Did this Girl get scared?

[sirdesancti]

So, I am a bit confused. Met this girl on Bumble and we almost immediately hit it off. Really flowing and natural conversations. From this we started to text everyday. We went on a date, and It went really well. She texted me that night about how much she enjoyed it. We even planned a follow up. Unforntuately her roommate got covid so we had to cancel. Anyways, we had kept texting all the time, I was never pushy or clingly, just went with the flow with what she was saying. The most I ever did was tell her that I liked her. She constantly told me how much she liked talking to me and how sweet I was and how good it felt that I was good to her.

When I asked her to hang again, she said she thinks she would like that, but that she felt she was'nt in the right place for anything romantic right now. She said she likes me and still wants to hang. She continues to text me everyday, but much more brief and fewer messages than before. 

 

For context, she had told me she has only been in one relationship for like 6 months and that she struggles with being vunerable. She had also told me she gets skittish around dating and walks away from good situations, but she hoped I 'bare with her.' She has a new job and tells me she feels overwhelmed with her responsiblities and she feels like she is not giving her friends and family enough time. She has also been dealing with depression.

Anyways, I just need some advice. It just is so confusing because she went from all in, texting me all the time, showing clear signs of interest, and saying how much we vibe together, to basically nothing at all. I feel perhaps I came on to strong, but truthfully the most I ever did was tell her I liked her, never smothered or anything like that. She will still wish me a good day at work and ask me how my day was. 

What my main thought is that she got scared of the idea of a relationship or romance, explained by her that she is not very good with it. I dont know!

 

How to proceeed?

[greendots]

Have you tried calling her? Texting isn't the best way to gauge someone's emotions and feelings. I'd say, a phone call is much much better.

Try calling her or video calling her. See how it goes.

Has she ever told you whether she likes you? She may not have said the standard "I like you" but expressed it in other ways.

[sirdesancti]

27 minutes ago, greendots said:

Have you tried calling her? Texting isn't the best way to gauge someone's emotions and feelings. I'd say, a phone call is much much better.

Try calling her or video calling her. See how it goes.

Has she ever told you whether she likes you? She may not have said the standard "I like you" but expressed it in other ways.

All the signs pointed to her liking me. Texting me good morning. Mentioning about the next time we hang out. Sending me pictures of herself. And she had a real interest in what I was doing and things in my life. When she told me she was not ready for romance, she did tell me she liked me.

Today for the first time she did not text me. 

My two thoughts are I came on to strong, or that she got scared, as she admitted she is not used to being romantic.

[greendots]

42 minutes ago, sirdesancti said:

All the signs pointed to her liking me. Texting me good morning. Mentioning about the next time we hang out. Sending me pictures of herself. And she had a real interest in what I was doing and things in my life. When she told me she was not ready for romance, she did tell me she liked me.

Today for the first time she did not text me. 

My two thoughts are I came on to strong, or that she got scared, as she admitted she is not used to being romantic.

Hm, texting someone good morning takes little effort. What I'd look at is whether her texting frequency and style she uses with you is different from the one she uses with her friends or family.

Let's say, she were someone who barely texts others. In that case, her frequently texting you would likely indicate romantic interest. However, her texting you frequently wouldn't mean much if she were to text others regularly as well. Same with the picture sending, asking how you're doing, etc.

Honestly, I'd give her a call not to interrogate her but to see how things flow and then take it from there. A chilled out conversation.

 

2 hours ago, sirdesancti said:

she had told me she has only been in one relationship for like 6 months and that she struggles with being vunerable. She had also told me she gets skittish around dating and walks away from good situations, but she hoped I 'bare with her.'

Kudos to her being honest. According to what you mentioned, signs point to her not knowing what to do. Perhaps I'm biased, because I'm kind of like that. So, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

1 hour ago, sirdesancti said:

When she told me she was not ready for romance, she did tell me she liked me.

She straight up told you that she's not ready for romance or was it something you inferred?

 

I feel that a phone call would give you some clarity. 🙂

[MissCanuck]

I disagree with those suggesting you call her. 

She is showing clear signs of disinterest. I would not twist yourself into pretzels trying to make this work. Whether she's scared or whether it's another reason completely, it is clear she is not ready to date. 

I would leave it there and move on. 

[Rose Mosse]

If you like her it's doubtful that being friends is a good idea. You'll be wanting more out of your interactions and conversations and she is dealing with whatever she has to deal with. It's quite self-absorbed and unkind of her to suggest that or string you along.

Limit your time spent with individuals who are confused in the romantic sense or seem to have a plethora of excuses about how their life is so overwhelming while scouting for potential partners on a dating app. You're letting them take up space when there may be someone else who complements you. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, sirdesancti said:

 she got scared, as she admitted she is not used to being romantic.

It seems like you dodged a bullet. She has too many excuses and for whatever reason has walls up.

It's one date, so you're both still talking to and meeting others.

It doesn't seem like you came on too strong. The only issue is too much texting but.she claims she couldn't meet in person again.

This is the type of timewaster it's best to move on from.

Step back. She seems to want a text buddy at best. Just stop pursuing her.

 

[Kwothe28]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Step back. She seems to want a text buddy at best. Just stop pursuing her.

 

This.

I think Andrina has an interesting theory how lots of people are on dating sites because they cant handle a real dating. Your case kinda goes in support of that. You were fine as a "text buddy", maybe even to take her out for drinks. But when it comes to real deal, she backed off as soon as you said you like her. And no, you didnt come off too strong with that, you didnt said that to her right away but after some time which is fine. And no, no ammount of phone calls wont fix that she isnt interested in dating, or just in dating you.

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, sirdesancti said:

All the signs pointed to her liking me. Texting me good morning. Mentioning about the next time we hang out. Sending me pictures of herself. And she had a real interest in what I was doing and things in my life. When she told me she was not ready for romance, she did tell me she liked me.

Today for the first time she did not text me. 

My two thoughts are I came on to strong, or that she got scared, as she admitted she is not used to being romantic.

It could be a thousand reasons that have nothing to do with you.  People often change their minds after a few dates -you only met her a few times and the typing and talking before meeting is basically irrelevant to in person rapport, chemistry, interest.  I wouldn't take it personally and I'd stop pursuing her because for whatever reason she is not that into you and it's a waste of time and you can't convince someone to be into you.  If she is "too scared" or "not in the right place for a relationship" her BFF or mom or therapist or dad can help her with that -you're not the right person to analyze it or speak with her about it.  I'm sorry you're disappointed.  

[smackie9]

You got friend zoned. It may seem like a romantic connection but to a girl who probably does like the attention and how you get along, isn't chemistry to her. I had met plenty of guys that I got along like gang busters, but no interest in dating them.

I say dump her. Tell her you already have enough friends and you are looking for a GF.

[Lambert]

She did tell you flat out she doesn't want anything romantic. 

It might have been a bit sugar coated with the "right now". As much as it sucks, I think you need to accept this.

People use a gentle term like "they're scared" to protect themselves. This is not really true. When you are into a person, it doesn't matter what your past is. how skittish you may have been with others. You go for it.

Think about yourself and your own experiences. When you're into it, you do NOTHING to discourage the other person or let them think for one second you are just looking for friends. 

You are being friend zoned. Do you want to be friends? Knowing your staus will not change? 

if I were you,  I would thank her for being honest and that you enjoyed your time together but you met on a dating site and you want to find a romantic relationship.

One of my friends, when she first dated her hubs, said, "maybe we can be friends".

His response was, "no. I have enough friends"

They are married now for many years... so there's that. 

[MrMan1983]

On a side note way too much texting, a bit is OK but in future better to use texting mainly for setting dates and save the chat for face to face (or the odd call) otherwise people subconsciously get bored of the monotonous “how’s your day” type stuff. All the mystery and any chance to miss each other disappears. 

[Andrina]

15 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I think Andrina has an interesting theory how lots of people are on dating sites because they cant handle a real dating. Your case kinda goes in support of that.

Actually, I said this for long distance online dating. You are local to her so if the both of you saw real potential, this would be progressing, not regressing. When a couple is mutually interested, there will be one or two dates planned per week.

It doesn't matter what her excuses are, and whether they are lies or not. This stranger is no longer your concern. Don't let your chemistry for her cloud your good sense. Don't waste any more time on her. Hold out for the woman who can't wait to see you every week, and puts in equal effort. 

[Cherylyn]

Respect her wishes.  She told you she's not ready for anything romantic right now.  She only wants you as a friend.  She's overwhelmed with her new job, doesn't have enough time for friends and family (which could include you, btw) and dealing with depression.  Since you're only considered a friend and if you want to be her friend, just be a supportive friend without being overbearing.  Learn to accept that she only sees you as a friend so don't disappoint yourself by expecting anymore than friendship.  Friendship is all she is willing to give you.  That's my advice. 

You misunderstood her friendliness for something more.  Get back to reality and know she's not scared of you.  She made it clear to you that she "isn't in the right place for anything romantic right now."  Repeat that phrase in your brain. 

She's clingy because she's insecure and needs your moral support.  You're a texting buddy or pen pal to her and that's it. 

You proceed by either being available and on standby as her supportive FRIEND or make the choice to part ways.