What to do when a girl coworker likes my man?

[Lapicuda]

My boyfriend is manager and this girl coworker of his added herself to his IG without permission. The reason she had his phone was to check another girls page. So without his consent she added herself as a friend from his IG without asking! Passing boundaries and no respect towards him! He likes to keep private and this *** adds herself to his page without telling him(sorry for my language) that just seems thirsty, more like desperate for his attention. I feel she likes him because why would she do that? That’s weird and just shows me that she has no respect towards me man, like why would you add someone knowing they didn’t want you as a friend and knowing he has a gf.

I want to know if I should confront her and tell her something or let him talk to her?

My bf didn’t know she added herself until I told him who this new girl was, then he explained what happen. I was so upset but he said he will let her know that she crossed boundaries and that what she did wasn’t right. He gave his phone to her on good will and she crosses the line by adding herself. Who does that? 

 

[Seraphim]

She got his phone how? My husband has never handed his phone to some woman to check anything. 
 

Many other women over the course of life will be attracted to your partner , it is how HE handles it is the issue. Why did he hand over his phone and why didn’t he just take her off IG?

He is an adult , yes? Let him handle it. 

[boltnrun]

Same boyfriend from September?

https://www.enotalone.com/topic/450812-my-boyfriend-coworkers-text-him-a-lot-and-one-of-them-send-heart-emoji/#comment-5706443

If this is the same boyfriend, he has a history of inappropriate communication with his female coworkers.  You've already told him you don't like it, yet he continues.

He's not going to stop.  Question is, why do you stay with someone who behaves like this?  And something other than "But I LOVE him!!" or "We've been together X number of months/years, I can't leave him now!!"

[Capricorn3]

The other side of the coin is that maybe he added her and then told you that story.  However, if what he says is true, why does he not just delete her off his IG?  Should be easy enough to do - a mere few seconds.

[Andrina]

Unethical people are very good liars. Take off those rose colored glasses. What other tall tales have you believed from him?

[HeartGoesOn]

If he chooses to put her in her place, he'll find a way, if not he'll find an excuse.  If this continues, I would assume he lacks respect for your relationship.  

The fault lies with him. not the girl/girls.

[CrazyWife]

Sorry but it sounds like he is telling tales here. If she had done that and he is, as you say, a private person then he would of told her that it was inappropriate and removed her. 

From reading your previous post, it sounds like an ongoing issue. As a manager he should have no problem telling the staff to only contact him if it is a work related matter. 

Yes we can be friends with our colleagues etc but if it is starting to affect your personal life and relationships then there shouldn't be an issue in putting in professional boundaries. 

If he has nothing to hide then why lie about it? Why would you send love hearts to your boss? 

Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

[Lapicuda]

39 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

The other side of the coin is that maybe he added her and then told you that story.  However, if what he says is true, why does he not just delete her off his IG?  Should be easy enough to do - a mere few seconds.

He did block her, but I want to confront her for crossing boundaries! Makes it seems like she’s thirsty for my man. 

[Capricorn3]

6 minutes ago, Lovkim said:

He did block her, but I want to confront her for crossing boundaries! Makes it seems like she’s thirsty for my man. 

It's not your place to confront her.  All that does is make you look pathetic, immature and make you look like a fool.  This is for HIM to sort out .....(if of course that story was true).  Me thinks he's the one who added her.  Look to your man.

[Seraphim]

18 minutes ago, Lovkim said:

He did block her, but I want to confront her for crossing boundaries! Makes it seems like she’s thirsty for my man. 

Is causing problems at his work a good idea? It makes him look like he has a “ mommy” to defend him. 

[CrazyWife]

I agree with above comment. It definitely shouldn't be you doing this and I have a feeling you will be the butt of the office girl's jokes if you were to do that. The responsibility lies with him.

[Lapicuda]

23 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

It's not your place to confront her.  All that does is make you look pathetic, immature and make you look like a fool.  This is for HIM to sort out .....(if of course that story was true).  Me thinks he's the one who added her.  Look to your man.

You’re right it will make me look dumb! And so low of me. He said he will say something so let’s see if he does. Also thank you for the reply 🤍

[melancholy123]

59 minutes ago, Lovkim said:

He did block her, but I want to confront her for crossing boundaries! Makes it seems like she’s thirsty for my man. 

I detect a huge level of jealousy and mistrust on your part.  He is a grown man, let him handle this girl.  You will look like a jealous wench if you confront her.

[Fudgie]

2 hours ago, Lovkim said:

...this girl coworker of his added herself to his IG without permission...she had his phone was to check another girls page...she added herself as a friend from his IG without asking!

...He likes to keep private and this *** adds herself to his page without telling him...

My bf didn’t know she added herself until I told him who this new girl was, then he explained what happen....

I'm sorry but I'm calling b-b-b-b-BS here. You really don't believe him, do you? 

He "likes to keep private" but yet he's letting a subordinate at work use his phone to look up another girls page..? Wha...? Someone who is more private and cagey with their phone is going to let some random coworker use their phone, especially to the point that they:

log out of his IG (via app or mobile web), log into her own IG (which usually requires two-factor auth, btw), find him on IG, send him a follow request, log him BACK into his account (if she logged him out to get into her account) and then go in and accept her own request.

That would take a little time to do and, frankly, I just don't believe it.

I think he added her, you found out, he acted dumb, and told you this story. Your anger is misplaced. The world is full of thirsty t**** (female and male) but your boyfriend is not powerless. He is not adrift in the sea, subject to the calls of sirens against his will. He is a grown-a___ man who is in control of his choices and actions. It's on him to ignore thirsty girls. 

There is always opportunity to cheat or act inappropriately. The opportunity is not the reason for the wrong-doing, the fault lies with the cheater.

[boltnrun]

You didn't respond, is this the same boyfriend who always has female coworkers texting him?

[Lapicuda]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You didn't respond, is this the same boyfriend who always has female coworkers texting him?

Yes same boyfriend. 

[Lapicuda]

45 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

I detect a huge level of jealousy and mistrust on your part.  He is a grown man, let him handle this girl.  You will look like a jealous wench if you confront her.

I agree & I did feel jealous at that moment. 
I will not confront her. I will let him do that. 

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, Lovkim said:

Yes same boyfriend. 

So you already know he engages in inappropriate behavior with his female coworkers. Why do you stay with him? Do you think you can "get" him to stop?

[Lapicuda]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

So you already know he engages in inappropriate behavior with his female coworkers. Why do you stay with him? Do you think you can "get" him to stop?

I hope this is the last time I will have to address this problem. I told him I don’t want to keep repeating myself. So if it doesn’t stop I will not stay with him any longer. 

[catfeeder]

22 minutes ago, Lovkim said:

I hope this is the last time I will have to address this problem. I told him I don’t want to keep repeating myself. So if it doesn’t stop I will not stay with him any longer. 

Sorry to say this, but you're already repeating yourself, and he's not going to stop. 

BF knows he can just keep fooling you because you want so badly to believe him.

Even though he's done this before, you were primed and ready to go after this second girl or third or fourth to show her that you're even more gullible than she is.

Getting angry isn't going to control anybody. BF is going to do whatever he wants to do, and if all he needs to do to get away with it is let you rail and fume for a while, then that's a small price to pay for going straight back to messing around with the next girl.

[boltnrun]

50 minutes ago, Lovkim said:

I hope this is the last time I will have to address this problem. I told him I don’t want to keep repeating myself. So if it doesn’t stop I will not stay with him any longer. 

He's not going to stop because he likes it. He likes these other girls more than he likes his relationship with you. And all he has to put up with is a little bit of complaining from you (that he can easily deal with). And you even blame those other girls for being "thirsty" when your boyfriend is the one who's thirsty. It's so easy for him.

I hope you don't really believe trying to keep this relationship is more important than your own self worth.

[Usa1ah]

Your bf story on how she had his phone is bs? He is lying. 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, Lovkim said:

I agree & I did feel jealous at that moment. 
I will not confront her. I will let him do that. 

Hon, you need to wake the hell up. 

He's not going to confront her. Why not? Because she didn't add herself. He added her, and then fed you some absurd excuse when you saw she was following him and got upset.

You keep tolerating his crappy behaviour and badly wanting to believe his lies. We can't help you when you refuse to help yourself. 

[Rose Mosse]

It's worth reconsidering the relationship if you're arguing over something like social media and phone use. Try to think big picture.

Do you really want to be having a heart attack over such superficial issues like this in a relationship? Why get angry at another woman instead of looking at the source of your confusion (your boyfriend)?

Having any talk with her about "boundaries" is overkill. This is a man who likes to flirt and manages his staff by being mr. nice guy/flirt at times. That's just what he has to do or it's what his personality is overall. Let's stretch it a little and say that it's required for him to do his job. All you're left with is a guy you really don't get along with at all nor agree in terms of his profession. 

What is it you like about him so much that you tolerate such things like this happening? Don't you deserve to live a low stress, happy life?

[Jibralta]

Get a better man!!!