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Everything posted by mariab.

  1. The dumper also goes throught this I am strong period, aka the honeymoon I am free stage, but then the questions about the ex start: its only natural, especially if the dumpee has cut off all contact. The dumpee I think gets the better deal-sure you feel that you are going through a fog of pain, your heart is broken and needs to be mended but then sunshine appears and you realize that you are all right you made it through- if the dumpee allows inner peace and growth only attained through self-reflection for healing- which has to be done as they are hurting- I think the dumpee is the one that is better prepared to live their life and also to embark in a new realtionship with a new view. I have never grown as a dumper as much as I have as a dumpee.
  2. From what I have seen you are very good looking so maybe you are attracting women like yourself physically but not mentally... Maybe it is all about looking inside then and what it is that you want as oppsed to what you desire. The flip coin is you might be attracting women to you that fit yor mold of "idealnes" but not reality. Sometimes we find what we are looking for when we stop searching..
  3. sometimes its maybe 'cuz you push them so much that they just get nasty..
  4. yes, same thing happened to me. When that happens you at least realize you don't want them anymore-still miss the one you knew but not this person.
  5. Sam, You will get through it you will!! I know this sounds cliche, but things happen for a reason, something better will come out of it. Hang in there!
  6. Hi Tommy You are doing the right things. The trip to Australia will also really help, and planning for it etc will keep you distacted. Hang in there-we all have moments when we feel all alone, the trick is to get through them, and by posting here you don't feel that alone anymore!
  7. Thanks! I understand about just taking a break by doing no contact and healing yourself. My question was what to people do to heal and to deal? Do you see a therapist (do they tell you good advice you can share?) do you go out all the time? does that help in the long run? I guess I am looking for strategies for dealing.
  8. omg-I am having the same dilemma!! I think you just have to let them go in all respects and not call them unless they make a concentated effort to call you.
  9. I guess my question is how does everyone deal? Today is day 29th of no contact for me but I seem to be having a bad time. My question is what is everyone doing to heal? I have turned to Eastern philosophy, and to alcohol ha ha just kidding. The days do not drag anymore & I do not feel that connected w/ him but it saddens me and angers me too. So..how did people cope w/ the grief and feeling of betrayal? And" youjust do" doesn't help.
  10. So where is the mattress? If its w/ him and he doesn't want to pay up chalk it up to a lesson learned-what comes around goes around...
  11. thanks for an amazing post-it is good to know there are people like you out there, and I mean w/ everything that you are doing. Best of luck to you and if she does not come back, you seem to be too great of a person to not have someone realize what a gem you are.
  12. I think as a dumper I just "dropped" them b/c they all did enough nasty things to make me not want to be w/ them (alcoholism, inmaturity, abuse) . I think as a dumpee I have am learning so so much more really looking inside myself. It sucks b/c we broke up really over where we were in our lives, not any major conflicts or even compatability. IMO, th dumpee is the one that is handed that oppurtunity to change and move all their bad energy.
  13. yes, what I was trying to get at is I guess- where are you and where have you been? Break ups they are hard.. we search for personal answers, anything really to rationalize the pain. And then comes the moment, when we get that flash of independence again .We go on then, we start to march to our own drummer..but who is left behind? hope its not too deep.
  14. hey you better pm me about Pans Labyrinth...but seriuosly, this is not about pain, but about you - where are you??!!besides the I am in pain crap, what about you? you! lessons
  15. Isn't it so funny? We seem to find real true happiness after the " I will never love like that again" feeling has been retired...
  16. great great but still, mistakes and examinations are one thing: what about you??? where are you? Pain, realization, deepness...turn it over to happiness and release..For me (on a personal level -all of the above) Right now, if I as a biographer where to come up to you=-what would you say? My life right now is.... I guess that's what I am curious about, where we are standing
  17. And what I mean is, the dumpee or dumper? Or even more personal what have you learned about healing during a break up? It seems to me that people that get dumped are forced to heal, so they actually end up bettering themselves (unless you were a bad bad partner-cheating, abuse etc). The people that do the dumping don't necessarily Not heal, but move into a twilight? zone, where that person feels it is all right to have the ex as a back-up plan, never fully letting go..When you are dumped you are forced to look into your life and make it better, whereas the dumper in some cases just keeps living their life, only without their partner. (and I should clarify this is more for single people than marrieds) I guess I am trying to ask for people to give their deep personal achievement insights about how they have healed whether they have been dumped or do the dumping etc. I think that if you are in a mature relationship, alot of times someone will get try to contact the other one after a period and I feel that alot of the times the person that got dumped is the one that realizes they are over that person. Hope I make sense and this question is really about us as people dealing with our problems as opposed to (dumper vs dumpee)..Just want some input guys about what we have really really learned so far..cheers
  18. Kate, I was feeling that way today too- wanting to contact him..All b/c I felt guilty abouth that stupid check thing..Do you feel any guilt? Maybe if you examine YOUR motives for talking to him, and I mean the deep deep ones, the inner child. Do you want to talk to him to hear his voice? Closure? (again) a feeling he might tell you something you want to hear? A feeling that you are the better person? You've given me some good advice and I hate to see you torn now. My advice is to let it sit for a day or 2. Go do yoga, see an acupuncturist, take a walk in a park and look closely for the signs of spring, a time of re-birth. I know it sounds cheesy but stop looking at it as a piece of a mosaic, but the whole mosaic-what I mean is think about the Spring, re-birth new things, into a new year. Look at the world around you, expand your horizons. Have a goal, that by the end of spring you will have accomplished a goal for yourself-learn a new language, book a trip to some place you would never go to but hey it's cheap, read a memoir of a strong woman in history a week...Look forward, heck put blinders on if you have to, but sit on it for a few days- and you can pm me if you want! cheers
  19. he wasn't really nasty but more like scolding, i've had to ask..for my check, etc.
  20. thanks honey pumpkin. It hurts that he's so nasty to me. why? I went above and beyond to help him why is he being a jerk?
  21. I had to break no contact today b/c my ex sent me areally nasty email about where his stupid check was. I replied that all his mail has been returned to sender and to stop emailing me about his check, since I don't have it. Did I do the right thing? I really did not want to talk to him.
  22. Kate, i'm sorry that you even have to be in contact w/ him. My ex also said that he wants to be free. Well, they can both be as free as they want, we'll see how far they fly..I also don't want to be friends w/ him, he acted like a complete jerk (you know) Is there anyway a friend can handle the financial stuff for you? cheers
  23. The saga of the mail continues..I tried to change my ex's address for him but needed his signature. Tried to do it online but had to pay w/ a cc w/ a billing address to the new address. I am thinking of mailing him a change of address form w/ a sticky saying "change your address" but don't know whether I am breaking no contact, I just don't really want to have anything to do with him or contact him for a long, long time. He has not emailed once just to check up on me only for the status of his checks and although it hurts it makes me think what kind of person he is. I am finally at the stage were I realize we are probably never going to get back together again and although it hurts ther's also a weight off my shoulders, so I just don't know what to do about the mail- I was told I could just throw it in trash but its illegal and petty. any suggestions??
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