Had to Give Away My Cat Today

Today I had to get rid of one of my cats.

I have two. The female one was kind of inherited. She belonged to an ex boyfriend. When I was moving out he told me if I didn't take her he would have her put down. So I took her with me. Her and my male cat got along fine for the 3 years they've lived together. Recently I moved into a new place with my fiance. I think a combination of the move to a much smaller place and my fiance have caused her stress. She's usually scared of men because she originally (before my ex) came from an abusive home. She's such a loving cat. But I think with my fiance being as big as he is and also he's not abusive but just hard on her ie. spraying her with water bottles if she does something wrong or when she's scared he makes it worse by going near her, trying to pick her up, grabbing her by the scruff.

So, she's started peeing on his things. She bit him so hard he had to get shots and antibiotics. I've told her that when she's upset he can't go near her but he doesn't listen so she ends up peeing and biting and hissing at him. Yesterday and today she peed in three different spots of the house. My fiance was on his way out for work and I've never seen him so mad. He said I had better have her out of the house by the time he got back or he was tossing her out. I only had an hour before I had to leave for my shift to find her a home. I've been messaging friends for awhile now asking if they might take her or know someone who would take her but I haven't had any luck. She's a great cat but needs to be with someone who is calm and quiet like an older couple or something.

I called the local animal shelter I used to volunteer at but they didn't have room for her. They referred me to the city animal shelter (it is no kill and I made sure to double and triple check that this was the case). I spoke with the lady at the city shelter and she assured me it was no kill and that what will happen is if she's not adopted straight from them she will go to the animal shelter I called originally when room became available and that I can come visit her/call to check in on her any time.

I just feel horrible. I'm a huge cat lover. I've been crying all evening. Such a long night at work. She's such a sweet girl but men scare her so much and she acts out. There's nothing I can do. I can't make her unafraid and I can't get my fiance to go easier on her to keep her from feeling scared. I feel so guilty

You never pick up an adult cat by the scruff it hurts! Apparently, he doesn't know what to do with the cat . This was caused by him not the cat , at all .

The cat was telling you she was afraid and rightly so .

Please go get your cat back and find a home for her yourself - check references or contact a foster based rescue. The city pound is NOT nokill even if they tell you it is. Owner turn ins are euthanized and they won't tell you that. Demanding someone get rid of a pet in an hour is ABUSIVE. And shame on you for cowtowing to him.

any cat is going to have time to adjust to a new home. Also, peeing could be a sign of a UTI or other problem as well. Sorry, if my fiance told me to put my pet down, he'd be the one given up. The poor thing was scared to death of him. Confining her to a different room to get better adjusted was the answer and now that she's at the pound, she might not be adopted or will go to a new home with a gruff man and pee out of fear and someone else will put her down right off the bat.

Your fiance is not a nice man. I can see being frustrated by peeing, but because she is scared, she needs a little kindness. If she needs to be confined to a bathroom or bedroom to decompress, etc, for awhile or be checked out by a vet - that's what you do. There are enzyme cleaners that discouraging urination too. And any rational person would come up with a game plan 1) have the vet check her out 2) let her decompress, etc. if she doesn't adjust after 6 months..go from there...

Honestly, if a friend called me in a panic to take their dog or cat in one hour, and they only had one hour, I would tell them to get out of the abusive relationship because you sound very afraid of him instead of standing up. Please do not marry this man. And as a pet owner you have a duty to move into a place that is big enough/appropriate for them. If he treats a defenseless animal in a very rough manner, what happens when a baby cries and pees or has a tantrum?

also, you could have gone to the shelter you volunteer for and gotten on the waiting list or fostered her until a calmer home with understanding people was found. But you caved which makes me think he is an abusive person - you were afraid of him

Oh my....poor little cat

I feel so badly for her, she's a helpless pet. I'm glad you at least removed her from your abusive fiance. He was definitely not treating her humanely!

Are you kidding? That poor ****ing cat.

Comes from an abusive household, goes into a brand new environment (not "stressful," absolutely traumatizing for many, if not most, grown cats), sprayed by water by someone she's unfamiliar with living with, scruffed (adult cats' weights aren't meant to be suspended by the scruff), apparently approached and ****ed with even when it's visibly mad (why you even have to cue him not to is well beyond me).

Did you ever put your foot down? As much as I'm fuming at the guy right now, you should know better than him as the responsible owner and should have been asserting yourself. Chalking it up to her being from an abused home and your fiancee being big is, and I'm sorry to say, BS. There's so much wrong here to go around.

The correct answer was, "Yes, I'll make sure she's out of the house. I will be, too."

Look, I get that some people are just ****ty animal people, so I'll try not to completely vilify the guy. A lot of what he did boils down to common enough ignorance... still absolutely inexcusable, but unfortunately perpetuated by enough myths. That's where you failed in your responsibility. Regardless, should it end up you stay with this guy, I'd implore you not to get any more innocent animals mixed up with him and please do a better job asserting yourself when it comes to the well-being of the remaining cat.

I'm not a cat person and I feel terrible for your poor cat! Your fiance sounds so unkind, she's a cat and is scared! I agree with the other poster, if it was me, I think the fiance is the one that has to leave not the cat. I can't help but feel so bad for the cat after reading your post.

Now keep in mind this sets the tone for the future marriage. your guy huffs and puffs and you scurry off like a scared little mouse and do whatever it is to make him happy, even if its something completely irrational or a problem he caused himself!! Even if that means giving up a part of YOU!! So if you have a kid are you going to stand toe to toe with him and protect the child and tell him to take a flying leap or are you going to whimper in the corner and just let it happen. Wake up.

Wow I can't believe what I am reading here. The cat pees on his things, she bit your fiance so hard he needed medical attention and everyone here thinks the fiance should go? If that is your attitude that would be a good sign not for the OP, but for the fiance that if she cares that little for him, that he is that low on her priority list it would be smart for the fiance to let the OP go. Pets are wonderful but a cat peeing all over the place is not acceptable and most especially an animal biting a human is grounds for euthanasia. That is not cruel that is common sense. Part of being a pet owner is to be responsible for, and not make excuses. If you can't do that then don't be a pet owner. This also includes when a pet is suffering from serious illness if know about yourself you can't make those hard decisions, then again don't be a pet owner. This cat doesn't need a new home, I am sorry that it had been abused before, but it needs to be put down.

Wow I can't believe what I am reading here. The cat pees on his things, she bit your fiance so hard he needed medical attention and everyone here thinks the fiance should go? If that is your attitude that would be a good sign not for the OP, but for the fiance that if she cares that little for him, that he is that low on her priority list it would be smart for the fiance to let the OP go. Pets are wonderful but a cat peeing all over the place is not acceptable and most especially an animal biting a human is grounds for euthanasia. That is not cruel that is common sense. Part of being a pet owner is to be responsible for, and not make excuses. If you can't do that then don't be a pet owner. This also includes when a pet is suffering from serious illness if know about yourself you can't make those hard decisions, then again don't be a pet owner. This cat doesn't need a new home, I am sorry that it had been abused before, but it needs to be put down.

So much ignorance here...

1) Cats can't talk, so they communicate via body language. OP already said the cat was at a point where it was visibly upset, hissing and trying to hide and the fiancé went after it. Wether he was yelling, trying to pick up or whatever he was given multiple signs by the cat to leave her alone. Fight or flight and he took away the flight option for her, it's her freaking instincts to bite (and any other cat in the same situation would do the same). And the OP asked him to leave her alone and sounds like he just does what he pleases. It sounds like the biting was instigated, not just random aggression. This cat is scared.

2) CATS CANT TALK! The cat peeing places is a sign something is wrong. From stress, to UTI, other illnesses or even pain. To not liking the litter and so much more. A responsible owner works with a vet to figure out what's going on and how to treat it. How do I know this? Our 2nd cat who was quite abused (and slated to be put down at a "no kill" shelter) used to pee on things. We were patient and sorted it out. It's just pee, not poison. She hasn't peed anywhere in over a year. If the OP and her fiancé plan to have kids they better be ready for so much worse....like poop used as fingerpaint.

Bugging an animal to a point where it has to defend itself by biting shows a lack of maturity from the fiancé.

Anyways OP:

I get you're in a really sucky situation and others have made points about your finances behaviour.

I encourage you to look at other shelters...because sadly city and big rescues do not tend to be "no kill". Not slamming them, they try their hardest....there's just so many animals and ones with behavioural issues are sometimes deemed non-adoptable. Look up reviews and experiences with shelters in your area and see if you can be on a waiting list for someone to take her at some good ones. I would say have an honest chat with your fiancé that you will rehome her, but you will take however long it'll be to get her to a good, safe rescue. That's a compromise on both your parts.

Until then tell him not to touch, interact or do anything with that cat. Leave her alone!!!

And be prepared for behavioural issues with your other one when his friend leaves....

Shoulda kicked your abusive BF out... not the poor cat. That is all.

Just over a year ago you posted that you just left an abusive boyfriend, in another you said you've been dating your fiancé for two years. Is this the same guy? Has he been abusive towards you in the past?

I can imagine you are very torn up right now. You're between a rock and a hard place. I'm hoping you find a way to get her back, that it's not too late and she hasn't been adopted out or put down. But if she cannot be got back, for reason of she's gone, or you can't safely bring her back into your home, know that you did share this life with her for a while, and that's still valid.

And if your home really is that unsafe, I am wishing you all the mental strength to get yourself some place safer!!!

(If the boyfriend really was pushing her when she was hissing and trying to get away from him when he got bit, and he genuinely loves and cares for you, surely he doesn't want to break your heart over a troublesome cat?!!!!)

I think you need to examine why you're ending with men who are abusive to animals. And yes, your fiancee is. He may be sneaky about it, but anyone with a common lick of sense and empathy for animals knows you don't now race after a cat that has been abused, pick it up by the scruff of the neck, further terrorize it by insisting on going after it when it's scared of you (rightly so, I'm scared of people who spray me with water and grab me by the scruff of the neck too!) and so forth.

You need to stop a minute and take a serious look at yourself, because your solution is not a solution. Animal shelters are NOT no kill shelters. And you have a history now with two men who have been willing to hurt and/or kill this cat.

The problem isn't the cat. It's you. And yes, I am going to sound off about this. I rescue animals and I'm tired of people acting like it's the animal's fault. It's not. You just have crap taste in men.

Please just give both your cats away to good people and don't have any more pets if these are the types of partners you're going to choose. And for the love of god, don't have kids.

I rescue animals and I'm tired of people acting like it's the animal's fault. It's not. You just have crap taste in men.

 

Please just give both your cats away to good people and don't have any more pets if these are the types of partners you're going to choose. And for the love of god, don't have kids.

Is it his place? The cat is acting like a frightened animal. He is acting like an ignorant bully. You decide. He said I had better have her out of the house by the time he got back or he was tossing her out.

 

 

It's just pee, not poison.

Sometimes I think this world has gone completely insane.

I'd be having massive second thoughts about the fiancé, rather than the cat...

I'd be having massive second thoughts about the fiancé, rather than the cat...

I am having massive second thoughts about the people in this thread...

It drives me nuts when people get all huffy because animals don't act like humans.

Spraying with water? And you were just fine with that? Picking up by the scruff? Again, you were just fine with that?

I suppose it's ok for your fiance to spray you with water and pick you up by your neck if you misbehave. After all, humans and animals should be treated the same, right?

Please do not take in any more animals. Neither of you is suited to be pet caregivers.

Now that your cat is gone, on whom will he take out his aggressions? You. You'll know how your cat felt soon enough if you stay with him.

I am having massive second thoughts about the people in this thread...

lukeb a cat doesn't bite like a dog would - the cat bit because it was picked up by the scruff of the neck. What or who would you pick up any human or animal like that? If someone grabbed you and picked you up by the neck, you would kick them, bite them, mace them, right?? Whatever you could do to loose their grip. Also, even if a pet exhibited dangerous behavior, any kind person who cared about their fiance would say "I know this pet means a lot to you - lets' figure it out. if we can't figure it out within the next few months, then we will have to go wth plan B and look for the right home". WHO gives people a ONE HOUR deadline to get rid of a pet that they have had for years??? If your pet is deathly afraid of someone - you need to pay attention!

lukeb a cat doesn't bite like a dog would - the cat bit because it was picked up by the scruff of the neck. What or who would you pick up any human or animal like that? If someone grabbed you and picked you up by the neck, you would kick them, bite them, mace them, right?? Whatever you could do to loose their grip. Also, even if a pet exhibited dangerous behavior, any kind person who cared about their fiance would say "I know this pet means a lot to you - lets' figure it out. if we can't figure it out within the next few months, then we will have to go wth plan B and look for the right home". WHO gives people a ONE HOUR deadline to get rid of a pet that they have had for years??? If your pet is deathly afraid of someone - you need to pay attention!

I'm not blaming the cat ....... because it is a cat.... its not human so it can't be blamed for anything. I'm not advocating for it to be euthanized because of a sense of justice or anything. If a cat or dog or whatever bites people so hard they need medical attention, they are not pet material. I'm not going to use animal psychology to try to figure out why. A cat that pees on everything etc. it's just not pet material. I am an animal lover, I had a cat for 15 years, super smart even taught her how to play fetch and stuff but I knew when it was time to put her down when she was crippled and in pain. Actually I did it myself but I wouldn't expect most people to do that, but I am a farm boy know how to kill animals effortlessly and painlessly. I wasn't going to haul her to vet and let her face that horror show. Anyways that is another story.

I'm not blaming the cat ....... because it is a cat.... its not human so it can't be blamed for anything. I'm not advocating for it to be euthanized because of a sense of justice or anything. If a cat or dog or whatever bites people so hard they need medical attention, they are not pet material. I'm not going to use animal psychology to try to figure out why. A cat that pees on everything etc. it's just not pet material. I am an animal lover, I had a cat for 15 years, super smart even taught her how to play fetch and stuff but I knew when it was time to put her down when she was crippled and in pain. Actually I did it myself but I wouldn't expect most people to do that, but I am a farm boy know how to kill animals effortlessly and painlessly. I wasn't going to haul her to vet and let her face that horror show. Anyways that is another story.

And yet she had the cat for 3 years with no problem whatsoever. Funny that.