SlipperySammy

"Sex isn't important if it isn't important to both of you." Good quote, I don't just want meaningless pity sex after I complain about her lack of libido and my frustrations....I want her to want me. NOTE: 4 weeks and counting, pity sex would be a god send rigth now. Last week end I had to confront her again because it felt like we where pretending every thing was ok and it was starting to creep me out. All I told her was I was sad, and that I wasn't going to pretend every thing was ok. She did have much to offer, but had to go so we put off talking until Sunday evening. We talked for a long time and it felt good because she wasn't crying or being to emotional. We where having a good discussion. She told me since we have been having these problems for so long that she could feel my resentment and that wsa making her not feel close enough to me to have sex with me. This makes sense to me, I just can't figure out why she doesn't understand that if she woudl just initiate somthing I would stop resenting her...I guess she just doesn't want to or somthing.... Any way after lots of talking we decided to try somthing. We would kind of 'start over' I would do my best to not resent her lack of interest and she would try and be better. One big problem with this is it felt like I would have to just pretend like things where ok, but since I am willing to do any thing to fix this I agreed. To be honest I did enjoy our discussion and our 'starting over' plan seemd to have some promise, I was happy with her for discussing our problems and our week started our good with me offering many back rubs and treating her extra special...we felt close again. After several 'alone times' that resulted in absolutly nothing sexual I was little frustrated but decided to keep trying, I couldn't expect our new idea to work in a couple days. On Wednesday after I gave her a back rub and we had some nice time together she said, "I like this...You being better to me and me being better to you." I just said, "yeah." We spent Thursday afternoon together, she seemed much more interested in getting pizza then spending time with me. I coonvinced her to stay in and we would order pizza we talked and rubbed each other, but nothing even close to sexual. Friday night we both got home from our 'stuff' and I convinced her to go out to get a bite to eat with some of my buddies. We both had a couple beers and a meal and came home every thing seemed nice and we where talking and feeling close. After we got inside we kissed and thingsa seemded really good. She said she had to taek her contacts out and she would meet me in bed...I thought wow maybe she might want to fool around. She climbs into bed and withing 60 seconds rolls over and starts to falls asleep. I was heart broken, and rolled over and just sighed. She asked, "are you mad?" I just said no to avoid any all nigth discussions and/or fights. It seems liek you are mad at me. I just want to sleep..... I had to leave class today because I was so depressed. I am on teh brink of tears. She expects me to keep pretending every thing is ok. We have had sex 2 times in 8 weeks, and nothing I try will work. She knew last night I was mad...she has to know...I have no idea what is going on in her head, but I have never felt so far away from her. If you asked her she would swear her love to me up and down, the thought of being with out me brings her to tears, but even though she knows that this issue is killing us she can not bring her self to touch me. My self esteem is gone, I am VERY depressed...to the point I am having trouble doing every day tasks like going to class, the bank, working, working out, etc...I feel like just going home and going to bed. I am not happy, and she knows it, but expects me to stay with her...how can she do that? Any way I am going to go now and stop ranting. I figure I have two things left to try, I have already mentioned couples couselling and she said no but if she wont how can she expect me to just buckle down and feel like this?...isn't that just completely selfish? My other option is to have her read this thread and maybe register on here, I feel like some one just has to talk some sense into her. I guess if the interest is not there...it just isn't there. "Sex isn't important if it isn't important to both of you."

What about casual sex in an established relationship? Less romance just good clean fun? My girl friend and I are have soem issues, that go further then just this, but she seems to feel sex ALWAYS has to be romatic and passionate, which is understandable but I would mind have sex casually just for fun once in a while.

No rape or molestation experieince that I know of....I would like to think she would tell me about any thing like that.

Thanks for the replies and advice, very helpfull! All I know is I am very frustrated and sad. I feel like she won't even budge, or meet in the middle what so ever. I am not asking for any thing out of the ordinary, some sort of sexuality from her would be somthing at this point. Alot of what noggy and solstice said really hit home I am afraid that I am lieing to my self that this can work, but I think we are two different people. I am asking her to be somthing she is not. I have to stop feeling guilty though...No one can expect me to invest in a sexless realationship, that is unfiar. I have spent alot of time feeling guilty that I am the bad guy...(maybe I am maybe I am not.) But I am not going to feel guilty about not being satisfied with our current situation. For those of you who mentioned romancing, and slowing down again, and trying other things. I feel like I have tried every thing. I have been romantic, patient, subtle, understanding, nice, and now I am fed up. Nothing will work. g2g Ill be back later.

My girl friend and I are going through some tough times when it comes to our sex life. Our problems have been nagging us for months now, and we both just want to stop fighting about the issue, but we can't seem to resolve any thing. Our issue is probably to complicated to fully describe and resolve on an internet forum, but I will try...and it will make me feel better getting some things down on paper. (I feel very frustrated since there is no one to talk to about such a personal issue.) I will start with some back ground information that might help. We started dating almost two years ago, and are currently living together. We moved into the same apartment 3 months ago, but have lived in the same apartment complex for the duration of our relationship. Our intimacy problems started approx. 8-9 months ago, with a sudden drop off in our sex life. Initially I tried to be subtle and figure out what was the matter, but the topic became hard to discuss because she would get very emotional and be unable to really offer much of an explanation. For explanation sake...she and I have been both aware of our problem for the past 8 months, but have been unable to resolve anything. First and foremost I love her very much. Nearly every aspect of our relationship is perfect, and I would defiantly describe her as my best friend. We have talked about marriage and buying a house, and at first glance it sounds great but there is always this underlying issue of our nearly nonexistent sex life. It has gotten to the point that every two weeks or so we get into a big fight about it, and I am terribly frustrated. I am to the point where I get so mad and frustrated that it is defiantly affecting other parts of our relationship. I can't help but get angry when I see other couples on TV. Or in real life who seem to enjoy a healthy sex life, or when I think about all time I have spent trying to decipher what the problem with us is, and 8 months later we are still in the same boat. I am to the point that a when I look at her I see a girl who has no sexual interest in me and I resent it....why wouldn't or shouldn't I? Another thing that gets me so mad is I think to my self. "She really can't think to herself that I would be happy with this. Can she?" She is a smart educated person she has to know that for a couple to have sex 1-2 times a month is not healthy. We did not have sex the month of August, and are in our third week of no sex for September, but we are supposed to go on like our relationship is perfect. If I was with any one else I wouldn't be able to last...I would be gone, but I love her so much and we have so much fun together and so much in common. We would be such a perfect couple if we could get this straitened out. When I put so much time and effort into fixing the situation and we are in our biggest intimacy slump in 8 months I feel like we have made no progress...how can she expect me to invest in a life time of no sex...would any man be able to do it? My only conclusion after all this is she has an incredibly low libido...why? I don't know....but for what ever reason she seems to have no interest in any sort of sexual act, conversation, thoughts, or whatever...She wasn't like this when I met her. I know my thread does not have much direction please keep in mind it is a product of months of frustration and confusion. By now you are probably wondering what she has to say about all this. Her explanation of our problem is often even more confusing to me then any thing else. It seems when this comes up I will often get a different explanation every time. I have heard 1. "Sex takes so much time; we could be doing something else instead." 2. "I get very nervous that I won't do a good job." 3. "You are always so sleepy afterward." 4. "I feel like all you want from me is sex" 5. "We are so busy" 6. "I don't like it when you come on to me. It makes me feel like a prostitute." *I got so fed up with her turning me down that I gave up making advance towards her and after two years of dating I can count on one hand the times she has initiated any thing with me....which have only come after one of our arguments...imagine my self esteem after this, she will only have sex with me if I complain and start a fight. OK…..I can't type much longer and I know this thread is kind of a rant…I'll wrap it up and be back later to answer any questions. Overall I can't keep going on like this, we average sex maybe one time every two weeks, but like I said earlier are on a huge slump as of now. Three weeks and counting and not long ago we went a month. We have busy schedules but sleep in the same bed every night; I can't take it any more. It seems that the more we talk about it the worse it gets because she becomes self concouse of the problem and for some reason just stays away more. Leaving her isn't really any option but at the same time, how could we every get married? I can't invest in a life of no sex, and after 8 months we have only gotten worse. The only thing I can conclude is she has dozens of sex hang ups, and a low libido. My self esteem is shot, I feel unattractive, bad in bed, oversexed, guilty for being mad at her about all this… (I have come to the conclusion I shouldn't feel guilty, I have tried to discuss our problem I have been subtle, blunt, nice, and mean about it with absolutely no avail. Is it wrong of me to want to have sex with my girlfriend?)