that started the chain of events that eventually led to me throwing his butt out of the house. In October of 99 me and the jerk had a big argument at 4am and he shoved me into the bar.....that was my breaking point. I told him to get his s*** and leave. He did...only to return five minuted later to ask me if this was a phase I was going through. I said yes and the phase was you and it is over now. Everything was cool for about a month....we were actually trying to stay friendly for my daughter. Then in mid November of 99 he flipped his lid, he came to my house started telling me he was going to kill himself and take me with him. I have never called the police on anyone before......but I did that night. I took his threat very seriously. He disappeared for two days and no one knew where he was at, turns out he was actually sleeping in his car parked in my driveway. He was spying on me through my windows ! I decided to go get a order of protection against him. I had a FEMALE judge who turned my request down twice before she finally gave me a OP for two years. The only reason she did was because the jerk called me and knew I was taping the phone call and proceeded to talk for two hours in which he managed to threaten to kill me three times and my mom once.....needless to say the prosecuting attorney with really impressed with how stupid he was . During the time I had the OP (which was from 3/00 till 3/02) he still harassed me. I got married in October of 2000 to the most wonderful man....oh and did I mention my ex is also married and he has his lovely wife harassing me too! The harassment that I am sick of and will take suggestions on how to stop is this: None stop phone calls, breaking my bedroom windows, polking holes into my car radiator, slashing my tires TWICE, broke into my house and stole a pair of my underwear and then put them on my car antenna at my place of employment, he also took a rock out of my driveway scratched my hood then proceeded to take HIS OWN FECES and put it on my windshield and up underneath my door handles (His own wife admitted this to me), the last most recent thing he has done was about two weeks ago, he busted my car windshield. I am sick and tired of this behavior. He is 35 years old and needs to grow up. I have never done anything to his personal property. I don't even know where he is living now, but would love to find out because when you make a police report they always ask you for the suspects current address. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is a scary and expensive situation that has been going on for over THREE years! HELP...what should I do? Thanks for your time and sorry about the length of the letter.