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Thread: Hurting Pretty bad

  1. #1
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    Hurting Pretty bad

    My bestfriend is a female and it a little older than I. I am a male. Her and I are/were very close. She recently brokeup with her bf who treated her very badly. He's abusive to her mentally and emotionally. The relationship has been bad for a long time. He's a narcissist and a bad one at that. She is an empath. Something happened where she suddenly turned against me overnight. She doesn't text me or talk to me to the level she did nor the way she did. I was accused of expecting something in return for helping her and doing all these things I've done to help her. I told her that just wasn't true and my only goal was to ever be her friend. I never expected anything in return. I'm guessing he go to her and convinced her that I was doing all of this in the hopes she would want to be with me. She did tell me that they had been talking but didn't really say if it was in that way.

    So I'm defiantly hurt by all this and unsure what to do. Things are definitely weird now. Thursday night she hugged me and kissed me and told me she loved me like she always does and by Friday evening I was being accused of trying to manipulate her. Is our relationship over or is this a test time for her? I'm dying on the inside and hurting from this. Just not sure what I need to do because I've never been in this situation before. I did send her a lengthy message last night explaining things and what my intents were and told her I was only trying to support her. She hasn't responded but then again I don't really expect her to. Not really her style to do it in a direct way.

    Thanks for everyone imput.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It seems like you would like to be a lot more than friends. Why don't you have your own gf? Her bf may be shutting your friendship down. Keep in mind she stays with him despite what she tells you. Delete and block her. She's not really your friend..You both know this.
    Originally Posted by Aj86
    My bestfriend is a female and it a little older than I. I am a male. Something happened where she suddenly turned against me overnight. I was accused of expecting something in return for helping her and doing all these things I've done to help her. I told her that just wasn't true and my only goal was to ever be her friend.

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    She's obviously going through a lot, I'd let her be, if she wants to reach out later, she can always text you, and you can then decide how to react. I hope you have other people/friends in your life. If not, try expanding your circle of friends so you don't rely on person so much.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Sometimes friendships end--a normal part of life. One of my decade long friendships has ended because the last few years she hasn't put in the efforts she had in the past. The time I once spent with her is now spent with another friend who I developed a friendship with about 3 years ago, and with another couple (my husband became friends with the guy and now we double date).

    That's why it's best not to put all your eggs in one basket, if you don't have other friends, because friendships don't always last a lifetime.

    Why do you want to stay friends with someone who accuses you of crimes you haven't committed, and then ignores you when you try to get to the bottom of things? With friends like that, who needs enemies?

    Try Meetup.com activities for a good way to keep your mind occupied on meeting new people and doing fun activities. Take care.

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  6. #5
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    You do want more than friendship according to this thread :
    [Register to see the link]

    Also, aren't you a married man? What does your wife think of all this, or do you two not talk about this woman and this situation?

    Anyway, it doesn't seem like she (your "friend") wants to turn this into a romantic relationship. Unfortunately she doesn't feel the same way you do.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok so this is an ongoing emotional affair to escape your primary relationship?
    Originally Posted by Aj86
    We are both in other relationships but both are on thin ice I feel. At least I know for a fact mine is on it's last leg.

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    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    I've never known of a male-female "best friend" relationship where one or the other wants more. It's a fact of life. Billy Crystal told Meg Ryan that in one of the first scenes of "When Harry Met Sally"! LOL.

    So, methinks YOU want more than friendship... it's obvious. Unless you two are 6 years old, then I suppose it could be possible!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I didn't look through your older posts, OP, but your writing sounds pained and like you're in turmoil. This is a lot more involved than a platonic friendship and you're in denial or being dishonest with both yourself and your lady friend. That dishonesty is what's getting you into more hot soup and turning your life upside down. Be more honest with yourself please. These things would not be happening if you're more honest about your feelings and more honest about your intentions. Attempting to sabotage a friend's relationship under the guise of a "friendship" is not honest.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Now, I'm not going to lie that I do have a thing for her but I also respect her very much and truely do care about her. Would it be cool if we ended up together one day? Yes, definitely! I think we would be great and have a lot of fun together.
    You have a crush on her, and were hoping that her leaving her BF would be the opening you needed to jump into a relationship with her.

    Having read your other threads, it would seem that you have been trying to manipulate her into breaking up with her BF, and, in a more subtle way, to get together with you by playing the white knight so to speak; she is simply pointing out the behavior. I am sorry if that sounds harsh but the reality is that you have been emotionally cheating with her for months now so the fact that you ended up here is something you may want to take responsibility for.

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    So apparently I'm in the wrong. I don't feel like I want to "be with her" because I didn't think either one of us were each other's type anyway. So what can I do to salvage a friendship with her or is it a lost cause? If I do continue a friendship with her what mindset should I put myself in?

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