Does this guy sound like a narcissist to you?

[Jbaby79]

When we first started talking we was the sweetest guy in the world. He was charming and perused me. Then when we talked he vanished for a week because I mentioned I eventually wanted a relationship. Of course I texted to find out what was up. He said that was why and he kind of wanted to go with the flow and enjoy each other's company (FWB) which I agreed to do. During that week he got rude with me which I called him out on it. He said I wanted more communication then he could give. And he felt it best to distance himself again. So we agreed to talk every few days or whatever. And he did distance himself. He popped up during that weekend to send me a pic and let me know he had plans with someone else. Then the following week hardly spoke and ignored me. We did meet up that weekend. We had a great time but he did talk about all his other lady friends with me. Girls were snap chatting him and he even messaged a few in front of me. I got the impression he said a few things trying to get my attention.

During the next day and week he texted off and on no problem.

That weekend I explained I didn't want to hear about the other girls when we were spending time together. I didn't need to know anything about them. Well he took it personally. Got mad. Turned it all around as if it were attacking him. He said the wouldn't be a bother or a hinderance and even ended it. Of course I chased him. Catered. Apologized. He was just like I need time to think. He didn't want to talk and put us on a break for two weeks. Then that Sunday we made up. At least I thought we did. He spent all week ignoring me after we made up. I brought it up over the weekend. We went back and forth a little. I felt like he was still mad or icing me out which made no sense. Finally I just asked him if he wanted to continue seeing me or not. That I wouldn't fight him if he didn't but I just wanted to know instead of wondering what was going on.

He told me he wasn't answering any questions. I conjure things, believe them as true, then push them onto him. If I didn't let him just reach out when he wanted then he would just delete my number and avoid all contact. 

So I told him okay that was fine. If he decided to end communication just give me a head ups and I would do the same.

He told me that I just wanted more communication than he was willing to give. That he would reach out when he wanted to meet, whenever that might be. And for me not to respond with a long message or no message at all was needed.

So I told him forget it. I told him I was to tire and that was retarded. That he wanted everything his way or no way at all and that is not a friendship. He ignored me all week and got mad I noticed. I told him we original agreed on communication every few days or so and if we are friends I kind of want that. That if what he just said was all he had to offer then I wish him the best and I won't bother him again. I told him bye.

Needless to say I ended things. My friend says he believes this guy was a narcissist. I'm am not sure if he was or if this was how FWBs are supposed to be like. Or maybe he was messed up in the head. We was in prison for 11 years in his 20s and right after he got out he married a woman who cheated on him. It didn't last a year. Or at least that is what he says.

Either way I am done I just wanted some incite on someone else's thoughts. Do you think he was a narcissist?

[boltnrun]

No need to try to diagnosis someone who doesn't want what you want with a medical condition.

The real question is why YOU are interested and continue to pursue such a low quality man, one who has clearly demonstrated he doesn't have the same interest in you as you have in him. Finding out YOUR motivation is more important than trying to ease your anxiety by assigning him a medical condition or personality disorder. 

[Coily]

What he is really doesn't matter. Your reaction to this bum, is no different than a man trash talking some woman who rejected him. It's cathartic to a point, but when you are trying to analyze someone who wasn't worth your time it becomes toxic.

He wanted your body, you wanted a relationship; take it for a bad experience and move on. What lessons have you learned in dealing with this guy? What has it changed about how you evaluate a situation?

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Coily said:

What he is really doesn't matter. Your reaction to this bum, is no different than a man trash talking some woman who rejected him. It's cathartic to a point, but when you are trying to analyze someone who wasn't worth your time it becomes toxic.

He wanted your body, you wanted a relationship; take it for a bad experience and move on. What lessons have you learned in dealing with this guy? What has it changed about how you evaluate a situation?

I agree.  No need to validate by playing at being a mental health provider.  He wasn't ever your friend so why did you settle for being a sex partner when you wanted more?

[boltnrun]

BTW, 11 years in prison means he did something big like armed robbery or worse. He didn't just shoplift a pack of bubble gum from the 7-11.

Yes, yes, he paid his debt to society, he's a changed man, etc. But there has to be better quality men you can date.

[tattoobunnie]

HIs actions are not narcassistic.  Simply, he is not into you. Treats you poorly, and you accept it, and he can get sex out of it.  A narcissist plays the long game, whipping out "I love yous", moving fast, sink their hooks into, make you doubt your own reality, so they can control you.  This guy wants to see other people while hooking up with you.

[Seraphim]

He simply wants women available to him . Don’t be that woman . 

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, Jbaby79 said:

Then when we talked he vanished for a week because I mentioned I eventually wanted a relationship. Of course I texted to find out what was up. He said that was why and he kind of wanted to go with the flow and enjoy each other's company (FWB) which I agreed to do.

 

2 hours ago, Jbaby79 said:

He told me that I just wanted more communication than he was willing to give. That he would reach out when he wanted to meet, whenever that might be. And for me not to respond with a long message or no message at all was needed.

Yeah, this is a part of FWB-  no unecessary 'talk'.

 

2 hours ago, Jbaby79 said:

I explained I didn't want to hear about the other girls when we were spending time together. I didn't need to know anything about them. Well he took it personally. Got mad. Turned it all around as if it were attacking him. He said the wouldn't be a bother or a hinderance and even ended it. Of course I chased him. Catered. Apologized. He was just like I need time to think.

Don't chase & don't beg etc.

Just leave all alone.  As for his past- he's got a rough track record 😕 .

Learn from this and avoid the 'toxic'.

 

[smackie9]

No he's not a narcissist. He has behavior issues possibly caused by whatever happened to him in his childhood (poor upbringing) or maybe during his mother's pregnancy (alcohol/drugs), or some bad influences. In other words he may have have not been taught during those years to be a normal decent human being...any of that is not your concern tho. He's just not a nice person, and good for you taking the appropriate action to end it.  You show strength and self worth, be proud of that. 

[MissCanuck]

He's not a narcisisst. 

He's just not interested in anything but sex from you, and he hoped you would take the hint and stop trying for more. When someone wants to distance themselves, the solution is to let them go - not convince them to talk to you every few days. Someone who is interested in you won't need to be talked into staying in touch with you. 

You are right to have called this off. Your expectations and his were abolutely incompatible and it was only going to lead to more frustration for you. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Jbaby79 said:

 he vanished for a week because I mentioned I eventually wanted a relationship.  he kind of wanted to go with the flow and enjoy each other's company (FWB) which I agreed to do.

Sorry this happened . It was a mistake to sell yourself out doing FWB when you wanted a relationship. He's a jerk, it's really that simple. Delete and block him and don't settle for garbage like this guy or terms you don't actually want.

[Kwothe28]

19 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

He's not a narcisisst. 

He's just not interested in anything but sex from you

This. Nothing in his behavior is pointing to narcissistic tendencies. He just wants FWB, you got "head over heels" for him and pursued him in various ways even though he doesnt offer you nothing but treating you poorly. And I guess physical touch. 

Raise your standards and dont accept that kind of behavior from guys. Otherwise, you wont go that far when it comes to relationships.

[catfeeder]

Quote

Does this guy sound like a narcissist to you?

I dunno. Why would you even consider him worth trying to diagnose?

Move your focus onto building your own best life without him--or anyone like him--in it.

Head high.

[Cherylyn]

He doesn't sound like a narcissist to me.  He's a jerk.  He gaslights you.  Google "gaslighting."  Gaslighting is deflecting and changing your perception of the facts.  Gaslighting makes you wonder if there's something wrong with you instead of the perpetrator taking ownership of his wrongdoings.  It's the oldest trick in the book and it wouldn't surprise me if he had a lot of time to learn to master his manipulative behavior during his incarceration.  

You need to steer clear of him.  He spells nothing but trouble for you.    I'm glad you dumped him.  Good riddance!

[jul-els]

I don’t know if he’s a narcissist. I think that’s a hot button armchair diagnosis that people like to bandy about. He’s just a jerk. And a manipulative one at that. You are well served to be rid of him.