Second date went very bad.. wondering what to do now

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, SilverFactory said:

one of my friends told me "dude, you are already 47 years old.. so what if she behaved rudely? you did make a mistake and that is why she over-reacted.. everyone deserves a second chance. ask her for another date and see if things change this time. no harm in giving it a shot.. otherwise you are just going to be single and you will soon be 50 years old" 

This person doesn't sound like much of a friend. 

They are giving you bad advice. 

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

I feel sad because we had such a good time during the 1st date (or meet, since we met through an app) and I thought there is so much potential

Oh well...

Awww, I hear, and it's understandable that you feel sad. BUT, she doesn't sound one stitch better when you describe this a second time or a third time... you just can't change cray-cray.

The woman owns no self control. Zero. She can't even make it TO a second date without losing her sheet much less make it THROUGH a second date.

Considering that people newly dating are supposed to exhibit their BEST behavior, can you imagine how she treats those with whom she is familiar? You are lucky that she came out sideways so early--before you invested your heart.

Think of how awful you felt, and for how long, over one minor delay that most people would laugh off. If she made you this miserable while on her BEST behavior, how will she make you feel during the slightest tough times of life?

Head high, move forward, date closer to home, and remember that you deserve better.

 

[catfeeder]

18 minutes ago, SilverFactory said:

... one of my friends told me "dude, you are already 47 years old.. so what if she behaved rudely? you did make a mistake and that is why she over-reacted.. everyone deserves a second chance. ask her for another date and see if things change this time. no harm in giving it a shot.. otherwise you are just going to be single and you will soon be 50 years old" 

Sorry, but this friend is not too bright. There is no bio-calendar on men, and, there's nothing wrong with being single--especially not enough to put up with verbal castration.

Skip that. Use a dating app to meet local women for a coffee or a drink on your way home from work a few times a week.

Don't tell yourself you're desperate enough to settle for anything--you'll regret that badly.

Instead, tell yourself that you're holding out for a GOOD match, and the right woman for you will be kind.

You can do this.

 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

 it was my decision to pick her up. 

Well, that's the mistake. So was stretching out these dates. It's also silly to rely on google maps in metro areas. 

While an hour is not unreasonable for dating, some of these dates sound unreasonable and like you two were winging it too much.

That being said, the bit about "being a virgo and planner, blah blah blah" is enough to run like hell.

[DarkCh0c0]

Damn...

I'm here to join the consensus: RUN.

And maybe take some time to reflect on your dating standards and how you expect to be treated by a partner? Since you haven't dated for so long, you have to know what you need and what you're willing to accept from a date. Like, write these down.

What she did to you is absolutely awful. I would have drove her to the place to eat by herself and left... The audacity!!

[Batya33]

Settling is worse than being alone.  Signed - a woman with a LOUD clock who refused to settle despite a number of opportunities with really good guys -Mr. Rights on Paper/Not Right For Me - and married and gave birth at 42 -wasn't easy (the latter) but no regrets at being "still single" throughout my 30s.

And I mean being all alone -even if you had no friends/family etc settling is worse than being alone.  You are not alone you're simply not married or in a romantic relationship at the moment. You have friends, family, etc.  Keep at it!!

[spinstermanquee]

Silver, reading your reference to your age, I was reminded of some friends that met and married (first time for both) in their fifties.  They are still happily together 15 years later.

Please don't accept poor treatment because you think you are "too old" to do better.  There are a lot of good solid strategies here for meeting and dating.  Your age can actually be an asset - a man in his forties not trailing an ex wife (or two) and children could be considered a rare and desirable bird!

My grandmother used to say "there's a cover for every pot."  Just because you haven't found yours yet doesn't mean she doesn't exist!

[smackie9]

I like how she dismisses things by saying she's a Virgo lol. That's her not taking any accountability or even acknowledging how horrible she really is. As they say a leopard can't change it's spots. RUN!

[boltnrun]

Don't buy into the belief that a horrible partner is better than no partner.

[lostandhurt]

9 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Considering that people newly dating are supposed to exhibit their BEST behavior, can you imagine how she treats those with whom she is familiar?

Exactly!

Please don't make dating or relationship decisions out of desperation.  Are you willing to be this woman's emotional punching bag just to have someone in your life?

If you are willing to give her another shot that is fine but stop making excuses for her behavior like you have been. Her reaction had nothing to do with you.

Lost

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

If you are willing to give her another shot that is fine but stop making excuses for her behavior like you have been. Her reaction had nothing to do with you.

Give her another shot at what, hiding the crazy for long enough to hook you into marriage?

Then what? Enjoy the rest of your future with a shrew?

She has already shown you who she really IS.

[tattoobunnie]

18 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

5 hours but it felt like a nightmare

Even when I am mad or pissed off at my hubs, it never feels like a nightmare.  Unless she apologizes for overreacting, I would be outie 5000.

18 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

men always plan things and be prepared.

Umm.  Didn't realize you were in a Hallmark movie.

[Coily]

This woman is horrifically sexist, rude, and not worth your (or anyone else's) time. Until she can act like an adult when things don't suit her, you are gaining very little.

Your friend has garbage advice on dating, and I would caution against listening to anyone who would have you scrape under the barrel for a date.

I do hear you loud and clear though about it being less than fun being a long term and unhappily single guy. It's rough, and the platitudes about "it's OK to be single," "Be happy with you," and the rest of that garbage is very hard to stomach after a life time of wondering what it's like to finally be in a relationship. The one thing I will tell you is that settling for someone who will act this irrationally on a second date is not going to scratch that itch. I've dated desperate and was more angry at myself for having put up with poor behavior.

I would suggest you branch out and find other venues to meet women (If I had good ones I wouldn't be single Haha), and express to non-idiot friends that you want to meet someone; and that you are willing to date to learn. That's honestly the hardest thing, is trying to find truly sympathetic friends who will keep an eye out and help you along.

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Give her another shot at what, hiding the crazy for long enough to hook you into marriage?

Then what? Enjoy the rest of your future with a shrew?

She has already shown you who she really IS.

Some people have to touch the stove even after they are told it will burn them.   Not a good idea but if he does he needs to know how to handle a person like her and protect himself.

Lost

 

[greendots]

14 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

I am 47 years old, never had a girlfriend, and still not married. That's why I was still wondering if it was ok to get past this date from hell and see if things can be salvaged

There must be decent available women out there in your age range. Do you have any hobbies? Are you interacting with different people on a regular basis? The more active you are socializing with a variety of people the higher your chances of meeting a nice single lady.

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

she kept going on and on and on (for around 30 minutes continuously)

Perhaps a broom would be a better ride for her? 🧹

[SilverFactory]

A sad thing in all of this is some of my friends are not even believing me. They are like "how is it possible for someone to get this mad simply because you took a different route? did something else happen?? are you not telling us the whole story?" 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, SilverFactory said:

A sad thing in all of this is some of my friends are not even believing me. They are like "how is it possible for someone to get this mad simply because you took a different route? did something else happen?? are you not telling us the whole story?" 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

I believe you.

I was stuck in a car with someone who was just pissing and moaning and contradicting every single thing I said. I have never been so happy to get away from someone.

[lostandhurt]

15 minutes ago, SilverFactory said:

A sad thing in all of this is some of my friends are not even believing me. They are like "how is it possible for someone to get this mad simply because you took a different route? did something else happen?? are you not telling us the whole story?" 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Sometimes it is pretty hard to describe crazy but you know it when you see it 🤪

Lost

[Coily]

2 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

A sad thing in all of this is some of my friends are not even believing me. They are like "how is it possible for someone to get this mad simply because you took a different route? did something else happen?? are you not telling us the whole story?" 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Wow. You have some less than stellar friends when it comes to your relationships. 

Then again they seem to be wanting to just pawn you off on any woman with a breath, so they don’t feel like they need to help you. Maybe time to find more trustworthy people to talk about your dating woes. I’m genuinely sorry you don’t have the support you or anyone needs in this situation.

[catfeeder]

15 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

A sad thing in all of this is some of my friends are not even believing me. They are like "how is it possible for someone to get this mad simply because you took a different route? did something else happen?? are you not telling us the whole story?" 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

I'd offer them her number and say, "Good luck with that..."

[SilverFactory]

37 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

I'd offer them her number and say, "Good luck with that..."

hahaa 😂

[SilverFactory]

I did not mention this earlier, but when she was going on a long tirade, at one point I got confused and thought I must have made a serious mistake.. I really started to believe that I made a mistake and apologized to her two times 😔

Looking back I now realize how stupid I was 😐

 

[lostandhurt]

2 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

I did not mention this earlier, but when she was going on a long tirade, at one point I got confused and thought I must have made a serious mistake.. I really started to believe that I made a mistake and apologized to her two times 😔

Looking back I now realize how stupid I was 😐

 

That's not stupid that is smart. Locked in a moving car with a crazy person, you say or do what you have to so you can deescalate the situation and get away from them.

What are you going to do?

Lost

[boltnrun]

29 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

That's not stupid that is smart. Locked in a moving car with a crazy person, you say or do what you have to so you can deescalate the situation and get away from them.

What are you going to do?

Lost

Yeah, when my friend was being a pill I knew I was stuck with her for two days. So I just kept quiet while she nit picked and harassed me and contradicted everything I said. Once the airplane landed and I dropped her off at home I just avoided her and was thankful she was somewhere away from me.

OP, I don't recommend at all asking this unpleasant woman on another date.