James005

Let him know you too are confused about what he wants. Tell him no matter what you want to help him, that you need a better understanding of what he wants/needs.

I would approach him when U 2 are alone and bring up a gay related subject and get his view on things. Bring up the time he kissed you, but first let him know that you are his frined and as such no matter what his answer you will repsect him, accept him for who he is and will keep the answer in the ut most strictess of confidentiality. Although his being drunk has a lot to show that this can be easily dissmissed it can also show that perhaps there is something more going on. And if he tells you he's not gay then let it be, could be he just isn't ready yet. Before I came out no matter how open minded some people where about being gay becasue I wasn't ready I always denied it, I was homophobic and thats how I was until I finally came out. If he is gay and ready to come out to you, he will, if he is gay and ISN'T ready to come out, just him knowing that you are an acepting person may put him at ease and in the big picture he will always be gratefull and will remember you!! Give it time, Be by his side!!

It sounds as if your boyfriend is experimenting, either with being gay or being Bi. The best U can do for him his be by his side as a frined. as much as you enjoy the relationship a simple non sexual close frinedship can last forever. I remember my first few relationships coming out, I can tell U terrified was an UNDERSTATEMENT. Perhaps you shoould ask him what he wants most, if he wants to maintain this relationship or just be friends and help him as a frined sort things out. What I could have used the most in coming out was someone to just talk to and help me out rather than someone who would say they wanted to help me and did F-all for me. I hope this helps, if not drop me a Private message or reply and maybe I can go a bit more indepth for you. From what you have written it sounds as tho U are out and he isn't, its a lot harder being in the closet, once we come out and things go well for us, we sometimes tend to lose that understanding of just how hard it was. Take care!! James005

I don't think going right out and asking him would be best at this point. Right now he may just be curious but will deny anything, so in this case asking him may only result in some conflict between you two as friends. I say let it be. until someone is comfortable with who they are then they will tell you or will bring up certain comments or views that may lead you to dig deeper into that subject.

To begin love everyone unconditionaly??? whatever robowarrior... in the real world the one you are in mdog these things happen. people break up people part ways people die...people also reconect. Thats the important one. On the flipside not to burn Robo here but yeah approach this guy and just start a conversation. Something I'm also curious about you stated you two keep crossing paths perhaps he is doing that intentionally not to intimidate you but perhaps he feels bad for what he has said and maybe is embarrased... to imbarrased to actually aproach you. So give it a shot go up to him say hi and talk a bit about what he said maybe try to get on the same page as him. See its all about perception checking go up to him and say the other day U said(in sert what he said here) then say I felt(upset,angry whatever your feelings go here) then ask him what he meant when he said those things. Sometimes our pereptions can get the best of us at our worst times. Another thing to remember is that lets say he meant exactly what you thought he did and found it very frustrating, incorect, ignorant anything some people are very set in there ways so you have to ask yourself the next question is this person worth respecting and at the end of the day how do U feel. I think if we can all feel good at the end of the day at least for ourselves then in the end things all work out! Hope this helps James

I guess for both questions the easiest answer is bring up a topic U know... start small talk and move it into something media oriented and then say hey I read a story in the paper/on TV/Web whatever talking about (subject) and go from there get their opinion what might encourage them if they are bi but don't want to talk for fear of being outed is to show your support and perhaps disagreement towards various ignornaces towards said subjects.

Sounds like your going through some tough times. It's hard to fall in love with someone then reak up its even harder to deal with if they arent the same orientation... so they say. Here's my 2 cents people/guys who * * * * other guys ARE gay... they just say they are straight cause they are in denile! I know I lived that life for 6 years!! As for you, you obviously know what you are doing and where U are in life accepting that you are gay and that isn't easy and you have done something very difficult fallen in love with a straight person, something many gay men will never do. perhaps the best thing isn't to try and forget about it becasue in trying to forget you will ultimatly be thinking about him. Instead do other things in your life like hit the clubs if thats what your into, or join some groups and then the problem may disappear on your own or even better you will devolop a new coping mechanism. Hope this helps James

Glad to hear you have a battle plan and your right, it is odd, we see 2 guys or girls being together think nothing of it. I guess that just goes to show that Homophobia is still prelevent even in societies who state they accept people for being gay. Hope all goes well for you!

Ah yes the dreaded first date. I hate those too. Best thing for someone who is concerned like your new friend ask him where he is most comfortable going or set up a meeting spot in a gay positive part of town. or just go for a coffee its simple its nutral and you can just talk about anything you want. The main thing is try not to be so concerned about being spoted as gay because you will do so much to cover it up that it will be so obvious to everyone else. Another thing go somewhere outside of both your neighberhods where no one knows you but be careful because you havent met this person before if things go south you want to know where you are and how to get outta there thats why a coffee shop is best its well lit and always people around to help you out hope this helps.

Sounds like your wanting to experimen. There's nothing wrong with that and you will know for sure what you want, or perhaps what you don't want. One thing to do is like other members are saying is contact the LGBT group in your community they can help a great deal with information pamphlets safer sex and safety issues depending on where your cummunity as a while stands on the issue of LGBT issues. Don't label your self just yet as lesbian simply becasue it may be too early, for know experiment and se whats right for you, infact you may actually be bisexual. Of course the topic of gay Vs Bisexual is a whole nother issue. PFLAG has a great website it has questions and answers that can help you figure out some questions you may have. Check it out, it WILL help. link removed thats the main site. HOpe all works out for you.

Q I disliking the boyfriend (even more) because I'm developing feelings for her and is feeling jealous of him and his time with her? A: No, you dislike her boyfriend because you know she can do better and that he is infact a jerk! and anyfriend would have these feelings be it a romantic interest or not, your genuinly conerned for your friend. Q: Should I let her know how much I dislike her boyfriend and the way he treats her and that she can do way better than him? A: You can bring up your observations that make her question her feeling for her BF. EG: He does one of his sbtle things that puts your friend down so you should ask her a question like He said... I found that insulting what about you if your friend sees it as nothing at all then it is up to your friend to terminate the realtionship, but after a while your questions/observations might make her think about her relationship. Something else that could work tell her you longer want to hang out with her when the BF is present because you don't like his negative attitude that he puts forward to you and other people.

Like anyone you are genuinly concerned about not knowing. You see because you arent sure of the outcome your mind consciously or subconsciously will make up various scenarios. In addition these different thoughts and views will bring about various emotions/feelings. Regardless you are feeling a little streesed, which is OK, some stress is normal. In fact I like giong into an exam with that bit of stress/anxiety/butterflies in the stomach. It keeps you on guard, makes you look around to ensure things are OK. Keep this feeling go in to your exam and give it your all. Take your time- all the time that is allowed and be sure to leave in good time for the exam! and if you are studying the smae day you are writing the exam, STOP!!! you shouldn't study the day of the exam or the night prior. Those times should be your time do what you want. Good Luck, Im sure you'll do just fine!

Hey I hear you. Telling familly can be difficult. That fact that you have told your borther and father also means that you have accepted yourself. Sometimes accepting yourself is the hardest part. There is a group out There PFLAG. link removed thats the Canadian website, check it out VERY USEFUL!!! Print out some things and use those to help your mom. as well let her know that this isn't just some phase/trend, it's REAL. Let her know how long you have been in silence for, living a lie. But most importantly tell your mother only when you feel comfortable, do it in a neutral place, somewhere that regardless of the out come either of you can just walk the other way and find your OWN way's home. Also if you want to tell her now but are concerned get your brother to help you out, get him in your corner- Im assuming he is understanding of your position and not against it. depending on where you live, if you have help/resource groups for the GLBTQS-2 communities go there tell them your situation, they will help! Least, thats what I have done and its worked out very well for me. Don't spend 6 years in the closet like I did because you'll never get those years back! I hope this helps. If you need any more help/info send me a private message. Hope all goes well James.

Best advice would be to drop in to an after hours clinic or perhaps your Emergency Dept. at the Hospital has a fast track there. Seeing a familly physician can be a fuss as for timing. I wouldn't take any meds, even over the counter until you have this discomfort identified. Sick to what the prefessionals say, If you are new to your area drop by a Paramedic station, the medics there should know where the walk in clinics are. Thats your best bet! Take care James.

Not sure if this fits into gay topics or if its off topic, Im sure admin will figure that out. Anyway, I was never a huge fan of going out asking for help. To me I see it as though I am weak and not capable. Regardless I am still going ahead with this topic. I am beginning to realize that coming out to immediate familly is not nearly enough in the area of coming out. Whether or not we want to admit, we value our famillies comments. It only makes sense after all seeing that they are around number 3 on Maslow's heirarchy of belonging. Reglardless I am finding it difficult coming out to society. I find it hard to wear my various gay pride objects such as my prized and butch rainbow dog tags. I want people to know who I am and I want to be comfortable talking about who I am but at the same time want to avoid any unnecessary hate/anger. The other day I was walking and it dawned on me, many people in society see me as different. How is it that I am different? I ask myself this but can never come to a conclusion. I work to pay my rent, groceries and other bills, I breathe the same air as everyone else, I wake up and watch the same TV shows as other people do. I go to the beach on a hot day. Yet I am so different because I love someone who is the same gender as I am. But that in itself is like some plague. How am I a plague; the Spanish flu killed thousands, I haven't, SARS has ended lives and jobs, I haven't. But I am still a plague to society. I don't go around destroying marriage, but apparently that is my whole intention for being gay- says society. So, if society is incorrect, why should I be so worried about teling them who I am? It's sad how I don't stand up against ignorance to my sexuality yet when someone calls me and Ambulance driver instead of a Paramedic, I'm there correcting them at a moments notice. If society is so ignorant towards me why am I so tolerant of it? everytime I deny who I am to society, every time I lie about who I am I lose a piece, day after day each piece, although small, adds up. How many more pieces of me must I lose before I finally SNAP. Thats how I came out to myself, I just got so sick and tired of denying who I was that I finally admitted it. Perhaps this will be the same for coming out to society. I picked up a shirt the other day at a pride store in Toronto, several hundred miles from where I live. The shirt says "I wont assume you are gay if you don't assume I'm straight" I would love some advice from people who have been in this situation before. Some tips from the pro's would be of great help!! James