reinventmyself

I would agree it's not a good sign. If you're not sure what to do simply let the week play out and see how he handles it. You'll have your answer. He may surprise you.

You've been friends for this long. Would it hurt to continue being her friend for the time being? She isn't ready to date, yet you want to know if you should ask her out on a date? I suppose you could but if you were to weigh your two options, pursuing this seems a little too risky. Besides, you should want someone who is relationship ready. Not someone who is working on herself and recovering from abusive relationships.

No, it doesn't make you narcissistic. But it does appear that you might have been attracted to a bird with broken wings. It's not a good way to choose a partner. Often times insecure people are attracted to with those with broken wings. It feels secure in a not so healthy way that the bird can't fly away. Doing too much for someone in order to keep them isn't healthy either. In turn you make them feel indebted. That's neither love nor loving.

But from day one, this guy clearly showed you who he was. You freely participated in it and at some point, well into the game it became uncomfortable. Trying to change the terms after the fact is often pointless. Though I do commend you for speaking up, he never intended on having an equitable relationship. Next time pay close attention to what is standing right in front of you and make your choices based on that. . .and not hoping that somewhere down the line they'll turn into someone entirely different

It doesn't appear that you were being respectful of yourself. You accepted his bad behavior and made excuses for it. If you aren't respectful of yourself first and you don't expect people to be so in return, you can't really be surprised that he never really respected you to begin with. You gave and expected nothing in return. It's all very altruistic, but it's not how romantic relationships work. Aim a little higher next time and believe you deserve a reciprocal relationship. Respect begins with you.

Aside from managing the barn S is a dressage trainer and the majority of her clients are boarders. With all the politics and negativity she's lost most of her clientele. It's her first love and now she's left to just manage the barn. It all feels so punishing and unfair considering all the hard work she's done to bring up the barn. I wouldn't be surprised if she stepped down from Barn manager.

I am still at the equestrian center. The young woman's job who I was hired to take over is finally moving on to the other project . . . one year later. I was initially enthusiastic with the plan to take over all four afternoons. But now a year later I will not. Still employed to work my two afternoons is more than enough. The condition of my employment before I took to offer was to keep me busy, never ever happened. Some days there is close to nothing to do. I can't imagine giving up any more of my life to often sit and do nothing. At this point, two afternoons is plenty and even with that I do (somewhat) look forward to going in. The good news is that I am actually doing the work, when there is some. Rather than sitting and watching the young woman, R do it for the past year. Endless months of R and the director, S sitting and commiserating about the inside details of the business, leaving me to stare at the computer screen rereading old emails just to appear to be busy. R barely trained me, briefly glossing over things just to continue doing the work herself. I told her more than once that I don't learn by watching her, I learn by actually doing it. Countless times asking about a process and what drove her to make the decision she did, I get a glossed over explanation or a 'don't worry about it' R had been working a couple days a week when I am not there at some point, due to finding other employment on her off days. By the first of the year, she'll be gone altogether. But at least I have been working independently and it's much more tolerable. There were a couple times in the earlier days I offered to resign, and they could ask me back when I was really needed. S didn't take me up on it and promised to keep me busy. I wasn't kept busy and left to sit there for a few more months, hiding how I really felt and keeping up an upbeat attitude with a smile on my face. Why didn't I walk away? It's not much money, but it is money I do count on and is factored into my budget. I also liked the distraction even if it was often frustrating and I would likely have to find something else to replace the small income and the outlet it provided. Everything comes full circle 3 weeks ago and S calls me to tell me R is moving on. It's been long established that I am no longer interested in working the 4 days. S tells me, "I would understand if you are sick of the job and wanted to know you wanted to quit" (sigh) Aside of being unprofessional and inappropriate, I laughed, reminding her that I am retired and I don't do things I am "sick of', but I would totally understand if she needed to let me go to hire someone to work full time. I also know that laying someone off is not in her best interest, but when I consider that I was hired a year ago to take over 4 days, that almost never even happened. I was trained by a very young woman who didn't want to give up her job and basically didn't really train me. I offered to step aside when it made the most sense and was made certain promises in order keep me. That didn't happen. I wasn't included as a team member and sat pretty much isolated with nothing to do. No, S will have to do the mature thing as my boss and lay me off if that's what she needs to do. With that S states she will attempt to do R's work on the 2 to 3 days she typically came in. I will continue to work my two afternoons. For now, she will not hire anyone. Yet she wants me more "involved" in the business planning aspects. Uhhhm, no. I am just being difficult at this point and told her I had no interest in being involved to that degree. I just wanted to continue to do my daily job, which is basically bookkeeping and answering the phone and not the rest. The 'rest' are things I might take home and worry about. I figured I sat here for almost an entire year while the two of them talked shop as if I wasn't in the room sitting within 5 feet of them. That would have been the time to invest some time into me and bring me in so I could be *more involved the rest* This is my retired brain reasoning. I don't do what I don't want to do. It kind of makes me laugh. But at this point in my life, I figure I earned the right to feel this way. I could take it or leave it, so if she does let me go, it's all good either way. I just wish she would do it by the end of the year. My unemployment would be based on 2021 year's salary 🙂 Aside from all of the this, the culture there has become very negative, and a majority of the boarders are hostile. Raising costs have crippled some horse owners, forcing them to move and even sell their horses! Money matters bring out the absolute worst in people and it only takes one or two people to say the office is mismanaging the barn and gouging people and it becomes a mob mentality. They file complaints, call the city manager to complain and demand the barn to disclose financials. I do feel sorry very for S. She is getting beat up at every turn. While all along the barn barely breaks even and she really does give all her heart into wanting to do what's best for the barn. Hence her decision to not hire anyone at this point. Time to get moving! I get to go to work today . . lol Tax time the beginning of the new year I will meet with my advisor. Once I figure out what 2023 looks like, as well as my end of my Cobra insurance and acquiring new, I will decide what to do with this job. Is it really worth it in the long run?

I think most people can sense a non negotiable no when it comes from a place of confidence. When you wrestle with doubt, guilt and feeling like you have to defend your decision people sense that as a weakness. And where there is weakness there may still be an opportunity for to wear you down and change your mind. Give them a firm no and tell them you are very eager for the time that traveling with their grandchild to visit is doable. Right now it's not. End of discussion.

Merry Christmas Bolt

Do you ever notice how many times you sit across from someone who speaks at you? They rattle on and on and at no time do they try to engage you in any sort of exchange. I feel as if I could screw off my head and leave it on the table and they'd continue. If you try to get a word in edgewise, they just highjack the conversation. The other evening, I had to basically stand up and start putting on my coat to leave to cut them off. They followed me to my car and kept talking until I closed the door. Getting ready to meet my bf and his parents for breakfast. His mom is one of those people. It drains the life out of me. Love the holidays, but this part of it I am glad it's over. 3 of them in one week, including my own brother.

I go by my own timeline and in my experience, I figure I don't even really know the person I am dating for the first 6 months. Or vice versa. Not to say I wait 6 months to date someone exclusively, but experience has taught me to really take my time. You covered a lot in a matter of just few weeks. It would take most months to reach where the point where you two were. It probably shouldn't come as a surprise when someone back peddles from something going that fast. Next time slow your roll. Know that you are worth the time and effort that it takes to really get to know you.

and with that, my ex toxic boss text me yesterday. "not sure if this is still your number, but here's my new number. I am no long working at ****. Merry Christmas' The moment feels similar to having a past stalker boyfriend reaching out to you. I am not responding. . .ever. Super perplexing why these two characters thought to reach out to me. It's not like he felt inclined to wish me Merry Christmas last year and he has to know that his news of termination is something I am already well aware of . . blech.

I was primarily responsible for the issuance and deactivation of all access cards. The majority of my time there I was the only one with the password to the software. Upon my departure I had to set up my boss as the administrator. I admit during covid I wasn't on top of every deactivation that I could do remotely. There was such a flux of departures at one time and HR didn't always communicate it to me in a timely matter. Or at all! I set aside time to go into the corporate office every ten days and during that time I collected cards and deactivated the ones I hadn't remotely. It's an excuse but during that time my boss was out on medical leave I was slammed with so much responsibility I could barely catch my breath. I certainly never imagined that one of my own staff members would take them before I got there. And it's the cards activity on the software I noticed that was unusual. If that staff member resigned the week prior, why was the card still walking around? I also had 4 loaner cards locked at the reception desk that he happened to have to key to. As well as a reception desk at an entirely different location. He took the two loaner cards from there as well. The moment I realized what was going on I audited every card in the data base. But I doubt anyone stayed on top of this in my absence. If I am not mistaken, this access card responsibility was given to George and his nephew.

I am certain they will. The company dealt in medical liability and has their own in house law firm. They dealt in the business of being sued. It's all about the fight. There is no way they will merely write off 100 to 150k of the physician's money and let it go. They have the membership at large to answer to.

Just the opposite for this company. It's a member owned coop, medical liability. The membership is 12000 physicians strong. Having had to do annual budgets for my department, every penny was accounted for. If I added an anticipated 10% cost increase, I had to have a written explanation. Same applied to any decrease. No doubt this played out during budget time. There is no way to hide 100K. Especially during the hard shift to the staff working from home the majority of the time. Operation costs decreased close to half of what they were without the staff in the offices. I am guessing thats why there was a dramatic exit of the upper management around him. They would have had to disclose this to board of directors. The timing make sense. Budgets due in October. The board meets within weeks of that and the kid was suspended due to investigation in November. This is the physician's money and they do not mess around. I am pretty certain it was a `off with their heads' moment. Further validates the dilemma I was in. There were time I wasn't speaking up about what I knew because I knew nothing good would come of it. Can't help but wonder if I would have been swept up with those just terminated, merely by association.

wow. . just wow

It's been 15 months since I left my job. On my way out I spoke up about a lot of things I had been holding back on. Somethings weren't even worth addressing. I just wanted my boss and my bosses boss know just enough to drive home the message that I was leaving due the conduct and character of a few of my coworkers. And the lack of leadership and consequences for otherwise fireable offenses that were going on. I spent the good part of a year and a half working from home witnessing things. I carefully weighed my options. As a supervisor were there ramifications for not coming forward with what I knew? But I didn't trust my boss or the other supervisor to act on it. Ultimately, I tested it slowly during my last year, only speaking up or adding my experience to things when my boss brought it up or incident would surface. I didn't just volunteer things. I wasn't going to put myself out on a limb if no one had my back. Previous history taught me I never knew what to expect and there was a better than good chance that it would ultimately backfire on me. As time went on and things came to light on their own and I reinforced it by speaking up about what I knew, but I also knew I had to be ready to leave if I ended up appearing to be the department whistleblower. The rest is history. On my way out I threw a couple people under the bus. Namely the supervisor of the other team and his young nephew. The two of them accomplices to unethical things. Oddly, supervisor George texts me about a month ago, venting about the work conditions since my departure. Which just goes to show that he must have thought I was his friend to reach out to for support and it suggests that nothing I said got back to him and nothing had changed. Because afterall, I am not his friend. Fast fwd to last week. George calls me repeatedly one day. I was busy and didn't answer. He texts me pleading for me to call him. I end up calling to hear that he, my boss and my bosses were all fired and escorted out by security that day!!! Turns out Georges young nephew, who I witnessed being a sneaky, unethical little worm had embezzled over $100,000 from the company. The little worm was trusted to order office supplies and during the better part of a year and he managed to purchase over 100k of Ipads and various other electronics for his own resale and then recode it as paper, toner and pencils. One week after his termination and further investigation they fired anyone associated with him, top down. The main four reasons I resigned from my job of almost 2 decades are no longer employed. I feel so vindicated it makes me giddy. George devastated and acting surprised just goes to show his sense of entitlement and inability to view his part in cultivating this little thief. Years of looking the other way and the department director being so ineffective and spineless, the two of them operated on the knowledge that there were never any consequences for anything they did. At first, I didn't know the amount of monies embezzled. But 100 to now 150k? They all deserved to be fired! My boss and his boss (SP VP of Operations & Sr VP of HR) both have over 30 years invested. George a good 25 and two kids in school. Over the other weekend the now terminated nephew helped himself into the offices on a Sunday night to steal gift cards for the pricey raffle items typically handed out at the company holiday party. That floors me knowing that one of my chief complaints was that the nephew was collecting access cards from resigned or retired employees during covid. When I was notified by HR of a staff's departure, I instructed staff to leave their keys and access cards in their desk and about every ten days I would go into the office to collect them. I discovered that the nephew was collecting them and using them, as in his own words to me. . 'so he couldn't be tracked'. Now after the fact, having fired 4 key people in the department out of the 6 left that were left, those left behind don't know how to access the software (among a list of other things they have no clue how to operate) And because of this a 24 year old fired felon still has access to offices! But my boss dismissed me at a time when I brought this potential security risk, as well as grounds for termination to his attention. The security guards at the company holiday party venue were given photos of all four for safety reasons. Kharma is freakin' incredible! I had to google it to be certain. 100k embezzlement is a federal offense investigated by the FBI. The kid is about 24.

I don't know if he was necessarily being passive *aggressive, but rather not encouraging you to do that again. My pet peeve. People that text me after hours. I turn my phone on to do not disturb just in case. But in turn you think "so he's rude and so selfish?

The new man in my life. He's such a love bug and the sweetest thing ever. Yogi

I notified the animal rescue that I would be stepping away for a few weeks, maybe indefinitely. As much as I enjoyed it in the beginning it somewhat lost it's sparkle. I enjoy the kitties, but now having a new one underfoot it's just too much all the time. Yogi requires a lot of attention at this point and it's much like watching my granddaughter and when I have a free moment volunteering at a day care to watch other peoples children. It's all cats all the time at the moment and I just need a break. I feel like I am growing whiskers! One of the many reasons I wanted to volunteer is to not only help with the animals and having an outlet, but it was to meet people as well. As it turns out its one person to room at a time so the opportunity to chat with the other volunteers isn't really there. That and between working two afternoons and having a bf it leaves me 1 to 2 afternoons to do anything else. It ties up my time and there are things that might otherwise bring me some joy that I have to say no to. I can always go back but in the meantime I need this time to sort things out.

I still struggle with finding a balance, post retirement. Looking back, I realize that my life for a couple decades was on fast track and it's a fast track that took its toll and a ride I wanted off of. Now with a lot of time on my hands, I am a text book case of someone who isn't adjusting well into retirement. But I work at it, and I will get it right. It also won't happen overnight. My previous life had constant, nonstop stimulation. So much so it wasn't healthy. A rare moment to myself was a treat. Now it's flipped and all the time to myself makes me restless and at times unhappy. I struggle readjusting my way of looking at it. If I am not doing something it feels wrong. Covid and time has shifted my friendships. My best friend moving away and the loss of my mother leaves me without 'my person' That confidant you talk too and trust with your thoughts and feelings. I have my bf but it's often different with women. We often need that person we can go to. I do not have that. S is spending more and more time each month with his parents. As much as I am independent like my time to myself, I do have my limits. Last month he was gone for just short of two weeks. I kept myself busy as much as I could. I got together with a friend one day and golfed another with another friend. I saw my son and his family. But in between were days on end rambling around alone. My two afternoon a week job leaves me pretty isolated alone in a trailer doing paper work or playing with my phone. I appreciate that outlet but it's just not a good fit. It's something I need to change. My volunteer gig at the animal rescue proves to be a little isolating as well. One person to a room while you socialize the cats and kittens. It's nice, but . . . It's fine. I've been here before and I'll figure it out. But this particular 2 week stint took its toll. I teetered into anxiety and feeling a little down. The remedy for this is to keep busy. I get dressed for the day and run random errands. I treat myself to dinner and I try to stay away from the house the entire day. I have an Ebike and S's and on Saturday when most have plans with family and others, I get on my bike and ride for hours along the beach strand. And then . . .I decide to adopt a 6 month old kitten I've become attached to at the rescue center. Each time it appeared he'd be adopted I would get upset. I figured my reaction was disproportionate, knowing I was still grieving the recent loss of my 17 year old kitty. But I took the leap and brought him home. I immediately panicked. I naively thought it would be a cake walk, seeing I've had cats for a couple decades. But the thing is I haven't had a kitten in over 17 years. Turns out he requires a lot of attention, and I couldn't leave him alone for periods of time. At least not initially while he was adjusting. I even cried a couple times. I felt ridiculous. I viewed this precious little creature alone and isolated if I left. Seeing that was what was most sensitive to me at the time, it was either him or me. I stay home feeling lonely, which isn't good for my mental health or I leave him alone and isolated and feel guilty and responsible for this kitty's discomfort. I had such buyers remorse. Add in I didn't sleep with the combination of the anxiety and a kitten who didn't sleep at night. I closed the door of my bedroom at night just to sleep a couple hours and I laid awake feeling guilty for having taken him away from a fun room full of his kitten buddies, to leave him alone in a dark hallway. I felt overwhelmed realizing I could easily be responsible for this little boy until I am 80 years old! I was a mess. And I was really hard on myself feeling the way I did. I really haven't told many people that I even had him as I lay awake in the middle of the night imagining surrendering him and shame that comes with that. I worried about how it would affect my relationship. I can't leave him alone and for the past five years, I've stayed at S's 3 to 4 nights a week. We travel often and now the kitty's care comes first. I had him for 10 days before I had to board him because we had purchased plane tickets for 5 day get away months prior. Anyway. . .It's a month tomorrow and it's all working out. I've never boarded a cat but found a cat only facility a little ways away that was affordable and had great reviews. He was very spoiled and when I picked him up the staff jokingly asked if they could keep him. They quickly recognized why I chose him to begin with because of his loving, trusting temperament. It doesn't hurt that he's a really good looking boy either. He came home from boarding as if nothing happened and settled back into a very new routine. I take him to S's when I stay there. It's still a little much and as much as S loves animals I stressed over the imposition and hassle of running a pet back and forth between two houses. As it turns out when I am at work S asks if he can come get the cat. He loves the cat and loves having him around. It's still a little much. It's like having a toddler under my feet all the time. But being mental over the whole thing is thankfully passing. As much as I am bonding with this darling little boy, Yogi, I clearly underestimated the commitment, and I wouldn't have gotten him to begin with if I could do it over. But he's here to stay. It's not him, it's me. . the timing and not being in a really good place in my life at the moment. It's all about timing I suppose. But even having said all this, he's absolutely perfect. I do love this little boy. He's super loving and cuddly and I honored to have him. I recognize I really need to make some adjustments in other areas of my life. This whole experience just shines a glaring light on it.

I am so sorry. Catching up on the past several days for you. I personally feel physically ill without sleep. I don't know how you are doing it. I know I've said it million times. But I use Xanax and it too only lasts about 4 hours. I break it in half. Seeing I typically get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I take the other half then and it gets me through the night. Hope this helps. Hope you get some relief soon!

Turn the tables. Imagine you were dating a young woman who wasn't really feelin' it? Yet she continued to date you while wondering if she were settling for someone she may very well not have romantic feelings for. Wouldn't you want to know? Wouldn't you want spare your valuable time then continue to spend it with someone when it likely won't go anywhere? It's never easy, but the kind and respectful thing is to let her know so she's free to go find someone who's absolutely crazy about her.

At this point, I think you should give it a little bit of time. Everyone is different, but after four dates and someone called me out the way you did. . .I doubt there would be any coming back from that. Wait a few days. See if she comes around. And if you can handle it, with no expectations and the likelihood you will be turned away, you can attempt to reach out see how it's received. If you can handle the bad news, so at the very least you can close this door and move on. If not, then just leave it alone.

It sounds like a fear of flying. The odds are unlikely the plane will fall out of the sky, but you are too busy creating a catastrophe in your mind listening to every creak, every bump and you convince yourself the plane will crash. You need to remember while you are dating someone, it's just a moment in your life. Dates are not a marriage proposal and they owe you nothing. You need to practice not forecasting into the future and coming up with all these expectations on how one "should" be responding to you. Even though you hadn't said anything up til recently, that white knuckling insecurity can surely be read on you prior to this. It's not attractive. Dating isn't for sissy's. Maybe you are a little out of practice. Take some time and learn the lessons this experience provides you.