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Aleadragonhawk

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Everything posted by Aleadragonhawk

  1. Aleadragonhawk
    He becomes violent and physically abusive when you confront him about his use of pornography. He calls phone sex lines and has run up a bill of $2000 before. I would say that yes, he is addicted to pornography, because his behaviors are not those of a normal user. Your average man will not spend more than his rent on phone sex. He won't get violent or hit his significant other over pornography. Regardless of his addiction or your being pregnant, I urge you to get out of this situation. Absolutely no relationship with abuse is worth staying in. A relationship that features physical abuse is especially dangerous, not just to your emotional and mental sanity, but to your life. Someone who physically abuses you is not safe to have around children.
  2. Aleadragonhawk
    This time around, we started saying "I love you" months before our relationship turned romantic. We're lucky in that our relationship developed quite naturally and flawlessly from a very loving friendship.
  3. Aleadragonhawk
    As I was reading this thread, it made me somewhat curious. I turned to my fiancee and asked him, "Hey, do you masturbate?" He laughed, and said no. I asked him, "Why not?" "I'm too busy having sex."
  4. Aleadragonhawk
    Best advice I can give you? Stop faking it. It gives a TON of wrong signals, and you've essentially taught him that things that don't bring you pleasure bring you to orgasm. Also realize that vaginal intercourse is normally NOT enough to bring a woman to orgasm. Around 90% require some kind of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.
  5. Aleadragonhawk
    Completely ignoring the age issue here, I don't think that her not being ready to tell about the relationship is necessarily a negative indicator. There is a great deal of stigma attached to being in an online relationship. There is even more stigma attached when the people in your life are violently against even the concept of internet romance. It's not always as easy as saying "I'm seeing someone."
  6. Aleadragonhawk
    Heh. The man bringing in the money isn't really an issue in my relationship. I think you'd have to pull Kevin away from electrical engineering with a crowbar and threaten his life to keep him from running back to his robots.
  7. Aleadragonhawk
    Jstan, it might sound a bit radical, but have you tried bootcamp? It sounds like you can't handle this kids' behavior at all (and it has to be so hard for you to deal with.) If nothing else has worked, it might be an option to seriously consider.
  8. Aleadragonhawk
    Don't rule out the idea of getting a restraining order. If you've told him not to contact you and he keeps calling and following you places, it might be the safest thing you can do.
  9. Aleadragonhawk
    I'm curious, would it be possible for you to finish up those nine credits by taking one course a term? If so, what you might consider doing is getting a normal job and working to get yourself through while you finish up that degree, then work in the field for awhile to get enough money to change over to electrical engineering.
  10. Aleadragonhawk
    Don't hate being reasonable here, Secretsoul. What you're doing is looking out for yourself. You can't go into a marriage with just dreams of how things are going to work out and no solid plans - that's a road straight to pain and divorce. He sounds very idealistic, and I think you might want to just flat-out tell him that you're both going to have to live in the real world. His idealistic views on finances make me wonder what other dreams he has about what married life will be. Is he being realistic about what marrying you will mean, or is he building a fantasy life in his head?
  11. Aleadragonhawk
    Marriage is a big step. Ideally, it's bonding your life to someone else's life until you die. And it's perfectly rational to want to take your time in an engagement, especially when you're young. Some of the pressure he's putting on you might come from wanting to move in together. Have you considered the potential of living together while you're engaged, then getting married later on - i.e, after you finish college?
  12. Aleadragonhawk
    Wanting to get help is great. Doing it far away from you is better. I don't think it's selfish at all to tell him that you don't want to be in a relationship with him while he still has these anger problems, simply for your own safety and sanity. If he gets help and changes, then later down the road you might consider getting back together. For now, get rid of him.
  13. Aleadragonhawk
    What it means? Nothing. The majority of these tests give "results" that are positive or broadly applicable, and this looks like it fits right in to the norm.
  14. Aleadragonhawk
    In this situation, it might be best to keep your feelings about her actions to yourself. I totally understand the desire to rant here, but don't let your feelings about it fall over onto your friend. We all know how hard it can be to make a tough decision when considering just ourselves - when friends get in the mix, it can be even worse! The best thing might be to just support your friend and let him rant when he needs it. Saying bad things about his g/f can come back to bite you.
  15. Aleadragonhawk
    Honestly, I'd tell your parents. You know why? Not because he's having sex. Not even because he's having sex with a minor (although that is reason enough in and of itself.) But because he is having UNPROTECTED sex. You know that this is extremely risky behavior. Pregnancy is not the only worry, there's also STDs to be concerned about. Your parents need to know what's going on so they can intervene before your brother makes another mistake like this and ends up with a baby or dying from a sexually transmitted disease. It might not be your concern, but it is your parents. It's important for his health as well, because he needs to get tested, and that's something you're probably not going to be able to get him to do by yourself.
  16. Aleadragonhawk
    Perfect Stranger, if this guy is disrespecting your boundaries, it's past time for him to hit the road. This has got to be hard for you to deal with - I know that in this situation, I'd feel nervous and like I couldn't trust the guy I was with. But what really worries me is how he seems to not just ignore your boundaries, but try to force you into doing things you don't want to - by grabbing your head and holding you there. If you really want to salvage the relationship try talking to him, he might not realize he's doing it... but he sounds like bad news.
  17. Aleadragonhawk
    Strangely enough, for me, the "I love you"'s started before the relationship became romantic. He was my best friend, and the feeling of love developed very naturally and almost imperceptably from that friendship. It just took a few months to realize that the "I love you" didn't mean "I love you as a friend" - it meant what it said.
  18. Aleadragonhawk
    My advice is to ignore his profile and ignore the site altogether. If you're using the same dating site as he is, you're going to be tempted to watch him - and that's just masochistic. Putting up your profile as a way to show him that you're over him too is kind of pointless.
  19. Aleadragonhawk
    Good on you for dropping him. You definitely don't need someone like that in your life! It's going to be tough, but from here, it looks like you made the right decision.
  20. Aleadragonhawk
    I agree with Flower on this. Your mother obviously isn't facing up to the reality of the situation. Make a tape of her - a video tape might work best, if she gets physically involved when she's yelling - and show it to her. She's obviously refusing to face that something is wrong, but it's pretty hard for her to avoid the reality of the subject when faced with proof. If you can't have a conversation with her about what's going on, consider writing a letter to her - at least then, you will be able to get out all of your thoughts without her constantly interrupting or screaming at you. Another thing that might help is having everyone involved in this situation have an intervention with her. If you're the only one telling her that something is wrong, she's less likely to believe it than if the entire family is saying something is wrong.
  21. Aleadragonhawk
    Just a quick thing I've noticed. Being younger may put them at the same level of social development as you, but it doesn't put them anywhere near the same level of mental development. It's not logical to seek social development with someone six years younger than you. Part of this is because you really are at different points in your life, regardless of the level of emotional experience. They're busy with what, middle school? I really have trouble seeing where you would relate to these children. Also, I think that you need to consider the potentially harmful effects dating you could have on these young girls. You are the adult in this situation, and you need to act like one. Nineteen is an adult - a man. Like it or not. And you have absolutely no right whatsoever to be anywhere near these children. What disturbs me is that in your posts you seem to be actively seeking someone in this young age range, rather than someone that you can relate to. I assure you, it is not rare to have not had a date by nineteen. My fiancee is somewhat similar to you in his interests - he's an electrical engineering major and seems to find physics to be fun. He writes code with visible twitches of pleasure. And he was twenty-two - yes, twenty-two - before he ever even kissed a girl. But never did he think that it was appropriate to get involved with someone much younger than him because he was inexperienced. Instead, he concentrated on finding someone _in his age range_ who was suitable.
  22. Aleadragonhawk
    I think that the line to stop at is when the other person is not putting effort into the relationship. Both people have to be working to make it work.
  23. Aleadragonhawk
    If you're running out of things to talk about, I'd actually suggest getting more involved in your real life. Usually long-distance relationships will sap a fair amount of time, and you can find yourself focusing just on that person. If you're active and doing things in your real life, you'll usually have things that you can both share about what's been happening in your lives. I personally didn't have this problem when in an LDR - my fiancee and myself both tend to be fairly mentally oriented, so we actually enjoyed the opportunities to have long conversations. Even now we'll rarely take along anything when we've got a long wait ahead. It's more entertaining to talk.
  24. Aleadragonhawk
    I think that this is part of a decision that you make when you decide on what path to take in life. Personally, I'm an English major with an emphasis in creative writing. I'm looking at nearly ten years of school to be able to teach at a university level. After those ten years, I'll be lucky to make $50,000 a year. The starting pay rate for electrical engineers in my area is $55,000 - and that's with a bachelor's degree. Despite the differences in education level and money earned, I'm not really jealous of my fiancee for bringing in as much money as I will with half as much time in college. It's just how the world works sometimes - and for me, it's more important to have a career that I truly want than one that pays well.
  25. Aleadragonhawk
    Floramae, as hard as it is, you need to try not to equate your self worth with how desirable you feel to other people. From your post I got the strong feeling that your sense of self is tied up in being with another person, and that's something that you need to address.
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