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Thread: Shock from being ghosted

  1. #21
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    It is really immature to block a romantic partner like that. A cowardly way to end things.

    That said, don't bother attempting to get answers from her.

    Just move on.

  2. #22
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    Youve got the completely wrong idea

    1. the 3 weeks iv been away is that same month iv been gone (only been gone once)
    2. I started the vulnerability talk but i ended it cause I could tell she was the one getting uncomfortable with it. in this chat I was actually telling her that Im willing to be vulnerable for her. I guess this conversation scared her off

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Maybe she thought you were onto her getting back with the on/off bf. Often it has nothing to do with you. But next time don't be so deep and probing. Intensity can be off putting rather than accelerating closeness.

    Think of relationships as an ocean to wade into, not cliff-dive into. This way you can do that delicate dance of going forward but being able to retreat when needed.
    Originally Posted by TheG
    I started the vulnerability talk but i ended it cause I could tell she was the one getting uncomfortable with it.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why you have to talk about being vulnerable: you're either vulnerable or you're not (and vice versa for your partner). Talking about it seems a bit pretentious or overarching. I'm not a big fan of suppositions and great overtures because it looks and feels plastic. She might have felt a bit weird about it or was just too young to get what you were saying - maybe there wasn't enough time, period, for either of you to really get to know each other before things got... well, weird. Perhaps neither of you are compatible for each other and that is ok too.

    I think it's a blessing in disguise and, remember, when a person shows what they are, be thankful and grateful. You're free!

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  6. #25
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    My first reaction is also that you pissed her off. But, I don't think it's your problem. On the contrary, I think it means she's emotionally unstable.
    An emotionally stable woman wont talk about vulnerability after few weeks and even she does, she will not rely all on you for her issues, because that's the sane thing to do.
    So in other words I think she tad crazy and you dodged a bullet
    Last edited by h0000; 09-10-2019 at 08:50 PM.

  7. #26
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    Ok guys I do thank you guys for you assistance and engagement its helped me make sense of things. So I had a 3 hour conversation with a female friend of mine and after changing our decision a few times we finally decided that I contact her. So I decided to contact her friend and this is briefly what the response was

    "Angelina says you made narky jokes and comments about something. Angelina doesnt like to feel that someone is doing her a favour when they do something related to her. Shes just a person who acts on her decision once she has made it rather than talk about it first thats why she did not text. No hard feelings, shes not upset (which i think is a lie) she just decided she does not want that kinda energy in her life"

    I know the joke she is talking about. I noticed she was angry about it and asked her if she was offended the first time and she said she wasnt. The next day I made a similar joke just before the end of the vulnerability video call. I know you guys are curious about what the joke is about, here it is: So after her doing her laundry I said to her great, now you wont have to repeat clothes anymore. I didnt even notice that she repeats clothes I just said the joke randomly. After our whole vulnerability talk to lighten things up I said "werent you wearing that sweater last week". I dont even remember seeing that sweater before. I guess shes sensitive about the whole repeating clothes thing and Iv got absultely no idea why, i didnt notice that she repeats clothes

    im thinking of requesting for her to unblock me just so that her and I can talk about this properly and if she still feels "negative energy" she can block me. I am doing this because I have noticed that shes quite sensitive, she has daddy issues (but dont we all in some way or another) and she has admitted to me that she tends to over react and shes working on that. Im trying to be understanding but maybe im being tooo understanding...

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Leave her alone now. You know what went wrong now and it's clear you're not a match. Don't add stalking to insulting "jokes". Just move forward and learn that jokes should not be at someone's expense. Don't be this obtuse or insensitive next time. She doesn't like you. She blocked you. Take the hint. It's over.

    You need to get out of her face. It's bad enough you and your "friend" decided to circumvent her blocking you and contacted her friend. It's not your job to figure out if she has "daddy issues" or why your insults offended her. Next time just learn boundaries and don't make back-handed remarks. Live and learn...and leave her alone before you get a restraining order slapped on you.
    Originally Posted by TheG
    So after her doing her laundry I said to her great, now you wont have to repeat clothes anymore.After our whole vulnerability talk to lighten things up I said "werent you wearing that sweater last week".
    im thinking of requesting for her to unblock me just so that her and I can talk about this properly and if she still feels "negative energy" she can block me. I am doing this because I have noticed that shes quite sensitive, she has daddy issues

  9. #28
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    that was harsh... almost more harsh than her response. Iv teased her about worse things she teases me even more and we laugh about it. Unfortunately this joke for some reason hit home...? The reality of the matter is she was hurt and when someone is hurt you apologize. I feel that it was the best option for me to find out what really happened, it helps both of us. I apologized through her friend, and left it at that. Now I would feel ok with her not unblocking me and us going our separate ways, closure
    Last edited by TheG; 09-11-2019 at 09:21 AM.

  10. #29
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    It doesn't help both of you, it only "helps" you. You now expect her to unblock you because you disregarded her wishes and went behind her back to her friend.

    I'll tell you, if someone disregarded my wishes like that it wouldn't make me want to renew communication with that person. Quite the opposite.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Wise's response is not really harsh. You called in the troops, sent them on a recon mission, enlisted them into battle in a war that had already ended, and you got your answer: she does not like you anymore and does not want to speak to you anymore. She'd given you that answer clearly already: blocking is, after all, a form of communication that is not quite ghosting. In finding a way to penetrate that firewall you now know why she blocked you, doesn't like you, and doesn't want to talk to you anymore. She found you offensive.

    Sucks, I know. Sucks that her chosen means of explaining that, after 8 weeks, was through blocking. But she is 22. That's who she is right now, how she operates.

    This talk about trying to get her to unblock you, to clear the air, to exorcise the negative energy, to untangle the daddy issues, to work through it—no. And no and no and no. Noble as your intentions behind that feel in the frazzled emotional state commonly known as being "butt hurt," they boil down to you wanting her to be someone else: a more mature young woman who likes you, wants to talk to you, is not offended by you, finds you hilarious.

    She is none of those things. Sad. But we show respect to people by respecting who they are, not who we want them to be. And it means you can now find someone who is those things, rather than trying to mold someone into that shape because you are sad. Stay on the molding path where you're trying to scale her walls and she will be the one describing you—accurately—as a man who needs to mature and work through some sensitivity and awareness issues.

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