I want my ex back but she is engaged?!? Help!

[Wiseman2]

How do you know that it's not the family confiscating her phone?

I did not reach out to her...she actually just texted me if I used her work discount??? How should I respond?

[No1]

Traditions are the first to erode in a new country...eventually all that remains will be the food.

 

I was raised catholic so we are already the same religion. If I was given the chance, I would have asked her mother to be formally engaged. I would have learned Arabic so we could attend church together and keep traditions. I play in 4 soccer leagues too so I am sure to find some Chaldeans for more info. I am not doing nothing unless she contacts me and breaks it off on her own free will.

 

 

I dont think you quite understand the culture yet. It is a very small community, everyone knows everyone and if you do anything to dishonor the family, they will take the punishment out on her, not on you. Also, just because you are catholic doesn't mean you can attend their church and they are divided up into classes. You dont dare cross the line.

As I said, tread very lightly as she is on a tight leash. It doesn't matter what her brother did or has done, he is in charge. If you want to get advice from people you play soccer with, then go for it, but mention no names. As I said, its a small community and if word gets back to the family that you are asking about her, then you are putting her health on the line.

If that is what you want to do, good luck. But you are not going to beat the system.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Being a rebel without a cause will not change thousands of years of tradition.

[Dr Whom]

How do you know that it's not the family confiscating her phone?

 

Why would they confiscate her phone, send me a nonsense message misspelling the same words she did, and then block me again. This message came three weeks after she said don’t text. I have been NC since may 5th

[Wiseman2]

Who knows? She like many others use someone to avoid the nightmare of arranged marriages. Ok chase her, be the hero and let her family kill or beat her. Why not research the traditions in her culture?

Why would they confiscate her phone, send me a nonsense message misspelling the same words she did, and then block me again. This message came three weeks after she said don’t text. I have been NC since may 5th

[Dr Whom]

I dont think you quite understand the culture yet. It is a very small community, everyone knows everyone and if you do anything to dishonor the family, they will take the punishment out on her, not on you. Also, just because you are catholic doesn't mean you can attend their church and they are divided up into classes. You dont dare cross the line.

As I said, tread very lightly as she is on a tight leash. It doesn't matter what her brother did or has done, he is in charge. If you want to get advice from people you play soccer with, then go for it, but mention no names. As I said, its a small community and if word gets back to the family that you are asking about her, then you are putting her health on the line.

If that is what you want to do, good luck. But you are not going to beat the system.

 

They already moved away and are estranged from their other family before I came along. I forgot the reason ( her eldest brother marrying American, her previous broken engagement, uncle problems? ).

 

Not trying to beat the system...I don’t want anything to happen to her. I didn’t know I was a problem until this year...I had told her that her family would need to accept me or it won’t work.

[Dr Whom]

Who knows? She like many others use someone to avoid the nightmare of arranged marriages. Ok chase her, be the hero and let her family kill or beat her. Why not research the traditions in her culture?

 

To be honest, I cannot find much online about Chaldeans aside from asking the father. I don’t know if families beat or kill women in America...it is possible a Chaldean husband would do the same.

[No1]

Sounds like you are going to do what you want. So good luck with whatever you decide to do. Just be warned, you are putting her health in danger.

Good luck.

[Dr Whom]

Sounds like you are going to do what you want. So good luck with whatever you decide to do. Just be warned, you are putting her health in danger.

Good luck.

 

I don’t think I can do anything...What can I do man? She still has my number, knows where I live. She has to contact me ( again ) I think because she told me not to contact her. If it was meant to be, It shouldn’t have to be this hard.

[abitbroken]

To be honest, I cannot find much online about Chaldeans aside from asking the father. I don’t know if families beat or kill women in America...it is possible a Chaldean husband would do the same.

 

Chaldeans do NOT kill women! They are Christians (Catholics) and mostly came here to escape persecution, oppression, etc, from Muslims. They are more similar in philosophy to Orthodox Catholic churches like Greek Orthodox, etc. than they do to Islam. The whole congregation comes to weddings and birthdays.

[No1]

I don’t think I can do anything...What can I do man? She still has my number, knows where I live. She has to contact me ( again ) I think because she told me not to contact her. If it was meant to be, It shouldn’t have to be this hard.

 

It sucks, but its out of your control. I have several Chaldean friends and where I live there is a large amount of middle eastern people from various religions. Ill tug on their ear and ask them what they think and Ill tell you what they said.

[abitbroken]

Could it be that she is not engaged but telling you that so you will leave her alone? She might have ultimately felt ashamed of what she did with you, JMHO . So leave her be

[Dr Whom]

Could it be that she is not engaged but telling you that so you will leave her alone? She might have ultimately felt ashamed of what she did with you, JMHO . So leave her be

 

She never told me she was engaged...I saw it on her public Facebook ( she took me off months ago due to her mom? ) when I searched her name. Why see me one last time and then get engaged 9-10 days later??? Yeah she could have been seeing this guy for a while although she really made it out to be her family. I think her mom and culture will only let her date if she is engaged...she was lying to her family for months to see me

[Jibralta]

She never told me she was engaged...I saw it on her public Facebook ( she took me off months ago due to her mom? ) when I searched her name. Why see me one last time and then get engaged 9-10 days later??? Yeah she could have been seeing this guy for a while although she really made it out to be her family. I think her mom and culture will only let her date if she is engaged...she was lying to her family for months to see me

 

When I was in graduate school, I was friendly with this couple who were joined together at the hip.

 

They were both undergraduates and had been together all through their undergraduate years.

 

The guy really loved the girl. But the girl confided in me that her parents would never accept the guy, and that she had to marry who they chose.

 

She loved him, but she wasn't about to go against her family. She was very matter-of-fact about the whole thing.

 

She and the guy both graduated at the end of that year.

 

They must have broken up immediately thereafter, because I suddenly saw pictures of her on Facebook, bedecked and bejeweled at her wedding in Bangladesh.

 

She didn't waste a minute. When the time came, she got right down to business.

 

I'm sure the guy was wrecked over it. But it is what it is.

[Dr Whom]

When I was in graduate school, I was friendly with this couple who were joined together at the hip.

 

They were both undergraduates and had been together all through their undergraduate years.

 

The guy really loved the girl. But the girl confided in me that her parents would never accept the guy, and that she had to marry who they chose.

 

She loved him, but she wasn't about to go against her family. She was very matter-of-fact about the whole thing.

 

She and the guy both graduated at the end of that year.

 

They must have broken up immediately thereafter, because I suddenly saw pictures of her on Facebook, bedecked and bejeweled at her wedding in Bangladesh.

 

She didn't waste a minute. When the time came, she got right down to business.

 

I'm sure the guy was wrecked over it. But it is what it is.

 

Yeah...not everyone marries for the same reason. I feel mine has been telling me all this year about her family so I’m not as completely wrecked. She probably just got tired of fighting and lying to her mom. Just wish I would have proposed although it probably would not have made a difference.

[Dr Whom]

It sucks, but its out of your control. I have several Chaldean friends and where I live there is a large amount of middle eastern people from various religions. Ill tug on their ear and ask them what they think and Ill tell you what they said.

 

Thanks I would appreciate that

[MissCanuck]

Just wish I would have proposed although it probably would not have made a difference.

 

I think you're right - it wouldn't have made a difference. She still wouldn't have been able to accept.

[Jibralta]

Yeah...not everyone marries for the same reason. I feel mine has been telling me all this year about her family so I’m not as completely wrecked. She probably just got tired of fighting and lying to her mom. Just wish I would have proposed although it probably would not have made a difference.

 

Honestly, I'm pretty sure my acquaintance told her boyfriend as well.

 

I don't know 100% either way, because I never asked. But knowing their relationship, I don't think it was a secret.

 

She loved him, and I seriously doubt that she would have blindsided him like that.

 

I think what happened is, they were both young and idealistic.

 

And they came from different cultures.

 

The guy probably told himself that she was going to change her mind.

 

But she knew she wasn't going to change her mind. And she didn't.

 

I think you're right - it wouldn't have made a difference. She still wouldn't have been able to accept.

I agree.

 

Just based on what I witnessed, the cutoff was so absolutely decisive and immediate. It seemed clear that there was never any room for alternatives.

[Dr Whom]

Honestly, I'm pretty sure my acquaintance told her boyfriend as well.

 

I don't know 100% either way, because I never asked. But knowing their relationship, I don't think it was a secret.

 

She loved him, and I seriously doubt that she would have blindsided him like that.

 

I think what happened is, they were both young and idealistic.

 

And they came from different cultures.

 

The guy probably told himself that she was going to change her mind.

 

But she knew she wasn't going to change her mind. And she didn't.

 

I agree.

 

Just based on what I witnessed, the cutoff was so absolutely decisive and immediate. It seemed clear that there was never any room for alternatives.

 

Yeah decisive and immediate...still no clue why she texted me this past Tuesday about her work discount. I don’t need her 10% discount nor have I ever asked for it. She asked then replied nvm bye 4 minutes later before I could respond. Just noise?

[Dr Whom]

Honestly, I'm pretty sure my acquaintance told her boyfriend as well.

 

I don't know 100% either way, because I never asked. But knowing their relationship, I don't think it was a secret.

 

She loved him, and I seriously doubt that she would have blindsided him like that.

 

I think what happened is, they were both young and idealistic.

 

And they came from different cultures.

 

The guy probably told himself that she was going to change her mind.

 

But she knew she wasn't going to change her mind. And she didn't.

 

I agree.

 

Just based on what I witnessed, the cutoff was so absolutely decisive and immediate. It seemed clear that there was never any room for alternatives.

 

Yeah decisive and immediate...still no clue why she texted me this past Tuesday about her work discount. I don’t need her 10% discount nor have I ever asked for it. She asked then replied nvm bye 4 minutes later before I could respond. Just noise?

[Wiseman2]

Seems so...

Just noise?

[Jibralta]

still no clue why she texted me this past Tuesday about her work discount. I don’t need her 10% discount nor have I ever asked for it. She asked then replied nvm bye 4 minutes later before I could respond. Just noise?

 

She may have texted the wrong person. Or maybe she realized that she was doing more harm than good by perpetuating communication with you.

 

She has strong convictions and a lot of will power, but that doesn't mean it's easy for her to cut off like this.

 

Don't let that get your hopes up.

[Dr Whom]

She may have texted the wrong person. Or maybe she realized that she was doing more harm than good by perpetuating communication with you.

 

She has strong convictions and a lot of will power, but that doesn't mean it's easy for her to cut off like this.

 

Don't let that get your hopes up.

 

Yeah...she had to unblock me first send two messages and 4 minutes later block again. I wonder if she was trying to send a text saying she is engaged? Backed out because I didn’t respond in time

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like neither you nor she had much control over this, regardless of flirty things she did or said. She is and always was bound to her traditions and family. It seems more like you were an experiment in dating outside of the culture.

I wonder if she was trying to send a text saying she is engaged?

[Dr Whom]

It sounds like neither you nor she had much control over this, regardless of flirty things she did or said. She is and always was bound to her traditions and family. It seems more like you were an experiment in dating outside of the culture.

 

Yeah...it feels like I was a rebound between her ex fiancé and new fiancé. There was almost no gap in between. What is love?