reinventmyself

For me, it's the anxiety. I often can't get off the hamster wheel of overthinking. I'm lucky if I can fall asleep for maybe 90 minutes before I'm wide awake again. I've been taking Xanax for sleep for years. I swore when I quit my job and stopped commuting I'd gladly give up Xanax. It appears my little brain had other plans for me. Sorry about the insomnia. Don't hesitate to ask for help. I personally feel physically ill when I'm tired. Miserable.

Of course I had to go look for yours. Curious why they flagged it, maybe mistaking it for something else. And yes, ironic. Ex's tend to jump at it of the bushes at me sometimes. But I think it's the same for everyone. . Right??

It's the minority that would describe an ex in a positive light. Whenever I hear "crazy ex' labels I immediately wonder what the ex's version is. No doubt my ex told everyone who would listen that everything was fine until I woke up one day crazy and depressed and wanted to leave for no apparent reason. You need to ask yourself what it is you are looking for in a relationship. For me it's companionship and a life partner. Partner being the operative word here. I would say no to a man child and a relationship that felt this inequitable. I guess the question is, what is in this for you? Character traits and temperaments really don't change. Are you ok with a lifetime of the this?

I babysat my granddaughter for the past 3 days. Phew. It's a reminder why we have children when we are young. It does catch you off guard how much you love your grandchildren. I've heard this for years. Only now do I fully understand. It was long days, rambling around, coloring, watching cartoons. Cartoons are just creepy now. What happened to Looney Toons, or Sesame Street? Once a year since a breakup in 2009 I have an ex that wishes me happy birthday. He was about 5 weeks off this year, and I didn't notice until I got an email. It's typically in a text form, but I didn't think about it either way. I thanked him and reciprocated a HB seeing our birthdays are a couple weeks apart. That's always the extent of it and it's no more than a blip on the radar. From there he emails me an update on the goings on in his life, sons, work etc. I responded in kind and from there we emailed back and forth for the rest of the day. This particular relationship ended badly. It was a messy immature relationship and I learned a lot about what not to do and what I won't tolerate in a relationship. I have a pattern of not being all in and it often causes insecurities in my relationships. At the time I didn't feel safe in relationships and often felt like I would be swallowed up and controlled, so I kept a certain amount of distance (I still do, but I am aware and know how it damages my relationships and I'm always working on being present) For him, he didn't feel secure and didn't really close the door of his previous relationship and ran back to it or reached out to her when we would have conflicts, not speak or break up. . .just for us to reconcile. I finally left only to find out he already had a coworker lined up for my replacement. It's all a pretty cringeworthy time in my life. But I learned a lot about myself and relationships. We are emailing back and forth, and I recognize at some point that this is going down a path that doesn't feel respectful to my current relationship. I admit I was bored, liked the attention and continued just a little longer. Just long enough for him to send me a long email apologizing for his part and how after all this time he's never stopped thinking about me. It was very personal and endearing. In the moment it all comes back to me that I met this man when he wasn't fully detached from his previous relationship. I wasn't aware of this for the first few months. He reached out to her and other women during our conflicts. (I conveniently made excuses for his insecurities, that I caused them and was at fault) He was livid, hostile and angry when I ended it. He was the absolute victim, yet had a date with someone new the following night. Years later, he shared with me that he went to therapy and learned somethings about himself and had changed into an entirely different person. I was happy for him, but it had no impact on my life at that time and I was already several years separated from that time in my life. So as much as enjoyed the email exchanges, it flashes to me that he currently has a girlfriend and nothing much has changed. 13 years later he still seeks attention from others to the point that he crosses the line. His profession of lingering feelings was initially flattering until I took a moment to see this for what it is. This doesn't make me entirely innocent, sensing it was about to go down this path and it's not exactly respectful to my relationship. But I didn't initiate it and I didn't encourage it. I wouldn't have a problem with my bf catching up with an ex if it was all done with the right and respectful intentions. A day of exchanges I abruptly shut it down. I told him something benign, that things all happen for a reason and life lessons have a way of shaping us into entirely different people. With that I said a firm goodbye and take care. He doubled back with something else very vulnerable, and I didn't respond.

This part stood out to me. Given the circumstances things are fragile at this point and she could have been taking the time and space to let this marinate and make a firm decision. Early dating people are still forming an opinion of you. Doing something like this so early on is often unforgivable. Yet, in a brief text apology (you should have called her and spoken to her personally) you insist on a guarantee of a next date. Had you respected her obvious misgivings, you should have handled this request cautiously instead of trying to lock it down. She was likely on the fence at this point and how you managed your attempt at damage control likely turned her away indefinitely.

What comes to mind is that old Dr Phil saying. "We teach people how to treat us" He does all these things because he knows he can, and his behavior is rewarded for it by you not engaging him or insisting on changes. He knows you have been a lion with no teeth up to this point. Change may never come or come enough but it's time to get real about this. Mean what you say and back it up with actions. This has to shift. Adrina's comment "the best way to change someone's behavior is to change your own" is golden. I went through my own marriage struggles (now divorced) and the hope for change was an uphill battle. What made things shift to most is when I changed my own behavior and reactions. At the very least, it changed who I was for the better. I thank individual therapy for supporting me through it and giving me tools I needed to navigate it and my subsequent divorce. It sounds like you are on the right path in making some changes. It's a good start.

deleted. I wrote something and went back to reread your post. the mention of her staying the night and other things were all hypothetical. It changed my view on this.

There is no monetary reward for having a relationship with our family members. It's not transactional. My brother distanced himself emotionally and geographically from the family right out of high school. Though he moved closer to us later in life, he still kept his distance and we only heard from him maybe 2 times a year. I helped my mom during the years she took care of my father with Alzheimer's. My brother was MIA. I moved her closer to me and was involved in every aspect of her everyday life. My brother was somewhat present during my mother's last year and her subsequent passing. I was the executor, and the estate was divided equally. Why? Because that was my parent's wishes. It was their money. I didn't feel I should have been paid for having a relationship with my parents that I would have had otherwise. Having said that, we are human. Those little thoughts do go through our head. But you readjust and see the bigger picture. The money doesn't matter. It's the time and the relationship you have with them that's the gift.

I wouldn't consider leaving unless I've tried everything first. Get yourself into individual counseling for support first. Have a come to Jesus moment with him and tell him he needs go to because things will not continue this way. From there, if you are fortunate, you both get into couples therapy. At the very least you will look back with no regrets and reassurance you did everything on your part. This just isn't sustainable. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

By law, your aunt has to execute it based on how it is written. She can't change the terms no matter what. She can be held accountable. I was executor. I could have tried to do shady things with $500, maybe. But the bulk of the state is very cut and dry. Do the other families care as much as you do, I guess it's the question

Due to Macy's age, I walked this through my mind a lot. What the end would be like. One would think the process would have prepared me. After all I lost my last 2 cats unexpectedly. One over an injury and the other over cancer. I didn't see either one coming and there was no question whether or not to euthanize them. Never the less, I catch myself totally off guard. 17 years is an awfully long time to have a little furry creature by your side, let alone 23 yrs collectively of having furry babies under my feet. Now the house is so empty, it's jarring. I've had a couple people try to comfort me by saying something about me being retired, therefore the timing is perfect, and I now have the freedom to come and go. But the thing is, I have more time, more time at home than I've ever had while I was working. Of course, vacationing is always a challenge. It's no difference. But the stereotype of the retired traveling the world is just that. A stereotype. I pack up Macy's things and just put the things I could use again up in the garage. I won't make any decisions soon. I have a trip in October, but the thought of never having a little furry friend again seems unimaginable. In their absence, I now see how much they were my little emotional support kitties. It's the grief talking. . .I just miss her terribly.

You're right. Drinking will medicate yourself and dull the feelings. Unfortunately, they will still be there waiting for you. You deal with them straight on or they will deal with you. There are no shortcuts. I am so sorry for the loss of your father. No doubt the feelings feel so overwhelming and facing them feels terrifying. Congratulations on being sober for 14 years. Did you find support through AA? This may be a great time to go to a meeting or find a grief counseling service to support you through this difficult time. Remember, numbing yourself isn't the answer. It's only a temporary bandaid to a hurt that doesn't heal unless it's processed properly.

All of this is often more common than not. I am of an age where I have lost both my parents and my friends are in the same situation. Financial fairness among heirs is often thought of, mentioned and at times struggled over. But when all is said and done, it isn't about fairness. It's about the persons wishes. You honor it, whether you agree with it or not. There is zero point in keeping score. It's not the family's money, it's theirs to do with whatever they choose. As it should be. Making lists to defend your campaign doesn't serve anyone and only gives you grief. Trust me, I went through it (to a smaller extent) and know others who have too. My-sis-in law no longer speaks to her 3 brothers. Over what? Something they had no control over. It's such a shame.

I let my little girl kitty go yesterday. She was 17 and was just deteriorating. I wrestled with whether what she was experiencing was merely end of life symptoms and then swing over to feeling helpless wanting to do something. Was there something I was missing, was it simply treatable? I took Macy to the vet at the end of the day yesterday and after a couple of long hours, lots of tears, I decided to let her go. My heart is broken. I've had cats for the past 23 years and one by one, my home now has this deafening silence. This morning already, our little routines, getting her food, her meowing at me through the stair railings sitting on the stairs, impatient. How long does it take before you stop all the automatic almost subconscious things one does without thinking? Getting up last night to go the restroom, stepping carefully so I don't step on her in the dark while she gets to the bathroom before I do. Her sitting here with her right next me and my lap top. RIP sweet little Macy. I hope I was a good cat mom to you. You were the sweetest, most gentle hearted tiny little 5 lb kitty. No more struggling. It was a long 2 years and you are at peace now, Peepers ❤️

Please go to individual therapy first. Your story resonated with me. I was anxious and depressed and couldn't figure out why. I had a husband who kept telling me to *get over it and tell me how I should feel and how I should be. After seeing my primary physician a few times for antidepressants, he asked if my husband could come in for my following appt. During that same appt my Dr asked to see me the following day. The next day he shared with me he was concerned about what was going on in my home and referred to me to therapist. The rest is history. It becomes one of those "what comes first, the chicken or the egg" riddles. You wonder if your emotional state is challenging your relationship with your husband. Or is your husband challenging your emotional state? It's difficult when you are so close to problem, it's hard to step back and be objective about what's really going on. Couples counseling is a good idea, but I strongly suggest you get the support from an individual therapist. The comments about you saying crazy things while on the antidepressant sounds very much like gaslighting. I'm glad you spoke up.

The whole tone and choice of words is questioning. He needs to report to you? It was disclosed he was drunk. No secret here. Yet the details of him vomiting were omitted and that's what you have a problem with? Based on your other thread about the same wedding, it seems you are bothered that he went without you. Seeing he had no control over the fact he didn't have a plus one option, you'd rather get upset and focus on him getting sick? You mention in the other thread that he should have spoken up on your behalf. Well, he didn't. Twice. You add that he seems to enjoy going alone and that you wouldn't go to a wedding without him. It seems you two have different priorities.

You need to let someone know you are interested in who they are. If someone didn't seem interested in inquiring anything about me, I'd move on. Don't be coy with online dating. Between this and the other thread you posted, you are trying to strategize rather than trying to make a connection with someone. There are plenty of time wasters online and by either not being forthcoming or sitting back waiting to be pursued you will miss out on the opportunity. Personally, I would ask to talk on the phone rather quickly. There is a good number of people who will text or write emails indefinitely. I would just them to let me know if they are ever interested in talking on the phone. Those with the right intentions will jump at the chance. You get to know them much better than you ever will texting and from there if you get a sense you'd like to meet, suggest it. Remember it's just a meet n greet and not a date.

So, in real life you would never dare to say hello to a man? It's not any different. You aren't pursuing anyone. You're initiating a connection. I initiated often and got good responses.

Meeting his friends at an event? Is it a private dinner party in someone's home or possibly a public place where his friends are casually getting together? I see nothing wrong with stopping by the public place, but something a little more formal an intimate, maybe too soon. At least for me.

Sex or the lack thereof is a barometer of the health of the relationship as a whole. Focusing on her having sex with someone else, not with you, keeping score, porn and lingerie are all symptoms of something larger. Not addressing what is happening outside of the bedroom is where you totally miss the mark.

I suppose it depends on your level of tolerance. People with different views can be friends as long as they don't impose those views on each other. Others are intolerant to even the idea. There's not a one size fits all answer here. I have friends that have deeply opposing political views than myself. We know not to discuss it amongst each other, and everything is fine. My boyfriend hunts and it makes me uncomfortable. We just don't discuss his hunting trips, outside of the antics with his friends. Other than that, I don't need to know details. On the other hand, I know people who can't be in the same room as someone who isn't like minded.

It's all fun and games, until it's not. You continue on this path, you could lose your job, your drivers license, some friends, your health. . it's just a spiral that isn't worth it. Ask anyone who's done it long enough. You don't have to stop drinking. You can however start with some simple limits and put a little more thought into your actions. You say you don't care, but your post in a forum to a bunch of strangers can be interpreted as a possible cry for help. After all, if it was so ok, why mention it?

So, you are going back, for certain?

Hope you're ok D. Keep us posted when you can.

Not okay Bigger question. How does it make you feel when he does that?