Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 30

Thread: Bad memory=liar??

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,653
    Gender
    Female
    People with emotional baggage like trust issues have no business attempting to date. You sound like an easy going person who feels like flaws are par for the course. You need to learn the difference between dealbreaker flaws and inconsequential flaws. There's a huge difference. My husband was cheated on in both of his past longterm relationships, and he's never once been distrustful of me when I've spent time with girlfriends and gone on several trips with one of them.

    And just because someone asks you a question, doesn't mean you have to answer. Learn that it's normal when first dating to give a brief summary of your past relationship history, such as: My last relationship ended a year ago and we were together two years. We grew apart. Before that, I had nothing serious.

    Do not go into one-night stands, what you did sexually with someone, and give a play by play of every dating experience you've ever had. Even if you're an open book, it's nobody's business, and just puts a movie in the guy's head of you with other men. It's his sick psyche for even wanting to know this, only to regularly verbally abuse you about it.

    This is an experience you should learn from--how to cut a loser loose as soon as you see a dealbreaker so you will be free when someone who is a better dating prospect comes along.

  2. #12

    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    7
    Gender
    Female
    Thank you for taking the time to respond I never really thought about it like that.... youíre absolutely right and honestly I didnít even really ask too many questions around that like you said I know everyone has a past thatís usually how I operate aside from the std thing I generally donít ask too much beyond what a person feels comfortable sharing. I just hate like feeling like Iím on trial or something

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,563
    " I just hate like feeling like Iím on trial or something" This is not normal!

  4. #14

    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    7
    Gender
    Female
    Right... his reasoning for wanting to know things was so no one could tell him anything about me like he would know it all already

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,279
    It's none of his business how many people you have slept with, nor that you had a FWB. He's looking for reasons not to trust you and to use your past against you. That is a huge red flag. One that I once ignored, and I lived to regret it.

    Walk away from this guy, OP.

    You will always be jumping through hoops with him, and he will keep holding those hoops higher and higher. Bad news.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,563
    Originally Posted by perfectsoul
    Right... his reasoning for wanting to know things was so no one could tell him anything about me like he would know it all already

    No.

    Perfect, this is more than just this guy. You really need to address who you have been choosing. You cannot change them, but you can change you.

  8. #17
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    152
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by perfectsoul
    Right... his reasoning for wanting to know things was so no one could tell him anything about me like he would know it all already
    Yeah. . . it sounds good on the surface but his logic is flawed. It is really closer to creepy / controlling.

    That level of knowledge about your partner grows over time. There is no questionnaire that people can give their new dates to find out all about them quickly. Plus even after 11 years of marriage I still find out things about my husband & we each continue to evolve & grow.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,670
    Gender
    Female
    This isn't a swap meet: I'll give you my sex buddy if you give me your trust and love. You're naive and a little fresh out of your divorce/previous relationship. We've all faux pas'd around that time. Do not volunteer that kind of information. Have a little self-respect and discretion and govern your relationships independently with some care.

    You should not be having sex buddies on the side either if you're earnestly looking to date someone on a dating app. It's a lot of white noise and your head space is confused. Ask yourself what you really want out of dating. If it's casual relationships, be clear about your boundaries and how many casual relationships you can handle at one time if you are not exclusive with anyone. If you want to meet someone to pursue something a bit more serious like a committed relationship, for example, gradually wean off of sleeping around with casual partners. It will not help you reorient yourself and the way you project yourself will be confusing to the people you meet. You may even give off the wrong vibes (as if anything goes). In this case, you're far too agreeable and appear naive. I think it's because you don't know what you want.

    Be wary of individuals who mask themselves as wanting something serious but are not there to walk the talk (just want sex). It's all fun and games in the beginning but if you are not self-aware enough or grounded enough to know what you're doing, you'll likely lose yourself to the dating game and come out a lot more confused than when you first started.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    5,997
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by perfectsoul
    Iím in my 30s and it just seems like every guy I meet has some type of issue so I guess my struggle is which ones are just not worth my time and which ones are ones to work through?? Iím realistic and I know that no oneís perfect.
    He's not worth your time because he doesnt trust you. Also, it's less than none of his business who you had sex with! Good grief, he needs to hit the road.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,458
    Gender
    Male
    Nosy and invasive is not "trust". It's none of his business. And you need to enforce those v boundaries with a simple "It's in the past". Sorry to say be he sounds like an insecure controlling weirdo and you need to observe that red flag.
    Originally Posted by perfectsoul
    he asked me about my past and opened up I have nothing to hide. He asked if I had a sex buddy situation which I had cool no problem but later he asked how many people I had been with since my divorce

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •