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Thread: Not sure where to go from here....

  1. #21
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    I love my kids more than anything. Please be kind. :(

  2. #22
    Member momoa's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mamamia77770
    I love my kids more than anything. Please be kind. :(
    Please dont feel like we are trying to put you down, we all want you to realize that the situation you're in right now, is just not healthy, for you nor for your kids. Your high tolerance in putting up with your husband is actually placing your kids in a sad depressed environment. It may be the only environment they know exists around family.

    Your husband is not changing, he might, one day... But not in the near future. He needs more work and you cant be there forever, he is not your project you need to work on. You need a responsible man, a real man.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    duplicate.
    Last edited by Jibralta; 05-02-2020 at 05:31 AM.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    diagnosis is dangerous to her because she now can justify that "he can't help it" and will stay. I think the circle of abuse would be bettter..
    Nobody is diagnosing anything here.

    The choice to leave is hers alone.

    She should have as much information as possible to make that decision.

    Her situation sounds a lot like mine was, growing up. My mom was my only parent and there was no one else around to stabilize her.

    If my dad had been there, I think it would have been different. But he was gone and she was a solo raving lunatic with two daughters.

    I had to get therapy to get through it. I got kicked out of school. It was a whole thing.

    I still have to deal with it as an adult, but the therapy helped give me coping skills.

    Another thing that helped in my adult life was the addition of my stepfather. He stabilized my mom and it's made a huge difference in our lives.

    For that reason I'm not jumping on the "get out" bandwagon.

    Of course, if she has to leave, she should. But that's her decision and she's looking for resources right now.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be kind? You want pity for abusing your kids to stay with a monster who terrorizes them? Love is not enough. Many people who abuse claim they love... like your child abusing husband. And do not make excuses about mental illness or stress or whatever Abuse is a very calculated situation. Just like you abuse your kids standing by your man coddling him.
    Originally Posted by mamamia77770
    I love my kids more than anything.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Be kind? You want pity for abusing your kids to stay with a monster who terrorizes them? Love is not enough. Many people who abuse claim they love... like your child abusing husband. And do not make excuses about mental illness or stress or whatever Abuse is a very calculated situation. Just like you abuse your kids standing by your man coddling him.
    I agree with this. Its really hard to empathize with you. You are the adult. You have the power to protect your children and you are not.

    Its on your husband to fix himself. Its on you to get away from him. Whatever it costs you in pride, money, whatever. He should be out of the house with supervised visits with the children.

    Know that children are neither stupid nor do they forget. The future is at stake here. Will you be the mom that did nothing?

    Your children, if they survive, will be the ones to pity you. They will escape this man and you asap.... unless you do something.

    wake up....

    think about what you are teaching your children about love, marriage, how to raise children. your children may become abusers or get in more abusive relationships. Because you raised them to believe this is normal.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mamamia77770
    I love my kids more than anything. Please be kind. :(
    Do you expect your kids to "be kind" to you too?

    Seems like you love your husband more:
    "I think I'm at a turning point but I'm having trouble figuring out what to do. I know that most people will tell me that the answer is easy, but from posting on this site I have figured out that I am definitely trauma bound with my husband. We have been married for fifteen years and have two kids. He has been emotionally and verbally abusive to me and the kids in the past. I almost left him back in January, and had actually met with an attorney. He cried and begged me not to leave"

    This proves that your attachment to your husband takes priority over your responsibility to your kids.

    When they are adults, how would you feel if they ask you why you didn't leave the man who is abusing them? What excuse will you give them for making them stay with an angry, abusive man?

    My father was just a selfish d-bag and my siblings and I were damaged from what we witnessed as children. ALL of us have failed marriages. We didn't know how to pick the correct spouse, or we didn't know what "healthy" looked like. We're all messed up.

    Please don't do that to your children.

    You have the power to change this. Please use that power to protect your kids by getting them away from this angry abuser.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You need to view yourself as a mother lion and voraciously protect your children. Even and especially from their father.

    Buy not stepping in you are giving them the message that they either arent valuable enough or they are somehow deserving or at fault for his rath.

    They will take that into their adulthood and act it out in their own relationships.

    For some , the fact that a primary parent did not protect them is just as damaging as the parent who inflicted the pain.

    They could someday look back at you and wonder why you just stood by and didn't do anything. It's a painful and confusing realization.

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