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Found out he was cheating 1 week after moving cross country to live with him


Anna09
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I m hoping one of this jobs will be a good fit, and maybe meeting new people and forming a social circle as in stucked in the house alone or with him  i. Don't have a car and when her is home all he wants to do is to be on the couch.  When im visited before we go out and do things and i always good him i like to do different activities. But now it's just staying home.  

And previously we visit good friends home or they visit us now he doesn't let anyone visit us even his close friends. He came and he was outside he went to talk to him instead of inviting him in the house.  And i met him multiple times in the past.  And I'm not is he trying to isolate me or what I'm his head exactly 

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27 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

I m hoping one of this jobs will be a good fit, and maybe meeting new people and forming a social circle as in stucked in the house alone or with him  i. Don't have a car and when her is home all he wants to do is to be on the couch.  When im visited before we go out and do things and i always good him i like to do different activities. But now it's just staying home.  

And previously we visit good friends home or they visit us now he doesn't let anyone visit us even his close friends. He came and he was outside he went to talk to him instead of inviting him in the house.  And i met him multiple times in the past.  And I'm not is he trying to isolate me or what I'm his head exactly 

He might be afraid one of his friends will tell you about his other women. He might also be worried the two of you might run into one of his other women while out.

My ex's friends mostly kept quiet when they saw him with other women. A couple of times they felt bad and told me, but for the most part they covered for him. 

Just keep focused on preparing for your interviews. You already know he's a liar and a cheater, so just accept that.  You can do what's important, finding a job and then a room to rent, without allowing his actions to distract you.

And please stop saying you're not good enough and that's why he cheats. He was doing all of that long before he met you. 

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Hw is to say how mulch free dislike been on his phone all day long,  and he even claims his eyes hilurt really bad because of the phone light. But that all he does.  Just in his phone or watching tv  . 

I m bored out of mind at home and i prefer to be out of top be with other people while with him. Than just both of us.  But all he wants to do is to stay home even that he know I'm bored and new to the city i need to see where things at and explore.  

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1 hour ago, Anna09 said:

Hw is to say how mulch free dislike been on his phone all day long,  and he even claims his eyes hilurt really bad because of the phone light. But that all he does.  Just in his phone or watching tv  . 

I m bored out of mind at home and i prefer to be out of top be with other people while with him. Than just both of us.  But all he wants to do is to stay home even that he know I'm bored and new to the city i need to see where things at and explore.  

Again, focusing on trivial things like how much time he spends on his phone does nothing to get you out of this situation.

If you're bored, keep applying for jobs, do facetime calls with your family and friends back home, learn a new skill, do practice interviews, take walks around your neighborhood...there are tons of things you could do instead of sitting in his apartment watching what he's doing.

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7 hours ago, Anna09 said:

  But all he wants to do is to stay home even that he know I'm bored and new to the city i need to see where things at and explore.  

Why does it matter to you at this point what he does?  If yo want to go out and explore, that's what you should be doing.  Not with him.  

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7 hours ago, Anna09 said:

But all he wants to do is to stay home even that he know I'm bored and new to the city i need to see where things at and explore.  

So go. 

You don't need his permission to go out. Nor do you need him to come with you. 

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You keep complaining about the difference between a fantasy prince you conjured up in your mind and the man you foolishly drop everything for and moved to.

You're the problem. You expected someone you barely knew to be your hero. Then you claim you have no money, no credit, no job, no car etc. Those things aren't his fault. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello everyone, thank you for your advice and help,  just an update. I started working in a restaurant. I Finish my training and now i will start getting paid better.  It's only part time about 30h . I asked the manage for more hours and also looking for asecond job to save as much as i can. That at least makes me feel kinda better . But not so much.   I'm still living with the guy that call himself my boyfriend.  And the situation is basically the same. He keeps on pretending that he loves me and care for me.  Taking me to his friends house for dinners... by i feel worst than i was.  I just can't stand him anymore.  Wharves he does just gets on my nerves and i just don't want to be around him and sometimes i just ignore him and don't want to talk to him especially when i see the first thing he does in the morning is to start checking his Instagram and replying for bunch on messages from different girls everyday.  I still use the phone he gave me. Today i saw notification from the same blonde girl . And the one he answered the phone to that night after ordering food to her place. And another IM not sure who she is.  It makes me so upset and angry but i can't even call him on his shi**, i just want to blow up on his face but i can't.  I haven't even received my first check yet.  So i can't do that.  And all i can is to ignore him and not even look at him.  But than the atmosphere in the house just horrible.  I really just do don't get it why is he doing this.  Pretending to live me in one part and texting so many girls in other part.  He could've just brook up with me while we we're on long distance and get with all this girls  .

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3 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

Hello everyone, thank you for your advice and help,  just an update. I started working in a restaurant. I Finish my training and now i will start getting paid better.  It's only part time about 30h . I asked the manage for more hours and also looking for asecond job to save as much as i can.

Excellent. Soon you'll feel better. Stop wasting time scanning his private messages. Focus on undoing the mistake of moving in with him.

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Posted (edited)

Those other girls aren't providing him with things like paying rent, giving him money when he couldn't pay his bills, giving him convenient sex, etc.

Yeah, I know you aren't giving him money right now but he knows you will.

My ex kept me around for four years while he constantly pursued others. Who knows why. I do know it made him feel like a stud and powerful because he could get so many women plus have me there being loyal and devoted to him. Big time ego boost for him. 

Everything you see just confirms it will soon be time for you to find a room to rent so you can get away from this selfish liar.

PS: good job finding work! Good for you. 👍

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Every time you look at his phone, write, post or talk about the details of his bad behavior, you are investing further in it.  

What he does now is really none of your business.  You can't stand him, he's not your boyfriend, he is not a friend, either.  

Stop putting your time and emotional energy into him.  And congrats on the new job.

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It just hurt me to see how he is with other women,  when we we're in distance he always made excuses to why he didn't text to much and i believed him as i didn't like to clingy either.  But now i see him sending 30 Texas to them and multiple girls, and true its a big boost for his ego to get all this girls and have me loyal and devoted .  I remembered first i met he was very simple guy that shops at thrift stores and now he dresses all  with brand clothes and the worst he makes me feel underneath him because i just wear very simple things and i shop at thrift and very cheap stores . He will say" are you gonna go like that" even if we just going to a neighborhood store next block and telling me i need to change my clothes and get near once even that he knows i dint have money for that kind of luxury .  and his girls on Instagram are nicely dressed and makeup and sexy pics ... all this makes me feel horrible and I'm a bad mood all time when around him. 

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All the more reason to continue to save money so you can rent a room and move out asap.

Don't listen to him and waste money buying fancy clothes. Who cares what he thinks about how you dress.

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7 hours ago, Anna09 said:

It just hurt me to see how he is with other women,  when we we're in distance he always made excuses to why he didn't text to much and i believed him as i didn't like to clingy either.  But now i see him sending 30 Texas to them and multiple girls, and true its a big boost for his ego to get all this girls and have me loyal and devoted .  I remembered first i met he was very simple guy that shops at thrift stores and now he dresses all  with brand clothes and the worst he makes me feel underneath him because i just wear very simple things and i shop at thrift and very cheap stores . He will say" are you gonna go like that" even if we just going to a neighborhood store next block and telling me i need to change my clothes and get near once even that he knows i dint have money for that kind of luxury .  and his girls on Instagram are nicely dressed and makeup and sexy pics ... all this makes me feel horrible and I'm a bad mood all time when around him. 

Hopefully you will be out soon and it sounds like you were trying to make an impression on a stranger on line so that he would approve of you and want to be with you so you decided to believe him despite not knowing anything relevant about him.  Texting a stranger has nothing to do with dating or appearing "clingy" - it's just typing to see if you should meet in person and  then to see if you should go on a real date.  You went for an insta-relationship with a stranger.  What in you made that sort of thing appeal to you?

I'd ignore who he texts to and focus all your energies on leaving ASAP.  Congrats on getting your job!!

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Yes I'm trying to really ignore who he texts for the sake of my sanity but it Really annoys  and it bothers me.  We seat in the same room and he will be on his phone all time not talking or even looking at me, it's like i don't exist and as if i have nothing interesting at all to talk about or discuss, so many things and feelings and i don't have anyone pysically here to share that with and he is stick to his phone. It frustrate me but when his grieve are around he treats me better and pretend everything is fine.   and i just stay on my laptop looking for jobs or improving my resume.  But it's still frustrating .

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1 hour ago, Anna09 said:

Yes I'm trying to really ignore who he texts for the sake of my sanity but it Really annoys  and it bothers me.  We seat in the same room and he will be on his phone all time not talking or even looking at me, it's like i don't exist and as if i have nothing interesting at all to talk about or discuss, so many things and feelings and i don't have anyone pysically here to share that with and he is stick to his phone. It frustrate me but when his grieve are around he treats me better and pretend everything is fine.   and i just stay on my laptop looking for jobs or improving my resume.  But it's still frustrating .

Again, more reasons to get out asap.

Have you found any rooms to rent in your price range? Do you plan to stay in that area or move back home?

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9 hours ago, Anna09 said:

Yes I'm trying to really ignore who he texts for the sake of my sanity but it Really annoys  and it bothers me.  We seat in the same room and he will be on his phone all time not talking or even looking at me, it's like i don't exist and as if i have nothing interesting at all to talk about or discuss, so many things and feelings and i don't have anyone pysically here to share that with and he is stick to his phone. It frustrate me but when his grieve are around he treats me better and pretend everything is fine.   and i just stay on my laptop looking for jobs or improving my resume.  But it's still frustrating .

Go in the other room.  A bathroom is another room.  If you can leave go to a library or a coffee shop depending what time it is.  I've had to use the bathroom as another room to get space from my son, for example.  It's not the best situation but sometimes you need to destress and breathe in a quiet space.  No need to communicate with this person.  Bring a book into another room.  Read.  Stretch. Avoid too much phone time but yes bring your phone.  Listen to podcasts on your phone with headphones.  I recommend Esther Perel, This American Life and Serial.  

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