Found out he was cheating 1 week after moving cross country to live with him

[Anna09]

The text i saw was today las of today.  Like few hours ago  and I'm not sure it's he knows his instagram is open or no.  Anyways he just was telling me how much of a perfect woman i am and a great person so I'm not sure if he knows i know because he noticed a change in my mood

IM not on the lease is only him and i didn't want to be in the lease even  before i found or all this  just in case things don't work i can just leave and get my Owen place. But i didn't know 1 week in this i week find texts from months ago trying to pay for sexe and now text to this blonde girl and i know he have a thing and he like blondes.....

He confuses me by acting so nice and caring at the same time texting other women

I want to feed more of his text but I'm not sure if he will know that i read them if i do.  I didn't use Instagram in a while i forgot . 

[Anna09]

I didn't hear anybody yet from any of the jobs i applied for.  And right now it's what I'm doing applying for more jobs.  

And he keeps telling me to don't worry about anything and that he will take care of things but I'm adopting everywhere.  

He is been nice for now because i didn't tell him about all those texts but I'm not sure what will happen once i tell him. 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

i didn't tell him about all those texts but I'm not sure what will happen once i tell him. 

Don't tell him. Decide what you want to do first such as getting a job or moving etc.

[boltnrun]

He'll either act outraged that you "invaded his privacy" or he'll gaslight you into feeling like you did something wrong and he's the victim. Or he'll say those messages didn't mean anything, he was just joking.

Don't worry about what he thinks. Focus on you and finding a job so you can get out of there.

[Anna09]

I do want to own the  full messages conversation on his Instagram is he going to know someone else read them or no?  

Right now can only read the posts that are on the notification message.  I didn't enter entirely into his Instagram 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Anna09 said:

I do want to own the  full messages conversation on his Instagram is he going to know someone else read them or no?  

Right now can only read the posts that are on the notification message.  I didn't enter entirely into his Instagram 

Stop snooping. 

[Anna09]

Should I?

[boltnrun]

15 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

I do want to own the  full messages conversation on his Instagram is he going to know someone else read them or no?  

Right now can only read the posts that are on the notification message.  I didn't enter entirely into his Instagram 

Why? Are you trying to find excuses to stay with him?

If you don't mind him messaging other women and if you don't mind him sleeping with other women while telling you he loves you, then go ahead and stay. But if this is not what you want in your relationship, you can work on finding a job so you can leave.

[Rox22]

31 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

The text i saw was today las of today.  Like few hours ago  and I'm not sure it's he knows his instagram is open or no.  Anyways he just was telling me how much of a perfect woman i am and a great person so I'm not sure if he knows i know because he noticed a change in my mood

IM not on the lease is only him and i didn't want to be in the lease even  before i found or all this  just in case things don't work i can just leave and get my Owen place. But i didn't know 1 week in this i week find texts from months ago trying to pay for sexe and now text to this blonde girl and i know he have a thing and he like blondes.....

He confuses me by acting so nice and caring at the same time texting other women

I want to feed more of his text but I'm not sure if he will know that i read them if i do.  I didn't use Instagram in a while i forgot . 

Oh Wow! So, it's not just months ago. He's texting and IG chatting w/some blonde girl as we speak?

DO NOT OPEN ANY MESSAGE NOTIFICATIONS on your phone. You don't know for sure that he won't, or doesn't know you know. Just leave the notifications unread/unopened. Not your fault they keep popping up and they fell in your lap.

Does he work from home? At some point, he will leave the house. If and when he's gone for hours, you'll know more of what he's up to, based on the notifications/texts.

Unless you can confront and walk away from him, just keep looking for work. Keep up the charade as best you can. Research alternatives to get out of this situation. ASAP!

 

[Batya33]

There is nothing confusing about what actions you have to take now to protect yourself and your health.  How he acts/what he says shouldn't be confusing.  What's clear is you barely know him, he is not who he claimed to be from the little you did know of him and he is pursuing other women.  Whether he sweet talks you or gives you money doesn't make any of this "confusing."  Please don't make excuses.

[Anna09]

2 hours ago, Rox22 said:

Does he work from home

No he doesn't wish from home.  He had a normal job but close by to the house and i see his schedule . And i know most of his coworkers and know where he works

Yes I'm not sure if he knows i know. It's weird how earlier after he noticed a shift in my mood he keeps saying that I'm a perfect girlfriend  . And great women and he will protect me from anything bla bla .. the timing was odd 

[Anna09]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Why? Are you trying to find excuses to stay with him?

No I'm not okay with what his doing at all.  I told him multiple times while we we're still on LDR that of he had any doubts shot this to just let me.  As I'm not holding him or forcing him to stay in the relation . But every single time he will say he loves and his feelings never change and he want us to be together .... and now that i moved here with him just to find out he is texting other women's right now.  And few months ago trying to pay for sexe and giving women his house address to meet. 

[boltnrun]

And you're not forced to stay in the relationship either. Just because he wants to keep you around as his cover story doesn't mean you're required to stay.

You could find a job this week and start looking for a room to rent by next month. You have a way out, but you have to be proactive in making it happen.

[Anna09]

Yes that's the plan for now i keep pretending to don't know anything just keep looking for work and than get my own place once i hehe enough money and let him know i knew what he was doing. But i hehe a weird feeling that he knows i know or at least i m duspeciuos of him. 

[MissCanuck]

He probably knows he can't keep the lid on this forever.

Keep working towards finding work and getting out his house. This man is garabage who manipulates you and lies you every step of the way. 

[Wiseman2]

It seems like you are mad at yourself for making a bad decision moving to someone you barely know.

You also seem angry at yourself for believing a fairytale you build up in your mind and just rushing into this.

You were fine until he lent you his old phone and you saw these messages.

Now suddenly you're a victim. Someone who moved with a blindfold on and now realize how unrealistic that was.

 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Anna09 said:

Yes that's the plan for now i keep pretending to don't know anything just keep looking for work and than get my own place once i hehe enough money and let him know i knew what he was doing. But i hehe a weird feeling that he knows i know or at least i m duspeciuos of him. 

I don't see you being proactive - instead of "that's the plan" what step are you taking today -what actual step - to leave this situation? Have you applied for a job? Gone to see about renting a room or getting government services? What are you doing today.  Please stop the nonsense of what he says about love "every single time" -every single time you make an excuse you're prolonging what you know you have to do to get out of this situation.

[Anna09]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like you are mad at yourself for making a bad decision moving to someone you barely know.

Yes, I m very mad at my self for making such bad decision at this age and putting my self in this situation .

And you right before this message things were fine or so i thought, I trusted him a lot and really believed what he said,  and thinking of it now i release that his words and actions when in person while visiting mad me convinced that i was good enough for him.  For the first time i had a romantic relation where my partner made me feel i. Was good enough and i was special and worthy to to be loved and cared for,  i know or pathetic but this is the truth.  And when i find out this texts it was like a slap in the face as i released all that was bullsh***, and actually he wasn't satisfied enough with me and i wasn't good enough for him,  and he couldn't just be honest and tell me instead  text other women , and give his his address for other women to visit him and seek sex for money.  It hurts and I'm not sure if this is good everyone that been cheated on feel but this is how i feel right now.

[boltnrun]

It's not that you're not good enough for him. Why would you think that about yourself when he is the lying cheating con man? HE is not good enough for YOU!

Do you believe that if you had been "good enough" he wouldn't have lied and cheated? 

[Anna09]

Yeah he probably still lie and cheat.  And for some reason i keep having this feeling that he knows i know something. As he keeps over correcting kinda of thing.  Keep saying how perfect i am.  And now he said he wants to stay with me for ever without me asking anything about it. And trying to bribe me but offering to buy me more things.    Trying hard but it doesn't matter to me.  As i don't see him the same anymore and once i have enough money i will leave. I can't trust him or trust what he says anymore. 

Also is like Im getting more involved with him.  Now he is taking to party this week with his coworkers and close friend( he works at the same place with his close friends) . Before i like Doing things like that wit him, more or just makes me uncomfortable, awkward, and what the point anyways to go to his work and attend a party.  

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

Yeah he probably still lie and cheat.  And for some reason i keep having this feeling that he knows i know something. As he keeps over correcting kinda of thing.  Keep saying how perfect i am.  And now he said he wants to stay with me for ever without me asking anything about it. And trying to bribe me but offering to buy me more things.    Trying hard but it doesn't matter to me.  As i don't see him the same anymore and once i have enough money i will leave. I can't trust him or trust what he says anymore. 

But how is it that you built up enough trust in someone you met a few times to make these drastic and risky changes? Please when this is all over seek out a low cost or free clinic to make sure you speak with a professional about basic self esteem and common sense ways to keep yourself safe from predators.

[Anna09]

He you absolutely right i need to seek a medical and psychological help in regardless to my self esteem , and depression .

[boltnrun]

How is the job search going? Have you looked into local stores and restaurants where you could find work? In my neighborhood just about every business has a sign in the window that says "Now Hiring".

[Rox22]

On 4/9/2022 at 2:59 PM, Anna09 said:

I'm in us citizen . I came for school and work after i got residency and now I'm a citizen after few years here. 

I know you're 31. How old is he? Is he American too?

[Anna09]

He is 30 and he isn't American originally. But he has a residence here. And he came about 3years ago