3 Months And I'm Being Too Bratty

I've been seeing him for 3 months. He's been open/honest, even when I don’t like what he’s saying. He told me up front, his relationship side is ‘under construction’ from being left by his fiancee b/c of his gambling addiction, which he is also currently coping with. He has also told me he’s cheated in every relationship he’s been in, which sparked major insecurity in me. That said, in these 3 months, he’s given me a code to come over to his house anytime I’m around, we’ve gone on a trip outside the country together, and we’ve been intimate. He’s introduced me to his friends - not officially as his girlfriend - but with the understanding that I’ll be around.

I have a horrible habit of pushing people away with my negative attitude and poor choice of words at the wrong time. We got back from our trip and he told me he’d be very busy for a couple weeks as he preps for a promotion. As promised, I hadn’t heard from him as much as I would like. He reached out to me yesterday and I invited him to meetup. I ended up making a selfish joke that he’s never free to hang out with me. Hours later he responded telling me it’s the third time I’ve behaved in a way that makes him feel dishonest, not trusted, or not giving me enough when he hasn’t done anything to warrant that. Even worse, he didn’t get the promotion.

I did apologize and ask to talk in person if he’s up for it. Now, Idk where we stand. Should I reach out reminding him I’m sorry he didn’t get the promo and apologize for my behavior? Or should I give him time to cool off? I’m horrible with timing and choice of words as I said.

Do you have a thing for exciting bad-boy types?

He told you upfront where he stands 6758694]He told me up front, his relationship side is ‘under construction’

He has also told me he’s cheated in every relationship he’s been in, which sparked major insecurity in me.

It's great that you have an open and honest boyfriend, but can you live with his past experiences? From your statement above, I'd tread carefully.

He told me up front, his relationship side is ‘under construction’ from being left by his fiancee b/c of his gambling addiction, which he is also currently coping with. He has also told me he’s cheated in every relationship he’s been in, which sparked major insecurity in me

- Just how 'good' do YOU feel with this one??

Reality... think about it.

Where is your self esteem? This guy does not like or respect you!

Why do you allow people to treat you like this? I cannot understand why you would get involved in this with soooooooooooo many red flags. Sad.

Is the the lure of the bad-boy?

- Just how 'good' do YOU feel with this one??

]

As much as I'd love to slam a dude who's a gambling addict and who's cheated on all of his previous partners... he's been absolutely and completely honest. You've come into this with no illusions on his end. As far as I'm concerned, he's guiltless here.

It's on you to see the facts and figures for what they are. You "stood" as someone he wasn't committed to. Now you stand as someone he's not committed to and is annoyed by. This is the kind of guy you see strictly for sex. You don't strike me as the type of woman who does that. Protect yourself and leave him be.

Where is your self esteem? This guy does not like or respect you!

 

Why do you allow people to treat you like this? I cannot understand why you would get involved in this with soooooooooooo many red flags. Sad.

I understand your perspective - given the information I shared. Sure, there are several red flags, but if I stopped trying with everyone with red flags - well, there'd be no fish left in the sea. Granted, his red flags are very bright. His reason for sharing all that was to be completely honest with me and let me know that though he's working on himself, he does view me as a woman he values. His past aside, he's also treated me that way, which is why I'm troubled. I agree with what you're saying, but I do enjoy his company very much and I do see the changes in his behavior to respect me. I didn't have a serious goal in things with him, but I definitely didn't want things to potentially end like this.

Ok you are right. However you need to develop a list of your own red flags and deal breakers.

In this case you took on a high-risk bad-boy because you only wanted casual.

But then know yourself and don't expect leather and tats to turn into kittens and rainbows. there are several red flags, but if I stopped trying with everyone with red flags - well, there'd be no fish left in the sea. I didn't have a serious goal in things with him, but I definitely didn't want things to potentially end like this.

I understand your perspective - given the information I shared. Sure, there are several red flags, but if I stopped trying with everyone with red flags - well, there'd be no fish left in the sea. Granted, his red flags are very bright. His reason for sharing all that was to be completely honest with me and let me know that though he's working on himself, he does view me as a woman he values. His past aside, he's also treated me that way, which is why I'm troubled. I agree with what you're saying, but I do enjoy his company very much and I do see the changes in his behavior to respect me. I didn't have a serious goal in things with him, but I definitely didn't want things to potentially end like this.

No! it's the jerks YOU choose.

He told you that he is a serial cheater and gambling addict. What was attractive about that? I suggest that you get some counseling, as you choose real losers.

he is treating you so well that he has not any time for you in weeks? He is also manipulative and mean. Why do you expect so little from people.

This guy is treating you disrespectfully. Why do you not see this? How old are you?

Ok you are right. However you need to develop a list of your own red flags and deal breakers.

 

In this case you took on a high-risk bad-boy because you only wanted casual.

 

But then know yourself and don't expect leather and tats to turn into kittens and rainbows.

 

What are tats?

What are tats?

]

Nothing came through

What are tats?

Satan's markings aka tattoos.

Boy, I'm off today. Too focused on taxes.

Are you wary of him at all because of his past? It seems to me that he has been honest with you mentioning that he will be unable to meet or be around for some time, yet you still chose to comment about that? Seems like you are being a bit clingy. Maybe give him space and let the relationship take its course naturally.

No! it's the jerks YOU choose.

 

He told you that he is a serial cheater and gambling addict. What was attractive about that? I suggest that you get some counseling, as you choose real losers.

 

he is treating you so well that he has not any time for you in weeks? He is also manipulative and mean. Why do you expect so little from people.

 

This guy is treating you disrespectfully. Why do you not see this? How old are you?

No! it's the jerks YOU choose.

 

He told you that he is a serial cheater and gambling addict. What was attractive about that? I suggest that you get some counseling, as you choose real losers.

 

he is treating you so well that he has not any time for you in weeks? He is also manipulative and mean. Why do you expect so little from people.

 

This guy is treating you disrespectfully. Why do you not see this? How old are you?

Sheesh. I didn't choose him based on these poor qualities, of course. They came up after we'd already been seeing each other. We spend time together regularly, even during the time he said he was supposed to prep for his promotion. I have a key to his house and he lets me stay over even if he's working. To me, this is a sign of him trying to let me in.

Aside from the past I painted on this post, what has he done to me that is so mean? I understand your perspective is solely based on the past I shared. If I removed all that, your response would likely be different. That said, it's likely the same past that is bringing out the bratty behavior in me. In any case, I do thank you for your time and input.

He hasn't done anything wrong. You wanted casual and that's what he wants.

I have a key to his house and he lets me stay over even if he's working.

Are you wary of him at all because of his past? It seems to me that he has been honest with you mentioning that he will be unable to meet or be around for some time, yet you still chose to comment about that? Seems like you are being a bit clingy. Maybe give him space and let the relationship take its course naturally.

Hi randomer! His past definitely concerns me. I think I am used to being controlling and sticking around in situations longer than I should. Great advice about letting it take its course naturally either way. If I would chill and let that happen, maybe I wouldn't spew out rude words that make me look bad/immature regardless of what direction things are headed in. Thanks for your helpful advice!

Thanks for your responses, wiseman!

*cheats

*gambles

*states so much that he's unavailable.

*tells you he'll be busy for the next couple weeks

He's been upfront and you willingly agreed to these conditions and then throw in a passive aggressive comment about not getting to see him

and he called you out on it.

I wouldn't call you bratty. I would say that you might be attached and looking for more the fwb.

He did give you other clues that there could be more to it, giving you the key, etc.

But the jury was still out and instead of protecting yourself from the unknown and carefully weighing the situation a little longer, you pushed.

And now he pushed back.

If you have the patience and think this is worthwhile, then get used to the idea that all you are offered at this time is a casual relationship with someone who will get in touch with you in the future some time. He's pretty much spelled it out.

IF you are looking for something more substantial with a man who isn't currently 'under construction' and has his shyt together enough so that he's a ready, willing partner, then consider moving on.

I understand your perspective - given the information I shared. Sure, there are several red flags, but if I stopped trying with everyone with red flags - well, there'd be no fish left in the sea. Granted, his red flags are very bright. His reason for sharing all that was to be completely honest with me and let me know that though he's working on himself, he does view me as a woman he values. His past aside, he's also treated me that way, which is why I'm troubled. I agree with what you're saying, but I do enjoy his company very much and I do see the changes in his behavior to respect me. I didn't have a serious goal in things with him, but I definitely didn't want things to potentially end like this.

IMO, his weren't just "red flags" but bright, neon flags with bells and whistles on them! It's good that he opened up about the fact that he's cheated with every woman he's been with. That for me, would be a done-deal breaker. It seems like that would mean he has no moral compass. Do you want to fall in love with someone like this?

Good luck!

I never see these types of disclosures as "being honest". I see them as disclaimers. So when he gambles away all his money or cheats on you or won't commit, he can say "But I TOLD you about all of that and you CHOSE to date me anyway!!!"

And he'd be 100% correct.

I never see these types of disclosures as "being honest". I see them as disclaimers. So when he gambles away all his money or cheats on you or won't commit, he can say "But I TOLD you about all of that and you CHOSE to date me anyway!!!"

 

And he'd be 100% correct.

After really thinking about it and stepping back from the situation, most of you, harsh or not, are right. He's pretty much laid it all out. I'm lonely and insecure and I guess I allowed that combo to blind me. He was fun, but not the one, and that's ok. Thanks for shaking me into sense all.

That is a fantastic line. Very creative. It gives just enough [false] hope to stick around but a basic disclaimer at the same time. He has a gift for double talk.

his relationship side is ‘under construction’