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Thread: Should I be concerned or am I being a little sensitive...

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Ok..........maybe I am. I wanted to know your thoughts. Laurie and I have known each other for 10 years, so she does know me very well and does know my last name.
    We do have different personalities. I am more extroverted than he is. He is more introverted and private. Neither is wrong. I have introduced him to all of my family members.
    He lives about 25 miles from me and has 3 grown children that live at home. I still have not met anyone from his family or been invited to his home. I know he is divorced, according to Laurie and is looking to marry again. I don't know, this is a first for me. He's can be very secretive at times.
    I think you're getting in your own way. Laurie wanted to make sure you were the Sue Andy had referred to. She just handled it a bit awkwardly and so did you. I would not chat with Laurie about your boyfriend behind his back - you're putting her in an awkward position that way. If she speaks of him just tell her that you'd rather not given the relationship.

    It sounds like you don't trust this guy and you chose this "issue" instead of dealing with the real trust issues.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Ok..........maybe I am. I wanted to know your thoughts. Laurie and I have known each other for 10 years, so she does know me very well and does know my last name.
    We do have different personalities. I am more extroverted than he is. He is more introverted and private. Neither is wrong. I have introduced him to all of my family members.
    He lives about 25 miles from me and has 3 grown children that live at home. I still have not met anyone from his family or been invited to his home. I know he is divorced, according to Laurie and is looking to marry again. I don't know, this is a first for me. He's can be very secretive at times.
    Sounds like he is lonely and wants a wife.

    Why are his adult children living at home? What do you mean by secretive?

    Red flags.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Okay, re-read.

    HIS sister in law. He is no doubt proud of you. He wanted to make you known and he wanted to show you off, so to speak.
    He must really like you and have high hopes for things to work out.

    If you feel the same way for him, then things will work well. It sounds like he is very happy to have you in his life and wants others to know.

    And also, he probably didn't give your last name because he wasn't sure if he was overstepping but he was still happy to mention you.

    As for being secretive, I know lots of people who are like that. There is no threats there, they are just cautious. That's different than deviant.

    I actually find it really sweet what he did...like a school boy with a crush.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Just because the SIL was more curious than she let on, it's not on your BF to be a psychic and figure that out and then offer additional info she didn't ask for.

    Sometimes this stuff just works itself through until it settles. It doesn't hold the urgency we might imagine.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Is this salon employee is his exwife's sister or his brother's wife? He is smart to not rush things and bring every new women around his kids until he feels it's going somewhere. He may be "looking to remarry" but he doesn't know you well enough to imply that that is you.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    He lives about 25 miles from me and has 3 grown children that live at home. I still have not met anyone from his family or been invited to his home.

  7. #16
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    Now, a couple more things happening that I would like to hear your opinion about.
    Most of us can identify rather easily red flags in a relationship. Some of you are concerned that he is moving to fast since he is talking marriage a a few months.
    These are a few examples of things that have given me pause:
    For two days (during a weekend) he sent me a message through facebook telling me that we would have to talk via fb since his phone wasn't taking a charge. (that
    message was sent on a Sat, 3:45pm,) then another fb message came to me at 9:30pm stating, "do you still want me to drive you to Atlanta next week?" I replied, "yes,
    that would be great!" No response from him until the next day, Sunday night at once again 9:30, this message only said," departure time?" I immediately replied
    with an answer and quick question. No response. Finally, Monday afternoon, at 4:00 he sends his last fb message stating, " my phone will now take a charge."
    Now this is a man who has repeatedly told me how important it is to have a working phone since he is in constant contact with his children and has an elderly parent that
    he needs to stay in touch with, and doesn't even own a computer. I don't know about you, but if my phone isn't taking a charge, I am not waiting 2 days to get to my
    cell phone carrier to see what the problem is, especially if I need if for family members to contact me. But that's just me...
    Then, about 2 weeks ago, it was around 10:00 at night, while we were watching a movie on cd, he announces to me that he needs to go to his car to check his phone message from one of his sons to reread the message to see if he read it correctly and he would be right back. This is the first time I noticed that he didn't bring is phone in the house like always. Then, he leaves to go home just one hour later. I wondered what was so important that he had to read at 10 that couldn't wait for one more hour?
    One more thing, he takes frequent recreational trips out of town to ride his bike and hike. At the same time, he stated in the beginning of the relationship that since he hikes and bikes in remote area of the state parks, he would let me know or let both me and one of his three kids know where he is in case of emergency. He also asked me if I liked bike riding and hiking. I told him I didn't own a bike, but I do like to ride bikes and take hikes, but not long ones.
    Well, he has takes 2 or 3 trips so far and I am never informed about it until he returns back home to his house around 10:30pm.
    As close a I assume we are, I kind of wonder why, I am not invited, even though I don't own a bike but would enjoy a nice hike and spending a nice day in the park with him.
    I don't know whether to mention any of the above things I have mentioned here on this thread and maybe you might have a different perspective than I do, I am just feeling that there is something fishy going on, and while I have no proof of anything, my gut tells me different.
    Your thoughts please.

  8. #17
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    My thoughts are that if you are engaging in this kind of analysis and feeling this kind of concern and anxiety so early - such that you would question your friend at the salon when she was trying to be friendly and nice then he is not the person for you and stop wasting your time. I also have a concern with all I've read that you may not be in a place to trust sufficiently even to get to know someone - meaning I don't think people need to open their hearts and be trusting and vulnerable -I mean that amount of trust to let someone get to know you in any real way at a reasonable pace over time. Like, you didn't even trust that Laurie had good intentions in approaching you - that's concerning.

  9. #18
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    Batya33
    Not at all. I have known Laurie for 10 years, that's 10 years and we have a great relationship. She occasionally does my manicure and pedicures. I may not have mentioned that
    "Andy" dropped by when I was getting my nails done and handed her a bag of peanuts. Now, I didn't see him because my back was facing another direction and he told me
    later that he didn't see me. The girl working on my nails, also knows "Andy" as she is a photographer on the side and has taken family pictures. Then Laurie walked over to me
    and asked me if I was the Susan that "Andy was dating", I told her I was and she laughed and said, "well, I didn't know you were THAT Susan, he wasn't very specific" and we both just kind of laughed it off. Laurie is a friend and I believe her intentions were very good. It's the other matters I mentioned above posted this morning that have me wondering...hmmmm is that something I should be concerned about?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Why didnít you ever mention to Laurie that youíre dating Andy?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Are you exclusive? Have you had that conversation? Where was he sending the fb messages from?

    Why are you inviting him for netflix and chill dates at your place if you don't know whether you are exclusive and haven't been invited to his place?

    All you can do is pull way back and not assume you're his next wife or that salon gossip has any merit.
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    he sent me a message through facebook telling me that we would have to talk via fb since his phone wasn't taking a charge. doesn't even own a computer. we were watching a movie on cd, he announces to me that he needs to go to his car to check his phone message. he leaves to go home just one hour later

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