Found out he was cheating 1 week after moving cross country to live with him

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

I helped him by buying  food multiple times and lend him money for his rent

Why are you giving everyone from strangers to everyone in your family money? It doesn't add up that you have no credit, no car, no job and now feel desperate wanting to leave but claim you can't afford to. Yet you are giving everyone money?

[Batya33]

20 hours ago, Anna09 said:

How should i tell him that's i can't contribute to the bills and groceries until i get a job and we agreed on paying half and half and he did offer the first few days to pay for things until i get a job.  But i waved to be fair and told him let's just share the expenses . I thought he was serious and i duct want him to think I'm just talking advantage of him m i waved to give this a fair shot and now I'm just in the worst case scenario 1 week into this.  

Why did you think someone you met a few times in your life was serious about sharing physical space and financial responsibilities?  Is this the type of choice you make often or is this the first time you’ve put so much of your life and livelihood and money at risk for a near stranger who promised you hearts and roses and fluff ?

[boltnrun]

This has been a very expensive and costly lesson.  Do not quit your job, bankrupt yourself and uproot yourself for someone you met on vacation and only visited a couple of times.

He probably thought you were "moneybags".  You were to help him obtain a lifestyle he couldn't have afforded on his own, plus you cook, clean and give him sex that he doesn't have to pay for.  I presume none of this is what you always wished for in a romantic relationship.

Have you taken the time to send out resumes and apply for jobs?  In today's world you do not have to wait for a weekday to call an office asking about openings.  Most companies are doing online applications.

[Anna09]

This my first time putting so much effort for someone.  Those few times we met were great and we kept contact on the phone on daily basis.  And things were great! I  never had a relation where someone loved me.  I had only 2 relations and didn't work great!

Yes i did apply to multiple company and i will call them in 2 days..

I'm just lost he is acting like a very loving caring partner . And making Ilana for the future together....i really don't know what he wants exactly 

[waffle]

18 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

....i really don't know what he wants exactly 

He wants financial help.  Same thing you're giving to him and apparently everyone else.

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

This has been a very expensive and costly lesson.  Do not quit your job, bankrupt yourself and uproot yourself for someone you met on vacation and only visited a couple of times.

He probably thought you were "moneybags".  You were to help him obtain a lifestyle he couldn't have afforded on his own, plus you cook, clean and give him sex that he doesn't have to pay for.  I presume none of this is what you always wished for in a romantic relationship.

Have you taken the time to send out resumes and apply for jobs?  In today's world you do not have to wait for a weekday to call an office asking about openings.  Most companies are doing online applications.

 

1 hour ago, Anna09 said:

i really don't know what he wants exactly

See above.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Anna09 said:

When first i met him. He just start working.  It was his first week at work and didn't have munch money or family in the states either.  I helped him by buying  food multiple times and lend him money for his rent

This was a big mistake, Anna. 

Never throw your money at someone you barely know. 

[Rose Mosse]

2 hours ago, Anna09 said:

This my first time putting so much effort for someone.  Those few times we met were great and we kept contact on the phone on daily basis.  And things were great! I  never had a relation where someone loved me.  I had only 2 relations and didn't work great!

Yes i did apply to multiple company and i will call them in 2 days..

I'm just lost he is acting like a very loving caring partner . And making Ilana for the future together....i really don't know what he wants exactly 

In one ear, out the other. Your priority is finding employment and paying your own bills. He’s dust now.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Anna09 said:

This my first time putting so much effort for someone.  Those few times we met were great and we kept contact on the phone on daily basis.  And things were great! I  never had a relation where someone loved me.  I had only 2 relations and didn't work great!

Yes i did apply to multiple company and i will call them in 2 days..

I'm just lost he is acting like a very loving caring partner . And making Ilana for the future together....i really don't know what he wants exactly 

This is mostly a stranger you met twice in person.  Seems that you were creating a fantasy in your mind based on words he said over the phone or in text messages and you took it so far as to put your health and finances and job at risk.  It simply doesn’t add up. 

[Anna09]

True . It's just a fantasy i merge in my hard based on all what he says and the way he acted the couple times i saw him in person.  He made me believe that he was in love with me for who i am.  He always dais her life me with make up or without it,  fat or skinny , with straight hair or frizzy . And he likes my personality and i guess i wanted that so much and just believed  it . I'm not the most beautiful or attractive girl and have insecurities and low self esteem but i have a good and kind heart and i thought i finally found someone that can see that and that shares same vision as me.  

Now all my insecurities just got worst . Everyone i see him on the phone i think he is texting other women.  And when we are out i look at him everyone a girl past by to see if he is looking at her and i get irritated and in a bad mood all time and anxious. 

But he still acts all lovey dovey and keeps saying he loves me and talks about the future....

This is causing me a lot anxiety and depression and i can't stand Being here all what i can think of is that i don't want to be here 

[boltnrun]

All you can do is keep searching for a job and then a place to live.  

What helps me is when I know there will be an end to whatever strife I'm going through.  It helps me to deal with things better.

[Anna09]

Yes you right

And I'm looking for work and any work to get out of this

It breaks my heart things went down this way but i had worst happen when i lost loved one and like continues 

[Jaunty]

10 hours ago, Anna09 said:

When first i met him. He just start working.  It was his first week at work and didn't have munch money or family in the states either.  I helped him by buying  food multiple times and lend him money for his rent

Didn't you meet him on vacation?  How did he afford to be on vacation when he had just started a new job and couldn't pay for food or rent?  Not that it's important at this point, but I'm curious.  

[Anna09]

I was on vacation . Visiting this city where we are living right now and where he was living where i met him.  Is a popular touristique city. 

[boltnrun]

30 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

I was on vacation . Visiting this city where we are living right now and where he was living where i met him.  Is a popular touristique city. 

How soon after you met him did he start mentioning he needed money?

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Anna09 said:

He made me believe that he was in love with me for who i am.

No.  You chose to react to his sweet words by putting yourself at all this risk.  No one can make you -especially not after meeting someone only a few times in person -he didn't know you when he said that - he didn't know who you were.  Take steps to get government assistance for now.  That is what I would do.. Good luck.

[DarkCh0c0]

@Anna09 LDRs often do not work for the many reasons listed in your thread. And nonetheless, some people fall for them and that's OKAY. I hope you learn from this experience the best lessons and realize your worth and find happiness as a woman. You don't need a man to be happy. You need YOU.

 

[Anna09]

12 hours ago, boltnrun said:

How soon after you met him did he start mentioning he needed money?

Our war only 1 time for his rent and it was about 4 months after meeting him initially . Since than he never asked again.  He got an okay job and got his own place...

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@Anna09 LDRs often do not work for the many reasons listed in your thread. And nonetheless, some people fall for them and that's OKAY. I hope you learn from this experience the best lessons and realize your worth and find happiness as a woman. You don't need a man to be happy. You need YOU.

 

I don't think this is an LDR problem.  They were two people who met three times in person and she uprooted her life and risked her health in all ways -financial included -to relocate to be with a person she met a few times in person.  Could have happened with a local person who was relocating too.  They weren't yet in any sort of serious relationship.  It is a problem of relocating and sharing living space with someone you barely know in person for sure.

[DarkCh0c0]

@Batya33 yes. I meant this is more common when in LDRs.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@Batya33 yes. I meant this is more common when in LDRs.

It can be as far as a person being more likely to create a fantasy if on top of engaging in long online interactions there's the excuse of long distance.  I see your point.  My husband and I were long distance for a few years but we didn't meet each other long distance.

[Anna09]

Yeah you are right, i was so stupid to believe all his lies, right now he is been really nice to me,  what makes me even more now confused. He helps with house chores and he pays for most groceries and little things,  and he even offers to buy me clothes but i said NO . All what he does even if it's something nice or just makes me mad and irritated. As if i have a switch and all what i saw as lovely and cute before now i see or a hypocritical and annoying and just can't stand him. And he keeps on telling me he loves me so much and all that bull****.

At the same time i just saw on his Instagram  on the same phone he gave . He is been texting this blonde girl over and over.  I didn't open all the messages between them as  I didn't want to him to know that his Instagram is open on they phone he gave me.  But she was addressing him as" LOVE" 

all this just makes me very angry.  When he says he loves i just want to tell him how much of liar and cheater he is and it makes me upset that he takes me for a stupid person that doesn't know what his doing behind my back .

On top of that all my insecurities just became mulch worst.  I saw the blonde girls picture he is texting on Instagram she is all put together and have makeup and nice hair and very fit.  But I'm the opposite. I did believe him everytime he said hw loved me just the way i look . And loved me author or with makeup . Straight or frizzy hair.  But now i know it's all bulls*** and he probably was laughing at me inside when i believed all that . 

I'm really struggling with all this and my emotions like a roller coaster  and don't have money to just remove my self from this right now.  I feel just depressed and stupid and this worst feeling is that i was stupid and dumb and day dreaming thinking this guy does really love me and that things really did change to the better for me.  

[DancingFool]

Your insecurities and low self esteem is what got you into this mess. So what are you going to do about it now?

[boltnrun]

Have you heard anything about the jobs you applied for?

When I was job hunting I made a rule that I could not shut down my computer until I'd applied for at least five jobs that day.

Everyone is hiring right now. You could easily get a job at Amazon or any restaurant or retail store as they are all currently short handed.

[Rox22]

5 hours ago, Anna09 said:

At the same time i just saw on his Instagram  on the same phone he gave . He is been texting this blonde girl over and over.  I didn't open all the messages between them as  I didn't want to him to know that his Instagram is open on they phone he gave me.  But she was addressing him as" LOVE" 

<removed> Doesn't even realize he left his IG account logged in on his old phone. Or, does he? Is he currently talking to her as of today, or recently? I know the texts were from months ago.

Girl, keep yourself together for the sake of getting out of there w/a job. Don't put yourself in a situation where he kicks you out. Are you on the lease, or in his name only? I know you said you've contributed to the household both financially, and in other ways.