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  1. She has had long termers and lived with someone ages ago however I’m not sure whether she’s got a track record with this kind of situation or not aside from with myself. Sounded like she stayed with the last one far too long when she reeled off the issues between them.
  2. I’m not sure on the first question the word date wasn’t used but it was her that went in for the kisses and it was very passionate. I have framed it as similar to what you’ve suggested for this weeks with an idea that I know she enjoys. No reply still though so yeh…might have to dust myself off again shortly.
  3. 9 months, and yes it could be too soon that’s something I would like to find out I guess. It will be complete deja vu if it’s the same situation again, the thing is I feel like I would of regretted not going for it just incase it went my way this time based on how much I like the girl. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same thoughts are going through her head again though, and it becomes another case of bad timing.
  4. Thanks, well I’ve put it out there to her with a date idea so will see what happens. Given the leaving it on unread even though online I’m not expecting it to be the response I was hoping for but we shall see.
  5. Hi, Bit of a back story for this one, a few years ago I was seeing a girl that really gave me the butterflies which is very rare for me, we had 5 very good dates/some weekends together then she ended things as she had only very recently come out of a serious relationship so to her it could of potentially been a rebound but she’s very hard to read (I’ll get to that) and she freely admits she’s a massive over thinker and gets anxious about things. When we’re together we’re spending most of it in fits of laughter, silly jokes, good convos and physically can’t seem to keep our hands off each other. I get all the usual ‘right signals’ and ques which usually makes me sense someone likes me or there’s a good connection. So it ‘felt’ mutual face to face but when we’re apart things can go rather hot with her being really keen or cold with her seeming more distant with regards to texting/contact where I feel like she’s thinking things through or over thinking. This was an anxious time for me I hadn’t felt that way for someone for a long time even in such a short space, yet I didn’t want to encroach too much by asking too much or being needy so suffered a bit to myself. I never really know what to do when I can’t read how someone’s feeling. I want to be able to just ask how someone’s feeling about things but not seem too imposing after it being early days, feels like a no win you ask and it turns out everything was fine and you look needy, or you don’t ask and suffer not knowing or being able to talk things through. So a few years back was the last I had heard from her she ended things then our contact fizzled out (I gave up, got the message, she slowly faded the contact out) then a few weeks back from nowhere she pops up with a text seeing how I am etc, had some long long chats about life, caught up, and we got onto love life stuff she was telling me about how bad it was going with her current situation then she ended it with him soon after as they were 100% not a match and felt like she had no feelings for the guy. Since that she’s been completely upbeat said she was relieved, then we met up on Friday for a catch up drink at mine and we played some games at mine and had a lovely evening, things felt the same before and had a passionate kiss goodbye. Now I know what you’re likely thinking that I’m probably a rebound date (crossed my mind too), the problem is I ‘feel’ like we have something great when we’re together and wish we could explore dating properly. Since that night we’ve had sporadic contact I haven’t suggested the second date yet but would love to go on one and see where things go however yet again I have NO idea whether she’s now in a state of overthinking overdrive or interested or not interested etc. She, and I haven’t really said a lot aside from some banter to do with things on our date. I’m already feeling that anxious feeling of really liking her again and those same feelings of having no idea how she feels, passionate kisses and correct ques aside. I feel daft for feeling this way already again over someone that rejected me before. I very much want to avoid a repeat, I’m 38 and want to meet someone, would it be wrong/too full on to just ask what her headspace is after our date? Given our past, and given we were very open about things before our date (with talking about personal things), or think I should keep it cooler and just see how she reacts to a second date suggestion whilst keeping my own anxieties in check? Wish I was a mind reader I’m not usually so confused by someone. Thanks
  6. Hi, I've had two dates with a lovely girl, we get on really well, have the same humour and she has all the traits I go for personality wise however I'm just not feeling that physical attraction. I was 50/50 after the first date so was doubting myself thinking it might grow however yesterday we met a second time and I just couldn't get that feeling of wanting to kiss no matter how much I wanted to be more attracted. I'm frustrated with myself because finding a girl with a personality I just vibe with is rare however I don't want to force things and lead anyone on. I get the impression she is into me as she was trying to plan the third date and other future activities yesterday, so I'm feeling bad even though it's only been two dates. We have not shared a kiss yet at least. What would be the kindest way of letting her down? I would love to stay friends with her if she was wanting to as she's great company however I don't want to sound condescending mentioning that. Was thinking of just explaining that although I had a great time with her that I didn't quite feel that romantic connection, that I would love to stay friends if she wanted to but completely understand if it's not what she's looking for. What are your thoughts? Ps. I know I'm overthinking this, always like to avoid upsetting people!
  7. Good solid advice, thanks. I shall try and keep my distance more. It’s so difficult when you see them in a good light again to not lure yourself into questioning your own decision too. Must remind myself of how it all felt at the time though.
  8. Bait as in get into an exchange, as for the rest you could be right I likely did the wrong thing by staying (was trying to not be cold and not hurt her more) however I got more of an impression that she wanted to be reconcile like old times and be more than just friends - I could be wrong on that, it’s just how I felt.
  9. Oh gosh bit of a follow up to all this, the other day she text asking if we could at least still be friends, I said yes we can be friends (I didn’t want to be completely cold about it all) but had assumed it would be in time. Today she asked if I could come re-fit a fire alarm on her ceiling we took off (she had one above cooker that kept going off, has another in hallway), it’s her tenancy inspection tomorrow and she has no tall or guy mates so I agreed to pop by real quick to do it... got there and of course she had made herself look smoking hot (literally beautiful), then she’d bought a game I had said I liked a while back which was quite sweet and was excitedly like “please stay for one game”. I felt too bad to say no and stayed for one game. This was the version of her that I liked from most of the time we were together, fun, light hearted and smiley she seemed genuinely excited to see me however the inevitable awkward questions eventually arrived asking me how I was getting on in my week without her, I just said I had been getting on with it (which I had) but probably came off a bit cold but was the truth. Asked her the same she said not very well that she’s missed me 😞 She asked how often we can meet and play games as mates too, which I found kind of awkward. Then was asking if I was back on dating apps yet (which I’m not). She said her work had given her the week off and said “because I’ve basically been dumped for PMSing” in a jokey (probably not jokey) way, so basically hinting to me that was what caused her behaviour and that I ended it just for that 🙈 ...and was also digging me a bit (with a jokey tone) for apparently over analysing things. I must point out it was said what seemed in jest, not in a cold serious way, and amongst other light hearted convo/banter these were more little comments here and there. I guess she’s still hurting which is understandable given it’s only been under a week. I didn’t take the bait on any of this, I did say I’m not on dating apps, but I didn’t get into some exchange about the PMSing thing or details about why we broke up, I just changed the subject as best I could each time it got awkward. She was also saying she might move somewhere up North to be closer to family, wasn’t sure if it was to test my response but I said I can see why that would make sense if her mates and family are there. It could of been very easy for me to kiss and make up, give in to temptation and let things happen but I avoided that. Was that the correct way to handle it, or should I of spoken to her more properly about things? I felt like I was a little cold in some responses but I didn’t want to give false hope yet wanted to be kind too. In the end I made my excuses and left but felt weird after, it had the desired effect of making me miss her warmth and company a bit but I guess that’s human nature. I was completely at peace with my decision before. I guess on the flip side it hasn’t been a bitter end but I don’t know what to say the next time she inevitably asks to meet as mates, probably just say it’s far too soon for meeting up as it’s all still raw.
  10. Yep good advice and agreed, today I’ve felt a welcome feeling of relief now I’m thinking much more clearly. It’s definitely made it clearer what behaviours I will definitely be avoiding in future instead of hoping for the best!
  11. Thanks for your feedback everyone, much appreciated it’s helped me a lot.
  12. Thank you for this, I feel much better right now about my decision. Sad emotions can certainly cloud things sometimes! I’m sure I’ll feel rubbish for a bit but that’s normal. I really do hope that happens for me one day with meeting the right person to settle down with, that’s definitely the goal especially being 38. I wish the best for her too.
  13. Thank you, I needed to hear this was going out my mind hearing mates say all these things are normal.
  14. Hi guys, So a follow on from this, unfortunately yesterday I ended things with her after a turbulent two weeks and I must say I feel utterly dreadful and I'm not sure if I made the correct decision. A couple of weeks back it was reaching the end of the week and I had been absolutely run off my feet with work, working till 10pm most days, this is a very rare occurance (every few months) that it's this busy however it can last a week or two then I try and make time over the weekends for us and one weekday usually. This occassion we had met up for the Monday evening, and then I was trying to organise spending Friday evening together and then the rest of weekend. The problem is I was utterly shattered by the Friday and had been suffering from insomnia so I said I wanted to sleep in my own bed after our evening together to get a nice long sleep ready for our walk the next day and weekend together (where we would be staying together), this did not go down well though and and said I seem to need a lot of my own space lately. It's worth bearing in mind we do live about 5 minutes away so I can see why she felt that way. I did go over that evening and we spoke about things, I explained how rough I felt that day and things seemed to be nice for the rest of the weekend we had a lovely weekend and felt great again. She did explain though that it wasn't enough for her. I did say I would work on this, but did also explain about it being a rare period that work was hectic. The next week (this week) things were looking extremely busy with work again, in fact I was working till after 10 from Monday to Wednesday, I also had a day booked for a very close friend of mines Birthday on the Friday so on Monday I was communicative and gave her a heads up about Friday (should I of asked permission or ran it by her?), then I said I'm likely free on Wednesday/Thursday once I'm on top of it all and definitely free on Saturday and Sunday if she was free on those days (or either one). I didn't hear from her till the evening in which was a curt reply saying she had now organised something with her friend on the Saturday night and to just see about the Wednesday or Thursday. I could sense she was annoyed, on my side I was then feeling fed up/a terrible gut feeling arriving that she was annoyed about me seeing friend on Friday (close friends and days like that are very important to me) because I had suggested other days to organise our own schedule so I didn't feel like I was 'choosing' mates over us, and on the other hand I could sense why she was frustrated that after 5 months I wasn't able to set more time aside at the start of the week too. She had been having a very stressful time at work so in hindsight, and if I knew how terrible she was feeling, I should of swapped Thursday with Tuesday or Wednesday but in my head I felt like Thursday and weekend wasn't unreasonable however I now feel like it was a lack of empathy on my part and I shouldn't of been so focussed on my work stresses and sorting that first. The rest of the week contact was sporadic, and quite cold at times on her side however still talking. Thursday I contacted her in the morning to see if she wanted to watch a film/series and spend some time together that night finally as I was getting on top of things, she said she wasn't sure, then said she wanted to stay at home. I then said I felt like she was unhappy with me, and asked what the matter was. She said she had no reason to be unhappy with me and that nothing was wrong, and that she just wanted to stay at home alone that was all. I said fair enough and did not push the point any further. I felt I had been stonewalled and my gut feeling was getting stronger about this situation, by the time I had reached weekend for some reason I felt sure I wanted to end things based on the little red flags that had popped up in the 5 months of dating (explained above) and then the current week, and how it was making us both feel. Saturday she suggested going for a walk, in which we discussed why she was annoyed and how we both felt, turns out she was angry about the Friday and she felt I had put my friends first over her, I explained that close friends and things like Birthdays are very important to me too and that I cant apologise for that, also that I did suggest other days upfront however she was really upset with me and very upset that I couldn't see her on the Monday and Tuesday given how she was feeling. I felt utterly terrible, but I explained how my gut feeling was about everything including the previous little issues that had cropped up from time to time, and that I felt there were too many compatability issues arrising. So we ended there, she walked off into the distance infront of me, both of us in tears. Part of the problems I have felt conflicted with since are, those little issues she had actively been trying to fix and improve, nobody is perfect including myself and relationships are going to have little issues so I do wonder if in my lack of long term relationship experience I was focussing too much on these little red flags, hanging on to them too much then and instead of being patient with her and riding it out I was too quick to pull the trigger. I also feel very mean for bringing them up again, I shouldn't be keeping some sort of list in my head. After she left yesterday she did text saying she couldn't believe that I just ended things like that without trying to fix the issues, and it made me wonder, why didn't I? When things were good (which was a lot of the time) they were lovely, she's loving, caring, great sense of humour, very attractive, loved doing things, could it be that the intensity of the situation during covid has clouded my decisions? We weren't able to do the whole dating stage properly due to lockdown for most of the 5 months so I wonder if things were more under the spotlight because of this. Your opinions are much appreciated. Have I made a mistake?
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