White_Kimono

I've been living in this rented house for a long time now on my own. Now everyone else is who is mean to be living here is slowly doing so now. My love interest with who i shared something special, but things didn't end well (on the fact that he was straight, and only wanted sex with no strings attached) Has returned. I guess with the fact that i'm beginning to feel more lonely, My mind goes over the time i shared with him intimately and I know its driving me insane. Even now i'm sure his watching porn and 'enjoying' himself with it but i could be wrong. And thats something that yearn for at the moment. At least some physcial attention is wanted by me at the moment, but I know i'm not going to get it. I feel angry at myself for feeling this way, because things didn't end very well and i don't want to get it to a situation like that again and i know i have no right to feel this way either. He has his own life, and he can do whatever he wants with it. I just wish i could forget everything and start with a new slate. I just know i'm going to go crazy this year, knowing his just next door doing gods knows what, and i dont get any affection in my life without having to masterbate to feel good about myself (which i don't anyway) I know this may make me seem to be sex crazed, but i guess its something i had grown use to with him, and now its ended i don't feel worth anything. sorry, my post must be confusing, so i'll end my rant I just wanted to vent Thanx

I rarely drink so that not a problem I was told about some relaxation techinques that might work. To be honest I really doubt that they will work, I don't know the meaning of the word relax maybe resorting to medication would be the best anwser

Ah thats something I've over looked. I do have have a rather up and down eating habit, i tend to eat alot mostly not at routine times, and i find i get the most hungry at night also so that could definitely contribute to the problem I have yet to try supplements, not thought it was the best stage as of yet I agree with the resting environment, and thats something I always have to have and try to make sure my room has that Music use to send me to sleep, but it no longer does, i think it only wakes me up minutes later.

I've always had spouts of sleep deprevation and still fine after it, but overall I do find it hard to get to sleep at night. It doesn't quite bother me now, but I know over all it will badly effect my health. Could anyone suggest ways to get better sleep? thank you

Hi, thank you for your posts. unfornately i'm not in a financial situation to just up and leave to find my own place, my tenacy at the new house has already begun and I've started to pay the rent. I expect Hell for a while, and ups and downs but its Year still, and i know i have the strength to get through most things. Though just thinking about what could happen makes me heart ache Annoyingly he has kept me up and down with the matter of his sexual preference in the past. With questions like 'What wouild you say if I were considering a Relationship?' plain confusing, and makes me hate the situation more and angry. He recently now adays tries to play it off like its fully my fault now, where as originally he would admit to leading me on.

I've been resisting to post this, thinking if I do I'd be admitting I'm not really ok with my life and finding it harder to deal with my feelings. I'm not sure if i've posted this before on this forum, but I had a small sexual 'relationship' with a friend of mine I met in Uni. He was curious and at leats made me feel loved when we spent time, but after all he was bound to return his love of girls and this one particular one who lives with us that (apparently) isn't interested. I let my guard down, which was foolish of me and grew to love him. He knew this, and would play on it at times, but would be sure to reassure me nothing will come of it. I'd like to think after a crap year with those two I don't love him anymore, since over that year i've come to realise his very different with other people and we've done nothing but argue on and off Its driving me crazy! I feel depressed that he could be out there getting on with my life, which I know he has a right to, I'm sitting here left feeling, resentful, depressed, foolish, and still hurt over the whole affair that i can't seem to let go of. I can't believe I promised I would live with in the next few months, and he goes and invites the girl he still desires to do so too. I'm in the wrong but i just wanted to air my brain a bit, even thou it only works for a while. sorry, thank you for time.

A simple question that probably has infinate anwsers to it but what could possibly be going through someones head when they lead you on and later betrays your trust? especially knowing after leting our guard down. Then after expects you to trust them still. This makes no sense what so ever.

I Know Excatly how you feel, I have a Life that has many perks to it, i have friends, nothing really bad has happened to me but i just wish never to wake up again, i just feel depressed all the time. I'm to afraid to kill myself so i just live with this depression that effects everyone else

I appear to be feeling the sypmtoms of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) lately. I've probably always had it but it seems to be hitting me pretty hard in the last few days. I hate to think of myself as a needy person but i've wanted alot of attention lately because I feel lonely and depressed by the effects. The only person around to do that seems to have changed regarding or friendship. It has been a good one i admit that but still we held on to what we have as a friendship. In the last few days it seems as if he doesn't care if i'm even in his presense or not making me feel worse. Bad Timing to start behaving that way, or it could all be in mind. I'm just pretty confused at the moment and sitting here contemplating on its worth spending my time with a person who doesn't even care if i'm alive or not.

I'm really close to a friend of mine, we spend the majority of the day together. I'm considering thou I should get back to getting use to my own company instead of depending on hes. I expect in the near future he will get a girlfriend and won't have much time for me. This is something i've come to find as a single person surrounded by others with partners. He on the other hand instists it won't be that way. I find that hard to believe, since he nots the only person in a relationship to have choices, its needs compromise and decication to your other half. I just don't want to be in the way when that happens. Am I taking the wrong route, in distancing myself before I'm possibly pushed away? Does anyone else experience these kind of feelings when they're the only single person of they're peer group? Any opinions would be appreciated

From this degree, i can either go into the industry with the knowledge to become a games design, character designer etc. i'll also be able to manage the futher business side of things such as publishing and finacial side of it. Like most University courses, preparing me for the real world of my choosen interest and career. I didn't join it in the illusion that it would be fun because its just a hobbie, its defiantely something i take seriously enough

AH! finally someone ^_^ I'm glad to hear it

Reply Someone please......or is this subject too obscure?

've come accross a lot of sterotypes regarding homosexuality over the net. One thing that puzzles me thou is i've had minimal if not just breif information on Gay people who like Video Games. I'm a fanatic for them and have always been So much so that I'm taking a Universtiy degree on it! Anyone else here passionate about this subject please let me know, I kind of feel like i'm in the very small niche of a already pretty isolating society as it is Please let me know, again opinions greatlfully appreciated

this isn't the first time, and its pretty typical and pityful too as per usual i fall in love with a straight guy, and knowing these continue to do so and feeling like crap for doing so because i know its not going to go anywhere not more than a hour ago, i tried to strangle myself, feel even more like crap for giving up and not dying i don't want to be alive anymore if this continues i hate being alive i know i probably won't go through with hurting myself to finally die, and that makes things worse. by me writing this that also says i won't go through with it theres nothing i can do and i can't sleep because of this pain in my head and heart i always fall for straight guys, theres something wrong with me!!