I'm 14 and I'm having sex. NEEDS ADVICE!

[alexx is a girl]

I'm a freshman and I'm 14. I've been having sex since my 8th grade year, a week after I turned 14. I was involved with a guy who had done these things, and I suppose I felt I needed to keep up, since I 'loved' him. I know it was MUCH too early. And I severly regret it. My mom ended up finding a note that had something about it. And I was busted, this past summer she caught me in the pool with another boy. She was OUTRAGED! Even with the fear of my mother, I couldn't stop. I also had a few more partners. I now have a boyfriend who I've had since August, I was his first kiss. And by October, we were having sex. He wasn't a boy who just wanted a piece of you know what. He really loves me. And our relationship ISN'T all about that. But I can't stop. I want to so badly, but my hormones over ride my ability to just not. He'd respect me saying no, but I never do.

 

My mom always said that she would never put me on birthcontrol because that's saying it's 'ok', when it's not.

 

I want to tell her, so badly. I need to be on the pill. But I'm afriad she's going to make me break up with him. And this boy has gotten me to do so many great things, to stop drink, smoking, and doint drugs. And that would make me want to be rebellious if she did that, and I would go and do bad things. I just, I don't know what to do, or how to tell her.

 

 

PLEASE HELP!

[AwdreeHpburn]

wow...that seems really strange to me - as a mother - if my daughter wre to come to me, saying that she is currently having sex, to say I won't allow her to be on birth control for fear she'll think that means permission. sounds a bit backwards.

 

Aren't there free clinics or do you have to have parent's consent at your age?

 

There's gotta be a way to get on birth control. You ARE using protection in the form of things you can buy, yeh? Condoms etc.??

 

And what do you mean you can't stop?? You can, you just don't want to.

 

I totally understand teen-age hormones, I do, but maybe you SHOULD stop, at least until you can be smart about it.

 

I'm glad you have a bf who respects you. I wish your mum could follow his lead....

 

No offence meant to her, honeslty, I just disagree with her.

[HurleyBabe6917]

The first tiem I had sex I was 14 too. But I was with the guy for a year and we were in love. We're still together by the way.

 

I've wanted to get on the pill forever. But I know that my Mom would never let me. And we aren't close enough to talk about stuff like that.

 

If you're like me and don't want to tell your Mom, then don't. Just be safe and keep using condoms.

[alexx is a girl]

no, i'm not using protection of anysort. =/ yeah he 'pulls out' but i'm bound to get pregnant sooner or later. idk it's like, i almost want to stop. but i can't come to make myself.

[jengh]

Talk to your mother. Tell her you're going to have sex but want to do it as responsibly as possible, using both condoms (every time!!) and birth control. I'm sure a pregnant 14yr old is NOT what she wants.

 

I can't remember the laws about birth control. I know planned parenthood will help as much as they can... I was never put in that position and I did start having sex when I was 14 as well. My mom just thought I needed it to regulate my period.

 

Now, what I should be saying is to not have sex, blah blah blah. But I Know. You're going to anyways. Just be as safe as possible. You don't want to ruin your life by becoming pregnant or developing an incurable STD.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Alexx - Please, so that your mother CAN take you seriously as someone who can make adult decisions, start using condoms...

[elithepi]

Use a condom. Ask your mother to get on the pill.

Imagine how hard it will be to tell her you're pregnant.

USE PROTECTION! ALWAYS!

[quietgrl]

14 and having sex!!!

[jengh]

no, i'm not using protection of anysort. =/ yeah he 'pulls out' but i'm bound to get pregnant sooner or later. idk it's like, i almost want to stop. but i can't come to make myself.

 

YES...you are bound to get pregnant! Don't risk it!!! Like someone else said, which would be harder....being more responsible and telling her you want birth control... or telling her that her baby is having a baby?

[itsallgrand]

Take out the phone book and look for a Woman's Clinic. Or go to a hospital and ask where you can contact a free service that provides information and birth control.

You could do this through your doctor too. Tell her/him you are having sex and need some help finding a way to stay safe and pregnancy-free.

 

If the first person you talk to doesn't help you but gives you a lecture, go try someone else.

 

Health care professionals should be non-judgemental and out to provide you with all your options, with your well-being first and foremost in mind.

 

I think it would be really good for you to talk specificially to a trained councillor at a Woman's Clinic.

You don't just need birth control - you need information and someone to talk to about this.

 

tc.

[HarleyHunny]

Something is missing in your life. You're not getting the love and attention you need at home, thereforeeee you try to find it thru having sex. You really need to talk to your parents, a school counselor or any adult that you feel 'safe' with. Please don't wait. You don't want to 'die' do you? Contract an STD? Become a teenage mother? and you certainly don't want to continue this behavior for a lifetime....I've been in your shoes a very long time ago and now I am the mother of teenagers myself, who know they can always come to me.... Please, dear, reach out to someone & Please let me know how you're doing.

[arwen]

Girl, I think your mom feels like if she allows you to go on birth control pills, she will give her consent for you having sex. It's not logical, but understandable from her point of view. In addition, it is not an uncontroversial matter if those pills are harmless at this age for you. I think what you describe is not healthy. Do you feel like you need sex for a reason that is not right? Like fear people won't like you if you don't sleep with them? As some form of love?

 

Please, at least use condoms. Pregnancy is not your only concern, with various contacts you risk different STD's that can affect your reproductive organs (they may appear without symptoms while making you infertile, esp. chlamidya and HPV). Not to mention HIV which even if not longer a death sentence, will make your life a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

 

Educate yourself on STD's, do a google search and I am sure you will at least use a condom. I think itsallgrand gave sound advice, go to a counsellor at the woman's clinic if your mom is not open for the talk. You might be more comfortable to talk to a trained woman!

 

Arwen

[Crazyaboutdogs]

In addition to making sure you ALWAYS wear a condom, make sure you now go to a gynecologist for YEARLY pap tests. The younger you are having sex and having multiple partners, the more you increase your risk of getting the virus linked to cervical cancer. Please remember that sex does not necessarily equal love, especially at your age. The hormones of teenage boys are raging and if you start getting a "reputation" at school, you will have lots and lots of boys who will promise you their undying love just so that they can have sex with you. Chances are the boys will talk trashy about you behind your back, and so will the girls. HarleyHunny has given great advice.

[Siriana]

Start using condoms. Even if you start taking the pill. You're young and you need to be extra safe!

 

So if you feel responsible enough to have sex, you need to use condoms. And to learn how to use them right.

If you feel like you can't use condoms, from whatever reason, than you need to stop having sex.

 

I am not from states so I don't know about your health care system so I can't advise you how to get a pill prescription.

And use one very simple but important rule Next time don't have sex before you are seing your bf at least for 6 months and he has to be really your bf, not someone who makes out with you during the weekend.

[Honey Pumpkin]

You have GOT to take birth control - you are risking getting pregnant, as all the other posters are saying. You have got to sort this out - if you're old enough to be having sex, you're old enough to sort out birth control.

 

I would suggest condoms as well, because of the risk of STDs, HIV etc. You're very young, and you are honestly risking ruining your teen years by playing Russian Roulette with the withdrawal method.

 

Is there someone you could talk to about this? I don't know what it's like in the US, but is there a clinic you could go to? What about at school, is there a school nurse you could talk to? I'm realistic - telling teenagers not to have sex is very nice, but I think you need to make sure you cannot get pregnant first, and then sort out whether you're ready to have sex or not. I think you're not, reading your post, but I guess that's easier said than done.

 

PLEASE sort out some form of birth control, okay?? Make it this week's challenge. And if you find you can't do this, then realise that you're not ready to have sex.

 

Take good care of yourself.

[Ladydragonflagg]

I can totally feel you pain, when I was a little older than you, but not by much, I had the same problem. I had a pregnancy scare, and thats how my mom found out I was having sex. She actaully told me that if I had asked her to go on the pill she would have taken me to get it.

 

So a few months after that, I took up a lot of courage to sit and ask her to go on the pill, and she said NO, that I was too young to be having sex, even though she knew that I was.

 

What did I do? I told her, well, I dont need your permission to have sex, and you can not watch me 24/7. And I will do it anyway. But I am trying to be responsible about it and does she really want me to get pregnant. At that point she finally realized that I was trying to be responsible for my own actions and said yes, and i was on the pill the next week.

 

But keep in mind that birth control and condoms and all that are not 100% effective agains pregnancy and sexually transmitted deseases. I always tell young girls when asking me for advice on this subject, keep in mind that no matter when you have sex, birth control pill, condom, whatever there is always a chance that a baby will come of it. I have seen too many people, even ones in their 20s that have had sex thinking that they were protected only to become parents 9 months later.

 

Always always always use a condom, on the pill or not. And if the guy wont use one then he obviously does not care about yours or his well being and is being selfish.

 

 

As a woman, I always held the beleif in my head..Sex is not an option without a condom. believe it, and live by it.

[emma34]

I was 15 when i first had sex, and my mom found birth control pills she HID them on me. Which from my point of view was the stupidest thing in the world....

 

 

anyway, you can get birth control without your mom knowing. just make an appointment with ur doctor and ask him to give u a percription.

 

I remember trying to reason with my mom at that age with no prevail...and even know, when i'm 20, shes not comfortable with it. If I were you, i'd just keep it all to yourself, ur acting like an adult physically, so you should be able to deal with things like getting birth control.

[Mythical_Suicide]

In some states you have to have a parental consent to even go to the free clinic for birth control. You really need to talk to your mother, and I think there was a girl posting on here that she cant talk to her mother about this? I see it this way if you aren't mature enough to talk to your mother then you don't need to be having sex. But anyway back to the OP, yiou can stop having sex it just all boils down to you don't want to. Not only do you need to get to the doctor ASAP to be put on birth control you need to get tested immediately for any STD's and you continue on the path you're going, yes, you are going to get pregnant sooner than later in your case. Im not trying to be mean but I am a teen mother I got pregnant at `16 and believe me sex isn't worth all the pain and hardships you will be put through becoming a teen mother. It isn't a bed of roses, you need to talk to your mother and get on Birth Control ASAP and start using condoms from now on. IMO

 

Im 19 years old with a 2 year old son, whom dont get me wrong Ilove dearly but the things I have gone through has been HELL! Dont let yourself get into the same situation I got myself into three years ago. Be smart! There is plenty of time for yall to have sex and all this fun stuff. Same goes to the STD's I have to have a pap smear every 3 months because I got the virus HPV that can lead to cervical cancer thankfully my body rid itself before it got too bad but that isn't a joy ride either.

[SarahRose]

Something is missing in your life. You're not getting the love and attention you need at home, thereforeeee you try to find it thru having sex. You really need to talk to your parents, a school counselor or any adult that you feel 'safe' with. Please don't wait. You don't want to 'die' do you? Contract an STD? Become a teenage mother? and you certainly don't want to continue this behavior for a lifetime....I've been in your shoes a very long time ago and now I am the mother of teenagers myself, who know they can always come to me.... Please, dear, reach out to someone & Please let me know how you're doing.

 

Why is it that you never hear this said to a male who is having frequent sex or sex with many partners?

 

I agree about using protection though. The boy must be pretty dumb to not think he could get her pregnant. Wonder how old he is?

[sweetheart21]

no, i'm not using protection of anysort. =/ yeah he 'pulls out' but i'm bound to get pregnant sooner or later. idk it's like, i almost want to stop. but i can't come to make myself.

 

It would be almost impossible to stop having sex once you have started. Why dont you use condoms? Tell you boyfriend about being worried about getting pregnant. He seems like a nice guy if he has helped you stop drinking etc and hopefully will start using condoms.

 

I'm also wondering why you had been using drugs and alcohol? Did something happen or is happening in your life that you are having trouble dealing with?

[candy604]

hey ask him to use a condom or else you have a huge change of getting pregnant. He should take precaustion himself. Tell her mom that she needs to put you on the pill and this guy has made u stop drinking etc...

 

There are other methods of birth control for for women, such as shots or diaghrams etc..

[Day_Walker]

The fact that you are having sex with your bf does not shock me but, your sexual history is what is interesting. I am more interested in why you wanted to engage in sex at a young age. As far as birth control goes you are going to need something otherwise you are going to be pregnant by 16.

[Aleadragonhawk]

There's a site that I'd like to point you towards - link removed. They have a lot of information on sex, birthcontrol, etc, that's directed specifically for teens.