is it worth the engagement?

[Seraphim]

I picked my own ring. My husband has zero clue about jewelry, still doesn’t . It wasn’t a feature in his family’s life. I love my sparkles but I am reasonable and I pick them because I know that isn’t his forte. 

[lostandhurt]

30 minutes ago, philliesfan0910 said:

We looked together once and the lady asked what my max was and I told her, she she showed me rings in that price range.

Does your gf have a style in mind?  I think browsing for rings to figure out what she likes and doesn't like should come first and then try and find a ring with that look.  Then price and time frame can come later.  I guess what I am saying is being rigid on how much it should cost is short sighted.  What happens if she falls in love with a ring that costs $3,200?  Will she not want that ring because it doesn't meet some threshold?

  Finances are a big part of a marriage so figuring these things out and seeing how you both view large purchases in life is a big deal. The wedding, a new SUV a house are all things in your future so you can see how figuring out where you both stand on all this matters a lot.

 Lost

[philliesfan0910]

2 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Does your gf have a style in mind?  I think browsing for rings to figure out what she likes and doesn't like should come first and then try and find a ring with that look.  Then price and time frame can come later.  I guess what I am saying is being rigid on how much it should cost is short sighted.  What happens if she falls in love with a ring that costs $3,200?  Will she not want that ring because it doesn't meet some threshold?

  Finances are a big part of a marriage so figuring these things out and seeing how you both view large purchases in life is a big deal. The wedding, a new SUV a house are all things in your future so you can see how figuring out where you both stand on all this matters a lot.

 Lost

she thinks that a $3,000-$4000 ring isn't a "quality diamond"

[Batya33]

I personally don’t think it’s crazy to spend thousands on a ring at all. I think spending more than the person /couple can afford is crazy.  I think pushing someone to do that or pushing to “save more “ for a ring is crazy too. A person who is more focused on the diamond or on planning for the party to celebrate the marriage than planning for the marriage likely is not a person who is ready for a healthy marriage. 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, philliesfan0910 said:

she thinks that a $3,000-$4000 ring isn't a "quality diamond"

It won’t be if it’s a certain size.  I’m not sure what prices are these days. If you’re opting for a diamond engagement ring I’d focus on the 3 Cs.  If she wants the color cut and quality then in your budget the size might be on the smaller side. But she might be open to a sapphire or some other gem stone. 

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, philliesfan0910 said:

she thinks that a $3,000-$4000 ring isn't a "quality diamond"

I can testify people don’t go around with a microscope to make sure you have a “ quality “ diamond. I don’t think I have been asked about my ring in 25 years. The first few months people might be interested after that they couldn’t care less. So if she thinks people are going to be oohing and ahhhing  for decades, she’s going to be sadly mistaken.

[itsallgrand]

31 minutes ago, philliesfan0910 said:

she thinks that a $3,000-$4000 ring isn't a "quality diamond"

I love jewelry and nope, she's wrong.

Methinks she equates a honking ring to quality. 

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

You said "added cost of rent" so would also ask why doesnt she pays her part?

I still didnt get answer to this. What does she contributes in terms of finances and why does she thinks she is worth 5k ring?

[philliesfan0910]

39 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I still didnt get answer to this. What does she contributes in terms of finances and why does she thinks she is worth 5k ring?

40 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I still didnt get answer to this. What does she contributes in terms of finances and why does she thinks she is worth 5k ring?

She does play her part financially. She does a lot, but at this point in my life I don't wanna Spend 5k. ill do 4k MAX. When I graduate school, then we can upgrade.

[MissCanuck]

She's being ridiculous. 

Don't ignore this sort of attitude when you are choosing a life partner. It says more about her than you think it does.  

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

She's being ridiculous. 

Don't ignore this sort of attitude when you are choosing a life partner. It says more about her than you think it does.  

I agree. I think -separately - diamond quality matters for appraisal value and value in general.  Size is not at all relevant to quality. 

[lostandhurt]

I didn't realize she was a diamond expert, my bad.

 Nobody gets out their lute and checks out someone else's diamond.  All you really need are these few things:

-  It sparkles

- It is clear

- It has a nice cut that compliments the setting/ring

- It is a real diamond

Anything else is just added money you cannot even see with the naked eye.

Curious if you have talked about where you are going to live after the wedding.  Is she from a well off family?  Does she aspire to wealth?

I really don't know what to tell you because the ring is supposed to be a symbol of your love and union, not the measure of your bank account.

 Lost

[catfeeder]

Wow. If you think a ring is steep, wait till you try to negotiate a budget for the wedding. And every giant overpriced expense that can come with that. And beyond.

I’d definitely take the wait. And I’d use the time to research and learn about the costs of living.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Wow. If you think a ring is steep, wait till you try to negotiate a budget for the wedding. And every giant overpriced expense that can come with that. And beyond.

I’d definitely take the wait. And I’d use the time to research and learn about the costs of living.

I agree but also confirm how she envisions a wedding reception - wedding ceremonies and maybe a small celebratory lunch with close family and friends after is not expensive but a large wedding reception obviously can be.  Our entire wedding was far far less expensive than my ring.  We had 10 guests, it was at my inlaws modest home and lunch after at our favorite local Italian restaurant.  We were gifted champagne at the lunch and my inlaws prepared a simple breakfast pre-ceremony plus I think ordered some flowers and plants to decorate. I loved my wedding!

[Cherylyn]

Then wait until the engagement ring is within the planned budget.  Or,  have her contribute towards the ring. 

Also,  look into simulated diamonds.  They're grown in a lab and much less expensive than mined diamonds.  You can purchase a high quality ring at a fraction of the cost.  Check it out.

Or, you can start out small and eventually exchange it for a larger stone which is what I did.  My original diamond was 1/2 ct and years later,  I exchanged it for 1 ct.  I only wear my mint condition engagement and wedding rings for special occasions and for local errands,  I wear my CZ ring which does the job for out in public. 

 

[Capricorn3]

Already a giant red flag waving about. If I was a guy, I would cancel all ideas about getting engaged/married to this girl and very seriously rethink this relationship. Run.

[redswim30]

On 10/25/2023 at 11:52 AM, philliesfan0910 said:

she thinks that a $3,000-$4000 ring isn't a "quality diamond"

OP- YIKES.   Your GF is 100% materialistic.  A proposal should be about wanting to make a lifetime commitment of love to one another.  Not- I'll only marry if you if you can buy some crazy fancy ring for me. That IS materialistic.   My husband could have proposed with a paper ring and I would have accepted.  

I still don't have my "dream ring", but I have a happy partnership, which is worth way more.  The fact that she is more interested in an expensive ring than being united with you is telling. 

If you marry this woman, I really worry for your future.  Because this isn't about a ring- not really.  It's about an attitude of " I'm WORTH MORE" (her words).  When and where does that attitude end?  

" I need a more expensive wedding/honeymoon/house/vacation/gift- etc etc etc"  PROVE you love me by showing me how much you will SPEND on me because I'm WORTH it- is not a healthy attitude. 

You should be aware that in MOST marriages, fights over money is a big issue.  It has also been the source of many a divorce.  

Please PAY ATTENTION, OP.  This woman's attitude over what is important is highly problematic, to say the least.  

For the sake of argument, imagine you GET this ring and she says yes.  Now you are planning your wedding.  How would you feel if she said " I'm only getting married ONCE and I DESERVE a big fancy wedding.  I will not marry you until you give me my DREAM wedding worth 250K.  Otherwise, I won't marry you. I need a quality wedding." 

^ Is that really the type of person you think would make a good life partner?  

 

[rainbowsandroses]

On 10/25/2023 at 6:17 AM, philliesfan0910 said:

She said she's worth more than that. She also mentioned that she is willing to wait until I can afford what she wants...

Oh my lord, this girl sounds incredibly entitled and wouldn't understand what loving someone (you) means if her life depended on it. 

Sounds like she places $$$ on your love, you may want to reconsider marrying her or any woman like this.

You can always upgrade the ring later; what's s important or should be is that she's getting engaged to and marrying the man she loves.

[waffle]

On 10/25/2023 at 9:17 AM, philliesfan0910 said:

I told her my budget was $5,000. 

Well . . .