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Thread: Fiancés mom

  1. #21
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    Just seems like a mountain being made out of a mole hill to me.

    Instead of being an overbearing mother in law , she is actually not involving herself too much. Every daughter in laws dream.
    Which seems to upset you more than it does her son.
    He wasn’t too fussed about reminding her about the venue , why not?

    And if you want to develop a relationship with her , then why ask your fiancé to remind her? Why not just remind her yourself? Without asking his permission?

    Ok so she said she wanted to be involved with a tacky proposal?
    Is that why your fiancé didn’t tell her his intent to propose to you?
    What would he have said about her hot air balloon proposal?

    Perhaps there is an issue between him and his mother?
    What is it?

    Your communication with her after almost 3 years is through your fiancé only? Why is that?
    And all of a sudden you have direct communication with her after her son tells you about a private chat he had with her?

    Sorry, but I don’t get it. I think there is information you have left out of this thread. Because it doesn’t add up.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Just seems like a mountain being made out of a mole hill to me.

    Instead of being an overbearing mother in law , she is actually not involving herself too much. Every daughter in laws dream.
    Which seems to upset you more than it does her son.
    He wasn’t too fussed about reminding her about the venue , why not?

    And if you want to develop a relationship with her , then why ask your fiancé to remind her? Why not just remind her yourself? Without asking his permission?

    Ok so she said she wanted to be involved with a tacky proposal?
    Is that why your fiancé didn’t tell her his intent to propose to you?
    What would he have said about her hot air balloon proposal?

    Perhaps there is an issue between him and his mother?
    What is it?

    Your communication with her after almost 3 years is through your fiancé only? Why is that?
    And all of a sudden you have direct communication with her after her son tells you about a private chat he had with her?

    Sorry, but I don’t get it. I think there is information you have left out of this thread. Because it doesn’t add up.
    I think she’s petty, she expresses wanting to be involved but doesn’t make an effort and expects us to do the work to include her. He didn’t want to remind her because he wanted to see if she would remember- he was incredibly upset she forgot. Ultimately it’s his mom, he wanted to see if she would remember so I agreed we wouldn’t remind her.

    She knew he had a ring and planned to propose but then he proposed suddenly just between him and I- which upset her, I’m not sure why it upset her but it did.


    We communicate via text and phone call but not often, my fiancé and her as well in general they don’t talk much maybe 3 times a month. I mentioned I invited her personally, that we talked personally after the proposal- my text two days ago was not the first line in direct communication but again we don’t talk much.

    The issue between him and his mother is that she expects a lot but doesn’t put effort in herself but then gets upset- he’s trying to break that or atleast meet halfway. I’m close with my family see them often, he is not and quite frankly we only seem to see them when they need something from him. I’ve always felt they take advantage of him financially.

    After almost three years of course there’s more to the story then what I have time to write in an online form. I think I got enough responses to help me feel better and guide me in some direction

  3. #23
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    I would just be civil and polite that is all that is required.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by cotalava
    I think she’s petty, she expresses wanting to be involved but doesn’t make an effort and expects us to do the work to include her. He didn’t want to remind her because he wanted to see if she would remember- he was incredibly upset she forgot. Ultimately it’s his mom, he wanted to see if she would remember so I agreed we wouldn’t remind her.

    She knew he had a ring and planned to propose but then he proposed suddenly just between him and I- which upset her, I’m not sure why it upset her but it did.


    We communicate via text and phone call but not often, my fiancé and her as well in general they don’t talk much maybe 3 times a month. I mentioned I invited her personally, that we talked personally after the proposal- my text two days ago was not the first line in direct communication but again we don’t talk much.

    The issue between him and his mother is that she expects a lot but doesn’t put effort in herself but then gets upset- he’s trying to break that or atleast meet halfway. I’m close with my family see them often, he is not and quite frankly we only seem to see them when they need something from him. I’ve always felt they take advantage of him financially.

    After almost three years of course there’s more to the story then what I have time to write in an online form. I think I got enough responses to help me feel better and guide me in some direction
    It's ridiculous the MIL got upset that your fiance proposed to you "just between you". Of course he did! You propose just with your partner there, you don't invite anyone else! Did she want him to organise a dinner and she would be sitting with you at the table too while he proposed? It doesn't even make sense why she would be upset at this. You are adults and you're allowed to live your own life as a couple. You don't have to report to her about every single thing you're doing and include her in literally everything. Especially because she doesn't make much effort to be nice and actually reach out to you. But because it's not your mother, I think your best course of action is just politeness and to stay out of it. You are stuck with her now because you're getting married to her son. I think you need to try to make this as pleasant as possible and not have any tensions.

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  6. #25
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    So you two aren't chummy and she didn't get to plan some proposal gesture or see the wedding venue. It is what it is. She was invited, so it's not like anyone snubbed her. It'd be nice if she came but I'm not seeing any cause for her being obligated to it.

    You'll have plenty of years to have or not have a normal relationship with her. Nobody's in any position. If your fiance wants to make it a big deal, let him. Don't volunteer to be involved in it and assert your boundaries if he tries to drag you into it. There's really no need for the drama. And yes, if these are things he can't let go or let her say without having it spill into your relationship, it very much is an issue with him, as obnoxious as her behavior may be. Focus on your end of things as you prepare for your big day.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by cotalava
    Did I say I let others know? Lol. You are jumping to conclusions. We phoned- no answer, we sent pics what else are we supposed to do? We then FaceTimed with his sister who was with his mom but she didn’t say anything. She called back two days later and seemed genuinely happy for us and expressed wanting to be involved in the wedding planning.

    Her response was not sarcastic at all and I heard it as well when she phoned me post engagement “me and Jennifer wanted to plan this whole thing we had so many ideas” (Jennifer being the sister) she is genuine about that truly wanted a big fiasco for the engagement even though my fiancé didn’t want that.

    I clearly have discussed all this with my fiancé and that’s why I am here- to get unbiased opinions. He thinks his mom is being unusually strange about the whole situation.
    Unless parents live out of state, its customary to tell parents in person -- even if you can't tell them the day you got engaged. You have dinner with them or ask if you can drop by. Maybe that's not all families though...

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    It's ridiculous the MIL got upset that your fiance proposed to you "just between you". Of course he did! You propose just with your partner there, you don't invite anyone else! Did she want him to organise a dinner and she would be sitting with you at the table too while he proposed? It doesn't even make sense why she would be upset at this. You are adults and you're allowed to live your own life as a couple. You don't have to report to her about every single thing you're doing and include her in literally everything. Especially because she doesn't make much effort to be nice and actually reach out to you. But because it's not your mother, I think your best course of action is just politeness and to stay out of it. You are stuck with her now because you're getting married to her son. I think you need to try to make this as pleasant as possible and not have any tensions.
    I hate "public" proposals myself.

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