SlipperySammy

You are making way to much out of this! 1. Men masterbate...get over it. 2. 90% of men will look at porn at some point, this does not make them deviant or perverted. 3. Just because you find a certian kind of porn on some ones computer does not mean the are 'in' to that kind of sex or porn. I am sure there is alot of weird random crap on my computer that got there from other people using my comp, pop ups, random web browsing etc... 4. You snooped the computer in an attempt to bust him...and you put him an a bad position by making him promise not to look at porn ever...this is very bad for the relationship long term. 5. Get off his balls, I feel bad for this guy being forced to feel guilty and ashamed of himself.

This seems to be a very difficult topic, that is addressed here frequantly. I have had my own share of this issue in several ways. First off my girlfriend and I face this very saem issue...but she is the one with no libido. Second off... my parents were in a very similar situation you are, my dad would ignore my mother in every way. She believed that he just had no libido, and that he was a good father and good man otherwise. It turned out he had two lives...he was secretly buying prostitutes and visiting strip clubs/massage parlors. I think this issue is a sign of BIG problems. One hard thing about this issue is it is very hard to leave some one over it. It isn't like they lie to you, cheat on you...its not like they do one act that makes you feel justified in leaving them, it isn't easy to leave some one you other wise love over lack of sex...atleast it isn't for me. Overall I can relate, and I hope you the best.

Are you worried she is hooking up with some other dude...or dudes?

It is hard to fully understand you situation from the limited info you gave. Overall I find fitness a turn on, but at the same time like girls to still have curves and to still be relativly soft and feminin.

The other thread made me think of this, I normaly wouldn't mind buying condoms I mean it isn't that big of a deal, but I have had some weird times buying them. One of my first times, I was at some small town store and they kept them behind the counter. I felt kinda weird asking for condoms, but it was either that or no sex so...I asked the girl, but I couldn't evem see what kind they had so she was like, "what kind do you want?" I was like, "ahh...I don't care." She then went through each brand they had asking me if I wanted those...and she recomended 'her pleasure' I was like, "Ok what ever I just want outa here." Then as I was walking out she says, "have fun." Then another time I was at a bigger store in the middle of the night and I had a big box of condoms and a Faygo pop at the check lanes. The guy in front me of me jsut keeps making a big deal out of the fact I am only buying condoms and faygo and the whole store can hear hm. He said, "All you need in life uh? Faygo and Condoms!" He also said somthing like, "Looks like your having fun tonight!"

There are girls who like to have sex? Are you telling me that you are a girl and you are having trouble going with out sex?

What would you do if? You dated some one that was completely asexual, they never had one sexual desire or sexual thought and were not capable of being turned on. the only time they would rarely do any thing sexual with you was out of pure obligation and the sex was horrible because your partner was clearly not into it in any shape or form?

She reaches orgasm with me but not every time. If she initiates (which is rare) she probably will...if I Initiate she does some times, but alot of the time I have a sense that she isn't turned on enough... If she doesn't she tells me it still felt really good, but what is she going to tell me...it didn't feel good? I tried the 'touch yourself while I touch you thing' she will do that some times, not in a while though.

Also just an FYI it I am not all stressed out about this or anything, I am just bored and this crossed my mind.

No sexual abuse...atleast I am almost sure. It isn't the biggst deal in the world to me that she doesn't, but since we have had trouble in the bedroom in our relationship it makes me wonder if there is a coeralation. I also would just like to know her better and and why she might be like this. She told me that she NEVER even tried or touched herself until age 22, when I asked her about it and I said it was kinda weird that she didn't. After I told her that, she tried it one time and said she 'thought of me' but she wasn't into it. I have casually encourged her to try it more often, and some times when we are fooling around I encourage her to touch her self but she either says "it feels better when you do it." or she only does for a second. PS no religion factors either, she is agnostic, and her parents are casual church goers.

My question is how frequently do women masterbate. I know every one is different, and thier probably is no norm, but my girlfriend has NEVER touched her self in any sexual way and I think that is kinda messed up. I asked her why, and she says she just never has. I think she actually said she tried it one time but didn't like it. I guess I am just trying to understand her better and I have hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that in 23 years she has never touched her self like that.

1x a week maybe twice but that is rare. I posted here all spring and winter about how my girlfriend and I were only having sex 1x a month so we are currently doing better but I still think we have room for improvement. She has an incredibly low libedo, and some hang ups about sex so she isn't a nympo by any means.

Is this a joke? If this is for reall maybe he is VERY inexperienced...and maybe he thoughtt the blood was your period. Who knows but this is a weird thread.

Try Planned Parenthood, I bet you will find them very professional and helpfull, they are there to help, not tell you parents. Remember they deal with people in you situation ten times a day, and are trained professionals.

My opinon is that both people tend to make to big a deal about things like this. Whats with all the tipp toeing around? I think some people have hit it on the head, "Hey babe I like going down on you...I mean I really like going down on you, but can I shave you before i do it again?" or "Can I shave you some time this week?" Problem solved. If she has a problem with that or is offended by that she is thinking into it or about to wayyyyy to much. Isn't it common knowledge that you should at least trim your self if you want you partner to perform oral...or you partner wants to perform oral on you? I hate that things like this have to cause tension and anxiety for both parties.

Occasionaly initiate, make him feel wanted.

As far as books go my girlfriend and I are reading 'Guys are from venus and women are from mars...in the bedroom' It is a decent book, it has its flaws and I am actually looking for the some better stuff. I like the content but it is a little dumbed down and an easy read. It did really help us understand the differences between men and women and what they want in the bedroom, and just reading a book like that together can help open the lines of communication.

Tell him how you feel. It will be easy especially if you talk online...Tell him you like him and the sex was really awsome but you just want to slow it down. (Tell him the sex was good so he doesn't think it sucked and you are turned of by him.) I think he would understand.

It is not the size of these parts of the body that matter, it is what else comes with it. What is a big penis on a fat abusive ugly guy? Or bif boobs on a fat nasty, and abusive girl? Also lol at all the people worried about size and the people who claim to have or dated a guyu with 8+ inches.

No counselling as of yet...I think we will read a few books and if that doesn't help go to counselling. This book is pretty decent, and suprisingly hits home on alot of issues. We read the first couple chapters last night, and really liked it. I think we will finish this one, and try another and see what that does. I see potential in the books and posting on here, I think seeing all of this in text will really help get things out in the open and Jamie really seems comitted to fixing this right now so I guess I am a little more optimistic just because the books offer somthing we havn't tried yet and I think they will help. I love her very much and hope we will make proggress. Thanks for all of your time RayKay you are always a big help.

I met her at her today at a book store, we went book shopping and bought 'Men are from Venus and women from mars...in the Bedroom' book, I started reading it this evening while she is at work and so far it is really goodand alot of it its home. I don't know this is all messed up...I realized today that I get so depressed when I see other women interested in sex that I have trained myself to avoid situatons when I might see that sort of thing. I couldn't watch the reall world yesterday because of the girls on there acting interested in sex...I can't help but fear I will never experice any thing like that. I mean know those girls are on the extreme s1utyness scale...and are probably chosen for the show because in thier interview they confess to being nymphos and mtv figure s it will make good tv. I still can't help but wish Jamie would only have a small fraction that kind of interest.

Jamie I read Minty80's response as soon as it was posted, and thought it was well written and informative, in fact that is why after it I responded with, "Awesome response! Very informative and helpful!" My question for you Jamie is exactly how does this apply to us? (I am sure it applies to us, but I want to know why think it does..or if it does.) Minty80 writes, You have made it very clear to me on many occasions this type of behavior makes you feel uncomfortable. Your exact words have been, "It makes me feel like a prostitute," or "It makes me feel like all you want from me is sex," and the big one..."I don't know what your expectations are, or what you want and then I get nervous." Minty also writes, This makes perfect sense to me in the context of Misty's situation but in our case you have told me many times you do not like me doing this so....basically this behavior never leads to sex and just seems to make you uncomfortable. Misty writes, This makes sense to me and is a great point, I still have worries that this could help but would just be a band aid to cover underlying issues. My 'backing off' approach only came after months of trying other less evasive approaches. I also look at this approach that Misty suggests as good in theory but to late for us. Can you possibly imagine this working and turning you on after we have both read and responded to this thread...we would both know the motives behind my actions and be like ok....? Misty writes, This sounds very similar to our situation, and I don't know what else to say...I have done every thing in my ability to be sensitive and caring. I subtly tried to get you to see a doctor after you started hurting quite often but to no avail....then I became more admit, but you still refused I then got angry because you would not simply see a doctor to help solve a problem that was breaking us up...you then promised you would and then didn't! I went through the roof...and then finally you did. The final diagnoses was that your Gyno said you might have poor lubrication. This means one of two things to me...poor lubrication means you are not turned on in the first place only affirming my fears that you are not attracted to me. or you were to shy and embarrassed to be assertive and elaborate about your pain to the gyno so that in the end it was just written off as poor lubrication. (This pain has been present with excessive KY used...and as of recently returned allegedly from the KY warming liquid...or a similar pain but not the same? I am not sure.) How common is it for girls to hurt like this? I have researches extensively on the Internet but have really found little info...that is why I encouraged her to go tot he doctor because I have no clue why she would hurt like she does while using KY and also why the low lubrication thing does not make sense to me. This whole thing seems so messed up I am afraid it is to late...I look back at what I have written and it is obvious that I resent this issue and I fear I resent it to the point there is little hope. Literally every time we tackle this issue I hear a different excuse, (I can't even type all of the reasons you have given me over the months, ) and then we try and solve the specific problem only to have the issue re-surface with a new excuse from you. This pattern only tells me their is one or many other underlying reasons for this problem that you refuse to share with me. What else can I think? For any of you still reading this VERY long drama and thread... two days ago Jamie read a lot of posts on here and sat me down and had the most frank discussion about our sex life we have ever had. She said that one thing she read of off Ray Kay's post was that we need to really talk about what we would do incase of pregnancy and that would help lesson the fears she had about sex. My first reaction was "I am an idiot," because after all this It never dawned on me this would help her be less afraid of pregnancy and in turn be more into sex. I told her I would support her no matter what and that she should not worry...we also talked about being very careful and not getting pregnant and I reassured her I wouldn't leave her or force her to have an abortion in case of pregnancy. Keep in mind that I love this girl very much and we have plans to get married so getting pregnant might be a little premature to our life plans...but not the end of the world. Also remember she is on the pill, and we use condoms with spermicidal lubricant so chances of pregnancy seem very slim. Well any way...after two hours of the most awesome discussion I have ever had with her we both felt wonderful, (I felt like the biggest monkey was off my back and it was a relief to here her talk frankly and I had so much hope for us!) We ended up having sex and it was very good, (reminded me of when we first started dating...KY warming gel actually made her hut very bad so that we had to stop....but I washed it off and had a good finish... at least I thought so...and she said she did I mean we both 'came' and it was passionate and intimate.) I felt awesome due to the 'passion' involved and the awesome discussion we had had. All day yesterday I was on cloud nine (not necessarily because of the sex but because of our discussion,) and when I got home from school we both went fishing and then shopping...ultimately we went to bed and talked a while. This next part most of you will probably not believe me (Jamie probably wont either,) that I 'innocently' (with no expectations) started rubbing her neck and down in-between her breasts while we laid in bed...we just kept talking and eventually I rubbed and felt her breasts, while we talked, but I swear I was doing nothing but appreciating how beautiful she is and had no expectations...I could also argue so what if I did have expectations...is that against the rules? But any way she grabbed my hand and threw it to the side and said "Could you not touch me there." I said, "I am sorry...did that hurt or something." I thought she was sensitive or something or that I was accidentally being to rough or something....she said, "no...actually I don't want to take this to fast we are still working things out and I don't want to pretend things are fine." The manner in which she said these things and threw my hand of her left me speechless. I am very aware that how this story is taken could easily depend on the sexual nature of my caressing...and she could have felt, 'pressured.' But I swear I wasn't doing any thing but appreciating how beautiful she looked. Any way I was heart broken and really had nothing to say just because I was sooo confused and sad. I just rolled over and went to sleep. Cont...Later

Awsome response! very informative and helpfull!

My girlfriend needs to read this post.

Last night she read the thread I posted above for the first time. When I wrote that I never intended her to ever read it, but I figured if she read it it might help us. After reading it she cried and said she can't keep doing this to me....and that she needs to 'let me go' I don't want to break up with her, I can't imagine a life with out her. Maybe she wants to 'let me go' but doesn't have th ecourage to do it. I don't know...I love her very much and hope we can fix this. I think she will be home from work some time soon and hopefully post here.