Rox22

YOUR body, YOUR choice. You set the timeline. Forget what your friends say. Obviously, he either respects you BOTH waiting, or he can leave. He will definitely show you who he is, once you put your foot down. You either want to continue seeing him, or not. If so, you do it in public only. You can have these conversations in public (a park bench, while walking, etc.), or on the phone. BUT, you do need to voice what you're looking for AT THIS TIME IN YOUR LIFE. He either accepts what you tell him, or not. If you respect yourself enough to say how you feel and what you want, his reaction will not matter to you. Meaning, if speaking up causes him to leave, are you okay with that? Please, NO more sexting; mixed signals.

Specific women, like exes, friends, etc? Or, women in general? I would be very upset finding out my fiancee had these thoughts on a daily basis. Rethink marriage.

Agreed! Donate it so a child can benefit from this toy. No need to throw it in the trash. Also, there is no "staying and trying", esp. not after this: You know what you need to do. This is who you're married to. This will not change. GL

I know you're 31. How old is he? Is he American too?

He really doesn't care about his girls. They're young and impressionable. If he doesn't think the girls will report to Mom how GF treats Dad, he's delusional (beyond). He chose to let a stranger be the deciding factor as to when/how he sees his children? Does his Ex know who's watching them, when he's not around? How long has he been dating her again? The manipulation from this girl re: her ex's cheating, and then using it as a "term" to then weaponize him b/c he went to a bar w/his brother. Then, he caved to her demands, b/c she went complaining to his family that SHE's being disrespected? He doesn't want to admit that this whole situation is a disaster waiting to happen. As his friend - the next time he asks your opinion you say: "I've already told you where I stand with her and your situation with her. Don't ask me again, and don't even think of trying to change, or manipulate my thoughts into thinking otherwise. If you want to speak to me about anything else, or your girls, I'll listen. She's off limits" Put your foot down and let him deal w/your limitations/standards, if he won't set any for himself. As friends, we can only let them drain us so much... then, time's up! GL

You're still not listening, and hoping for the impossible - her to change. "I am not 100% ready to walk away without trying to get her to see how I am feeling and see how she reacts," Here's what you've already said:

Oh Wow! So, it's not just months ago. He's texting and IG chatting w/some blonde girl as we speak? DO NOT OPEN ANY MESSAGE NOTIFICATIONS on your phone. You don't know for sure that he won't, or doesn't know you know. Just leave the notifications unread/unopened. Not your fault they keep popping up and they fell in your lap. Does he work from home? At some point, he will leave the house. If and when he's gone for hours, you'll know more of what he's up to, based on the notifications/texts. Unless you can confront and walk away from him, just keep looking for work. Keep up the charade as best you can. Research alternatives to get out of this situation. ASAP!

So, let me get this straight. You've been dating 6 mos, or so. Less than a month ago you posted issues w/your GF. But now, weeks later you're engaged? There were issues last month, there still are issues, if not more. And, there will be issues going forward. You've argued about an ex-husband (still do), and an ex-date/boyfriend whom she "hid/lied" to you about? Do you not see the troubled waters you're trying to keep afloat on? That raft you've built has you barely coasting. And STOP using age, or love as the excuse. There ARE bigger problems; life-long ones if you continue on this path. As someone said earlier: take off the rose-colored glasses. You're not going to get the woman you want at this rate.

Can his family not help him, take him in? Friends? Does she have them manipulated and convinced that she's the best thing that happened to him? Do they know what she's really like, or will they turn on him; have turned on him and doesn't have their support? She's obviously not someone he should be with long-term either. Controlling, demanding, expecting... who wants to live like that? If he can move in with someone, or get his own place, then that's the best thing for him. But, as you know he may not listen and will allow himself to go through another roller coaster ride like he did with the first one. How old are they?

<removed> Doesn't even realize he left his IG account logged in on his old phone. Or, does he? Is he currently talking to her as of today, or recently? I know the texts were from months ago. Girl, keep yourself together for the sake of getting out of there w/a job. Don't put yourself in a situation where he kicks you out. Are you on the lease, or in his name only? I know you said you've contributed to the household both financially, and in other ways.

You ARE the mistress (btw, your subject says "affair) . As long as he is in a rel'ship w/another woman, and incl. children, then you ARE disrespecting another woman's rel'ship. Would you like it if a man, or this guy did that to you (the father of your children to boot)? Have respect for yourself and for women who don't deserve this. You're helping him be the guy that he is (he's not a man). And, you're okay w/doing this to her and those kids.

A resounding YES, abso-freakn-lutely it is! If I had to tell you my stories, oh boy... DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! If anything, they want to keep you around b/c you are "Good people", no one wants to lose good ppl And this: They're already gossiping and making comments (behind your back). It's called jealousy, and immaturity. Surround yourself w/those who serve you most. That's not selfish. And, don't feel bad if this happens more than once in your life (as the others have stated here). Welcome to adulthood - sometimes it's tough 🙂 Congratulations on successfully achieving self-awareness. Not everyone is capable of mastering that skill 😉

Oh dear, your scenario seems to have fallen off the tracks w/the comments here. 1. She never said she heard back from HR. She's still waiting on a response (I believe) 2. She's talking about the same guy making these comments. It's not about the guy who would "cook for her" he's innocent here. 3. OP - unless you work for a ***ty company, you don't need proof for your complaint. If anything, "the cook" is one of your witnesses to this behavior. But, that's besides the point. In this day and age where workplace harassment is taken very seriously (esp. post #metoo mvmt), then your HR will NOT take it lightly. With regards to your disgusting co-worker, if you have not heard back from HR and he does it again, you let him know that this will be the last time he speaks to you this way, and that there WILL be consequences. If that doesn't shut him up, your next step is law enforcement - have him escorted out of the building! Keep us posted. GL!

Maybe he's still legally married, or separated, but not in a marriage. Trouble at home. So, you really don't know this man's personal life - nor should you, if a professional rel'ship to further advance your career is what you're looking for. Also, if a friendship that you're comfortable w/does develop, then fine. In this case, the daily communication about non-work related things is a RED FLAG. Tread carefully...

How old are you? How old is he?

Go with that. Also, "once a cheater, always a cheater" In your case, minimum 2x Nuff said!

I see the word SCAM with this one. Or, she's looking for something specific online, and maybe found it. You're history to her, until she needs something from you. Beware. If I'm wrong, she'll have a good explanation. Otherwise, I would not put too much thought into online connections, unless there's going to be an in-person meeting. There are exceptions to this rule of course. TBD

🤦‍♀️

Trend: Jealousy, alcohol, belittling, controlling, possessive, projecting... and I'm sure there's more. Do you wish to wait for him to be drinking, and possibly get physically abusive with you? You either get professional help, or you leave him. What is your financial situation? Would you be able to move in with anyone, if you leave?

It seems to me that this "move in" only came up, b/c her lease is up this Summer, or had you discussed a possible move in, prior to your house burning down? What part does she not understand that this is a TEMP home? She's acting like it's your/her "Forever home" Also, when you are getting fully compensated by the Insurance Company - YOU DON'T REFUSE HELP! This is for you, a rental for you to get through/by, until you are back on your feet w/YOUR new home. She is beyond selfish. It's a 4BDRM home, and while she can bring a FEW things, she really should "cough up" $$$ and pay for TEMP storage, like a NORMAL person. Sounds to me, like she wants to use this house as HER TEMP storage facility. And, I'm sorry, but would she have felt the same if you had mentioned a family member? Who doesn't want a spare bed? But, that's not the point. Her obsession w/your friends I think is an excuse to a bigger problem here. No, actually it wasn't. Your mistake is acting like a doormat and letting her walk all over you. This is btwn you and the Insurance Co. After the way she's been acting, you feel bad that you're not incl. her in YOUR life's decisions? This is a TEMP home. She's using you, all the while manipulating and abusing you. You're right. It is hard for you to see clearly, esp. where she's concerned. That's why you came here. Unless you're planning on coming back here in a few months (if not sooner) w/the same drama and issues, then you'd be wise to heed everyone's advice on here. LEAVE HER - SHE'S A TOXIC, NARCISSIST. We're not being harsh here, only pointing out the facts. You need to take the "emotions" out of this re: you and her, and really see the situation for what it really is. GL

So very happy to read this. As for the other parts you described; made my stomach turn. Her behavior is reprehensible. Something is terribly wrong w/her. YOU DON'T DERSERVE this treatment. Starting to? It's clear from the moment you moved in. This is not a supportive partner, to say the least. Please, reconsider your reasons/excuses for staying w/her - you're only doing yourself a disservice

Holy crap! She's horrible. You don't need, or deserve this in your life. Nit-picking, allegations, unreasonable, demanding, controlling - NARCISSISTIC behavior. Is she serious with this sh*t? Take this as a blessing that you did get to move in, and clearly see her for who she is. Advice: ask your support system if they can take you in for a while, or if they can suggest/offer solutions of where you can go in the meantime. ANYTHING is better than this abusive behavior. GET out of this rel'ship!

NOT HOT, but definitely Heavy! Not COOL either. Stalking, demanding, expecting... RUN! Don't ever compromise your ways of how you approach rel'ships at the beginning, esp. if you're not serious, or exclusive. GL

Yes, BIG MISTAKE! Leave your EX alone. So, one guy exits as a potential partner, and you reach out to your last partner? There's a reason you're EXs - you said so yourself. Take a step BACK!

This is what I find "whack job" -whomever does this, period! I had a guy tell me early on in dating, that he had a way to find out about me and my finances (Something along those lines) NOT CREEPY AT ALL...