mariab. Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 So my ex was a total jerk to me when we had our last talk, telling me how he was free!free! to sleep w/ other women, how he didn't love me, showing me pics of his "women" on myspace (I hate myspace)A whole bunch of things including when I said call me if u miss me or want to date-he says "Don't wait for that call"Jerk!! Anyway, he still gets his unemployment checks to my house. the 1st was fine, I sent it out..thought it was the last one..well, the day after v-day he emails me about his "new" check that should be coming and could I send it to him- oh and hope all is well...Well, I would like to tear up the check and mail it to him b/c he has the nerve to think that here I am he can just use? me like that. I guess he hasn't understood that I am gone- its over I would NEVER NEVER even think about being w/ him again after all the things he said to me that last time(granted I let him but we have all been there just taking any crumbs they throw our way) Anyway, I would like to eamil him back and tell him that I sent the check back to the sender, since I am not his mom, g-friend, or even friend (why would I want to after the way he treated me) that he needs to start depending on himself and not other people. My dilemma is whether I should even write back at all..2 weeks no contact.. what would u guys do? Link to comment
Akatea Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Just send the check back to the sender. And let them know that you no longer have any contact with this person and that they need to change their records accordingly. He might be being such an a hole because he IS missing you, but is too up himslef to let it show. If I was in your position, I wouldn't give him the oppurtunity to show me. Move hun, you are WAY WAY WAY better than that jerk off... Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 write "not at this address" in big letters and put in the post box. Hes a big boy, he can get his own mail re-directed. btw, he cant just SHOW you pic of his new women... you had to let him... just keep up NC and let him sort his own money out. Dont tell him, its not UP to you to sort out his finances. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Send him his check with a note saying the next one goes back to the state. Then ignore him. Why tell him off? He's history. Link to comment
kate111 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Hmmm. Not sure. Personally I am taking the "not worth your anger" route. But I'm sure others do things differently. I would probably totally ignore him and he can sort it out himself. Write "not at this address" on the letters and put back in the mail. Vent to friends. Let your revenge be to never see him ever again. It is beneath your dignity. Link to comment
karvala Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Not write back. If he wants independence and freedom, then give it to him...including the freedom to sort out his own unemployment check problems. Don't jeopardise your own NC for him. The moment he walked away and displayed a bad attitude in doing so was the moment he forfeited any right to any help whatsoever from you. Link to comment
kate111 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Send him his check with a note saying the next one goes back to the state. Then ignore him. Why tell him off? He's history. This is so much more mature than my suggestion. That is what I would doo as well. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 just draw a line through the address and write 'Not at this address' and put it back in the mail... he will get the point when it takes an extra week to get forwarded to him... don't destroy it though, i think that's illegal to destroy someone else's mail... you could email him and tell him he better give his forwarding address to the post office because you are marking it return to sender... but don't reply to any reply he sends, he sounds like a jerk, better off gone! Link to comment
blender Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 One thing that is the most powerful thing to do, is to NOT become like him. So if it's no big deal, send him the check by certified mail along with a note that says: "FYI: please correct your address with unemployment office regarding future unemployment checks, if I receive any more on your behalf they will be returned to sender, thank you" this is the "classy, mature, sophisticated" way to handle it, it shows that you are doing just fine, do NOT email him about this, just simply handle it "if and when" the next check arrives and attach a post it note with the above request.. Any "anger or comments" you might make in sending an email would only make you as low as him.. don't be tempted to play emotional sports with shrimp... just rise above this, handle it when the check comes, and then set new boundaries with a simple note.. end of story. Giving him the satisfaction of an email, even a "negative" one, is only giving him more of your energy.. don't bother... it will just be viewed as sour grapes and "attention" to him... so let it go, you're doing great, and he's "history".... Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 This is so much more mature than my suggestion. That is what I would doo as well. I dont think so, she has already forwarded two... I think she is WELL within her rights to just send the next one back with no warning. I wouldnt email him either. Its not her place to warn him, and its not out of vindictive spite, but it will jsut spur him on, he'll harass her "why wont you just send them to me, your so selfish, blah blah blah" Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 oh and another thing-he still has some of his stuff at my house. He has had plenty of oppurtunities to get them-when will it be a good time time to trash them? I dont want to be a jerk but I am DONE w/ all this crap! Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Put "not at address" and give it back to the post man. I wouldn't even tell him you're not forwarding it. You aren't responsible for his things. If he can't take the time to get his mailing address changed its his problem. Drop all contact and never talk to him again. Block his email and his phone number. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 what kind of stuff of his have you got? it cant be anything dear to him if he wont get it. I would think a month after the break up is by FAR long enough. give it to the salvation army Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 camera, tons of pictures he took that he thought were "good", shirts, parts for his bike.. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 can you give it to a friend, or leave it at his parents house or somthing? thats the kind of thing you cant really trash without him throwing a tanty. You dont want to make a big deal about it. Link to comment
blender Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Put all his things in a box and send them to him, if that is not something you want to do, and you feel that it is HIS responsiblity to retrieve them and he has chosen not to, and you believe them not to be of any great value then you can donate them, but GET A RECIEPT... just in case he ever confronts you about it.. but just do whatever you do based on YOUR values and quality of YOUR character, not on your ANGER towards him. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I wouldn't spend the money to send his junk. I'd maybe send him an email telling him his junk and his check are in a box sitting outside your door, if he wants them he has to get them himself. I'd give him a day or two to pick it all up and then say the junk will be donated and the letter returned to sender. After that no more contact. Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 I wouldn't spend the money to send his junk. I'd maybe send him an email telling him his junk and his check are in a box sitting outside your door, if he wants them he has to get them himself. I'd give him a day or two to pick it all up and then say the junk will be donated and the letter returned to sender. After that no more contact. To tell you the honest truth-too much trouble!! He acted in a way that night to hurt me? get me over him? whatever..but the things he said will always live w/ me, including how he still treated the house as our house (we lived together) when he came over. NO NO NO I need to find the perfect way to let him know that he cannot use me anymore, I will not allow it. I am leaning on sending the check back to the state w/ big NOT AT THIS ADDRESS letters on it but really I am a nice person and I think its the last check.. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 If I were you, I would just send the letter back "return to sender" and then let him sort his mess out with the state. After reading how he reacted to you, I think he doesnt deserve anymore than that. As for his stuff, tell him by email you are leaving it outside. If he doesnt claim it, then give it away. Otherwise, if he doesnt claim it, keep it for yourself. Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 bump.I like all the answers need more.sorry Link to comment
blender Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Honestly from your "description of events" involving this guy, he's no longer worthy of your energy or attention.. perhaps it is best that you don't give it another thought, "return to sender" on the checks, and as far as his "stuff" goes, put it in a box in the back of your garage and write on it in big letters: "experience, lessons learned on WHO not to get involved with"... and then "let go" and get busy with YOUR OWN LIFE.... sorry you are still hurting over this disrespecting guy but the try to separate your "feelings from the facts" and remember the TRUTH, that in "heartache pain is inevitable but suffering over them is a choice". Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 So today in the mail I get his credit card statement, bank statement AND phone bill!!!For crying out loud, what is going on here-the unemployement check I can return but everything else? Can I write not at this address? return to sender? for real, what is going on in his head? what a jerk... Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 He's being lazy and deserves to know that you don't get favors from people you treat like crap. "Not at Address" and back into the box. Link to comment
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