SlipperySammy

Thanks for the replies. Ray kay - As a couple we made alot of progress and it seemed like this summer we had a great sex life...or atleast alot better. This fall her pain or sensativity started up again and it has clearly been a huge hurddle on our sex life. Overall I feel like she sees the big picture better and is more capable of addressing our problems. She has been proactive in getting a gyno appointment to figure out what the problem is, (It's taking a couple weeks because her gyno retired and she called two doctors that her friends suggested but they were not execpting new patients. Hopefully she'll get in next week some where.) Hopefully we can figure out why she is hurting and get back to working on our sex life

Thanks for all of the replies! She is getting a new gyno because her old one is retiring. He sounded like an old geezer any way. I think her new one will be a young women, and hopefully makes my gf more comfortable. I am sure anxiety plays a part. From what I can tell she has no way of telling if she is going to be sore/sensative before sex...or atleast foreplay so she has anxiety that it will hurt and we will have to stop. So in turn her anxiety that she will hurt and we will have to stop mid-intercourse makes her uptight and more prone to hurt etc... Has any one every heard of this? I have googled this topic and I can't find alot of info on it. I did read about somthing...think called vagitis or somthing and it is basically pain during intercourse with no reall explanation or cure. Otherwise I couldn't find much reading information that was much help. I have one more question. Even at her best or when she says she is not 'hurting' she says that it hurts for me to make long 'in/out' strokes during intercourse. For example if I were to fully penatrate her and slowly pull out so that just my tip was in her and then repeat gradually working up to a faster speed. I think that motion feels really good and is a fun way to start sex, but she insists that the only way that is comfortable for her is for me to fully penatrate and make extremely small 'in/out' motions while basically staying fully penatrated. I am not sure if I described that well or not, but this doesn't seem normal. Is this normal? Girls on this board does it ever hurt when your bf perform slow and full 'in/out' strokes on you?Ofcourse I don't want to do any thing that hurts her, but this just seems weird and I want to fix this so we can have a healthy sex life both mentally ans physically. Thanks again.

My girlfriend has had a long running problem with intercourse hurting her. She describes the pain like she is really sensitive to vaginal contact specifically around the opening. This pain clearly is a big hurddle for our sex life. She says some times it doesn't hurt, sometimes it only hurts a little and other times it hurts alot. She is kinda insecure and not good at talking to doctors about this problem and she finally brought it up to her gyno last year and he said that she was just dry and needed a lubracation. The problem is this is not the case and no matter what amout of lubrication we use she still hurts. She is going to schedual an appointment with a new gyno today and my question is how weird would it be if I wanted to have a consultation with the doctor and her togethor. My fear is that my girl friend will be passive and not clear, or not explain how much of a problem this really is. Some one needs to say to the doctor, "This is a big problem she has alot of pain all the time no matter how much lubrication she uses." I am afraid she wont be very assertive about the issue. My girlfriend said that they dont typically let boy friends have consultations with the doctor and patient...but I don't know if that is the case. I don't want to make a huge awkward deal about this, but I want to make sure the doctor understands how much of a problem this is, and I wouldn't mind hearing for my self from the doc what we can do to fix this. What do you think?

This question is inspired after reading the marathon man thread...plus I have always kinda wondered this. What happens after you guys cum? Do you lose your erection? I can usaully last as long as my girl friend wants and am pretty good at timing it so we orgasm togethor, but if I do cum to soon I stay hard and can keep going. I get the impression from reading posts and watchign tv etc... that after a guy cums he is done and instantly loses his erection. Am I under the wrong impression? Is it uncommon that I keep mine and can keep going?

??? Women think that is hot? Wow...

Yeah condoms are the suck. Sorry to say it but they are terrible. They really lie in school when they teach that they are exactly the same as sex with out them. Ofcourse outside of an an adult monogumus relationship you really need to use them. My gf and I can't use them. Condoms literly aggravate her skin so much that we can't have sex with them.

This is for the girls and I know this is kinda weird but humor me. When you sleep with a new guy how much do you compare him to your ex's? What do you compare? Do you compare his body type? His technique? Penis size? Have you ever been with a new guy and thought wow he isn't that good, Mr Ex what so much better...or wow this new guy is really big...or wow he is really small etc...?

Yes it works well for us. I can imagine it wouldn't work for every one, but for us it is a big leap forward. Some one mentioned spontanaity is not for us...well we still can enjoy some spontanaity it is just within our day. For example we can have sex in the morning, afternoon, evening...it can be passionate, a quicky, in our bedroom not in our bedroom. We can still surprise each other with romantic gestures sexy underware etc...The spontanaity is just confined to within the day.

For those of you who have been here for a while you might remember as having lots of problems with my gf. We have had issues concerning her libido and the frequency of our sex. I just thought I would post an update and that we are currently doing alot better! We devised a system that involves shedueled sex and it is working great and helping us alot. I will post the system and why it is working for us. At the beggining of every month we sit down and talk about sex, for example, likes dislikes, initiation, what is working, what is not, etc...We then create a calander with schedueled days we will have sex for that month. Every other day we get assigned a day and that day is our day to initaite. For example day #1 colored pink on the calander and that is her day to initiate, day #2 is an 'off' day and is left blank, and day #3 is colored blue and is my day to initiate. On off days sex is off the table. On 'on' days who ever day it is is responsible to initiate. At the end of every month we will make a new schedule for the next month and address and strengths and weaknesses of the program. This system might seem a little strange to some poeple but it is working great for us. I did a lot of research on relationships that envolve low drive and high drive partners and this was one suggestion I had found. I was worried that scheduled sex would ruduce intamacy, romance, and make her uncomfortable. But that hasn't been the case. One reason this is working so great for us is that it takes all the pressure and confusion out of our sex life. Prior to the system we were having problems initiating with each other, and in turn we would fight about it and alot of anxiety over sex was created. Her already Low sex drive was gettign hindured by the anxiety. Sex was like a big pink elephant in the room every one knew it was there but didn't want to talk about it. Every low drive person is different but for her on top of being low drive she would always stress out over certian things that would compound the problem. For example, she might see me buy her flowers and give her a back rub and think, "Does he want sex...I don't know...uhh...did he just do that for sex etc..." For her this would kill her libido even more and stress her out. Another example she might see me be crabby and wonder if I was mad at her for our lack luster sex life and she would stress out and have anxiety over the problem. This new system has allowed us to have wonderfull 'off' days where no one even thinks about sex and there is no pressure on her for sex. Off days have resulted in me being romantic and nice with out her being suspicouse it is just for sex, or feeling pressured to have sex. Our 'On' days are clearly schedueled so that she can anticipate them and plan accordingly. Prior to this system one of our biggest hurdles to getting our sex life on track was removing anxiety over the problem. Contrary to what you might think this has actually increased passion and desire for sex because it seems so worry free and relaxed. We were always a great couple that had a bad sex life. We were best friends and soulmates but couldn't get the chemestry going. Now we are best friends, soul mates and are having sex 3-4 times a week. She really seems to be enjoying the relaxed aspect of the scheduled sex and has had more desire for sex now than in many months...and it will probably get better. I have researched the pros and cons of 'schedueled sex' in relationships such as ours and am trying to anticipate any snags but so far it seems to be working great and to good to be true. It is a reality that she is a low drive person, but this system has removed all of the anxiety she had, which in turn has helped increase her sex drive. If you are familiar with relationship such as ours you might know that the HD person can get very frustrated feeling that they don't know when they will have sex next, or that they have no controle over when they will have sex next. This frustration can easily build into resentment and inturn hindure the relationship and make intimacy an even bigger problem. For example me being resentfull and angery that she is low drive and that we are not having much sex is naturally not going to help turn her on or feel comfortable having sex. Under the new system I know I will have sex within one day so those feeling of resentment and anger are gone. I treat her better and am in better moods which in turn makes her able to get turned on more. Overall this system is working great for us.

Well first off who knows her current shaving or hygien situation. I guess it is personal prefence, but considering he hasn't already been going down on her, it sounds like he is a guy who wouldn't be interested in post work out, sweaty, hairy oral. Overall shaving and good hygien is playing it safe.

I have honestly never heard a guy really talk about the way a vagina looks beyond hygien and hair trimming. I think guys like vaginia no matter what it looks like but good hygien and hair trimming really help.

I would recomend shaving and washing before hand especially if you don't know his 'take' on giving oral.

Another thing...how does she know her past partner was 7 inches? That really dosn't mean alot, what is that what he told her? You can't believe what guys tell gf's about penis size, and I bet she couldn't tell you an accurate measure with out actually measuring. I mean yeah I girl can roughly tell if a penis is big or small or whatever but you really have no idea what she thinks a 7 inch penis looks like.

FYI penis size can keep growing until your early 20's. I barely hit pubirty at 16 and probably grew a couple inches in that department from 18-20.

Another thing that bugs me, lets say we are laying in bed kissing. She hardly particpates at all, like she doesn't want to be doing it...or doesn't know what is going on. You know when you are making out with some one and there is passion...you might purseed to sex through stages...like one person feels the other and in return the other person feels the other...then one person takes the other persons shirt of and then the other does the same...etc... When we kiss she just lays there doing nothing! leaving me thinking * * * is going on she clearly isn't into this...and then I stop because she is not recipricating and she says, "Whats the matter?" and I'll say..."it doesn't seem like you are into this." and she will get all worked up thinking I will be mad or somthing and is like, "I am I am...keep kissing me." What do I do now? If I stop because she isn't into it every thing is awkward and she thinks I am mad, and gets all worked up. If I keep going I have to have sex with a pillow...woops I mean my girlfriend...(get it because she is just lieing there.) Our relationship is so messed up.

In Oct gf and changed some things up which helped us with 'our' problem...(lack of sex.) We talked alot and stoped using condoms and switched to a combination of BC pill & Smermicide these changes inproved our sex life but we seem to be back @ fighting again. We kinda stagnated again and I was waiting for a possible pick up in our sex...but finally I just get fed up and tell her how I feel. I think the most frustrating part is when I try and talk to her about it she withdraws into her self and literely says nothign to me, (thats pretty weird if you ask me!) Basiclay talking about the issue only makes it worse which in turn motivates me to keep to my self which in turn makes me feel lonely and frustrated. This whole thing is so stupid, and I am so sick of it. We have such a awsome friendship but her lack of libido is like a big pink elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. We went literly two months with out her proactivily touching me in a sexual manner...in a normal relationship doesn't a girlfriend touch thier boy friend sexualy now and again?

I agree they are the worst! My girl friend and I stopped using condoms and it has been the best thing for our sex life and our relationship. The first two years we dated she was on the pill but we used condoms as a second type of BC. Our sex life lagged and I literly think a big part of it is from condoms. Not only do condoms interrupt what you are doing, but they are annoying, smell like latex, kill sensation, irritate my girlfriends vagina, and kill intamacy. We switched to spermacide and the pill and it has really helped out sex life alot.

This topics confuses me. First off what is with people making such a big deal about a guy looking at porn as if he is crazy or perverted or somthing. The second thing I don't understand is this thoery that we as men 'hide' it. I mean if my girlfriedn came home I probbaly wouldn't volunteer to her the info like, "Hey guess what I did whil you were gone!" But it isn't like I am hiding it...I would be honest if she asked me. If I masterbate looking at porn online I still fantasize about by GF, I just like the pictures to get arroused. I look at porn causually 1-2 times a week, I don't buy any, and don't look at little kids or any thing and I am still fantasizing about by signigigant other what is the big deal? I have been masterbating since I was a little kid why would I stop now?

I do. We always wanted BCP & one other contraceptive whcih meant condoms. WE have recently switched to BCP & spermacide and it has been the best thing for our sex life ever. I really don't like condoms and they irritate her, we tried it with one since then and it irritated her and we are overall much happier now.

Why does every one wonder why I ask these questions, I just wondered, that is all. I have never cheated and I am pretty sure my girlfriend has never cheated. I would never cheat because like some one else posted the guilt would kill me, and I am not interested in other people. I was just wondering what the thought process of a cheater is and what they think afterwards.

Nope never cheated. I think I understand the whole rush thing, but what about later when the cheater is back with thier normal partner. Do they compare thier cheating experience with thier partner? Lets say for instance thier cheat was well endowed, lasted a long time, was ripped, gave great oral, etc... are those things that a cheater thinks about when they are back with thier normal partner?

Has any one ever cheated and had amazing sex and when you went back to your partner you kept comparing the amazing sex to you partner? Basialy has any one cheated and liked it way better then with thier normal partner? When you were cheating did this thought go through yourhead? "wow this is way better then normal....or omg he/she is amazing."

You also say... "A guy who loves that girl and everything else about her so much that they want to spend their lives with her. A guy who sees that love and expressing your devotion to one another goes beyond the bedroom. " I think this is where you are wrong. She is not my mother or my sister so to say it goes beyond the bedroom may be true but the bedroom must be there to go beyond. According to Michele Davis author of 'The Sex Starved Marriege sex is essential to any relationship, and men experiece love through sex...she also explains situations very simialr to mine and says that the sex life needs to be boosted for the relationship to work. Also Dr. John Gray author of 'Mars and Venus in the Bedroom' talks extensivly about how men need sex to feel loved and that sex is an important aspect of feeling loved for men in thier relationships. Basicaly sex is like an important piece of a car and a car is the relationship. For example a carborator migh not be the most important part of a car but with out a carborrator the car will not run. *I also think you are thinking way to much into my contracetive example. It isn't that I need her to buy contraceptives for me to feel loved...it would have been equally effective for her to mention , "hey we are out of that stuff we should get some." Do you see how this just sends a messsage that she is thinking about sex and has some interest in it? It is also just a small thing among many...many small subtle messages that sex is not importatn to her and that she isn't interested. And to also answer one of your question YES she shows me she loves me in many other ways! That is why this is so hard. She initiates a back rub all the time, lots of non-sexual touching and good deeds and caring acts. She is VERY loving in this department she is very sweet and kind and fun...why do you think I am still with her this long...I lover her dearly!!!! As soon as it comes to sexual contact every thing gets bad. She will literly rub me while I layy in bed for hours...but her hand will NOT touch my penis or sexual places her rubs are strictly non-sexual. I have explained how much I would liek it if she woudl just drift a little south and rub or touch me in a sexual manner but she will not! Why?...I have no idea! Her hand will navigate around those areas and just keep rubbing...it makes no sense espeially after all the figthing and all the explaining that it would take much just to devaite your hand two inches and touch me sexually. I don't know thanks for responding I have nothing else to say now I'll be back later.

Shy Soul I appreciate you response and some things you say are correct but soem are off. First off, The answer is yes to every question above. I love her with all my heart and am attracted to her and treat her like a queen all the time and even when she just wakes up. Please note according to her own admission she has no fantasy experiece, and I have asked and asked so that I could recreat one if she did. I even posted about how I tried to play a game were we would both tell each other things we would liek the other to do or or fantasies and and what otehr would liek etc...She refused to play and chaged subject! I am not perfect but in this department I like to think I treat her pretty good. (I don't know I don't want to sound like I am awsome or somthing becasue I am sure I have flaws just like any one but to answer your questions yes.) I love her and have tried every thing, I don't think you are giving me enough credit I am not dumb and have tackled this issue many ways and looked at it from many persectives. Many of the things you mention I have thought about and questioned if they are true (that is why I am here) but in the end I just try my best educated way to fix the problem.

Shy soul my argument is that I am not asking her to be a fantasy girl in the terms of any thing out of the ordinary, I'm not asking her to be soem sort of porn star, or do S&M or somthing...I am asking for a relativly normal sex life. What guy tells himself that he watns to marry a girl that doesn't even think about sex, and when they do have sex just lays there like a pillow. You don't htink I ask my self all the time if I am beign to demanding...or hard to satisfy? I feel guilty. But in the end I don't think I am asking for much. Looking for passion and reciprocity are normal and I shouldn't feel guilty for it. As for her your claim that is how she is and I shouldn't ask her to change. I can respect that but on the other hand what if I was alway leaving crap laying around and I was really messy and it always bugged her and she treid to to get me to be cleaner in general could I say "no" "that is who I am don't change me" I don't know if that is the best analogy I just imagine that if some how she looks into her self and we talk enough she could come to terms with her sexuality and make some improvements. As for your argument that my email is not productive you migth be rigth...but at this point I don't know what else to do.