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Thread: I want my ex back but she is engaged?!? Help!

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Personally, I would respect her culture and beliefs. I don't think it would ever work out, so why stir up trouble?

    I'm trying really hard not to judge but this, to me, is completely ridiculous: "She wanted to be engaged within a few weeks of our first date." Really??? Let's get serious, Dr Whom!

    Her engagement is probably arranged, hence, the reason she didn't tell you. She was more likely told/forced to become engaged and didn't have a choice in the matter. Don't cause trouble for her. You already said that her brother beats her. Please, don't be the cause for more bodily harm to her. She is not your responsibility. Hey, to each his own, however, I would forget her and hope she is happy. I'm not trying to make light of it, but you haven't known her that long. You are in pain, I get it, but I think you should accept the fact that she's not for you. She's blocked you. You both said your peace and now you both must go on your separate paths. I would forget her and hope she is happy. Accept that some things in life are not meant to be.
    Thanks for the reply

    Yeah I know...I should have read up on chaldean culture right away before my feelings deepened. I talked to her about this stuff and that we have different cultures right at the beginning. She said she wanted to marry for love only which makes me sad if I let her down.

    Just a lot of regret that i didn't propose to show her and her family that I was serious... Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Yes, it's selfish. You are putting her in danger. She got beaten up for seeing you. Leave her alone.
    I don't think my sending her a present got her beat up...this happened earlier this year. Her and her brother argue a lot mainly because she thinks he's lazy and cant work.

    I asked her about danger and she said her family would never kill her or anything. She always seemed so unhappy with her family

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She doesn't want contact with you. She is engaged to a man of her preference and culture.She asked you NOT to contact her. It's not all about you and what you want.
    Originally Posted by Dr Whom
    I asked her about danger and she said her family would never kill her or anything.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    That ship has sailed. She's engaged and spoken for. Stay out of it. She has moved on as should you.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Dr Whom
    Thanks for the reply

    Yeah I know...I should have read up on chaldean culture right away before my feelings deepened. I talked to her about this stuff and that we have different cultures right at the beginning. She said she wanted to marry for love only which makes me sad if I let her down.

    Just a lot of regret that i didn't propose to show her and her family that I was serious...
    Even if you did propose, I'm not sure you would have been accepted by her family. Your respective cultures are too different. It's not good to start a relationship/marriage when there's such resentment and prejudice on her family's side. That would put a lot of stress on a marriage. You'd probably be walking on eggshells a lot of the time. You'd be under scrutiny whenever you're in her family's presence. And, this is if you get her family's blessing. Do you truly want to be involved in something like that?

    If you truly love her respect her wishes. She made her wishes clear. Give yourself time; your heart will heal. Perhaps one day you will see that it was the right thing to do, for both of you.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    She doesn't want contact with you. She is engaged to a man of her preference and culture.She asked you NOT to contact her. It's not all about you and what you want.
    I hear you...In my pathetic and selfish mindview right now, I truly believed she got engaged ( Chaldean culture just means allowed to date ) because I did not propose to her

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Even if you did propose, I'm not sure you would have been accepted by her family. Your respective cultures are too different. It's not good to start a relationship/marriage when there's such resentment and prejudice on her family's side. That would put a lot of stress on a marriage. You'd probably be walking on eggshells a lot of the time. You'd be under scrutiny whenever you're in her family's presence. And, this is if you get her family's blessing. Do you truly want to be involved in something like that?

    If you truly love her respect her wishes. She made her wishes clear. Give yourself time; your heart will heal. Perhaps one day you will see that it was the right thing to do, for both of you.
    Thanks for the reply,

    In my pathetic and selfish mindview right now, I truly believed she got engaged ( Chaldean culture just means allowed to date ) because I did not propose to her.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Dr Whom
    Thanks for the reply,

    In my pathetic and selfish mindview right now, I truly believed she got engaged ( Chaldean culture just means allowed to date ) because I did not propose to her.
    Sorry to be brutally honest but if she got engaged so quickly, how much could she have loved you? Think about it. She apparently didn't even grieve her loss. From one man to another. Quick and simple. Too quickly, IMHO.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Sorry to be brutally honest but if she got engaged so quickly, how much could she have loved you? Think about it. She apparently didn't even grieve her loss. From one man to another. Quick and simple. Too quickly, IMHO.
    I assume she was grieving all this time...maybe she that is why she wanted to see for the last time. I am obviously not thinking clearly right now

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Dr Whom
    I assume she was grieving all this time...maybe she that is why she wanted to see for the last time. I am obviously not thinking clearly right now
    I do feel for you, please don't get me wrong. No, you are not thinking clearly, and that's normal. You suffered a big loss and you need time to heal yourself. Try not to dwell on the past; it serves no purpose. You need to do your best to occupy your mind (easy to say and hard to do, I know). Listen to some upbeat music, take walks, talk to a close family member or close friend. Talk to us here. Please realise that there is no quick fix for healing your heart. It's like an open wound; it needs time to heal. You need time to heal. You will get there. I would venture to say that we've all experienced heartbreak at some point or another, and we get through it. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.

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