Ungrateful Friend

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I was curious and googled lol

You essentially rent somebody to do an activity with you. Find somebody who would enjoy hiking and go to a weekend with them instead of alone. You pay them what they require for service at the end. I think that is what OP is reffering to. Personally I think there are better ways to meet like minded people who would do activities with you, but in todays lonely world I am not even surprised there is a website and possibly an app where you pay people for that lol. 

Anyway, since it is business and OP probably agreed on paying for all, I dont see an issue. Dont "rent" her next time or define who is paying for what better if you have a problem.

What the actual…. Nope nope nope. Real friends better idea. 

[Tinydance]

5 hours ago, DenverDude said:

I found  a rent-a-friend a few years ago.  She has a hard life, works three jobs, and is from another country.  She comes over every 3 or 4 weeks and I have dinner delivered, we watch a movie, she goes home, and I give her $100.  Strictly platonic. She has a few forkfulls and takes the rest of the dinner home.  A little annoying.

Last week she was here and said I didn't have to pay her, but I did.  I want to keep it businesslike.

This past weekend she thanked me for the time and money, and recalled that I would be renting an Amtrak roomette for a 2-day trip to the mountains, and she wanted to go with me.  I said yes.  So we went up the other day.  I paid for the Uber to the station, the train (food included), hotel, etc.  There was a problem with her ticket but she was able to eat free on the train. I fixed it later so that she could eat on the return trip, also.

I told her that if she wanted to go into the hot springs to bring a bathing suit.  She forgot, but said she would improvise.  See we took a taxi ( I paid) to the area and I paid the $64 ($32 each) for the hot springs for 2.5 hours.  She then decided she didn't want to go in.  I felt uncomfortable in the water by myself while she sat it out with a parka on.  A big waste of $32.  We then headed to a Mexican restaurant.  She ordered a huge meal even though she wasn't hungry, ate a tiny amount, and decided to take it with her for the train the next day.  I figured she would pick up the tab - or at least offer.  Nope.

So the next day we eat on the train, so she threw away the food from the night before. What a waste.

I am not poor.  I'm also pretty generous.  But I'm still pissed off about this.  Not even an apology for the wasted hot springs ticket.  She didn't spend a dime on this trip.

If I see her again I will tell her that I won't be supplying food when she comes over.  I feel taken advantage of.  Feeling bad for her working 80 hours per week has clouded my judgement.

Am I being too harsh, too easy, or too cheap?

 

 

I also wanted to add that if you want to have a paid friend and you are fine with this arrangement, no problem. But I think if you're expected to pay for all the expenses during this companionship then you can't really get angry in regards to what she does with what you paid for. E.g. With food, if she doesn't finish the whole meal with you and then takes it home. In all fairness it's none of your business what she does with that food after you paid for it. Presumably she eats it later at home. Or if she's poor and has children or other family, she might be sharing it with them.

Also with the hot springs, you wanted her to come and the entry cost $32. So the condition of her coming with you was to pay for her entry. She did what was expected, she came into the hot springs and was there and kept you company as was required. That's none of your business that she didn't want to go into the water. She is doing what you want, she joins you for meals and other activities and you pay as is your arrangement. She's not required to behave exactly as you expect, e.g. eat all her food in one go. 

You said this is only platonic so it's not the same as paying for an escort and then requesting what that escort does. E.g. "I want XYZ sex positions, I want you to wear XYZ outfit." It seems to me that here she can join you for the activities you want but you don't get to control how she actually has to behave.

You've had this arrangement for a few years now so what has changed? Have you become romantically interested in this woman or become resentful of having to pay for her friendship?

[Spawn]

you can also rent a friend in this world, thats a new one for me. Someday we may start renting a partner or a parent too, the whole concept sounds negative and unhealthy. Why not make real friends and make real memories.

[maritalbliss86]

I'm loving this whole rent a friend/partner thing LoL 

😆

[Batya33]

I read an article about this sort of thing that is popular in Japan but more renting a "spouse" to take to business dinners -even family events -didn't seem to involve sex but just for show -not really an "escort".  

This is judgey on my part -but I think it's really important whatever your relationship or marital status or family situation -to get used to -and enjoy! -doing things on your own.  I've traveled on my own, regularly gone to movies and theaters and museums, out to dinner, whether or not I had a partner or whether or not I could have found a friend to come along.  

[reinventmyself]

'She didn't spend a dime on this trip' . . . . . .?

You sought out a financial arrangement that you went into fully aware.  You pay - she spends time with you.  

I don't know how you ended up a victim in this.  

The lines get blurry when you are expecting a genuine friendship to blossom out of transactional agreement.   You need to consider the character of the person you hire to fill this roll.  She values payment over connection.  It seems you started to forget that.

I get that it's annoying when your employee doesn't appreciate things, after having just asked for them, just to toss them away. That's the moment you decide that this employee is having performance issues and is no longer a good fit.

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

That's the moment you decide that this employee is having performance issues

That made me LOL

[itsallgrand]

All I could think reading this was if you are willing to spend money for companionship, you may as well hire a private support worker and have someone help make your life easier while you are at it! 

 

[HeartGoesOn]

This reminds me of a "mail order bride" sort of deal.

To each their own, but are you unable to make real life friends?

[Cherylyn]

20 hours ago, DenverDude said:

Decent people apologize or try to make it right.   You sound like her.  

There were very few people who've ever apologized to me.  Grow accustomed to most people not apologizing to you in your lifetime and you'll no longer expect nor become offended.  You'll grow numb and accustomed to how society is. 

Most people don't have emotional intelligence (empathy).  My mother taught me that once you expect the worst in people, nothing will shock nor surprise you anymore. 

Becoming wary and jaded is good because you're no longer naive, there's wisdom gained and you'll navigate yourself wisely.

Bad experiences were not all in vain.  Bad experiences teach you not to make the same mistake twice. 

Live and learn the hard way which is the best way. 

[Tinydance]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

There were very few people who've ever apologized to me.  Grow accustomed to most people not apologizing to you in your lifetime and you'll no longer expect nor become offended.  You'll grow numb and accustomed to how society is. 

Most people don't have emotional intelligence (empathy).  My mother taught me that once you expect the worst in people, nothing will shock nor surprise you anymore. 

Becoming wary and jaded is good because you're no longer naive, there's wisdom gained and you'll navigate yourself wisely.

Bad experiences were not all in vain.  Bad experiences teach you not to make the same mistake twice. 

Live and learn the hard way which is the best way. 

I actually don't think that she has to apologise for not finishing her meal and taking it home. If she threw it in the garbage bin then that would be different. First and foremost she would be wasting food, which I don't like in general. If she's taking the food home and eats it later, I don't really see what the problem is? She probably just eats what she can and then she's too full to eat more. What does she have to apologise for, "I'm sorry I physically can't eat anymore?" Does she have to force the food down her throat just because he paid for it?

[Capricorn3]

22 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Rent a friend sounds like throwing away money to me. I like real friends who care and share their time and dreams and efforts. 

That's what I was thinking too.  OP, if you say you don't like throwing money away then it's difficult to understand why you went looking for rent-a-friend in the first place, where you pay them $100 upfront each time.  It really is quite baffling. 😕 But the choice has been yours to spend all this money, so why are you complaining? ..... again, baffling......

Real friendships are FREE!

[SooSad33]

It was your choice to rent a friend.

Is not your issue on how much someone eats.

Was also your choice to do such a trip with her.

Maybe if you can't handle how this woman acts out, you can just search for another 'friend'. You two are not involved in any other way.

[Unsure2021]

This sounds like a sugarbaby-lite type arrangement to me. It doesn’t otherwise make sense to buy friendship, unless you are severely socially handicapped. Is she very attractive or much younger than you, to the point that you would have a hard time finding such a ‘friend’ in real life? If so, it’s easy to blur the lines and have outsized expectations. It sounds like she initially showed some personal interest in you, which maybe made you think it’s not just the money she’s interested in. Did she not display the expected level of interest in you this past trip? You sound put off and I doubt it’s the money. If you’re paying someone to spend time with you, be clear and realistic with your intentions and expectations and ensure the other person can meet them. She sounds strapped for cash and working three jobs, she is only in it for the money, whether it be cash or paid meals. 

[Cherylyn]

8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I actually don't think that she has to apologise for not finishing her meal and taking it home. If she threw it in the garbage bin then that would be different. First and foremost she would be wasting food, which I don't like in general. If she's taking the food home and eats it later, I don't really see what the problem is? She probably just eats what she can and then she's too full to eat more. What does she have to apologise for, "I'm sorry I physically can't eat anymore?" Does she have to force the food down her throat just because he paid for it?

Apologies should be for taking advantage of a person's generosity.  I've had some people in my life who did all the taking and never any giving.  It gets old very fast. 

[Wiseman2]

On 11/12/2021 at 4:31 PM, DenverDude said:

Am I being too harsh, too easy, or too cheap?

Did you grow up very poor? It's odd you are watching what others eat or not.

What's up with the "clean your plate, wasting food" nonsense? Do you have issues with hoarding or OCD?

What do you mean by "rent a friend"? People aren't u-hauls.

Since you are paying her every visit is she your housekeeper? What's up with that?

Is this the same woman?:

 

[Jibralta]

8 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Apologies should be for taking advantage of a person's generosity. 

But he is the one who wants to pay her:

On 11/12/2021 at 4:31 PM, DenverDude said:

Last week she was here and said I didn't have to pay her, but I did.  I want to keep it businesslike.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

But he is the one who wants to pay her:

Yes, this is a business arrangement, not the OP just wanting to be "generous".

[DenverDude]

This is my final response to this.  Many here, like Tinydance, just don't get it.  This is a business arrangement.  I have ZERO romantic or physical feelings for her.  She ASKED to go with me.  She never goes on vacation.  It was outside of our normal arrangement.  I said yes as a favor to her and because I thought it would be more fun.

My beef is that she didn't offer to pay a nickel.  And then she waited until I bought a $32 ticket for an event until she said that she didn't want to go.    She didn't offer to make it right or apologize.   I also had to leave the hot springs early because she sat outside in the cold.   Apparently many here would be okay with throwing money away like that.  I'm not, and it says a lot about her character.  

[melancholy123]

Dude, I'd be annoyed about blowing $32 as well.

However you haven't told us why you have such a relationship with her and why you feel a need top pay someone to pretend to be your friend.  I find that much more concerning than the $32.

[boltnrun]

What are the terms of the business arrangement?  Did the two of you agree that she would reimburse you if she didn't finish her meal immediately or if she chose not to participate in an event or activity after you purchased tickets?

[Jibralta]

I agree that the limits of this business arrangement need to be more clearly defined. Otherwise, you are exposing yourself to risk left and right.

[Cherylyn]

4 hours ago, DenverDude said:

This is my final response to this.  Many here, like Tinydance, just don't get it.  This is a business arrangement.  I have ZERO romantic or physical feelings for her.  She ASKED to go with me.  She never goes on vacation.  It was outside of our normal arrangement.  I said yes as a favor to her and because I thought it would be more fun.

My beef is that she didn't offer to pay a nickel.  And then she waited until I bought a $32 ticket for an event until she said that she didn't want to go.    She didn't offer to make it right or apologize.   I also had to leave the hot springs early because she sat outside in the cold.   Apparently many here would be okay with throwing money away like that.  I'm not, and it says a lot about her character.  

I hear you about character.  You need to grow accustomed to a lot of people not possessing the type of character you hope for because this is the world we live in, DenverDude.  This world is mostly full of disrespectful people.  It is commonplace.  I know you're very disappointed in her character.  Just don't be shocked nor surprised anymore because this is how society is.  People will not treat you the way you expect which is common courtesy and common decency.  If you don't expect the best in people's character, you will grow numb.  Best and most of all, you'll have to experience a lot of people in your life in order to find one or a few people who actually know how to behave with integrity. 

I get it.

[maritalbliss86]

On 11/12/2021 at 3:31 PM, DenverDude said:

I found  a rent-a-friend a few years ago.  She has a hard life, works three jobs, and is from another country.  She comes over every 3 or 4 weeks and I have dinner delivered, we watch a movie, she goes home, and I give her $100.  Strictly platonic. She has a few forkfulls and takes the rest of the dinner home.  A little annoying.

Last week she was here and said I didn't have to pay her, but I did.  I want to keep it businesslike.

This past weekend she thanked me for the time and money, and recalled that I would be renting an Amtrak roomette for a 2-day trip to the mountains, and she wanted to go with me.  I said yes.  So we went up the other day.  I paid for the Uber to the station, the train (food included), hotel, etc.  There was a problem with her ticket but she was able to eat free on the train. I fixed it later so that she could eat on the return trip, also.

I told her that if she wanted to go into the hot springs to bring a bathing suit.  She forgot, but said she would improvise.  See we took a taxi ( I paid) to the area and I paid the $64 ($32 each) for the hot springs for 2.5 hours.  She then decided she didn't want to go in.  I felt uncomfortable in the water by myself while she sat it out with a parka on.  A big waste of $32.  We then headed to a Mexican restaurant.  She ordered a huge meal even though she wasn't hungry, ate a tiny amount, and decided to take it with her for the train the next day.  I figured she would pick up the tab - or at least offer.  Nope.

So the next day we eat on the train, so she threw away the food from the night before. What a waste.

I am not poor.  I'm also pretty generous.  But I'm still pissed off about this.  Not even an apology for the wasted hot springs ticket.  She didn't spend a dime on this trip.

If I see her again I will tell her that I won't be supplying food when she comes over.  I feel taken advantage of.  Feeling bad for her working 80 hours per week has clouded my judgement.

Am I being too harsh, too easy, or too cheap?

 

 

Im sorry I didn't read your post before commenting earlier. She just sounds disinterested in general 😕 which would be the problem with renting someone.

Finding someone you are genuinely interested in and the other is as well makes things more compatible or at least reciprocal. Good luck I hope you find what you're looking for 😊

[maritalbliss86]

4 hours ago, DenverDude said:

This is my final response to this.  Many here, like Tinydance, just don't get it.  This is a business arrangement.  I have ZERO romantic or physical feelings for her.  She ASKED to go with me.  She never goes on vacation.  It was outside of our normal arrangement.  I said yes as a favor to her and because I thought it would be more fun.

My beef is that she didn't offer to pay a nickel.  And then she waited until I bought a $32 ticket for an event until she said that she didn't want to go.    She didn't offer to make it right or apologize.   I also had to leave the hot springs early because she sat outside in the cold.   Apparently many here would be okay with throwing money away like that.  I'm not, and it says a lot about her character.  

In my opinion, she took advantage of you for a free vacation ☹️ sounds like it sucked for you! Just my thoughts....